[Hesher] Hardboiled and Still Hellbound

METAzraeL · January 2009

HESHER
n.

1. See also Butt Rocker.

2. Any form of rock music and / or listener, sporting a mullet, eye makeup, hairspray, tight acid washed jeans and hi-top Reeboks.

Don't ask me - the title comes from the fey will of the mods above.

Welcome to the Grand Battalion Nekrokreuz Sigma Save the Avanc Bakesale: Convocation at Tain Hollow (aka let's talk about cool music and satan and stuff). You may have entered a hesher, but you'll leave on a screaming motorcycle driven by wings of liquid fire. From hell.

Thank you for joining us. At this time, we'll have a field report from top fairies Sirenia:

Over the seven seals of fate
A thousand miles away
Your destiny awaits
Over the seven seals of fate
Your free will lies asleep
Behind the fortune's gates

At the market in town just for two coins a yellow little bird my father bought for me.
But here comes the cat
and eats the bird
that in the market
my father bought for me.

At the market in town
there was a dog
that bit the cat
that eats the bird
my father bought for me.
But here comes the water
and wets the dog
that bites the cat
that eats the bird
that in the market
my father bought for me.

At the market in town
there was a horse
that spilled the water
that wet the dog
that bit the cat
that eat the bird

But here comes the man
that whips the horse
that spills the water
that wets the dog
that bites the cat
that eats the bird
my father bought for me.

At the market in town just for two coins a yellow little bird my father bought for me.
But the angel of death
visits the man
that whipped the horse
that spilled the water
that wet the dog
that bit the cat
that eat the bird
that in the market
my father bought for me.

Thank you for that, Sirenia. You have truly blessed the world with your ethereal creations.

HELLELUJAH - 2008 IS DEAD

It was a year of evil, with a plentiful black metal harvest offset by severe funeral blights. Here are our top album picks for the year for you squabble over and pick apart.

Spoiler:

So what does 2009 have in store? I'd like to reserve this space for this year's releases, whether they're pending or released, and review links if available:

new Summoning y/n/plz?!

Spoiler:

Some basic guidelines for people just joining up with us:

we know that dethklok are the brutalest
we know that Dragonforce are the noodliest
we know that Opeth is some craaaazy shit, dog
we do, in fact, not look down upon Between the Buried and Me
we do, in fact, look down harshly upon Killswitch Engage

Please keep in mind - kvlties just wanna have fun. If you can dig that, bring your black leather and come masturbate with us to the butteriest riffs this side of the gulf of Darien.

And, when you're itching for some more meat in your metal, follow this lovely portal of a picture for all the reviews you could shake a cock at.

Let's not forget those that came before!
PA.fm 2007 review thread
Our first community review blog
July 06 to April 07
June to December 08

Morgenstern · January 2009

I am Morg and I will feed your still beating heart to the forest gods.

METAzraeL · January 2009

hey, weren't you working on a top list? Or should I just put...nevermind, I got it covered.

Morgenstern · January 2009

Fine, I'll give you some to fill the ranks. Just give me a few minutes to go through my, uh, CD library.

Morgenstern · January 2009

1.) Draugnim - Northwind's Ire
2.) Black Lotus - Harvest of Seasons
3.) SIG:AR:TYR - Beyond the North Winds
4.) Forefather - Steadfast
5.) Moonsorrow - Tulimyrsky
6.) Horn - Naturkraft
7.) Kampfar - Heimgang
8.) Askival - Eternity
9.) Battle Dagorath - Eternal Throne
10.) Coldworld - Melancholie

Non-metal

1.) Britney Spears - Circus

Sometimes I just want to dance.

METAzraeL · January 2009

Is that serious, because I'll totally check it out.

Wardruna debut is out. I'm a bit skeptical from what I've heard so far, but it could be cool pagan ambience whatnotables.

Morgenstern · January 2009

To be honest, I heard the album a few times thanks to my brother's girlfriend and I had my head nodding along for most of it.

Morgenstern · January 2009

Also, we are not making a good impression here by talking about Britney Spears only 8 posts into a Hesher thread.

METAzraeL · January 2009

IIT: morg and meta, kissing in a tree listening to britney

oops, forgot the SAYS. So did anyone else like the new Asmegin, or was it too much of a letdown for the fans?

Morgenstern · January 2009

Sometimes we just need to let go and dance the night away. Someone get me a Bacardi Breezer, mango please.

S0up · January 2009

Ugh, I had such a non-metal 2008. Despite all of the awesomeness I seemed to find myself just find myself going through Porcupine Tree's backlog of music. During all of that I only managed to pick up the stuff from the big names, or bands I had interest in to begin with. I'm looking forward to picking up all of the stuff in the other top 2008 lists above...

But, if I had to:

1. Amon Amarth - Twilight of The Thundergod
2. Opeth - Watershed
3. Vader - XXV (A reissue album of their greatest hits? Brilliant!)
4. Pain - Cynic Paradise
5. Bloodbath - The Fathomless Mastery
6. Kalmah - For The Revolution
7. Meshuggah - obZen
8. Gojira - The way of All Flesh
9. Dismember - Dismember
10. Enslaved - Vertebrae

On the Non-Metal side:

1. No-Man - Schoolyard Ghosts Honestly, check out this album, right the fuck now
2. Steve Wilson - Insurgentes
3. Nine Inch Nails - The Slip
4. Rush - Snakes And Arrows Live

And now, most disappointing:

-1. Norther - N
-2. Mercenary - Architect of Lies
-3. Ihsahn - angL
-(Minus) Any Shred Of Respect. In Flames - A Sense of Purpose
-9000. Dragonforce - Ultra Beatdown

With In Flames I still get suckered in by a false sense of hope, that somehow, somewhere, they will release another good album. And Dragonforce? I hoped they would release something even the slightest bit different, just so I wouldn't have to hear about their "SUPER CRAZY SOLOS!!!" ever again.

And the thread title? Brilliant!

Morgenstern · January 2009

I call dibs on writing a review on Wardruna. You both witness it.

METAzraeL · January 2009

Thanks, I saw the thread title spelled in a bowl of alphabet soup!

How come you didn't like the new Ihsahn? Oh, and did you really have hope for the new Dragonforce?

morg, you have to do the Wardruna. That wasn't even a choice.

also, I <3 Elki forever and ever

S0up · January 2009

METAzraeL wrote: »

Thanks, I saw the thread title spelled in a bowl of alphabet soup!

How come you didn't like the new Ihsahn? Oh, and did you really have hope for the new Dragonforce?

morg, you have to do the Wardruna. That wasn't even a choice.

I had high hopes that I would never have to hear about that shitty excuse for a band ever again (Dragonforce that is). And the new Ihsahn? I dunno. It just didn't do much of anything for me.

Morgenstern · January 2009

Also, I have some more non-metal I want to point out...

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Nordic Nomadic - s/t
Hayden - In Field & Town

Christ, I'm such a fucking hippie.

METAzraeL · January 2009

For some reason, I love the "bring me my wine" line on the first Angl song. It gets my grapefruit hands going pretty quick.

Ok, I'm really liking this Wardruna so far. This is some gooood shit.

L|ama · January 2009

METAzraeL wrote: »

IIT: morg and meta, kissing in a tree listening to britney

oops, forgot the SAYS. So did anyone else like the new Asmegin, or was it too much of a letdown for the fans?

The insane drumming that was a big part of why I loved the first album so much was sorely missed, but it was still nice and folky, and 'Prunkende, Stolt i Jokumsol' reminds me of audrey amesoeurs which is always a good thing.

METAzraeL · January 2009

Yeah, I didn't even really listen to their debut til I got the new one, so I didn't realize they went from batshit crazy folk metal to something more pleasant. The new album definitely isn't amazing, but it's nice to wind down to.

So where's your list, eh?

Adrenaline · January 2009

I like the OP a lot, but the thread title kind of sucks.

Also, I would've put obZen in my top 20 but I thought it was a 2007 album for some reason.

Morgenstern · January 2009

Anything that starts off with a horn being blown is automatically given 7 points out of 10. All you have to do from that point onwards is work your way up from there. Maybe throw in some owl hoots in a forest as an interlude.

METAzraeL · January 2009

Adrenaline wrote: »

I like the OP a lot, but the thread title kind of sucks.

Also, I would've put obZen in my top 20 but I thought it was a 2007 album for some reason.

I'm up for suggestions! (is this better?)

dear god, I just typed "darkthrown"

D:

Adrenaline · January 2009

hahaha Darkthrown. You have to turn in your kvltbadge now.

Anyway, I thought we were dumping hesher because of Nickelback or something? My random suggestion:

[Metal] Hardboiled and Still Hellbound

Which part of fuck off don't you get?

We are hardboiled and still fucking hellbound
We don't give a flying fuck
We are hardboiled and still fucking hellbound
Fuck off you fucking useless cunts

Elki · January 2009

METAzraeL wrote: »

also, I <3 Elki forever and ever

I appreciate the noncrappy OP.

METAzraeL · January 2009

Elki wrote: »

METAzraeL wrote: »

also, I <3 Elki forever and ever

I appreciate the noncrappy OP.

Nothing shows that better than a unicorn. Yeah, these threads need more introduction for new kids, not to mention something constructive to show for themselves.

In other news, I really like this Wardruna. Most of it is pretty simple, but it has such a warm tone. The chanting is exquisite, too. Mm, now I'm imagining the Russian folksters doing some straight pagan chant music. I would love to just hear the Arkona singer.

Adrenaline wrote: »

[Metal] Hardboiled and Still Hellbound

That's straightforward, but it's got a nice kick to it. Ok, this is the last change for the title tonight. Unless Auto comes in tomorrow and says otherwise, we're sticking with this.

Adrenaline · January 2009

I just noticed "Save the Avanc Bakesale"

L|ama · January 2009

METAzraeL wrote: »

Yeah, I didn't even really listen to their debut til I got the new one, so I didn't realize they went from batshit crazy folk metal to something more pleasant. The new album definitely isn't amazing, but it's nice to wind down to.

So where's your list, eh?

Ehh, I'm gonna feel like constantly changing this, and the order isn't really thought out, but I'll give it a go:

1. Amon Amarth - Twilight of The Thundergod
2. Hail of Bullets - ...Of Frost and War
3. Týr - Land
4. Moonsorrow - Tulimyrsky
5. Bloodbath - The Fathomless Mastery
6. Enslaved - Vertebrae
7. Meshuggah - obZen
8. Agalloch - The White (don't hurt me)
9. Equilibrium - Sagas
10. Kalmah - For the Revolution
11. Falchion - Chronicles of the Dead
12. Darkthrone - Dark Thrones and Black Flags (hiking metal punks? how can you not love it)
13. Arghoslent - Hornets of the Pogrom

There's 13 because I'm non-conformist as fuck. Is being unlucky kvlt?

METAzraeL · January 2009

adren - that's my favourite part

llama, agalloch's ep was fucking good. I love that shit.

Rhan9 · January 2009

Well, here's my top 10 for 2008. I didn't really listen all that much stuff that was released in 2008, so I had maybe 12 albums to put into a list. Anyhow, my top 10 is based strictly on the highly analytical rubric of "which do I remember listening the most?".

1. Amon Amarth - Twilight of the Thunder God
2. SIG:AR:TYR - Beyond the North Winds
3. Eluveitie - Slania
4. Ayreon - 01011001
5. Opeth - Watershed
6. Dark Empire - Humanity Dethroned
7. Lifelover - Konkurs
8. Stormlord - Mare Nostrum
9. Kalmah - For the Revolution
10. Obtest - Gyvybes Medis

Adrenaline · January 2009

The White EP ruled, I considered including it in my top 20.

L|ama · January 2009

"But what of the true god, to whose glory churches and monasteries have been built on these islands for generations past? Now sir, what of him?"

"Oh, He's dead. Can't complain. He had his chance and, in modern parlance, blew it."

DasUberEdward · January 2009

Whoa wait Satyricon put out a good CD?

That Volcano business was awful.

L|ama · January 2009

Interesting interview about that Asmegin album. Turns out that they've got a sequel to their first album that they're slowly working on, but Napalm records pushed them to release something this year, so they decided to make something easy to do quickly and keep working on the other album over a longer period. They recorded and mixed the whole thing from june to august, fuck.

METAzraeL · January 2009

ha, I guess that makes sense, then. I still dig it, though. I'll be interested to see what they do with the next full length.

DUE, I think if you haven't liked recent Satyricon material, The Age of Nero probably won't change your opinion much. I think it's a fun sing-along album with catchy, restrained music. Here's the best song from it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FEbEWnnQRo

I've added a list of 2009 albums to the op. It's far from extensive, but I'll add anything you guys are looking forward to, and definitely anything that gets reviewed.

Futt Bucker · January 2009

I guess I have to make a list to post here now.

1. Darkthrone - Dark Thrones and Black Flags
2. Amon Amarth - Twilight Of The Thunder God
3. Tyr - Land
4. Gloomy Grim - Under The Spell Of The Unlight
5. Arghoslent - Hornets Of The Pogrom

I didn't really get much this year.

L|ama · January 2009

Oh shit, hornets of the Pogrom was this year? Adding to the list with a frowny face, as it's necessary to hate yourself while listening to Arghoslent.

autothrall · January 2009

I was going to post my lowest scored review yet in the blog, of Doro's new album, but I couldn't bring myself to waste any more time on this horrendous pile of shit.

Could we possibly put Adren's blog banner in the OP? And mention the review site (I know there are a few links to specific reviews).

Futt Bucker wrote: »

I guess I have to make a list to post here now.

1. Darkthrone - Dark Thrones and Black Flags

Also...this! Right on!

Heartlash · January 2009

Alrighty, I know this is the metal thread and bringing up poppy metalcore bands is bad karma, but I'm going to anyway.

A few months ago I picked up Of Love and Lunacy, the first album by Still Remains. I was pleasantly surprised. There was an interesting, variable atmosphere generated by some heavy handed instrumentals and musical diversity. The vocals involved more death metal than I was expecting, and I can still successfully listen to the album to this day without being bored.

I then made the mistake of assuming the next Still Remains album, The Serpent, would also be pleasantly surprising. I HATE it when I do that... They went for a "cleaner" sound that showed "their growth as musicians". It felt more like regression into a one-note, repetitive tracks with borderline infuriating vocals.

/rant /rant

DasUberEdward · January 2009

It's better than Fuel for Hatred.

urahonky · January 2009

Out of curiosity, how do you guys feel about Unearth? I really love the guys, but I know there is animosity between the different types of metal. I want just want to see if the general PA public opinion of them is high or not.

autothrall · January 2009

urahonky wrote: »

Out of curiosity, how do you guys feel about Unearth? I really love the guys, but I know there is animosity between the different types of metal. I want just want to see if the general PA public opinion of them is high or not.

Unearth is from my state, I used to know Ken a little. He used to go to one of my old band's shows, or vice versa. They are definitely a legitimate band who have been working hard at what they do long before the term 'metalcore' was a household name. It's hard not to be proud that they made a success of themselves. That said, on a musical level, their albums don't do it for me.

As far as the different types of metal, they are all welcome to be discussed here. There is no real consensus of opinions in these threads, we are all a little different (okay, maybe the few MET highlighted in the OP are sort of consensual). There is good metalcore and there is bad metalcore, just like good and bad black metal, thrash, power metal, etc.

Hell, I was listening to Fastway's On Target earlier in my car. It's total 80s cheese hard rock/metal with keyboards. But I love it. I guarantee almost everyone would make fun of me. But then there might be that rare person who didn't, and to that person I'd give a manly kiss on the mouth. If it was cool, of course...

autothrall · January 2009

S0up wrote: »

With In Flames I still get suckered in by a false sense of hope, that somehow, somewhere, they will release another good album.

They did. Listen to it again.

Penny Arcade

[Hesher] Hardboiled and Still Hellbound

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