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Loud sex. In my house. Need advice.
Muncie
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Dear H/A:
I have an urgent etiquette question. I have embedded a picture to help illustrate my needs.
See I am in my room. I have an empty glass that needs to contain a beverage. I also need to go out to my car. Follow me here. I am the blue guy, so very blue, and I am in need. That's me on the bottom right. I would like to get to POINT 1, where I will fill this empty glass, then I will go to POINT 2 which is the front door, so I can go out to my car to get a two expensive items I left in there and shouldn't have in this neighborhood.
Despite the time of day and the darkness that comes with this time of day, this is not an incredible feat. I have walked this path many times even in the dark.
However, it is made more difficult by my flatmate, who lives in a room across from my kitchen. Inside that room he is having loud sex. I have attempted to leave my room twice, only to make it to the corner, where I heard loud sex, and then had to turn around. You can see where the sound is coming from where the PURPLE Os are.
What is the etiquette here? I am on the second floor and the building is kind of old and not very well made so there would be creaking. I could plug my ears with cotton but they would only hear the creaking.
Don't get me wrong, I am young, sexually liberated, I switched my political party from Republican to Democrat, but mostly I want to avoid the conversation about me sneaking around those PURPLE Os. However, I would really like to get my items from my car, and now, I am getting thirstier.
However, I would not be in the clear. See, the items I left in my car are a Nikon DSLR and an Olympus LS-10 digital voice recorder (regarded for it's exceptional sound quality for a handheld). If I walk out the door, to my car, and come back with a camera and a sound recorder, and then they left the PURPLE O room to get some water (the irony!) it would make them think back to all those awkward jokes I made when they gave me TMI about their loud sex when they thought I heard them before but didn't because I usually go out of my way to avoid those conversations with people I live with and do not have loud sex with.
Also, what can I do about the small part of me that was kinda turned on by it, even though they kinda look like brother and sister, and neither of them are my type at all, and she might be faking.
I have an urgent etiquette question. I have embedded a picture to help illustrate my needs.
See I am in my room. I have an empty glass that needs to contain a beverage. I also need to go out to my car. Follow me here. I am the blue guy, so very blue, and I am in need. That's me on the bottom right. I would like to get to POINT 1, where I will fill this empty glass, then I will go to POINT 2 which is the front door, so I can go out to my car to get a two expensive items I left in there and shouldn't have in this neighborhood.
Despite the time of day and the darkness that comes with this time of day, this is not an incredible feat. I have walked this path many times even in the dark.
However, it is made more difficult by my flatmate, who lives in a room across from my kitchen. Inside that room he is having loud sex. I have attempted to leave my room twice, only to make it to the corner, where I heard loud sex, and then had to turn around. You can see where the sound is coming from where the PURPLE Os are.
What is the etiquette here? I am on the second floor and the building is kind of old and not very well made so there would be creaking. I could plug my ears with cotton but they would only hear the creaking.
Don't get me wrong, I am young, sexually liberated, I switched my political party from Republican to Democrat, but mostly I want to avoid the conversation about me sneaking around those PURPLE Os. However, I would really like to get my items from my car, and now, I am getting thirstier.
However, I would not be in the clear. See, the items I left in my car are a Nikon DSLR and an Olympus LS-10 digital voice recorder (regarded for it's exceptional sound quality for a handheld). If I walk out the door, to my car, and come back with a camera and a sound recorder, and then they left the PURPLE O room to get some water (the irony!) it would make them think back to all those awkward jokes I made when they gave me TMI about their loud sex when they thought I heard them before but didn't because I usually go out of my way to avoid those conversations with people I live with and do not have loud sex with.
Also, what can I do about the small part of me that was kinda turned on by it, even though they kinda look like brother and sister, and neither of them are my type at all, and she might be faking.
Muncie on
0
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What's the problem?
You get mad props for the MS Paint diagramme.
My advice is to get your stuff and don't worry about keeping quiet while doing so. If they happen to see or hear you then what of it? So long as you are not naked with the camera and sound recorder you will be fine
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
See last time they said, "uhh, you didn't hear anything last night, did you?" and they're all looking back at each other and grinning, so I say, of course, "not until I put a glass to the door." Ha ha so funny at the time not so funny when I'm thirsty as hell and carrying a glass on my way to get a camera and a recorder and at any moment I can see them popping out of the door Tyler Durden on Marla Singer style and asking what's up.
But I guess the point for now is moot, since they seem to be done. My camera was not stolen, nor my car, which is a good day. Only tomorrow I get to try to gently steer the conversation away from their intersecting loins because I just wanted a drink, and my camera, and my recorder, and I'm sorry if the floors are kind of loud it's an old building.
i wouldn't worry about it, and if they do catch you in a similar situation in the future, just smirk and walk into your room unbuttoning your pants
He would stomp through the apartment in his underwear, or say you had a girl on the couch with you, he'd plop down on the other third of the couch and loudly start talking. He'd bitch loudly about how he "ate shit at work all day because you guys kept me up all night"
I mean, ok it would be one thing if I was some sort of sexual tyrannosaurs, fucking for six hours a night, but jesus on a pogo stick, man, most of the time I'm done before he could possibly have figured out what the noises even meant. And this was before I matured into the libertine I am today, so there was much less screaming and begging. Basically, he'd bitch like a baby if there were any audiable sounds of activity and/or the act lasted longer then 10 minutes.
He wore a lot of wolf, dragon, and anime t-shirts, a stupid rat-tail pony tail haircut (in 2002) and he never got laid. Couldn't get laid in a grave if his heart stopped. His sulky behavior was clearly based on his anger toward those who got laid, those who drank from the fountain of sweet, sweet t & a while he walked, dry, through the desert with only pornographic anime as a stop-gap.
Does this sound like a cool guy?
Don't be that guy. People fuck. You live with a couple. I've lived with a couple, and you should just be glad they get up and go in their bedroom. If this happens again, walk by their door and get your shit. If they ask you some dopey question about did you hear it, just be like, "Oh was that you guys? I thought a cat out in the alley was yelling 'Drill me harder you nasty motherfucker.' Cats do that, I hear."
The best revenge? Get a girl and try to outdo them.
I host a podcast about movies.
How about "Uh, yeah actually. It's actually been bugging me for a while, would you mind being a bit more considerate?"
That, or buy a boombox and hoist it on your shoulder ever time you need a glass of water.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
And the solution to this minor problem is to ask the love of my life to bend over the sink (POINT 1) and just go nuts, screaming, flailing, and grunting with me as we fuck from POINT 1, to POINT 2, then to the picture of the blue dude who just wants to go get a drink of water from the kitchen in some kind of dick-measuring-for-couples.
Or maybe I figured me wandering around the kitchen in the middle of the night while they're having a good time would alert them to my presence 8 inches from where the bed was knocking against the wall, which would be a total killjoy for them and the conversation that followed would be even worse than their we-just-started-having-sex-with-each-other-and-it's-a-secret-wink-wink bullshit.
I like Sol Invictus's advice. Maybe I should be more confrontational. I mean, not that this is a big deal, all in all, but if I was just like, "Dude, I never want to talk about your pasty white sex. In return you will never have to hear about my pasty white sex. Also, you owe me three months worth of utilities and I'm sick of floating your rent for half the month and holy shit if you can afford to drive across the goddamn state twice a week to drink with her and her friends you can afford to replace the fucking milk next time you bathe with it" then maybe the little things wouldn't cause me so much anxiety.
How do i report for awesome?
Not at the expense of his roommate's comfort, because it's his place as much as it is his roommate's. It's not unreasonable to let him know it's been bothering him. And the boombox was a joke.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
its ok muncle, there is nothing wrong with them having vocal sex, and there is nothing wrong with you walking in the hall while they do so. i doubt they would even notice, just don't linger if it bothers you
Wow bel you're like a psychic friend. There were definitely other factors at play, and you guessed that!
They're having loud sex because that's something people do. Getting roommates is selling your privacy and personal space.
See, dude, the issue here is THERE IS NO PROBLEM. THERE IS NO SNEAKING. You don't "sneak" by them to get your stuff. You walk by normally. No sneak. There is no awkwardness if they bring it up. This should be a non-issue and you have a hang up making it an issue and it really isn't their fault.
The SOUND of loud sex "turned you around?" You were so embarrassed by a noise you couldn't walk to the kitchen? You post all this post like you somehow physically can't leave your bedroom while they fuck in the building?Come on man. This is 2009. You live in the future, man. People screw, you know?
As far as their "joy" and the killing of it, as long as their on one side of their door and you're on the other, and you aren't doing anything unreasonable for the time of day, you aren't wrong. And since they don't care if you can hear them in your bedroom, they probably don't care if you walk by, either.
This level of frustration indicates to me you probably actually hate them for other reasons. Your other complaints sound like you're, while not technically in the wrong in any moral or legal sense, definitely letting yourself be the doormat in the roommate relationship, and your bitterness over that is building in your subconscious.
I host a podcast about movies.
It totally does.
And if the dude's having loud sex, my guess is he doesn't CARE who hears... Or WANTS you to hear.
Either way, who cares. Live your life, and go get your things!
Alternatively you can go and do your thing. It's not really that big of a deal.
it is my gift, johnny... and my curse
If they say anything, just join them.
EDIT: Or put on an iPod and say you never heard them.
Grab the recorder and the camera from the car and go back in side the house, crank up the volume to the max and play back your recorded message, then put that voice recorder in your pocket, stomp loudly make some noise, slam the front door, head to the kitchen and pour two drinks.
One of two scenarios will happen;
1) Your room mate will have been sexually interrupted, but heard the tape and come out to see what is happening and he will see a camera around your neck (you should look at it and smile) and after hearing a sexy girly voice, he will think "you’re the man dog!" and that you’re about to get laid in a big way...say nothing and head to your room, where you can now jerk off as loudly as you like to the idea of your house mates noisy sexing.
2) He will come out and stare at you…he will be thinking WTF is wrong with you! But at least you didn't get caught lurking around with surveillance gear trying to creep up on them having sex (BTW: WTF is this stuff doing in your car in the first place dude?!?!?!)
"So alternate, against the grain, anti establishment - so you're just a regular joe again, right?"
stop being embarrassed for them. if they really are embarrassed about it, they won't bring it up; if they aren't, why the hell should you be? if it actually annoys you, bring it up with them, but cloistering yourself in your room until they pass out is about as far from the answer as you can get. your idea that they might come out of the room as you're coming back and they might see you with a camera and a tape recorder is entirely irrelevant and quite a leap.
they aren't stopping you from getting anything, and the idea that you have to tiptoe around because they might hear you over their loud sex makes zero sense.
edit: what I am saying here is that either there is no problem or that you should approach them about it in a mature fashion, airing your grievances. what you're doing now is passive and doesn't resolve the problem, as they have no concept of what you are doing outside their room of hedonistic pleasures.
I host a podcast about movies.
How can you have loud sex AND be embarassed?
You can have sex and be embarassed, or you can have loud sex. You CANNOT have both, it just does not make sense!
I could understand if the issue was "how do I get my roommate to stop having loud sex" but beyond that, nope. Is the OP just not used to being around people having sex? Maybe...
The only creaking they can hear is the bed they are doing the nasty on.
Man up and get your shit.
But tapdancing around it isn't going to help you. Sex happens, sometimes loudly. It's not an act of aggression or contempt, it's just what people do. You like people don't you? Or are you some kind of ROBOT?! Make as much or as little noise as you like: they are. Don't go stomping around like a jealous virgin though. If it helps, repeat the mantra: Don't worry lisa, it was just a bird, you can't control the birds, you will one day, but not today.
The best advice I have ever seen.
See, wasn't that easy. We've all had room mates. You just have to accept that things are going to get heard between thin wall and let it go.
It's better then college. If someone heard you going at it in res there was usually a line of people outside the door 'golf clapping' when one of you finally emerged.
Not in my wildest dreams would the OP's roommate come to this thread. Not in my wildest.
Sadly, this is probably just some random dude looking for laughs.
I think a lot of people in H/A need to just wrap their mind around this.
Though the funny part is there's probably no confrontation needed. Just go get your shit. And deal with the fact that people have sex. If they do hear you and do ask you later if you heard them, or whatever, either lie or tell the truth...both are valid options.
I recommend this course of action. Not for the whole "revenge" purpose, but because then you're having sex and that's a good thing.
Also, JohnnyCache is awesome.
I think the OP should do this.