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Depressed on my Birthday – Just some advice please.

Toxic ToysToxic Toys BraggadocioOpen up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
edited January 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Every year around my birthday if fall into a depression. I have a good life. A loving wife and family, a nice bank account, and I’m happy with my place in life. I’m a happy person most of the year, except when my birthday comes around. I feel like dying every year around this time. Two year ago I all most killed myself. I got help with that. Last year I had an awesome party for my birthday. (no clown, but live and learn.)

Yet again I just hate this time of year, and myself. I can’t afford to get my head shrunk again, so I’m asking for advice from you all.

How can I be happy during my birthday when I’m not, even though I love life the rest of the year?

Toxic Toys on
3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
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Posts

  • KazhiimKazhiim __BANNED USERS
    edited January 2009
    Try something new each year for your birthday- I'm sure there's a number of things you've dreamed about over your life but haven't had the chance to do; you know how people dream of skydiving, or hot air ballooning, or what-have-you. It'll make a great birthday present to yourself.

    lost_sig2.png
  • proXimityproXimity Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If it's a problem with getting older, just remember that you haven't magically jumped and used up a year of your lifetime, it's just one day older, inconsequential really.

    camo_sig2.png
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Kazhiim wrote: »
    Try something new each year for your birthday- I'm sure there's a number of things you've dreamed about over your life but haven't had the chance to do; you know how people dream of skydiving, or hot air ballooning, or what-have-you. It'll make a great birthday present to yourself.

    I'm kind of doing that this year. I took a week off for my birthday, the first ever. I just got a library card and plan to read at the central library. Sat. I'm going to take my kid and drag my wife to ride our cities new light rail. I just wanted to chill out and do what I want, and I'm doing it. Yet I'm still depressed.
    proXimity wrote: »
    If it's a problem with getting older, just remember that you haven't magically jumped and used up a year of your lifetime, it's just one day older, inconsequential really.

    This might be part of my problem. I know I have done alot personally for myself, but I have not really done anything for others. I mean I raised a kid that loves to learn. She reads and draws because of me. I am helping the world be a better place by raising some one who can change things. Yet, I really have done nothing with my life.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • yalborapyalborap Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    You raised a kid with a genuine passion for learning and creativity, judging by your short description of her. That's waay the fuck more than most people in the world manage. :) The game of child-raising isn't over till they're out of the house, but right now from my perspective, you're winning it.

    If that little pep-talk didn't help much, then I'd say go for a different angle. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen, or go do something creative to raise money for charity, or...Whatever. If you feel like you want to do more for the world, give the people who need it a helping hand.

  • devoirdevoir Registered User
    edited January 2009
    Keep yourself occupied, don't let yourself get into a position where you start being contemplative and thus dwelling on what makes you unhappy.

    The alternative is something you've apparently already tried, unsuccessfully. But perhaps it wasn't the right person to talk to, or perhaps you were focused on reasons which weren't the real reasons.

  • SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    How about just throwing a huge party? You mention you enjoyed the one last year? Celebrate what you have done in the last year, how well things are going. Past adulthood, birthdays should be about what has happened, about being with your friends, not about what is yet to come.

    The added benefit of throwing a huge party is that all the organisational hassle will not give you much time to ponder life.

    Also make sure you talk with your wife about this. 99% certain that she has noticed this already, and has some ideas of her own about it.

    Steam: SanderJK Origin: SanderJK
  • FyreWulffFyreWulff Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Kazhiim wrote: »
    Try something new each year for your birthday- I'm sure there's a number of things you've dreamed about over your life but haven't had the chance to do; you know how people dream of skydiving, or hot air ballooning, or what-have-you. It'll make a great birthday present to yourself.

    I'm kind of doing that this year. I took a week off for my birthday, the first ever. I just got a library card and plan to read at the central library. Sat. I'm going to take my kid and drag my wife to ride our cities new light rail. I just wanted to chill out and do what I want, and I'm doing it. Yet I'm still depressed.
    proXimity wrote: »
    If it's a problem with getting older, just remember that you haven't magically jumped and used up a year of your lifetime, it's just one day older, inconsequential really.

    This might be part of my problem. I know I have done alot personally for myself, but I have not really done anything for others. I mean I raised a kid that loves to learn. She reads and draws because of me. I am helping the world be a better place by raising some one who can change things. Yet, I really have done nothing with my life.

    You should re-read the end of your own post. You have passed on the love of learning and art to someone else, and they will look up to you for the rest of their life.

  • EndomaticEndomatic Registered User
    edited January 2009
    proXimity wrote: »
    If it's a problem with getting older, just remember that you haven't magically jumped and used up a year of your lifetime, it's just one day older, inconsequential really.

    This might be part of my problem. I know I have done alot personally for myself, but I have not really done anything for others. I mean I raised a kid that loves to learn. She reads and draws because of me. I am helping the world be a better place by raising some one who can change things. Yet, I really have done nothing with my life.

    You haven't done nothing with your life. You answered your own question. You have a great daughter that will be an excellent contribution to society. If only every parent could accomplish that.

    You have a wife and daughter that love you. You have placed a roof over their heads and provided a safe and loving environment. No one could ask more of a father*.

    What is it that goes through your head when you are thinking about wanting to die? What is it that triggers those thoughts?

    Is it you simply telling yourself, "I haven't done anything with my life?".
    There must be something more. What exactly haven't you done?

    Skydiving? Bungie-jumping? Feed the homeless? Build homes for the homeless?

    It's human nature to want more, or to be unsatisfied with what you have after a time period. On your birthday, you might think back (I know I do) and kind of sum up your life to this point.

    I think you need to give yourself more credit.

    You aren't finished. If there's something you haven't done, there is time to do it still.





    * - Your daughter can, and will, ask for more :P

  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    If your birthday is right around now, perhaps your problem is actually more seasonal than birthday-related.

    You say you've gone through this every year. At what point do you "get better" and feel "normal" for the rest of the year?

    My birthday's in April, so not a seasonal thing, but I used to be depressed about it when I was in college because I didn't have any friends. It wasn't until relatively recently that I made a new rule -- I make NO plans for my birthday, and if someone else is making plans I don't want to know about them. Not on the expectation that someone will do something -- hardly -- but that I can enjoy it just like any other day if that's what it ends up being.

    The last couple years my wife has usually planned something simple but fun and coordinates something goofy among my friends, so it's actually been really entertaining. She got the idea when she asked what I wanted to do for one of my birthdays, and I said "something, but I want nothing to do with the planning. That's what I want for my birthday -- an enjoyable night that I had to do no work to organize." Since then, I don't even say anything, and we usually have something pretty simple, simply because we have friends that are happy to come by around that time. But I don't have any expectations or built up ideas about it. I barely think of myself as "getting older," even, because we don't get a cake, we don't sing happy birthday, or any of that stuff.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Why not go out and volunteer for your birthday? I'm sure there is somewhere local you can help out with. It'd make yourself feel better and it'll get you out of the house (if you stay indoors, like I do).

  • L*2*G*XL*2*G*X Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    It sounds like you have deeper issues than just the birthday dip reveals.

    Why, even if you were completely useless, would that mean you should kill yourself?

  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    yalborap - Thank you for the pep talk, it helped. Volunteer work is something I really wanted to do but never got around to it. I should give my time instead of just money

    devoir - I did get help and it was successfully. I try to keep myself occupied, but it just has been hitting me late at night when I have nothing else to do.

    SanderJK - The Superbowl is on my birthday this year so I'm going to a party. Not about me, but I kinda like that. I know my wife has noticed this already. She's trying her best to make me feel better.

    FyreWulff - I know. But I don't see it as a big deal, it's what I should be doing as a father.

    Endomatic - I don't want to die, I have way too much to live for. I faced those demons long ago. It's just around now they come back and tell me I have failed as a man. I ask myself what I have done with my life, and it seems to come up short. You are right I'm unsatisfied with what I have done, but I know I'm not Superman and that depresses me. I feel like I should have done more.

    EggyToast - I get better about a week after my birthday. It feels like my life get back to normal after that. And that is an awesome idea. I know my friends have been bugging me about what I'm going to do for my birthday. I really don't want to do anything but people think I should.

    urahonky - It's something I've been thinking about and should do.

    L*2*G*X - Killing myself would me a big payday for my wife and kid. As long as it didn't look like I was killing myself that is. I know I have deep issuses, and I got help for them. It's just this time of year the come back to haunt me.



    I want to thank you all so much for the advice and help. It really does help. You are all good people and I hope to be one too. I'm going to see where and when I can volunteer, because it sounds like good advice.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic you are awesome and fun, but me saying that probably doesn't help much. Other people have already said things that I wanted to say, but I figured I should throw in my two cents anyway. Every little bit helps.

    “Hic non defectus est, sed cattus minxit desuper nocte quadam. Confundatur pessimus cattus qui minxit super librum istum in nocte Daventrie, et consimiliter omnes alii propter illum. Et cavendum valde ne permittantur libri aperti per noctem ubi cattie venire possunt.”
    Site | The Miami Grindstone | Twitter | Dropbox | Picture by Galen Dara
  • k1DBLITZk1DBLITZ Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    " I know I have done alot personally for myself, but I have not really done anything for others. "

    You could donate money to a local charity or volunteer your time. I heard on the Oprah show yesterday this SVP at Microsoft quit his job to help bring books to a 3rd world country living in poverty.

    I know that is kind of an extreme example, but you get the picture.

  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Quoth wrote: »
    Toxic you are awesome and fun, but me saying that probably doesn't help much. Other people have already said things that I wanted to say, but I figured I should throw in my two cents anyway. Every little bit helps.

    It does help. Thank you.
    k1DBLITZ wrote: »
    " I know I have done alot personally for myself, but I have not really done anything for others. "

    You could donate money to a local charity or volunteer your time. I heard on the Oprah show yesterday this SVP at Microsoft quit his job to help bring books to a 3rd world country living in poverty.

    I know that is kind of an extreme example, but you get the picture.

    I give money to the Disabled American Veterans. It's a good cause. My Dad is a vet but he came back whole. I did just sign up to do volunteer with them.

    That could be why I feel like I haven't given enough.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Also, alternatively, if you have a friend in need you could always help them out. I know I have a few friends in financial trouble (who isn't nowadays) so I host a "game night" at my house on Friday nights so all my buddies can come over and we relax and play video games into the night. Keeps them from spending money and it's fun.

  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic, my good friend, there are many reasons for you to live! You may not realize it, but you affect people's lives positively every day. Even the smallest, most inconsequential-seeming things can change a person's life for the better: if even imperceptibly.

    For example, we play Phalla together. (Granted, I haven't in a month or so, but we have on frequent occasion) When we end up on the same team, I know I'm going to have a good time, because you're a good person that I get along with well and you make the game entertaining. While that may not seem significant where you're standing, on my side that knowledge might be enough to turn a sad day into a happy one, or give me something to look forward to.

    And that's just an example of how you've affected me, I'm sure there are many people who you know better than you know me who you've affected on a much deeper level... but the fact that you can make the day of an anonymous person you've never met on the internet suggests to me that you have likely affected many people positively, and in a more profound manner. You just haven't realized it yet!

    Also, if you're looking for a more concrete project to solidify a sense of accomplishment, there are many avenues we can explore. If you happen to be a programmer for example, you can help to improve an open source project, or even make your own! But that's just an example... what's your profession Toxic? I bet you we can find a place where you can put time into on weekends that would do a very tangible good with the skills you have.

    Anyways, I hope this helps. I consider you a good friend Toxic, and I think a lot of people here do as well! =)

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    urahonky wrote: »
    Also, alternatively, if you have a friend in need you could always help them out. I know I have a few friends in financial trouble (who isn't nowadays) so I host a "game night" at my house on Friday nights so all my buddies can come over and we relax and play video games into the night. Keeps them from spending money and it's fun.

    I call this Friday night. They don't play games but we all come over and I host. I babysit some times when needed.
    Toxic, my good friend, there are many reasons for you to live! You may not realize it, but you affect people's lives positively every day. Even the smallest, most inconsequential-seeming things can change a person's life for the better: if even imperceptibly.

    For example, we play Phalla together. (Granted, I haven't in a month or so, but we have on frequent occasion) When we end up on the same team, I know I'm going to have a good time, because you're a good person that I get along with well and you make the game entertaining. While that may not seem significant where you're standing, on my side that knowledge might be enough to turn a sad day into a happy one, or give me something to look forward to.

    And that's just an example of how you've affected me, I'm sure there are many people who you know better than you know me who you've affected on a much deeper level... but the fact that you can make the day of an anonymous person you've never met on the internet suggests to me that you have likely affected many people positively, and in a more profound manner. You just haven't realized it yet!

    Also, if you're looking for a more concrete project to solidify a sense of accomplishment, there are many avenues we can explore. If you happen to be a programmer for example, you can help to improve an open source project, or even make your own! But that's just an example... what's your profession Toxic? I bet you we can find a place where you can put time into on weekends that would do a very tangible good with the skills you have.

    Anyways, I hope this helps. I consider you a good friend Toxic, and I think a lot of people here do as well! =)

    Now I know why I love you VT. I work in insurance - I don't sell it. I missed you the last few games. I really don't feel like I've done any thing good because I just act the way all people should. Knowing that I affect peoples lives even in small ways kinda helps. I mean if I was a dick to some one because I was having a bad day and they hurt themself it kinda my fault. I should be a hero and I'm not. And looking back on my life, it hurts.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited January 2009
    increview1.jpg

    ?

    “Hic non defectus est, sed cattus minxit desuper nocte quadam. Confundatur pessimus cattus qui minxit super librum istum in nocte Daventrie, et consimiliter omnes alii propter illum. Et cavendum valde ne permittantur libri aperti per noctem ubi cattie venire possunt.”
    Site | The Miami Grindstone | Twitter | Dropbox | Picture by Galen Dara
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Do you know what you're depressed about, or is it just that feeling of depressing? Kind of like an impending doom?

    I get that myself from time to time. I just feel sad and I don't know why. Depression does run in my family, so I'm pretty sure that's the reason for it. Usually I just know that eventually it will pass and look for the next thing in my life to make me happy.

    I just figure that life is like that. You will be happy some times, and other times you will be sad. It's a roller coaster.

    Though, I've never gone to the extreme of ever wanting to kill myself. :( If it ever comes to that, you really should go see a doctor again, though I know you said you don't want to.

    steam_sig.png
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic Toys wrote:
    Now I know why I love you VT. I work in insurance - I don't sell it. I missed you the last few games. I really don't feel like I've done any thing good because I just act the way all people should. Knowing that I affect peoples lives even in small ways kinda helps. I mean if I was a dick to some one because I was having a bad day and they hurt themself it kinda my fault. I should be a hero and I'm not. And looking back on my life, it hurts.

    See, but you act the way all people should: but that doesn't mean all people do. Or even close to all people. =) Being a good person means more - especially these days, as people seem like they're becoming more mean and calloused to others - than you may realize. You're doing good by being good! =)

    Also, I've missed you the past few games too! I think I'm going to try and jump into a game again soon, time's just been a valuable resource lately. =( But I'm looking forward to playing with you again =)

    Remember that the good you do may be more subtle than donning an outfit and fighting crime, but it does good in the world... and it will continue to do so, as long as you're in this world to do it. It may not feel like you're a hero to you, but you do good things. You may not be fighting crime in a spandex outfit, but the good things you do have significant meaning in this world... and though you might not get a medal for it, you will be remembered by friends and those who you've affected positively.

    Now, as far as using your skills to help... you work in insurance. I don't know a great deal about that field admittedly, but I imagine there's a lot of organizational/management/problem solving that needs to be done? If my assumption is correct, perhaps we can find some nonprofit or charitable organizations who need such skills. For most nonprofits, that's actually the kind of thing they need the most: someone with an eye for logic and logistics.

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Quoth wrote: »
    increview1.jpg

    ?

    OK that made laugh hard.

    In that point in the movie, yes, I feel just like that.
    Ryadic wrote: »
    Do you know what you're depressed about, or is it just that feeling of depressing? Kind of like an impending doom?

    I get that myself from time to time. I just feel sad and I don't know why. Depression does run in my family, so I'm pretty sure that's the reason for it. Usually I just know that eventually it will pass and look for the next thing in my life to make me happy.

    I just figure that life is like that. You will be happy some times, and other times you will be sad. It's a roller coaster.

    Though, I've never gone to the extreme of ever wanting to kill myself. :( If it ever comes to that, you really should go see a doctor again, though I know you said you don't want to.

    I'm not going to kill myself. I feel like a failure. I should be a better person, but I'm not. I'm not a super hero, but I should have done more for others with my life then I have. There are still kids who have jack to eat while I get fat. Not just in general, but where I live. A nice little kid plays around my apt complex not eating, asking me for a snack while her mom is getting high on meth. Yet I can't do a damn thing about it execpt give her some food. It's not fair and not right.
    Toxic Toys wrote:
    Now I know why I love you VT. I work in insurance - I don't sell it. I missed you the last few games. I really don't feel like I've done any thing good because I just act the way all people should. Knowing that I affect peoples lives even in small ways kinda helps. I mean if I was a dick to some one because I was having a bad day and they hurt themself it kinda my fault. I should be a hero and I'm not. And looking back on my life, it hurts.

    See, but you act the way all people should: but that doesn't mean all people do. Or even close to all people. =) Being a good person means more - especially these days, as people seem like they're becoming more mean and calloused to others - than you may realize. You're doing good by being good! =)

    Also, I've missed you the past few games too! I think I'm going to try and jump into a game again soon, time's just been a valuable resource lately. =( But I'm looking forward to playing with you again =)

    Remember that the good you do may be more subtle than donning an outfit and fighting crime, but it does good in the world... and it will continue to do so, as long as you're in this world to do it. It may not feel like you're a hero to you, but you do good things. You may not be fighting crime in a spandex outfit, but the good things you do have significant meaning in this world... and though you might not get a medal for it, you will be remembered by friends and those who you've affected positively.

    Now, as far as using your skills to help... you work in insurance. I don't know a great deal about that field admittedly, but I imagine there's a lot of organizational/management/problem solving that needs to be done? If my assumption is correct, perhaps we can find some nonprofit or charitable organizations who need such skills. For most nonprofits, that's actually the kind of thing they need the most: someone with an eye for logic and logistics.
    It's hard to feel good in a world of suffering. More so when you have caused some for others.



    I do want to thank PA for joining me in my pity party.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    I'm not going to kill myself. I feel like a failure. I should be a better person, but I'm not. I'm not a super hero, but I should have done more for others with my life then I have. There are still kids who have jack to eat while I get fat. Not just in general, but where I live. A nice little kid plays around my apt complex not eating, asking me for a snack while her mom is getting high on meth. Yet I can't do a damn thing about it execpt give her some food. It's not fair and not right.

    You are a good person. Hell, you're a better person than most. I bet 65% of the American population wouldn't even think like you do. They would see that kid and not care about what her mom does, because it's not their problem.

    You can do something about it. First, you can call child services in your area. Next, you can become a foster parent. You may not help that kid directly, but you will help other kids like her. My mom was a foster parent before she died, and at the time I didn't realize this, but it is one of the best things anyone can do. If it wasn't for her caring heart, about 25 - 30 kids wouldn't have had a place to live for the time they needed it. They were taken from homes that couldn't take care of them and put in our house where there was plenty to eat and plenty of clothes.

    I encourage you to look into becoming a foster parent. It sounds like something you may want to do. It will, hopefully, give you a good feeling in your life and probably fill that "void" that's causing your depression. You sound like such a great person, and you should definitely try to show it in any way you can. Hell even volunteer to be a big brother.

    steam_sig.png
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Ryadic wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    I'm not going to kill myself. I feel like a failure. I should be a better person, but I'm not. I'm not a super hero, but I should have done more for others with my life then I have. There are still kids who have jack to eat while I get fat. Not just in general, but where I live. A nice little kid plays around my apt complex not eating, asking me for a snack while her mom is getting high on meth. Yet I can't do a damn thing about it execpt give her some food. It's not fair and not right.

    You are a good person. Hell, you're a better person than most. I bet 65% of the American population wouldn't even think like you do. They would see that kid and not care about what her mom does, because it's not their problem.

    You can do something about it. First, you can call child services in your area. Next, you can become a foster parent. You may not help that kid directly, but you will help other kids like her. My mom was a foster parent before she died, and at the time I didn't realize this, but it is one of the best things anyone can do. If it wasn't for her caring heart, about 25 - 30 kids wouldn't have had a place to live for the time they needed it. They were taken from homes that couldn't take care of them and put in our house where there was plenty to eat and plenty of clothes.

    I encourage you to look into becoming a foster parent. It sounds like something you may want to do. It will, hopefully, give you a good feeling in your life and probably fill that "void" that's causing your depression. You sound like such a great person, and you should definitely try to show it in any way you can. Hell even volunteer to be a big brother.

    For the child in question, been there and done that. Out here it's hard of CPS to take a kid away.

    As for being a foster parent, that is a really good idea. I would have to talk it over with my wife and my child. Me and the mrs. have been trying for another child. We just want more love in our house, and that is a damn good way to get some.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I know exactly how you feel about the "having caused harm for others" thing. I was in here just a few days ago talking about how much guilt I feel for bad things I've done to people in the past. But to summarize what they told me, which was genuinely good advice: if you've been trying not to hurt others, that's better than most people. Most people don't even try! So you're way ahead of the game.

    It is a harsh world out there, but don't give up. If all the good people in the world gave up, then there really wouldn't be any good left at all. Just remember that you DO positively effect others, and if you're looking for a step up to helping on a wider scale, you can put your skills to it!

    Speaking of which, let's start talking about that. In your insurance job, what kinds of skills do you use most often? List them out here.

    Also, with the situation like the child, you may not be able to adopt her but you CAN mentor her: you can be a good role model, which I'm guessing you already are! Sometimes there's not too much we can do, but she'll see you being a good person and that's a start... and indeed, there may be more you can do to help in some way. Though I can't think of any direct way that could help at the moment. How old is she? Is she near your kids' age? Maybe you could "befriend" the mother (I know she's a meth addict, but bear with me for a second) in an attempt to get the kid to hang out with your kid... and then in doing so, you can teach them BOTH and help them both to be educated instead of just your child. Have your kid invite her over, and then teach them things, or get them to read, or (if she's old enough) help her look for scholarships for college or something.

    It's a risky move, but just brainstorming. There may be better ideas...

    EDIT: And the foster idea is a great one too! If there's any kids out there that need help, it's kids that have no parents to speak of. If I may use (another) personal anecdote, my father was raised by foster parents when he came to America. His mom sent him to the States on a crop dusting plane to escape from Cuba after the revolution that she thought would bring them liberation took a turn for the worse. A lot of crazy stuff happened (his mom died unexpectedly, which left him unable to survive on his own), and he basically lived on the streets of L.A. for two years before he got picked up and placed in a foster family. His foster family saved him from what would've been a meaningless and short life on the streets, and got him an education when he otherwise might not have been able to have one. He's a senior manager at EDS now, doing well, and he had four kids (of which I am one, of course =) ) thanks to the care and grace of the foster family that took him in.

    So definitely, if you want to do some real good in the world, being a foster family has the potential to do it. Foster care has the potential to pull someone out of an impossible situation and give them a chance to make it in the world.

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Ryadic wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    I'm not going to kill myself. I feel like a failure. I should be a better person, but I'm not. I'm not a super hero, but I should have done more for others with my life then I have. There are still kids who have jack to eat while I get fat. Not just in general, but where I live. A nice little kid plays around my apt complex not eating, asking me for a snack while her mom is getting high on meth. Yet I can't do a damn thing about it execpt give her some food. It's not fair and not right.

    You are a good person. Hell, you're a better person than most. I bet 65% of the American population wouldn't even think like you do. They would see that kid and not care about what her mom does, because it's not their problem.

    You can do something about it. First, you can call child services in your area. Next, you can become a foster parent. You may not help that kid directly, but you will help other kids like her. My mom was a foster parent before she died, and at the time I didn't realize this, but it is one of the best things anyone can do. If it wasn't for her caring heart, about 25 - 30 kids wouldn't have had a place to live for the time they needed it. They were taken from homes that couldn't take care of them and put in our house where there was plenty to eat and plenty of clothes.

    I encourage you to look into becoming a foster parent. It sounds like something you may want to do. It will, hopefully, give you a good feeling in your life and probably fill that "void" that's causing your depression. You sound like such a great person, and you should definitely try to show it in any way you can. Hell even volunteer to be a big brother.

    For the child in question, been there and done that. Out here it's hard of CPS to take a kid away.

    As for being a foster parent, that is a really good idea. I would have to talk it over with my wife and my child. Me and the mrs. have been trying for another child. We just want more love in our house, and that is a damn good way to get some.

    How old is your child?

    steam_sig.png
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I know exactly how you feel about the "having caused harm for others" thing. I was in here just a few days ago talking about how much guilt I feel for bad things I've done to people in the past. But to summarize what they told me, which was genuinely good advice: if you've been trying not to hurt others, that's better than most people. Most people don't even try! So you're way ahead of the game.

    It is a harsh world out there, but don't give up. If all the good people in the world gave up, then there really wouldn't be any good left at all. Just remember that you DO positively effect others, and if you're looking for a step up to helping on a wider scale, you can put your skills to it!

    Speaking of which, let's start talking about that. In your insurance job, what kinds of skills do you use most often? List them out here.

    Also, with the situation like the child, you may not be able to adopt her but you CAN mentor her: you can be a good role model, which I'm guessing you already are! Sometimes there's not too much we can do, but she'll see you being a good person and that's a start... and indeed, there may be more you can do to help in some way. Though I can't think of any direct way that could help at the moment. How old is she? Is she near your kids' age? Maybe you could "befriend" the mother (I know she's a meth addict, but bear with me for a second) in an attempt to get the kid to hang out with your kid... and then in doing so, you can teach them BOTH and help them both to be educated instead of just your child. Have your kid invite her over, and then teach them things, or get them to read, or (if she's old enough) help her look for scholarships for college or something.

    It's a risky move, but just brainstorming. There may be better ideas...

    EDIT: And the foster idea is a great one too! If there's any kids out there that need help, it's kids that have no parents to speak of. If I may use (another) personal anecdote, my father was raised by foster parents when he came to America. His mom sent him to the States on a crop dusting plane to escape from Cuba after the revolution that she thought would bring them liberation took a turn for the worse. A lot of crazy stuff happened (his mom died unexpectedly, which left him unable to survive on his own), and he basically lived on the streets of L.A. for two years before he got picked up and placed in a foster family. His foster family saved him from what would've been a meaningless and short life on the streets, and got him an education when he otherwise might not have been able to have one. He's a senior manager at EDS now, doing well, and he had four kids (of which I am one, of course =) ) thanks to the care and grace of the foster family that took him in.

    So definitely, if you want to do some real good in the world, being a foster family has the potential to do it. Foster care has the potential to pull someone out of an impossible situation and give them a chance to make it in the world.

    We all take care of her around here. Kind of like a stray cat. I know I could do more but I just want to make sure she doesn't get hurt.
    Ryadic wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    Ryadic wrote: »
    Toxic Toys wrote: »
    I'm not going to kill myself. I feel like a failure. I should be a better person, but I'm not. I'm not a super hero, but I should have done more for others with my life then I have. There are still kids who have jack to eat while I get fat. Not just in general, but where I live. A nice little kid plays around my apt complex not eating, asking me for a snack while her mom is getting high on meth. Yet I can't do a damn thing about it execpt give her some food. It's not fair and not right.

    You are a good person. Hell, you're a better person than most. I bet 65% of the American population wouldn't even think like you do. They would see that kid and not care about what her mom does, because it's not their problem.

    You can do something about it. First, you can call child services in your area. Next, you can become a foster parent. You may not help that kid directly, but you will help other kids like her. My mom was a foster parent before she died, and at the time I didn't realize this, but it is one of the best things anyone can do. If it wasn't for her caring heart, about 25 - 30 kids wouldn't have had a place to live for the time they needed it. They were taken from homes that couldn't take care of them and put in our house where there was plenty to eat and plenty of clothes.

    I encourage you to look into becoming a foster parent. It sounds like something you may want to do. It will, hopefully, give you a good feeling in your life and probably fill that "void" that's causing your depression. You sound like such a great person, and you should definitely try to show it in any way you can. Hell even volunteer to be a big brother.

    For the child in question, been there and done that. Out here it's hard of CPS to take a kid away.

    As for being a foster parent, that is a really good idea. I would have to talk it over with my wife and my child. Me and the mrs. have been trying for another child. We just want more love in our house, and that is a damn good way to get some.

    How old is your child?

    She's six. But anything big that happens we talk to her about it to see how she would react.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • RyadicRyadic Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    I was in fifth grade when we got our first foster kids and it lasted up til I was in 8th (when my mom passed). I remember just thinking how miserable it made my life. All these other kids getting on my nerves, playing with my toys, getting attention from my mom that I felt I deserved. Chances are she will feel this way too. Definitely talk to her about it, which is something I don't remember my mom ever doing.

    Now, 10 years after my moms death and the last foster kid in my house, I can say that I see now just how much of a blessing it was to have those kids in my house. I realize what good it did for them and how much it really didn't affect me. I was just being immature.

    Toxic, if you do go through with becomming a foster parent, I will have the utmost respect for you. You will change the lives of so many kids, and be a much better person for it. I already have a lot of respect for you for even considering it. Let me know how it goes.

    steam_sig.png
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Aye, it's a really good thing. A hard thing, but a good one! Foster parenting is something that I would consider to be a heroic act.

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Ryadic wrote: »
    I was in fifth grade when we got our first foster kids and it lasted up til I was in 8th (when my mom passed). I remember just thinking how miserable it made my life. All these other kids getting on my nerves, playing with my toys, getting attention from my mom that I felt I deserved. Chances are she will feel this way too. Definitely talk to her about it, which is something I don't remember my mom ever doing.

    Now, 10 years after my moms death and the last foster kid in my house, I can say that I see now just how much of a blessing it was to have those kids in my house. I realize what good it did for them and how much it really didn't affect me. I was just being immature.

    Toxic, if you do go through with becomming a foster parent, I will have the utmost respect for you. You will change the lives of so many kids, and be a much better person for it. I already have a lot of respect for you for even considering it. Let me know how it goes.

    Me and my wife had a good talk tonight. She wants to try to have a kid. If we can't, then we will become foster parents.

    So Wens. I get my balls checked to see if they are baby making ready.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Ah, I wish you luck either way it ends up Toxic =) We <3 ya! =)

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
  • Toxic ToysToxic Toys Braggadocio Open up the trunk, release the mech, Increase the power to the shield to protect, I never hit eject.Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Ah, I wish you luck either way it ends up Toxic =) We <3 ya! =)

    We were just talking about baby names. If we have a boy his name will be Sylar. No shit and it was her idea.

    So I'm feeling good about life again. I want to that every on that cared.

    3DS code: 2938-6074-2306, Nintendo Network ID: ToxicToys, PSN: zutto
    I toss back drinks with a stiff upper lip and you’re just here to hear my tongue frolic.
    Join Now.
  • VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited January 2009
    Sylar? Nooooo, don't do it! I guess at least you're not a watchmaker. =)

    I'm definitely glad you're feeling better amigo! =) =) We're here if you ever need anything!

    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
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