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Some help with a gift

lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
edited March 2009 in Artist's Corner
Hey, so this thing is 4 pages total but I only have the first one done. I kind of get the feeling that maybe it looks bad? So I would like some suggestions if possible.
You can ignore the poem.


lyrium on


  • NarcolepsyNarcolepsy Registered User
    edited March 2009
    I like the artwork enough, especially the starkly different feelings from the first and last panel. Very cold, then very warm, but not too much. The words are kinda small, as in I had to really scoot up to my monitor to read them. And maybe because I was an English minor, but the lack of punctuation was a turn-off.

  • lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yeah the words will be easier to read at the size it will be printed; I made the page smaller so it is easier to see it all on the forum. I'm really not in a position to change the poem, but maybe I can sneak some punctuation in.

    Here is page 2:


  • lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Okay, so even though the type would be readable at printing size, I'm considering making it bigger so that it is more significant on the page. What do you guys think?

    Here is page 3:


    Again, I would really appreciate any little comment you might have.

  • KendeathwalkerKendeathwalker Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    On the page 3 the boxes around the type are completely unnecessary and a little distracting.

    Rather than transparent boxes you can always put a white drop shadow on the text and lower the opacity of the drop shadow. If you do this.. be sure to kick the blur/spread of the drop shadow up(so you don't just get the words repeating in white behind. Youll get a nice soft shape behind the letterforms popping them out). I hope that made sense..

  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yeah I'm thinking increasing the type size, it's readable but still uncomfortable to read.

  • lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Yeah, I say that the type will be readable when it is printed because it will be printed larger than I've posted it here on the forum. I think I will make it bigger on the page anyway though because it might look nicer.
    I think I can figure out how to do that, Ken, so I'll change it and put it back up for comparison.
    Thanks guys.

  • lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Okay, so I figured out how to add a drop shadow but I couldn't figure out how to make it look the way I wanted, so I tried something else. I also made the type bigger. How does this page look?


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