how do I talk to the folks?

oldsak

So the girlfriend and I are moving in together this summer. She's been on my case a bit because I haven't told my folks yet. It's not that I'm afraid of what they'll say or anything. It's that I don't tell them anything. I feel kind of silly calling them up to tell them I'm moving in with my girlfriend when I don't really talk to them about anything else going on in my life (they didn't know I was even thinking of law school until a couple weeks before classes started, for example). I have the kind of family that just never really talks about anything. I didn't even find out there's a major history of thyroid problems in my family until my uncle got drunk and talkative at dinner one night. For christ's sake, my aunt didn't even know my grandmother was pregnant with my uncle (the oldest) before marraige even though she was pregnant before marriage as well (ie went through the same thing). She didn't find out until my uncle told her she was planning my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary a year too early (of course they didn't even talk about it then).

So yeah, obviously I could just call up my folks and say, "hey me and the girlfriend are moving in together," but it seems weird b/c we just don't talk like that. We do call each other every once in a while to chit chat about trivial stuff, so I'm hoping someone can help me come up with a more natural way of working it into a conversation.

Honestly, my feelings are that my parents will figure it out eventually so it's no big deal when I tell them. My mother will probably be asking for a current address and I'll say "oh gf and I live at such and such now" and that will be be the extent of our conversation. It's a big deal to my girlfriend though so I'd like to make her happy.

Tomanta

Just call 'em up and tell them. It may be weird to start with but it'll be fine afterwards.

If it's not going to be a big deal to them just call, tell them you are moving and then say you and your GF will be living at <new address>.

yalborap

I'm assuming you've already attempted the tactic of telling your girlfriend that your parents won't care/mind, and you're not from a family that talks about things that way to begin with?

oldsak

yalborap wrote: »

I'm assuming you've already attempted the tactic of telling your girlfriend that your parents won't care/mind, and you're not from a family that talks about things that way to begin with?

of course, and she's not bent up over the fact that I haven't discussed it with them yet, but I know it'd make her happy to tell them sooner rather than later.

Talking to my parents is just so weird for me. I was one of those kids who had a mexican nanny, and english speaking parents, but didn't start speaking any english until age 3 or 4.

Aldo

This sounds like a good chance to change the way you deal with family. Your girl obviously does care about sharing things with the family, so if you ever start a family of your own you can now already make a headstart and communicate life-changing events to your parental units.

Of course it will sound awkward, but really, your parents/family are the ones who should feel awkward, most functional families talk to each other.

MichaelLC

Funny, I've got a pretty similer family dynamic, though maybe not as extreme.

If it seems awkward, just do what Tomanta said, think of it as just letting them know your new address. That is, initite [Information Exchange] and if [Small Talk] is queued as a sub-process, than go along with it.

The Crowing One

Just call and tell them. "Hey, I'll be moving in a few months. My new address is __________, in case you want to send cookies*."

*cookies may or may not be forthcoming.

Jasconius

Just call them and tell them. Unless they are insane they'll probably be happy for you.

I'm the same way with my family. They don't know until it's already happened weeks ago.

Hypatia

The Crowing One wrote: »

Just call and tell them. "Hey, [girlfriend] and I'll be moving in a few months. My new address is __________, in case you want to send cookies*."
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Just stick your girlfriend in there as a casual thing. That or make up a quick question about moving that you can work in so it doesn't seem forced. Example: Hey, I was just calling because [girlfriend] and I are moving to the new place in a few months and we weren't sure, is there anything we need to do other than change the electricity bill and fill out change of address forms?

Or, I don't know, maybe you could use "and we were thinking of using a moving company but we aren't sure, do you know how much they usually charge/have any recommendations/whatever?"