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Upd Dec 17- Alphabet of Animals (pg 4) :)

StplmstrStplmstr Registered User
edited December 2010 in Artist's Corner
Heyo, I am competing in zuda this months and it has made me get off my ass and join a bunch of the forums that I otherwise just lurk around :) So if you want to check my entry "Sides" out go to ... So if you happen by Zuda and if you like it toss me a vote if you don't hopefully you will find a comic this month that you do :) but getting past that and onto other drawrings.

Comic-Problems
page_01.jpg

A couple of the imges that didn't make it into the DS Tribute
bish.jpg

lilith.jpg

Let me know what you think :)

Stplmstr on
«13

Posts

  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    that comic is amazing
    i hope there is more
    is there more?
    please tell me there's more

  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Tube's Favorite Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Well, I couldn't even get into the comic strip until the ultra-man...analog...ultra-manalog showed up. That being said, it was a novel concept that he spoke in pictures, but a few times they were unnecessary because of his body language.

    lillith's mouth is skewed.

  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    You're a hard man to please Metal, though I must admit, the first two pages could've been cut to one. But still, it's pretty fucking fantastic.

  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    That comic is rad. I love the natural-colored newsprint, off-white being used as the lightest portions of it. It does look like it causes the main dude's flesh tones to go overly saturated and dark at times though.

    the word balloons are dense, daunting, and a little difficult to read. I would suggest using a larger font and breaking your lengthier balloons into smaller connected ones. Also, watch your white space around the letters and make sure the letters have room to breathe without leaving too much.

    also, on page 4? it looks like you left the word balloons white instead of the off white in all the rest. I haven't read the story (daunting, dense word balloons), so it may be intentional, I don't know.

    I do love your use of rectangular panels. I think a lot can be done with rectangular panels, as you're clearly showing. Often times artists choose non-conventional panels for no benefit at all. props.

    EDIT: I love the oh shit panel.

  • TamTam I hate art I love artRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    lillith's mouth is misplaced- move it a little to the left. Also, I love your comic, please make more.

  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Tube's Favorite Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Mustang wrote: »
    You're a hard man to please Metal, though I must admit, the first two pages could've been cut to one. But still, it's pretty fucking fantastic.

    You think I'm bad now, just see what I do to comics that I pay for

  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Do I want to know? I don't want to know, do I?

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I do like it but I don't know if I like your reasoning for joining our forum.
    This is a place for serious art discussion and critique.
    If you are posting here, you should be posting with the aims of getting advice for improvement, not to get votes on your competition.

  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    That comic is rad.

    Also, watch your white space around the letters and make sure the letters have room to breathe without leaving too much.

    Yes.

    signature-sir.png
  • bombardierbombardier mr. mully Vancouver, BCSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    I do like it but I don't know if I like your reasoning for joining our forum.
    This is a place for serious art discussion and critique.
    If you are posting here, you should be posting with the aims of getting advice for improvement, not to get votes on your competition.

    This, pretty much.

  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2009
    I think zuda links are on the verge of becoming verboten.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    yeah i'm honestly getting a little sick of them
    it is the epitome of sitewhoring
    not only do they whore themselves, but most of them don't even have the decency to respond to any of the comments, asspats crits or otherwise.

  • StplmstrStplmstr Registered User
    edited May 2009
    I agree that this is a place for serious commenting and crits but acting like posting a link to Zuda is the epitome of site whoring is like saying anyone who posts a link to their new web comic as a site whore as well. (if I was just a site whore wouldn't I have links to the zuda thing posted all over my profile, signature ect?) Sure I hope to get people to take a look at what I am doing on Zuda and also for people to vote for me if they like my comic just as much as anyone is looking to increase their viewership on their webcomic by posting in here. But I am also hoping to get peoples crits and opinions on it. I don't understand why it has to be either I am posting here in the hopes of getting votes or for serious art conversation, why can't it be both.

    I mean if I wanted to take a polarized standpoint I could say your intimated dislike of my post is the epitome of forum clique'e behavior just aimed at keeping new people out. I don't think you are but if I had to choose the or between: welcoming someone new to the forums or clique forum behavior, what category do you think post calling me a site whore within a day of my posting would fall into. "not only do they whore themselves, but most of them don't even have the decency to respond to any of the comments, asspats crits or otherwise." I don't think this thread is 24 hours old but apparently I have been categorized, classified, weighed and measured with out any chance to do anything about it.

    I don't think I came in here or posted with bad intentions. Yes I posted a link to the competition I am in for anyone who wanted to click the link and check it out, but for the people that don't I also posted other work for crit and discussion. And as of now I am posting reply's to the posts I have gotten, how could you know I would reply and not just be site whoring? Well you could have given me the chance to rather than assuming you knew what I was about and writing me off as a site whore. I don't see the "serious art crit and discussion" you guys talk about in those posts. Just mommy and daddy trying to slap me on the wrist for posting wrong. But if you guys want to have a serious conversation about what you refer to as "site whoring" then you should start up a thread in the appropriate forum and get a back and forth going on the subject rather than just doing the posting police deal. If you do, and I miss it, totally post a link to said thread in here so I can join in on the conversation :)

    I guess what I am asking for is at least a chance to post my work, whatever it may be at that time, and respond to it without getting your disdain from the start.

    Okay now to the art conversation

    Mully- There is more in my head, but as for on paper not as of yet....sorry :)

    Metal- Well I am glad about the robot getting you in that was the point of the build up to the 3rd page. The stuff before it was supposed to create a slow build to the discovery and add a little bit of characterization to Andreas. Now either your not a fan of that kind of start or I frankly may well have just executed on it badly but that is the reason for it anyway. I went for a bit of redundancy over the possibility of misunderstanding, because this was the first 8 pages I wanted to make sure any reader knew exactly how Z communicates, this it is very true leads to redundant bubbles but I didn't think they hurt the story. If/when problems continues having this set up will allow me to loosen up on that and make sure I have everyone on the right page. To use the old game speak, I wanted a low difficulty curve in the early game :) Liliths mouth was twitched over that way to try and add that bit of a quirky side smile thang, but apparently it didn't work and just looks like a mistake so I will have to fix that one.

    Must- As I said I did the first 2 pages as a bit of character dev and build up so that the robot would be more of a surprise, but with the other posts here I would guess that I either didn't make it interesting enough of a build up or, as you have said, could have done without. I will keep that in mind :)

    Mano- Hahahaha you just basically picked out every detail about the comic that, in hindsight, makes me cringe. Looking back the bubble size around the words is just friggin horrible. Cramped and sucky is about the long and short of that. It is absolutely something that needs changing. This happens to me because I have the tendency to be a draw first kind of guy. I layout my pages with the idea of what text I want on the page but tend to under estimate the space needed ect. So that leaves me at the end putting together a word bubble puzzle trying fit everything in and then making some bad choices as to bubble size and flow :( I am working on it though :) I really enjoy sticking to the basics with my panels, there is a reason as to why those are the basics...they work :) Doing that also allows me to have full effect of a later oddly shaped panel because it really stands out against the rest.

    Tam- Yeah you and Metal both nailed me on the mouth, I had a reason but apparently it didn't work so changes are to be had :) Thanks I am glad you liked the comic :D

    Bea- I understand that and I would reply with a serious art discussion or to a critique....but you didn't actually post anything like that.

    Nib- Yeah that is absolutely something that needs the fix :)

    Bomb- Again I don't have anything pertaining to the images I posted to reply to, so thanks for the comment anyway :)

    Mars- Well that's unfortunate I wonder is people with other web comics will be called site whores and have their links forbidden in future. Or mabey even Deviant art print shop links will be next!

    Beav- Sure those people suck, non of them in here though so next time try posting a crit or some art discussion....somebody told me that that is what this forum is about :) (and if you were expecting me not to post then your double posting in here would be a waste of your time because I wasn't gonna respond anyway. If you assumed I was going to read it and respond well then I fall outside of the coordinate you have detailed :) ) ....wait whats that in your sig....your web site....your deviant art site.....oh and a go buy my prints site link....well that would put you 2 links up on me :)

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    you clearly haven't lurked around here very long, we get a LOT of these lately.
    They tend to come in, post their stuff, tell us to vote for them on zuda
    then never show their face again, they are off to post to more forums

    so excuse me for kind of having a bad taste in my mouth from the whole zuda experience thus far.
    your OP just seemed a lot like every other zuda post we get "hey here's my stuff it's up on zuda, go vote"
    it's like, you might as well have been like "i'm selling reeboks for cheap, here's a pic of one"
    then after everyone was like "wtf stop being a bot" you're like "no seriously, i want crits on this pic i took of a reebok sneaker... ALSO I'm selling them" that's what this feels like to me, as wrong as the impression was, it's based on past experiences, so I apologize.

    I've also served my time here, I've been around these forums critting and posting since 05. There are no rules against linking your websites/print sites whatever you want from your sig. Especially since I've been established here as a poster for so long. There ARE issues with people just running just being like "here's my site" and taking off, or freaking out when we crit them, which like I said, if you've lurked at all, you'd know we get that a lot around here.

    So that being said, welcome to the forums, I'm sorry if I took your original post to be like every other zuda post we get, if you're going to stick around and heed the crits around the community then great, I'd be happy to see an artist of your caliber around.

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Beav you are surprisingly fiery, like a large, angry candle.
    Great comic, I speically like that you've taken what you appear to have enjoyed from manga without getting stuck in any kind of design rutt. The "HI" from the robot is just the sort of pun I enjoy.
    That said, I hate you and everything you stand for.

  • StplmstrStplmstr Registered User
    edited May 2009
    Endless- hahahaha classic well I hate all the things you stand for too, even the stuff I don't know about :D Thanks it is one of those funny things about my drawring that has caused some problems. Alot of people who like/read manga either consider it not the manga style or they can see the influence of manga but don't put it soly in that coordinate. People who don't read manga tend to go "hey it's that anime style" hahaha I have literally lost jobs because my style is too anime, while at the same time hearing that my style isn't manga enough for what the company is going for :D

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Stplmstr wrote: »
    Endless- hahahaha classic well I hate all the things you stand for too, even the stuff I don't know about :D Thanks it is one of those funny things about my drawring that has caused some problems. Alot of people who like/read manga either consider it not the manga style or they can see the influence of manga but don't put it soly in that coordinate. People who don't read manga tend to go "hey it's that anime style" hahaha I have literally lost jobs because my style is too anime, while at the same time hearing that my style isn't manga enough for what the company is going for :D

    It's a real shame that anyone should have to fall into a particular style. Such is life.
    I hope you continue to post, there is a bit to be learned in this here forum.
    But not from me.

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Beav you are surprisingly fiery, like a large, angry candle.
    Great comic, I speically like that you've taken what you appear to have enjoyed from manga without getting stuck in any kind of design rutt. The "HI" from the robot is just the sort of pun I enjoy.
    That said, I hate you and everything you stand for.

    i'm probably the least angry person in the world
    though everyone was super surprised to hear that i sound like a tiny child when i did my photoshop tutorial
    i think people imagine this huge gruff angry grizzly bear
    i'm a tiny girly girlface.

    i hope i'm not coming across as rude anymore?
    i mean i was kind of blunt in the first post, but i genuinely hope the OP continues to contribute to the forums, i think you have a lot of talent.

  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2009
    haha, oh man, i loved that robot

    but that entire first section is superfluous, you might as well start it with him trying to sit down at his table

  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2009
    Stplmstr wrote: »
    ...wouldn't I have links to the zuda thing posted all over my profile, signature ect?
    That is where they belong. If you want to self promote, that's absolutely fine. Make a nifty sig for it--we're all game.

    But the whole Zuda link in the main post schtick has gotten tiresome, regardless of what your specific, individual intentions are.

    Stplmstr wrote: »
    But if you guys want to have a serious conversation about what you refer to as "site whoring" then you should start up a thread in the appropriate forum and get a back and forth going on the subject rather than just doing the posting police deal. If you do, and I miss it, totally post a link to said thread in here so I can join in on the conversation :)

    I'll save you the trouble. I determine what sitewhoring is, and I've decided Zuda links are verboten.

    RE: Sigs; see above comment.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • winter_combat_knightwinter_combat_knight Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Top one is very nice. Love the artowrk and colour palette. The last one is your weakest. There doesnt seem to be as much effort put into it as the top one. Anime clearly isnt your 'thing'. The top ones style is very nice.

  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Tube's Favorite Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    i'm probably the least angry person in the world

    If you're like my polar opposite then why do we agree so often?

  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    just started reading some of the comic. grammar and punctuation is bad. word choice is inefficient.

    want to do a paint over to show my ideas on text layout.

    probably will later.

    maybe.

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    i'm probably the least angry person in the world

    If you're like my polar opposite then why do we agree so often?

    because you're intelligent

    oooooh burn on the rest of the forum ooooooh

  • D-RobeD-Robe Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    beavotron wrote: »
    i'm probably the least angry person in the world

    If you're like my polar opposite then why do we agree so often?

    because you're intelligent

    oooooh burn on the rest of the forum ooooooh

    :cry: I want to be intelligent too.

    Cheese.
  • StplmstrStplmstr Registered User
    edited May 2009
    Shit I don't know what happened but I totally missed your post before endless's so I am gonna time machine back :D

    Beav- Sure I understand that past experiences may have been bad and that is true of any forum you or I have ever posted on. My frustration was with being judged as this within the first 16 hours of a post. And generally from what I have seen most "bots" like that neither include anything but what they are selling. I made sure to include other images for people to post reply's on. And all the power to the people who may have gone over to Zuda and found a comic other than mine to vote for. My advice, as a sort of crit of the "get out spammer" response: If you think some one is just being a site whore then ignore them. The fastest way to get rid of these types of bots is to not respond and let thier threads fall into the eternal darkness of page 2. Bots want you to respond for any reason just to bump thier thread up the page. Added to this you then can wait and see if the person who has posted turns out to not be a bot/site whore, responds to crits and doesn't freak out. Then you avoid having these types of "well how could I know?" If you have watched swingers why not give it the 2 or 3 day rule. Then if it is still on the front page unload on the poster. Otherwise either it will be gone off the front page, or you will be able to post a crit or something like that. But I am kinda easy going and rolling my eyes at spam/whore/bot posts keeps the blood pressure down and doesn't have me wasting time and energy "reasoning" with some one who isn't going to be able to see reason.

    I have been lurking around for about as long as you have been a regular apparently. I started lurking because back then, 4 years ago, when I had an account I posted and could not get a reply. I posted in other threads updated ect. but got nothing in my thread. It kinda soured me a bit on the forum. But I like PA alot so would lurk on and off after that. I decided to start posting on here again cause I figured I am doing this thing and if there is no reply this time what have I lost? But with my previous experience, like your previous experience with site whores, would it be fair for me to walk in with a "you guys are un responsive douches" or would it be unfair to categorize you that way just because of a past experience. And the response so far has been wayyyyyy beyond what I expected so I am double glad I didn't come in here with an attitude based of of my experience.

    Endless- Oh dude I am not gonna stop, it gots it in my blood...but that might just be gonorrhea :O

    Beav- I don't think you wre being intentionally rude, just protective of a posting space you enjoy and don't want invaded. I am just trying to show that I am not an invading horde, but some one coming to market for trade and mutual benefit. I checked out your dev and I think you got a killer style going on, as to your journal on there, I never took animation but have gotten the chance to do story boarding on a minor scale. My advice would be tto try and get in with a broadcast company I had no idea but ended up doing some boarding for cuppa when I had originally been brought in to lay down flat colours for a flash cartoon :)...oh and us canadians should stick together screw those amercan jerks....I....don't shoot a missle at me! :)

    Orik- I thought it was chara devel and build to the reveal, but it is apparently not a fav so I will have to check myself next time I consider using that as a intro tool.

    Mars- Hey this isn't my house and I don't make the rules, I didn't see anywhere it said I couldn't post a link to my webcomic but I will make sure not to then in the future.

    I still don't understand why 1 link in my first post is worse than a sig with the same info. With a sig it would be posted everywhere I post. It would have been linked at least 4-5 times now, anywhere else I posted I would have left a link to my comic...isn't that more spam then one link in my own thread? I would have expected it would be exactly the opposite but as I said I don't make the rules, I just don't understand this one.

    Winter- I didn't realize the bottom one was a particularly different style from the rest. I wanted that one to have a looser feel and not be so tight. But as it is the first one I have done like that obviously I need to work on the execution.

    Manon- Hit me up with the draw over, you seem to really not be a fan of how I did it so it would be intresting to see your take on it, I am looking forward to it :)

    Beav- "oooooh burn on the rest of the forum ooooooh" Only if the rest of the forum considered themselves smart, so take that!!....wait....crap

    D-R- No way man being an idiot gives you the best excuse ever.
    p1-"what are you an idiot"
    p2-"Yup"
    p1-"Oh....well carry on"

    :)

    And as this is a forum attached to a web comic that has a decent video game content I got a couple of images I did based off of the article that was done over on 1up http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3168383 (I am not a part of the one up staff or affiliated with it in anyway please don't click on the link unless you want to it just provides the background details for the inspiration involved in making these :) )

    tender_rondo.jpg


    FOUNDING%20FIGHTERS.jpg

    oh and this is the tender rondo song that came out of the podcast where the M.O.C was discussed....I think it is funny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_NbkMnE4ew

  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I think I would seriously consider buying a game called Founding Fighters. Watching Abe Lincoln kick the shit out of Thomas Jefferson would almost be worth the $100 AUD alone.

  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Tube's Favorite Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Mustang wrote: »
    I think I would seriously consider buying a game called Founding Fighters. Watching Abe Lincoln kick the shit out of Thomas Jefferson would almost be worth the $100 AUD alone.

    Final Boss Washington seems like he'd be a cheap fighter.

  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Is no-one going to pull me up about Abe Lincoln not being a founding father?
    You guys are slipping.

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    founding fighters
    this should be made

  • BadsaltBadsalt Registered User
    edited May 2009
    Interesting comic. I'll let the forum talk the rest out, as I didn't read everyone else's post. Etc.

    DCbanner468.jpg
    Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    beavotron wrote: »
    founding fighters
    this should be made

    YES.

    sig2.jpg
  • mr0rangemr0range Registered User
    edited May 2009
    I like the way the giant robot talks. I did that in a comic I made a year ago, it was a lot of fun to interpret speech into pictures.

    dvd_banner.jpg
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Tube's Favorite Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Mustang wrote: »
    Is no-one going to pull me up about Abe Lincoln not being a founding father?
    You guys are slipping.

    Also, most of us don't have aspergers.

  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Stplmstr wrote: »
    Manon- Hit me up with the draw over, you seem to really not be a fan of how I did it so it would be intresting to see your take on it, I am looking forward to it :)
    talkingrobot3.jpg

    Here you go, dude. It increases both the readability and accessibility of it pretty drastically. Even though mine has the exact same number of words and takes up significantly larger space, it looks like less to read to the reader. Also, by breaking up the balloons, I'm pulling the reader's eye through the panel. Before, in that entire row of five panels, the reader's eye was never brought below the top 20%.

    My lettering methods are heavily inspired by Stan Sakai. His lettering is superb, extremely accessible, and easy to read.

  • BadsaltBadsalt Registered User
    edited May 2009
    I do like his draw over a bit better. The only downside would be the lettering is a bit off for that character. However, you go with the font you like for the entire comic, conformity and all that. However, his rhythm is definitely better. The last question being separate and the removal of the empty space at the bottom of the screen definitely helped.

    DCbanner468.jpg
    Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    yeah, I just chose a font that I use often. Whatever font you choose, it needs to be large enough to be easily readable. Looking back at it, I should have decreased the vertical spacing (leading?) in the "but let's back up..." balloon, and decreased the size of the balloon accordingly. But that's besides the point.

    I'm running a fairly low resolution, and I still find it difficult to read your text, so it definitely needs to be larger. Also, use your panel space wisely. By putting your text in an oval, you're wasting a lot of space that could be used up there.

  • earthwormadamearthwormadam Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I didn't so much mind the double bubble at the top of the panel, but yeah that one on the bottom was pretty unnecessary.

    sig2.jpg
  • StplmstrStplmstr Registered User
    edited May 2009
    Must- I think it would be a pretty fun game.

    Metal- Probably and getting hit with a wooden teeth attack would be disgusting.

    Must- Sorry dude I be ze Canadian. Now you wanna talk about Brian Mulroney I am there!

    Beav- :)

    Bad- Thanks, hopefully the rest of us will do an adequate job of talking it out.

    Eart- :)

    Mr.o- Yeah pictograms are totally not a new thing but a hella fun one to play with.

    Man- I gotta say I like the larger size and the font is cool. Taking out the bolding on those particular words would probably make it seem more in character. My one concern with the placement is having the second bubble break the panel into the 3rd panel means that your leading the eye out of the second panel before getting through all of the text in that panel. Otherwise I really like the way it looks. If your interested I have my next entry done and would love to hear what you have to say about it via the PM route. Let me know

    Bad- Yeah I like it too. I find the ffont may be a little off but I think it is the bolding that has more to do with it seeming out of character. You usually only see that when the character is being particularly emphatic.

  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Yeah, man. I'll PM you my email address, and I'll take a look over whatever you've got.

    I don't think the slight overlap into the next panel leads the reader's eye into it, because the dialog ends in the first panel, and the tail sends the eye down through the picture of the dude and to the next word balloon. It would be different if the reader's eye was brought so far out of panel that something in the next would catch it, but I think the slight overlap just gives more room to breathe.

    The bolding comes from my interest in older American comics, where nearly every balloon gets a bolded word or two to show where the character's emphasis is and to move the eye through the balloon. Without it, characters come off as sounding robotic and monotone. Even though the character looks professional, he's showing too much emotion in each panel to come off as the Ben Stein type.

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