The first twenty seconds of any infomercial are a glimpse into a nightmare realm. Pensive music plays over low-res monochrome footage of miserable people, suffering from massive nerve damage or mental disability or both, struggling fruitlessly with the most simple tasks imaginable. Straining the water from a pot of noodles becomes a heroic feat comparable to Hannibal's crossing of the alps, but there are no heroes to be found. Failure is assured, and your scenery-chewing family will scorn your ineptitude.
The vibrant color and fixed grins of the last act are a comfortable illusion. They have solved the problem of keeping a towel wrapped around themselves with their useless clublike flipper-hands, but the day has just begun. Soon, they will be required to fry eggs or remove a stain, and they are running perilously low on twenty-dollar bills. You can see the animal terror behind the eyes.
Edit: Blue Album still makes up for any wrong Rivers will ever create.
hahaha
sharper image sells such idiotic crap
that ad would have been much funnier if they'd opened with frustrated musicians having to deal with broken guitar strings, split reeds, actually having to learn all that confusing music theory...
Druhim on
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GRMikeThe Last Best Hope for HumanityThe God Pod Registered Userregular
edited June 2009
I just love how serious they are about their jam session.
Edit: Blue Album still makes up for any wrong Rivers will ever create.
hahaha
sharper image sells such idiotic crap
that ad would have been much funnier if they'd opened with frustrated musicians having to deal with broken guitar strings, split reeds, actually having to learn all that confusing music theory...
Like "musicians" these days learn music theory. If I showed Miley Cyrus my dodecaphonic piece that operates on both horizontal and vertical axioms she would probably be all "HEY GUYS IT'S ME MILEY CYRUS"
Edit: Blue Album still makes up for any wrong Rivers will ever create.
hahaha
sharper image sells such idiotic crap
that ad would have been much funnier if they'd opened with frustrated musicians having to deal with broken guitar strings, split reeds, actually having to learn all that confusing music theory...
Like "musicians" these days learn music theory. If I showed Miley Cyrus my dodecaphonic piece that operates on both horizontal and vertical axioms she would probably be all "HEY GUYS IT'S ME MILEY CYRUS"
Because that is about all I know about her
to be fair, she's probably just more of a pretty face with decent pipes that they just write pop hits for
Druhim on
0
Clint EastwoodMy baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered Userregular
I for one am sick and tired of towels too, but I shall propose an alternative to this farce.
And that is, no towels! A ban on all towels. Never again will anyone suffer the pains and frustrations of these fabricated shrouds of despair.
The alternative is of course to harness the incredible aeromatic properties of air. Simply walk out into your garden and allow the blowisonic waves of the wind and the hotmaking power of the sun to dry your body in an efficient natural way.
Also for the full effect make sure that you are in the most visible part of your garden to allow neighbours to see how effective the.. er super naturalistic air really is.
MikeRyu on
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Clint EastwoodMy baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered Userregular
This would be impressive if the demonstrators weren't so ridiculous looking
what? no
there's nothing impressive about that device
it's stupid and pointless
It's like the theremin
Easier, it looks like, but it is something that I could never do as well as the demonstrators
wrong
the theremin is an actual instrument that requires some skill to get the sound you want out of it
this is just like one of those cheap synthesizer keyboards everyone bought their kids back in the 80s that has all these music styles preprogrammed into them so that you can pretend you're making music, except instead of pressing keys your moving your hand through light beams
This would be impressive if the demonstrators weren't so ridiculous looking
what? no
there's nothing impressive about that device
it's stupid and pointless
It's like the theremin
Easier, it looks like, but it is something that I could never do as well as the demonstrators
wrong
the theremin is an actual instrument that requires some skill to get the sound you want out of it
this is just like one of those cheap synthesizer keyboards everyone bought their kids back in the 80s that has all these music styles preprogrammed into them so that you can pretend you're making music, except instead of pressing keys your moving your hand through light beams
This thing is just a piece of plastic with infrared light that emits sound out of our laptop speakers when you break the light.
Its almost like playing a ringtone on your cellphone and calling it art.
I for one am sick and tired of towels too, but I shall propose an alternative to this farce.
And that is, no towels! A ban on all towels. Never again will anyone suffer the pains and frustrations of these fabricated shrouds of despair.
The alternative is of course to harness the incredible aeromatic properties of air. Simply walk out into your garden and allow the blowisonic waves of the wind and the hotmaking power of the sun to dry your body in an efficient natural way.
Also for the full effect make sure that you are in the most visible part of your garden to allow neighbours to see how effective the.. er super naturalistic air really is.
And here I thought you were a really hoopy frood.
Jedoc on
0
#pipeCocky Stride, Musky odoursPope of Chili TownRegistered Userregular
edited June 2009
I would have loved that post even more if "Blowisonic" and "Hotmaking" had little registered trademark glyphs after them.
Posts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNlWa19qW6s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oi0bcsC48U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBvfplkQZWM
this is beautiful
what the fuck?
hell yea
Note to Rivers Cuomo: please kill yourself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX8XYc0ATdY
Edit: Blue Album still makes up for any wrong Rivers will ever create.
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I am going to protest in retaliation by boycotting their products.
sharper image sells such idiotic crap
that ad would have been much funnier if they'd opened with frustrated musicians having to deal with broken guitar strings, split reeds, actually having to learn all that confusing music theory...
blog facebook steam twitter
toga
TOGA
TOGA
TOGA
Like "musicians" these days learn music theory. If I showed Miley Cyrus my dodecaphonic piece that operates on both horizontal and vertical axioms she would probably be all "HEY GUYS IT'S ME MILEY CYRUS"
Because that is about all I know about her
This would be impressive if the demonstrators weren't so ridiculous looking
Don't be dissin' on miley!
there's nothing impressive about that device
it's stupid and pointless
blog facebook steam twitter
It's like the theremin
Easier, it looks like, but it is something that I could never do as well as the demonstrators
And that is, no towels! A ban on all towels. Never again will anyone suffer the pains and frustrations of these fabricated shrouds of despair.
The alternative is of course to harness the incredible aeromatic properties of air. Simply walk out into your garden and allow the blowisonic waves of the wind and the hotmaking power of the sun to dry your body in an efficient natural way.
Also for the full effect make sure that you are in the most visible part of your garden to allow neighbours to see how effective the.. er super naturalistic air really is.
(I always preferred Holiday and No One Else)
the theremin is an actual instrument that requires some skill to get the sound you want out of it
this is just like one of those cheap synthesizer keyboards everyone bought their kids back in the 80s that has all these music styles preprogrammed into them so that you can pretend you're making music, except instead of pressing keys your moving your hand through light beams
I am now listening to this album again. I don't think I hate a single song.
/sigh I wish they weren't so awful now.
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This thing is just a piece of plastic with infrared light that emits sound out of our laptop speakers when you break the light.
Its almost like playing a ringtone on your cellphone and calling it art.
blog facebook steam twitter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW0B1sipLBI
Steam | XBL: Elazual | Last.fm
Randall, you came to see me in Rigoletto so I know you have at least some taste.
Show it.
And here I thought you were a really hoopy frood.
BLOWISONIC®
HOTMAKING®
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM&feature=player_embedded