Grandpa Situation.

Prospicience

My grandfather: an absolutely incredible man. My parents are divorced and I grew up with my mom. My grandpa lived practically right down the street and is practically like a father to me. I've always looked up to him for all of his accomplishments in life. He's helped me pay for college when my dad wouldn't, always came over and helped at my mom's house whenever something was broken and whatnot and showed us how to fix it. Needless to say he's done more for my brothers and my mom than I can count.

Sorry about the back story but I feel it's necessary for the advice part. My Nana passed away 5 years ago (my grandfather's wife). She was everything to my grandpa. 5 months later he started dating a lady from his church, we'll call her Jenny.

Anyways, 5 months after my nana passed away was a little soon to me to start dating jenny but my grandpa was having a rough time being alone in the house he and his wife built so I figured he just needed someone. My mom and her sisters were a little skeptical at first with this ladies intentions being that she was only about 6 years older than my mom's oldest sister. But I knew that she had money, drove a nice car had a nice place and all that jazz, and my grandpa thought it ridiculous that she would be after his money.

Well a few years of them dating go by and she earned all our trust, very sweet and such. My grandpa forgets things sometimes but not too often. Here's were shit starts to happen. My mom asks my grandpa what he's doing for Thanksgiving to which he replies, "Jenny and I are going to Dallas (two states away from where we live) to get married." This was a week and a half before thanksgiving might I add and their wedding date was exactly the day my Nana had passed. So they decided they'd postpone the wedding.

My grandpa truthfully didn't remember which shocked the shit out of me cause every year since she had died he always had a lot of trouble that month as far as emotions go. This is not to mention he was getting married with Jenny and neither of them had told us anything of the marriage. Her whole family was going to be there and they hadn't invited any of us. We had always said if they did decide to ever get married that we would love to be a part of it.

So at this point my mom and her sisters are trying to get him to sign a prenup. and that didn't go over too well of course. But the weird thing is, when my mom first brought it up he said ok, we'll do that and I will have you be there with the lawyers with us. The next day he said they were still getting married and that he had never told her he'd postpone it. He also got quite angry when she brought up the prenup. signing and said that there was no need for it.

Couple days pass and he's back to his original story of postponing the wedding. And asks my mom to come to the prenup. signing that day.
So he's obviously got a bad memory problem.

I haven't gotten to talk to him much since all this happened and I wanted to call and talk to him about it. Not take anyones side until I hear some of it for myself because I love my grandpa so much and I brag about him every chance I can get. He also listens to me a lot so I figure maybe I can get him to think about stuff... I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be so much appreciated.

Thanks and sorry it's so long, I left out quite a bit of other stuff concerning "Jenny" as well but felt this was way too long anyways. Feel free to ask questions if there's gaps and such.

Big Dookie

I don't know much about your grandfather, but from what you've said it sounds like he may be in the early stages of Alzheimers. My grandfather is going through that right now, and before he was diagnosed, he was showing many of the symptoms you are describing. I would recommend getting him diagnosed and on medication if necessary.

As for Jenny - well, hard to say. For all we know, she might just be a lonely older lady who enjoys your grandfather's company and wants both of them to try and enjoy the years they have left. The only thing I can recommend is for your family to sit down with your grandfather AND WITH JENNY to discuss all matters relating to money, their wills, etc. Everyone needs to be there so that it can be a frank and honest discussion between everyone involved in the situation. My father-in-law went through something kind of similar, and there was a lot of tension and hostility between my wife's brothers and her dad's new wife until all of them sat down and hashed it out. Since then, things have gone much better.

Good luck, I hope everything works out.

Prospicience

Big Dookie wrote:

I don't know much about your grandfather, but from what you've said it sounds like he may be in the early stages of Alzheimers. My grandfather is going through that right now, and before he was diagnosed, he was showing many of the symptoms you are describing. I would recommend getting him diagnosed and on medication if necessary.

As for Jenny - well, hard to say. For all we know, she might just be a lonely older lady who enjoys your grandfather's company and wants both of them to try and enjoy the years they have left. The only thing I can recommend is for your family to sit down with your grandfather AND WITH JENNY to discuss all matters relating to money, their wills, etc. Everyone needs to be there so that it can be a frank and honest discussion between everyone involved in the situation. My father-in-law went through something kind of similar, and there was a lot of tension and hostility between my wife's brothers and her dad's new wife until all of them sat down and hashed it out. Since then, things have gone much better.

Good luck, I hope everything works out.

Thanks a bunch Big. Yeah actually Jenny and my grandpa have said that they will not sit down and have a talk with my mom and her sisters because there's "nothing to talk about" My grandpa says that Jenny is taking the brunt of the whole situation and doesn't need any more stress or something to that manner.

Oh almost forgot, my grandpa is very stubborn so it's going to be really hard to get him tested. My mom, tried not to bring it up because he's a very proud man but she did and he got very angry.

Big Dookie

As many grandparents tend to be.

Really, it is their life and they'll pretty much do whatever they want, despite what any of you think about it. And honestly, he's kind of earned that right, so it's tough to go after him too hard. However, I would still press the issue whenever possible, but do it in a way that tells him you guys are just trying to look out for his best interests. If he continues to be stubborn and no listen, there simply isn't much you guys can do about it short of getting the courts involved, and I doubt anyone wants to go that route. Just be persistant, and hopefully they will eventually listen.

Prospicience

Big Dookie wrote:

As many grandparents tend to be.

Really, it is their life and they'll pretty much do whatever they want, despite what any of you think about it. And honestly, he's kind of earned that right, so it's tough to go after him too hard. However, I would still press the issue whenever possible, but do it in a way that tells him you guys are just trying to look out for his best interests. If he continues to be stubborn and no listen, there simply isn't much you guys can do about it short of getting the courts involved, and I doubt anyone wants to go that route. Just be persistant, and hopefully they will eventually listen.

Haha yeah, that's how I'm hoping to approach it. Thanks again Big D.