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[TF2] Team Fortress 3 will blow you away.. literally

John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
edited July 2009 in Games and Technology

banner3.jpg

Through the use of time machines, sexual favors and some pretty strong alcohol I have managed to get a peek at the best thing to happen to online multiplayer team based games since... Well, Team Fortress 2.


TEAM FORTRESS 3

Utilising the much loved graphics engine from the award winning Team Fortress 2, Team Fortress 3 will redefine the online multiplayer genre when it hit store shelves on November 12th, 2015. I managed to gain a little info on each classes new weapons and abilities and have compiled them below for your viewing pleasure.

The Heavy:
Heavies were originally designed to carry their own personal payload bombs which they could throw at enemies, killing all other enemies on the map alive at the time.. and even some who were still spawning.

cp_dustbowl0412.jpg

cp_dustbowl0413.jpg

cp_dustbowl0414.jpg

nuclear_explosion.jpg

This was deemed to powerful after testing and the solution was to impact the movement ability of the Heavy when he has the bomb equipped.

cp_dustbowl0415.jpg

cp_dustbowl0416.jpg

The Spy:
cp_dustbowl0417.jpg

cp_dustbowl0418.jpg

nuclear_explosion.jpg

Spies are now Predators.

This was deemed balanced.


The Soldier:
cp_dustbowl0419.jpg

cp_dustbowl0420.jpg

cp_dustbowl0421.jpg

nuclear_explosion.jpg
By this point I had asked the Valve employee that was showing me the game if there was any class that didn't end in a nuclear explosion. He told me to shut my mouth and carry on sucking.

The things I do for you people.

The Pyro:
The Pyro is now on fire for the duration of their life. All they have to do is touch someone, thus removing some of the challenge of playing the class. Only one button is needed now.

cp_dustbowl0423.jpg

cp_dustbowl0425.jpg

cp_dustbowl0426.jpg

cp_dustbowl0427.jpg

"Mmmphhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmm"

cp_dustbowl0428.jpg

The Scout:
Scout movement speed has been increased to 1000%.

cp_dustbowl0429.jpg

As you can imagine it is very hard to capture this in screenshots.

The Demoman:
The Demoman gains a keg of potent Scottish homebrew. Once emptied the keg can be worn by the Demoman as a protective shell against his sticky bombs.

cp_dustbowl0431.jpg

cp_dustbowl0432.jpg

cp_dustbowl0433.jpg

cp_dustbowl0434.jpg

nuclear_explosion.jpg

These nuclear explosion jokes doing anything for you? Huh? Huh? Aaaaah, you love them.


The Medic:
The Medic has been removed from the game due to no known medical defense against a close range nuclear explosion.

The maps have been redesigned to balance this fact.


cp_dustbowl0438.jpg

The Sniper:
The Sniper now has the ability to project mind bullets.

cp_dustbowl0442.jpg

cp_dustbowl0439.jpg

cp_dustbowl0440.jpg

cp_dustbowl0439.jpg

cp_dustbowl0440.jpg

cp_dustbowl0439.jpg

cp_dustbowl0443.jpg

Well.. at least he thinks he does.

cp_dustbowl0449.jpg

The Engineer:
The Engineer gains the wonderful item known as the " Reset Button ".

cp_dustbowl0451.jpg

Wait a minute...

cp_dustbowl0451.jpg

Don't you dare...

cp_dustbowl0451.jpg

pong.jpg

pong.jpg

pong.jpg

I SUCKED COCK FOR THIS?!?!?
If you still want to play Team Fortress 2 before this masterpiece arrives then below is all the information you need to get playing.

Server Info:
How to add a server:
Before you start TF2, right click Steam in your toolbar and click on Servers. Go to the Favorites tab, click Add a Server, and type in the IP. Next time you launch TF2, go to the Favorites tab and select one of the servers that has people in it, type in the password (wang), and you should be good to go. Also make sure "Show map list" is unchecked in the bottom left. It makes finding servers stupid as hell.

ZeekNyne's (War Never Changes)
Penny Arcade Arena Donate!
New server! 12-a-side all-arena public server with PA adminship. HLstatsX enabled.
Server IP: 8.6.75.22:27015

Hey You's
TF2PRO.COM
New server! Mixed map rotation.
Server IP: 208.167.246.12:27015

Job's
Hyperbolic Drama Chamber Donate!
Normal server with SourceMod.
Server IP: 216.155.146.69:27015

JonXP's
JonXP's server Donate!
Regular vanilla server. No plugins whatsoever.
Server IP: tf2.finalmeasure.com

PMAvers's
House of Non-Conformity Donate!
Custom map server.
Server IP: 208.167.243.68:27015
Download the Map Pack.
Extract to: Steam\steamapps\<your account>\team fortress 2\tf\maps

Cold Salmon and Hatred (aka Zot)'s
House of Zot
"no serious business allowed"
Server IP: 209.247.83.18:27015

b_160x400_T1_F-2.pngb_160x400_T1_F-2.pngb_160x400_T1_F-2.pngb_160x400_T1_F-2.pngb_160x400_T1_F-2.pngb_160x400_T1_F-2.png

IMPORTANT NOTE: There is no real PA TF2 Steam Group. The HoNC has a Honc Night group that occasionally announces a custom map night, but that's about it. To get involved and meet people post here and add the servers to your favorites and hop on.

Quaz and Wally's Engineer Perspective FAQ:
A lot of newcomers join in on occasion and ask a lot of questions, and rightfully so. Hopefully, this section can help address some of the more commonly asked questions.

Noob: Okay, I'm convinced Engineer! I want to buy this game! Does it matter whether if I buy it for the PC, or the Xbox-
Engineer: Hold it right there partner! Just get it for the PC. No contest, no debate. Hell, even if you have the Orange box on the 360, you might as well spend the 20 bucks to get it on the PC, or wait for a 50% weekend which always seem to come around update time. The fact of the matter is Valve for the most part only supports the PC version. There are all sorts of fancy new maps and weapons and user build content on it, while the 360 and PS3 have... well... some bug fixes... Also, most of the community is on the PC version, and the versions do not communicate with each other.

Noob: Oh, alright, I've never played TF2 or TF1. Hmm... I've never even played a first person shooter before. Am I still going to be able to have fun or am I just way out of my league.
Engineer: Like I said before, this game has all sorts of classes for all sorts of folks, so even if you're the kind of person who has never had to aim a projectile weapon before, you can always pick up a class where that's not so important, like Medic, Pyro, Heavy, or Engineer. The learning curve for this here game is pretty forgiving, with a few exceptions (*coughspycough*), so don't be afraid and just give it a shot. You will get sniped and backstabbed and blown up a lot the first times you play, but you won't be sitting out for long when you do.

Noob: Well that's good to know. I hear you guys talking a lot about your competent PA servers, and badmouthing these public servers. Should I just... Play in pubs until I get better and join you guys, or what?
Engineer: Most of the folk here are good natured. I would recommend just jumping into a PA server, letting the folks there know you're new, and if anyone gives you a hard time just let Engineer know and I'll come down on them so hard it'll make them wish they didn't have an ass hole. The number one rule here is don't be a dick you see. And the fact of the matter is we talk poorly of pubs because there is often very poor communication and strategy there, so you may just end up having a more frustrating time in the end.

Noob: Alright, you've convinced me. How do I join this steam group? How do I get into your servers? What's the password?
Engineer: Well, if you want to join the steam group, just ask. But it's largely useless. I would recommend just adding the servers listed above to your favorites. And... The password is wang. It's right where the servers are listed. In bright green letters. "wang"

Noob: Okay, okay, so... What class do you think I should start off with?
Engineer: Engine- *cough* excuse me, I'm a little biased. You'll get a lot of different kinds of answers to that question, and the only true answer is to try them all. You're not going to be locked into it till you get to level 80 or whatever (There isn't any leveling by the way). Just try each one out for a little bit, give them a spin, or if something sounds interesting to you, give that a good solid spin. Although personally, I would recommend either Soldier or Medic. Soldier was designed specifically by Valve to be a pretty straight forward class that anyone can pick up. Shoot guns at man. I recommend Medic though because their job is to heal other folks and follow them around, so you'll get a chance to follow some people who know what they're doing and learn from observing. You'll also learn a lot about self preservation considering everyone will target you. Like I said before, let people know you're new so there can be a backup medic if the team starts getting frustrated with the doctoring going on.

Noob: Alright! I've decided to play them all! Um... Where's the instruction manual for this game? How do I get good with everything?
Engineer: There ain't no manual for this here game, sorry. But the next best thing is TF2Wiki. It's not always accurate with their damage values and such, but it's still a great resource for learning gameplay mechanics and common strategies. And always feel welcome to ask here! I'm sure somebody would be more than happy to help yah.

Noob: Well then, I think I'm set! Anything else I need?
Engineer: Besides a functioning computer and a good set of eyes and fingers, I reckon a good headset will do you good. This is a team work game with a lot of strategy, and naturally communication is key. Sometimes the voice commands just aren't enough, and sometimes people just don't listen to them at all, on account of all the spam. Damn messenger boy won't shut up about needing teleporters. And of course typing is just not fast enough and can lead to an unpleasant headshot or backstab. A cheap 10 buck headset should do you fine, and then we'll get to make fun of your accent and learn to recognize you better! It's how you get known more in the community!
Oh, and you might want to turn on "Quickswap" in the options. That way you don't have to select what weapon you want to use twice to start using it. But that's only if you like. The headset is much more important.

Noob: I've been playing for a while, and the game just told me I found a Cloak and Dagger. What's this? Why do the guns have levels? Am I going to get raped by guys with level 100 rocket launchers?
Engineer: Valve has been sneaking in new guns for people to play with, and these weapons are supposed to be side grades (The levels don't mean anything). Some positives in exchange for some negatives. There are some exceptions that are simply flat out better or flat out worse, but usually not enough to change the flow of the game. All the classes except for Soldier, Demo, and Me (Goddammit) have new tools at their disposal, and you can get them by either accomplishing a number of achievements (Look for the milestones under your achievements) or just randomly from playing the game! You can be idling in spectator in a server with one man just sitting there and just happen to find this crap! Hope that answers your question.

Noob: Yeah, that certainly explains a lot. So, how come my pictures are coming out in this weird TGA format. What the fuck?
Engineer: There are programs out there to convert it for you, but I reckon you should just type this into your console.
bind f5 jpeg
If you use a different key to take pictures then you'll want to use that key.

Noob: Huh!? What is this? Console? Is this cheating?
Engineer: No no no no! It's called scripting. To access your console, go into your advanced options and turn on the developer's console. Then you just press "`" default to pull it up. If you want to know more about scripting you oughta visit the section on it in the TF2Wiki. Although it may not be cheating, there is a line you can cross that many folk here consider cheap. For some it's using any scripts at all, but for most, it's when you're trying to get the game to rocket jump for you or rapidly fire your pistol for you. Basically when you start taking control away from the player. Stuff like binds to quickly build or disguise are common, and aren't looked down upon so much. And everyone likes to have "kill" or "explode" bound to something so they can end their misery when things look bleak.

Noob: Thanks for all your help Engineer! Um... Where is everyone?
Engineer: Most of these fellas are on the east coast of the Americas, so peak gaming time is around when they all get off work to around when the people on the west coast go to sleep. So... I would say usually around 4:00pm ET to about 1:00am ET? Hey boys! Get on the servers!

Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
John Zoidberg on
JabbingJab
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Posts

  • John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I shall add any info or links that people would like to see added.

    Still need to add a link to TF2.com in there somewhere.

    John Zoidberg on
    Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
  • MrDelishMrDelish Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    best op

    MrDelish on
  • projectmayhemprojectmayhem Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    MrDelish wrote: »
    best op

    projectmayhem on
  • NappuccinoNappuccino Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

    Nappuccino on
    Like to write? Want to get e-published? Give us a look-see at http://wednesdaynightwrites.com/
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    There's also the possibility you just can't really grow a bear like other guys.

    Not even BEAR vaginas can defeat me!
    cakemikz wrote: »
    And then I rub actual cake on myself.
    Loomdun wrote: »
    thats why you have chest helmets
  • AegisAegis Not Quite TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Wouldn't the title graphic technically be Team Fortress 5?

    Aegis on
    Currently DMing: None right now! :(
    Characters
    [5e] Dural Melairkyn - AC 18 | HP 31 | Melee +4/1d8+2 | Spell +4/DC 12
  • LittleBootsLittleBoots Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Meh

    LittleBoots on

    Tofu wrote: Here be Littleboots, destroyer of threads and master of drunkposting.
  • RobmanRobman Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    obligatory garbage op statement etc

    EDIT I feel bad I had to bite my hand to not rofl irl at work

    Robman on
  • Handsome CostanzaHandsome Costanza We sell products... ...and get in ROBOTS!Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    *golf clap*

    Handsome Costanza on
    We sell fights and get into products.
  • TK-42-1TK-42-1 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    hahah oh god

    TK-42-1 on
    sig.jpgsmugriders.gif
  • Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards 69 Paper Dome Heals the Sun Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Remove zot's server. It's down. And has been so forever.

    Edith Upwards on
  • JaramrJaramr Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Hahaha.

    Best OP.

    Jaramr on
    steam_sig.png
  • RobmanRobman Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I can't get enough of the medic joke, so good

    Robman on
  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Dave Chappelle would be proud. As would Bob Sagat.

    RoyceSraphim on
  • undeinPiratundeinPirat Registered User
    edited June 2009
    MrDelish wrote: »
    best op

    undeinPirat on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] steam: undeinpirat
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Argh, why must people surf porn so that I had to blacklist photobucket and therefore can't see the lulz? :(

    PeregrineFalcon on
    Looking for a DX:HR OnLive code for my kid brother.
    Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
  • TK-42-1TK-42-1 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Erich Zahn wrote: »
    Remove zot's server. It's down. And has been so forever.

    he put another one back up recently.

    get with the times mr i dont know you 8-)

    TK-42-1 on
    sig.jpgsmugriders.gif
  • LookFreeGrenadeLookFreeGrenade Registered User
    edited June 2009
    pyro shouldn't even have to move, all the maps should be covered in gasoline and m1 lights a match

    LookFreeGrenade on
    ormskm.jpg20i89qa.jpg73f2j6.jpg
  • tyrannustyrannus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I like whenever snipers explode.

    tyrannus on
    RmqQClw.jpg?2
  • ImpersonatorImpersonator Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    MrDelish wrote: »
    best op

    Zoidberg, you've done it again, congratulations. :)

    Impersonator on
    Bioptic wrote: »
    Lemmings was pro-Communist propeganda. All are created equal, sorted into specific jobs and roles that they will hold for the rest of their lives by a higher authority, and must sacrifice continuously for the good of the group. Success is measured by meeting quotas and nothing else. Also, nuclear holocaust.
  • MinionOfCthulhuMinionOfCthulhu Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Sometimes the op is not good.
    This is not one of those times.

    Bravo.

    MinionOfCthulhu on
    mgssig.jpg1152dt.gif
  • Zen VulgarityZen Vulgarity What a lovely day for tea Secret British ThreadRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Zot isn't real

    Zen Vulgarity on
    oVSbgTI.png For more artwork like this, check out Jakub Rozalski's imgur
  • John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    tyrannus wrote: »
    I like whenever snipers explode.

    It's like your crack.. or something.

    John Zoidberg on
    Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
  • Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards 69 Paper Dome Heals the Sun Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Argh, why must people surf porn so that I had to blacklist photobucket and therefore can't see the lulz? :(

    It's not funny.

    Edith Upwards on
  • MonstyMonsty Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Somber potato sack heavy is adorable. And tragic.

    Yet it made me laugh 'til I stopped!

    Monsty on
  • Quaz and WallyQuaz and Wally Registered User
    edited June 2009
    I thought my FAQ's were useful... at least we could tell newbs to read the OP when we had it. But nobody else seems to like them. *sniff*

    Engineer's FAQ
    A lot of newcomers join in on occasion and ask a lot of questions, and rightfully so. Hopefully, this section can help address some of the more commonly asked questions.

    Noob: Okay, I'm convinced Engineer! I want to buy this game! Does it matter whether if I buy it for the PC, or the Xbox-
    Engineer: Hold it right there partner! Just get it for the PC. No contest, no debate. Hell, even if you have the Orange box on the 360, you might as well spend the 20 bucks to get it on the PC, or wait for a 50% weekend which always seem to come around update time. The fact of the matter is Valve for the most part only supports the PC version. There are all sorts of fancy new maps and weapons and user build content on it, while the 360 and PS3 have... well... some bug fixes... Also, most of the community is on the PC version, and the versions do not communicate with each other.

    Noob: Oh, alright, I've never played TF2 or TF1. Hmm... I've never even played a first person shooter before. Am I still going to be able to have fun or am I just way out of my league.
    Engineer: Like I said before, this game has all sorts of classes for all sorts of folks, so even if you're the kind of person who has never had to aim a projectile weapon before, you can always pick up a class where that's not so important, like Medic, Pyro, Heavy, or Engineer. The learning curve for this here game is pretty forgiving, with a few exceptions (*coughspycough*), so don't be afraid and just give it a shot. You will get sniped and backstabbed and blown up a lot the first times you play, but you won't be sitting out for long when you do.

    Noob: Well that's good to know. I hear you guys talking a lot about your competent PA servers, and badmouthing these public servers. Should I just... Play in pubs until I get better and join you guys, or what?
    Engineer: Most of the folk here are good natured. I would recommend just jumping into a PA server, letting the folks there know you're new, and if anyone gives you a hard time just let Engineer know and I'll come down on them so hard it'll make them wish they didn't have an ass hole. The number one rule here is don't be a dick you see. And the fact of the matter is we talk poorly of pubs because there is often very poor communication and strategy there, so you may just end up having a more frustrating time in the end.

    Noob: Alright, you've convinced me. How do I join this steam group? How do I get into your servers? What's the password?
    Engineer: Well, if you want to join the steam group, just ask. But it's largely useless. I would recommend just adding the servers listed above to your favorites. And... The password is wang. It's right where the servers are listed. In bright green letters. "wang"

    Noob: Okay, okay, so... What class do you think I should start off with?
    Engineer: Engine- *cough* excuse me, I'm a little biased. You'll get a lot of different kinds of answers to that question, and the only true answer is to try them all. You're not going to be locked into it till you get to level 80 or whatever (There isn't any leveling by the way). Just try each one out for a little bit, give them a spin, or if something sounds interesting to you, give that a good solid spin. Although personally, I would recommend either Soldier or Medic. Soldier was designed specifically by Valve to be a pretty straight forward class that anyone can pick up. Shoot guns at man. I recommend Medic though because their job is to heal other folks and follow them around, so you'll get a chance to follow some people who know what they're doing and learn from observing. You'll also learn a lot about self preservation considering everyone will target you. Like I said before, let people know you're new so there can be a backup medic if the team starts getting frustrated with the doctoring going on.

    Noob: Alright! I've decided to play them all! Um... Where's the instruction manual for this game? How do I get good with everything?
    Engineer: There ain't no manual for this here game, sorry. But the next best thing is TF2Wiki. It's not always accurate with their damage values and such, but it's still a great resource for learning gameplay mechanics and common strategies. And always feel welcome to ask here! I'm sure somebody would be more than happy to help yah.

    Noob: Well then, I think I'm set! Anything else I need?
    Engineer: Besides a functioning computer and a good set of eyes and fingers, I reckon a good headset will do you good. This is a team work game with a lot of strategy, and naturally communication is key. Sometimes the voice commands just aren't enough, and sometimes people just don't listen to them at all, on account of all the spam. Damn messenger boy won't shut up about needing teleporters. And of course typing is just not fast enough and can lead to an unpleasant headshot or backstab. A cheap 10 buck headset should do you fine, and then we'll get to make fun of your accent and learn to recognize you better! It's how you get known more in the community!
    Oh, and you might want to turn on "Quickswap" in the options. That way you don't have to select what weapon you want to use twice to start using it. But that's only if you like. The headset is much more important.

    Noob: I've been playing for a while, and the game just told me I found a Cloak and Dagger. What's this? Why do the guns have levels? Am I going to get raped by guys with level 100 rocket launchers?
    Engineer: Valve has been sneaking in new guns for people to play with, and these weapons are supposed to be side grades (The levels don't mean anything). Some positives in exchange for some negatives. There are some exceptions that are simply flat out better or flat out worse, but usually not enough to change the flow of the game. All the classes except for Soldier, Demo, and Me (Goddammit) have new tools at their disposal, and you can get them by either accomplishing a number of achievements (Look for the milestones under your achievements) or just randomly from playing the game! You can be idling in spectator in a server with one man just sitting there and just happen to find this crap! Hope that answers your question.

    Noob: Yeah, that certainly explains a lot. So, how come my pictures are coming out in this weird TGA format. What the fuck?
    Engineer: There are programs out there to convert it for you, but I reckon you should just type this into your console.
    bind f5 jpeg
    
    If you use a different key to take pictures then you'll want to use that key.

    Noob: Huh!? What is this? Console? Is this cheating?
    Engineer: No no no no! It's called scripting. To access your console, go into your advanced options and turn on the developer's console. Then you just press "`" default to pull it up. If you want to know more about scripting you oughta visit the section on it in the TF2Wiki. Although it may not be cheating, there is a line you can cross that many folk here consider cheap. For some it's using any scripts at all, but for most, it's when you're trying to get the game to rocket jump for you or rapidly fire your pistol for you. Basically when you start taking control away from the player. Stuff like binds to quickly build or disguise are common, and aren't looked down upon so much. And everyone likes to have "kill" or "explode" bound to something so they can end their misery when things look bleak.

    Noob: Thanks for all your help Engineer! Um... Where is everyone?
    Engineer: Most of these fellas are on the east coast of the Americas, so peak gaming time is around when they all get off work to around when the people on the west coast go to sleep. So... I would say usually around 4:00pm ET to about 1:00am ET? Hey boys! Get on the servers!

    Quaz and Wally on
  • That_GuyThat_Guy I don't wanna be that guy Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    John, you have really outdone yourself this time. Bravo. 100 internets into his investment portfolio.

    That_Guy on
    camo_sig.png
  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Dave Chappelle would be proud. As would Bob Sagat.

    Bob Sagat? The streetfighting stand up comedian? TIGER! TIGER! TiGER! TIG-

    Hiryu02 on
    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I thought my FAQ's were useful... at least we could tell newbs to read the OP when we had it. But nobody else seems to like them. *sniff*

    Engineer's FAQ
    A lot of newcomers join in on occasion and ask a lot of questions, and rightfully so. Hopefully, this section can help address some of the more commonly asked questions.

    Noob: Okay, I'm convinced Engineer! I want to buy this game! Does it matter whether if I buy it for the PC, or the Xbox-
    Engineer: Hold it right there partner! Just get it for the PC. No contest, no debate. Hell, even if you have the Orange box on the 360, you might as well spend the 20 bucks to get it on the PC, or wait for a 50% weekend which always seem to come around update time. The fact of the matter is Valve for the most part only supports the PC version. There are all sorts of fancy new maps and weapons and user build content on it, while the 360 and PS3 have... well... some bug fixes... Also, most of the community is on the PC version, and the versions do not communicate with each other.

    Noob: Oh, alright, I've never played TF2 or TF1. Hmm... I've never even played a first person shooter before. Am I still going to be able to have fun or am I just way out of my league.
    Engineer: Like I said before, this game has all sorts of classes for all sorts of folks, so even if you're the kind of person who has never had to aim a projectile weapon before, you can always pick up a class where that's not so important, like Medic, Pyro, Heavy, or Engineer. The learning curve for this here game is pretty forgiving, with a few exceptions (*coughspycough*), so don't be afraid and just give it a shot. You will get sniped and backstabbed and blown up a lot the first times you play, but you won't be sitting out for long when you do.

    Noob: Well that's good to know. I hear you guys talking a lot about your competent PA servers, and badmouthing these public servers. Should I just... Play in pubs until I get better and join you guys, or what?
    Engineer: Most of the folk here are good natured. I would recommend just jumping into a PA server, letting the folks there know you're new, and if anyone gives you a hard time just let Engineer know and I'll come down on them so hard it'll make them wish they didn't have an ass hole. The number one rule here is don't be a dick you see. And the fact of the matter is we talk poorly of pubs because there is often very poor communication and strategy there, so you may just end up having a more frustrating time in the end.

    Noob: Alright, you've convinced me. How do I join this steam group? How do I get into your servers? What's the password?
    Engineer: Well, if you want to join the steam group, just ask. But it's largely useless. I would recommend just adding the servers listed above to your favorites. And... The password is wang. It's right where the servers are listed. In bright green letters. "wang"

    Noob: Okay, okay, so... What class do you think I should start off with?
    Engineer: Engine- *cough* excuse me, I'm a little biased. You'll get a lot of different kinds of answers to that question, and the only true answer is to try them all. You're not going to be locked into it till you get to level 80 or whatever (There isn't any leveling by the way). Just try each one out for a little bit, give them a spin, or if something sounds interesting to you, give that a good solid spin. Although personally, I would recommend either Soldier or Medic. Soldier was designed specifically by Valve to be a pretty straight forward class that anyone can pick up. Shoot guns at man. I recommend Medic though because their job is to heal other folks and follow them around, so you'll get a chance to follow some people who know what they're doing and learn from observing. You'll also learn a lot about self preservation considering everyone will target you. Like I said before, let people know you're new so there can be a backup medic if the team starts getting frustrated with the doctoring going on.

    Noob: Alright! I've decided to play them all! Um... Where's the instruction manual for this game? How do I get good with everything?
    Engineer: There ain't no manual for this here game, sorry. But the next best thing is TF2Wiki. It's not always accurate with their damage values and such, but it's still a great resource for learning gameplay mechanics and common strategies. And always feel welcome to ask here! I'm sure somebody would be more than happy to help yah.

    Noob: Well then, I think I'm set! Anything else I need?
    Engineer: Besides a functioning computer and a good set of eyes and fingers, I reckon a good headset will do you good. This is a team work game with a lot of strategy, and naturally communication is key. Sometimes the voice commands just aren't enough, and sometimes people just don't listen to them at all, on account of all the spam. Damn messenger boy won't shut up about needing teleporters. And of course typing is just not fast enough and can lead to an unpleasant headshot or backstab. A cheap 10 buck headset should do you fine, and then we'll get to make fun of your accent and learn to recognize you better! It's how you get known more in the community!
    Oh, and you might want to turn on "Quickswap" in the options. That way you don't have to select what weapon you want to use twice to start using it. But that's only if you like. The headset is much more important.

    Noob: I've been playing for a while, and the game just told me I found a Cloak and Dagger. What's this? Why do the guns have levels? Am I going to get raped by guys with level 100 rocket launchers?
    Engineer: Valve has been sneaking in new guns for people to play with, and these weapons are supposed to be side grades (The levels don't mean anything). Some positives in exchange for some negatives. There are some exceptions that are simply flat out better or flat out worse, but usually not enough to change the flow of the game. All the classes except for Soldier, Demo, and Me (Goddammit) have new tools at their disposal, and you can get them by either accomplishing a number of achievements (Look for the milestones under your achievements) or just randomly from playing the game! You can be idling in spectator in a server with one man just sitting there and just happen to find this crap! Hope that answers your question.

    Noob: Yeah, that certainly explains a lot. So, how come my pictures are coming out in this weird TGA format. What the fuck?
    Engineer: There are programs out there to convert it for you, but I reckon you should just type this into your console.
    bind f5 jpeg
    
    If you use a different key to take pictures then you'll want to use that key.

    Noob: Huh!? What is this? Console? Is this cheating?
    Engineer: No no no no! It's called scripting. To access your console, go into your advanced options and turn on the developer's console. Then you just press "`" default to pull it up. If you want to know more about scripting you oughta visit the section on it in the TF2Wiki. Although it may not be cheating, there is a line you can cross that many folk here consider cheap. For some it's using any scripts at all, but for most, it's when you're trying to get the game to rocket jump for you or rapidly fire your pistol for you. Basically when you start taking control away from the player. Stuff like binds to quickly build or disguise are common, and aren't looked down upon so much. And everyone likes to have "kill" or "explode" bound to something so they can end their misery when things look bleak.

    Noob: Thanks for all your help Engineer! Um... Where is everyone?
    Engineer: Most of these fellas are on the east coast of the Americas, so peak gaming time is around when they all get off work to around when the people on the west coast go to sleep. So... I would say usually around 4:00pm ET to about 1:00am ET? Hey boys! Get on the servers!

    Added to the OP. If anyone has anything they would like linked or added I will try my best to keep up.

    John Zoidberg on
    Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
  • El GuacoEl Guaco Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Nice OP. Your mother would be proud...



    ...now go outside!

    El Guaco on



  • John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Also added a link at the top of the OP for the ongoing TF2 tourny.

    John Zoidberg on
    Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    fucking hell i'm still laughing

    oh god the heavy one was tragic

    Nuzak on
  • savooipeerdsavooipeerd Registered User
    edited June 2009
    See now this is what a TF2 OP is supposed to be like.

    savooipeerd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    See now this is what a TF2 OP is supposed to be like.

    littleboots just burst into flame

    Nuzak on
  • John ZoidbergJohn Zoidberg Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    littleboot's OP was low fat.

    It was good for you.

    Show some appreciation.

    John Zoidberg on
    Xbox Live: Ink Pouch / PSN: Stiff_Ninja / Origin: PAZoidberg / Steam
  • Mandalorian RoosterMandalorian Rooster Registered User
    edited June 2009
    Fantastic OP. Maybe slightly better than Littleboot's, even.

    Mandalorian Rooster on
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    This OP gets a mushroom stamp of approval.

    SammyF on
  • Quaz and WallyQuaz and Wally Registered User
    edited June 2009
    Ho ho, I just got to see the op images. God bless you time traveling whore!

    Quaz and Wally on
  • KoolaidguyKoolaidguy Registered User
    edited June 2009
    Poor limbless heavy.

    Koolaidguy on
  • TK-42-1TK-42-1 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Koolaidguy wrote: »
    Poor limbless heavy.

    yeah seriously. a single tear has been shed

    TK-42-1 on
    sig.jpgsmugriders.gif
  • leafleaf Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I will take the writer of the op out for a philly cheesesteak it is so good

    leaf on
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