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Death-Bot [Comic Thread]

BloodySlothBloodySloth Registered User regular
edited June 2009 in Artist's Corner
I keep meaning to start a little comic series just for self-fulfillment, but I can never stick with a theme, so I end up with a bunch of one-offs. My latest attempt is a comic about the Death-Bot, a machine developed to tell the future. Specifically, he tells you how you're going to die. Let me know what you think!

Deathbot1.jpg

BloodySloth on

Posts

  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    no image, shawty.

  • BloodySlothBloodySloth Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Yeah, I took it down to fix a minor spelling mistake that I somehow missed after staring at it for a few hourse while I drew the comic. It's back up.

  • Creambun 007Creambun 007 Registered User
    edited June 2009
    Second last panel should read "but seriously though... I'm going to kill you." Last panel should say nothing' it's a 'beat' panel. The image should remain unchanged.

    Diggity.
  • 2 Marcus 2 Ravens2 Marcus 2 Ravens Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Second last panel should read "but seriously though... I'm going to kill you." Last panel should say nothing' it's a 'beat' panel. The image should remain unchanged.

    No. Don't do this. This isn't Cyanide & Happiness. I can see moving "I'm going to kill you" to the second last panel and leaving the last panel art the way it is, but the old man's expression is too awesome to replace with just copy/pasting.

    Anyway, I'm really liking this. The arts are good and really stand out among most other comics. I'm not sure what I think of the old man's font, or any of the speech bubbles...I can't really think of a way to improve them, but they seem a bit off to me.

    Either way, it definitely catches your attention, and it got a chuckle out of me. Got anymore?

  • HeartlashHeartlash Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Second last panel should read "but seriously though... I'm going to kill you." Last panel should say nothing' it's a 'beat' panel. The image should remain unchanged.

    I also don't think you should do this, albeit for different reasons. Right now the second to last panel implies he's going to give him the real story, or a "serious" story about how he's going to die after he's told his joke. The contrast makes the last panel's return to the "I'm going to kill you" narrative all the more enjoyable. If that's all on one frame, you lose that comedic timing.

    TiSBcast.com - Home of This is Serious Business, a weekly roundtable podcast involving media, beer, and general merriment.
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  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I wouldn't say that the art is so good it stands out from other comics, at least from none of the comics I read. You're using a copy/paste format with with some sort of astral-scape shifting background, no arms, and you need to work on drawing from life/practicing more because that guy looks like a zombie. Also, I wouldn't doubt this comic could be scaled down to three panels. The joke doesn't really demand 6. First + Second, Third + Fourth, Fifth + Sixth. I guess it doesn't matter, but pointless panels are pointless.

    Sorry to be harsh; just like everyone who comes here with a comic has to hear: practice more, draw from life, there's nothing else to say.

    BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
  • BloodySlothBloodySloth Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    The only thing I copy-pasted was the rough underdrawing of the man and robot, I then redrew each panel by hand; I did it that way because I'm just not used to redrawing characters so regularly, and that comes down to practice, which I agree with you on. The man is sort of meant to look like a zombie. If you meant that his poses are stiff, then yeah, I need work on my poses. The lack of arms at least on the guy is a stylistic choice that may or may not have worked. I definitely agree that I need practice drawing from life.

    I'm not sure I agree with you about pruning down the panels. I think with three the dialog panels would have been too cluttered and the timing would have felt rushed. If you're suggesting I cut down on the chatter, I can totally see where you're coming from, but the long drawn out monologue about the robot killing the guy is kind of part of the joke.

    Thanks for the criticism and comments, that goes to everyone. I was planning on having the next one done by now, but life intervenes.

  • 2 Marcus 2 Ravens2 Marcus 2 Ravens Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Pointless panels are pointless, none of these panels are. They all added to the timing of the joke, and I think it was very well paced. It's definitely not too wordy or drawn out.

    Though I agree with the arms. He has them in one panel, and up until you see them it seems like a decent stylistic choice, but after you see them it seems lazy to get rid of them again. Especially because the arms look quite good.

  • BloodySlothBloodySloth Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Though I agree with the arms. He has them in one panel, and up until you see them it seems like a decent stylistic choice, but after you see them it seems lazy to get rid of them again. Especially because the arms look quite good.

    OK, yeah I get that now. I'll do something with the arms.

    Thanks everyone again for the comments. Even the stuff I disagree with has made me think about what I'm doing and has helped me think up stuff to improve future comics. The aim is to have the next one finished up within the next week.

  • MindsackMindsack Registered User
    edited June 2009
    the robots mouth is weird, i get what its supposed to be but it doesn't look good drawn over that black line.

    it needs to be on a screen or a mouthhole of somekind because it kind of looks like purple stitches.

    (''''\('-_-')/'''') rawr http://gabrielmolina.tumblr.com
  • DooomcatDooomcat Registered User
    edited June 2009
    I think the pacing in this is great, I wouldn't cut anything.

    The lack of arms does bother me though. It seems a bit of a cop out. I talk with my hands as much as my mouth, I believe drawing them along with the dialogue can add so much expression and realism to your characters... or at the very least, you could draw suggestions of upper arms by his sides so he looks less like an armless torso.

    The coloring is kind of muddy and annoying. The formless shading could work for the organic human but robots are all metal and corners and there's no suggestion of 3d form with the current coloring style. I think it would really play up the mechanical contrast of the robot versus the man if the robot was shaded in a more defined/different manner. I'd check out some coloring tutorials on line and work on your shading and defining forms, then this could pop even more.

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