Regarding long-distance relationships...

Hensler

So I'm getting ready to head back out on another deployment. Once again, I'll be in that wonderful place they call Iraq. Unfortunately, I'm looking at a 14 month deployment this time, with no R&R block in the middle. I don't really mind Iraq or deployments, but this come at an inopportune time because I recently met a woman that I'm completely in love with.

I've always ended any relationships I've been in when PCSing to a new duty station or deploying for an extended period of time. But this time I'm worried about letting this girl go. I'll have phone and e-mail access while I'm in Fallujah, but 14 months is a long time, and I don't think it would be fair of me to ask someone to put their life on hold for me for that long. Plus I've heard the horror stories and and see how worrying about a relationship has affected my friends on other long deployments. But I'm in love this time and you know that makes fools of us all. If I wasn't leaving so soon, I'd probably be proposing to her right now.

I guess I'm looking for general advice regarding long-distance relationships and what kind of experiences other people have had. I think the smartest and most sensible thing to do here would be to maintain contact and the friendship, but leave the actual relationship until I get back. But that's no fun, lol. What do you guys think?

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

Why don't you just tell her what you just told us, and let her take part in the decision as well?

Recoil42

The Good Captain Cass wrote:

Why don't you just tell her what you just told us, and let her take part in the decision as well?

Conditional_Axe

Long distance relationships are very tough. Some people might say that they can't work, but that's not necessarily true - they just require effort. Talk about it with her, find out her thought about the subject and go from there.

If she feels the same way about you, and you both know that there's a definite point at which you're coming back, it may make things much easier in that regard.

Vincent Grayson

The Good Captain Cass wrote:

Why don't you just tell her what you just told us, and let her take part in the decision as well?

Agreed. Tell her how you feel, but about your apprehension, knowing what most reasonable people do about long-distance relationships (namely that they almost always end with someone fucking around, trust issues, and generally a miserable time for everyone).

Having done it before (although mine was long distance such that we saw each other rarely, rather than a big 14 month chunk of no sex, no seeing each other, etc), I'd advise doing the strong friendship thing, and just keeping things open until you get back. If it's going to work out, it'll work out, but trying to make it serious while you're halfway around the planet for more than a year is a bad idea, imo, especially if you haven't been together long (which is the impression I got from your post)

clsCorwin

I would second the drop it to a friends level until you get back. I did not, and was completely fucked over, and I was only gone 7 months.