Well about 6 months ago i ended up sort of rekindling a friendship with a childhood friend. I had actually become reasonably good friends with her older sister who lives near me. Well this girl, she moved in with my friend (her older sister.) about 7 months ago, i hadn't seen her in YEARS, somewhere in the 10 year region, not since we were kiddos. Well we got to hanging out, and realized as we'd aged we had become a lot alike. She is actually a year and a half older than me, but thats nothing really.
Anyways this friendship seemed to build up increadibly fast, soon she was coming over all the time, calling me up, we would go out together and have a great time. I wasn't truly interested at first in persuing any kind of relationship beyond friendship though for the first few months, i just was enjoying having a really awesome friend to hang around with. Well after a while she started staying the night here instead of going home, which i was fine with since we live extremely close and she'd often stay here very late into the night. I am fairly used to female friends of mine staying the night at my place, in my bed and not in a sexual fashion. Most of my best friends...actually all of them, are women, its always how its been for me. Well we had gone out partying one night, and came back, we had been drinking ect with her sister and some of out mutual friends at a private party in a local night club. We sat down, fired up the 360 and started playing some Left 4 Dead (We play games together often.) we were having more fun than usual because we had been drinking so obviously hilarity insued.
Anyhow, she starts going a little silent after about 20 minutes, and then puts down the controller. I ask whats wrong and she just kind of looks at me and starts spilling out all this stuff about how she is totally in love with me and that she doesn't know what to do because she isnt sure if she wants a relationship, and she knew that (at the time.) i didn't want one. I was really taken aback by all this because i really did not detect any feelings from her previous to this, and i am usually really quick to pick up on those kinds of things. Well anyways, i kept it well hidden but i really liked her too, and i told her that that night, and we ended up sleeping together and it was amazing.
Now i had to move away for 6 months, and while i was gone she called me every week that i was out there. I told her that she should not feel that she needs to wait for me or anything, and that i would not be angry or like her any less if she found somone else. She did have a boyfriend while i was gone, but only for about a week, and she told me she split with him because "He just didn't compare to what we had".
Flash forward to now, i just moved back to where i was before after 6 months, so i am officially back in the same area as her now. She immediately comes to my place, the day i arrive on the plane and she spends the night here for about the first 4 days. It makes me really happy that we pretty much picked up where we had left off....or so i thought:
Heres the big dilemma, she seems to only show affection to me when we are alone together. If we are around her sister, her friends, or outdoors she seems to act completely differently. She seems very distant all the time unless we are alone, or she has been drinking. She has a lot of guys that want to be with her in the way that i am, she is increadibly gorgeous (I'm talking blonde model hot, i shit you not.) so i am used to a lot of guys trying to get with her in my presance, she doesn't really respond to them either. But i am extremely bothered by the fact that she shows very little affection to me unless she is drunk, or nobody can see us, she has shown me affection before infront of people, and if anyone spends any length of time with us they figure it out, but sometimes it feels like she wants me, but only sometimes....almost feel like a booty call or something? It's sort of hard to explain.
She hangs around with a lot of guys, and i know for a fact many of them want to hook up with her, i know because she openly discusses these things with me, and how she is annoyed at having to reject them when she just wants to be friends with them, which i understand, she is kind of a tomboy. But she still will spend the night at some of their houses, and one of them is a guy she used to date. I have absolutely no problem with her hanging out with guys, or whoever she wants, i am the opposite of jelous, and we dont have an official relationship, i've never actually asked her out or anything, despite her discussing a relationship with me on a few occasions. But i don't want to be a callback guy, you know? I don't want to be sleeping with her if she is also sleeping with other people. She says she is not, and that it's only me, but she spends the night at other guys places who i know try to sleep with her, and she drinks a lot, more than she should. She also tends to get really nieve and impressionable when she drinks, sometimes she doesn't really realize whats going on around her.
The thing is i like our relationship a lot, and i don't really want to ruin it by being all "Hey are you sleeping with other guys? Cuz thats really not cool with me" when we aren't really official at the moment. I'm just sort of on the fence if i really CAN trust the things she saying to me, or if she is telling me about rejecting these guys to throw me off so she can keep coming back to me. I have been lied to and such by people like that in the past, especially my last girlfriend, so maybe i am just overthinking it? I feel like i can trust what she says, and i want to, but my guy instinct is telling me something is up. She was recenly very affectionate with me infronty of one of her guy friends who came over to my place with her, he spent the night on the couch and she even came to bed with me that night, so thats something. But overall it kind of feels like she loves me when shes drunk/not around her friends, but when we are out in the open or shes sober there is absolutely no affection to speak of.
Honestly i'd like it to be one or the other, i would love to have her as a good friend and scrap this whole relationship nonsense, but id also love to persue a relationship seriously with her in the future. Right now this is not a possibiltiy because i am leaving again for RCMP (Police) training stuff for about 5 months or so in a little while, but that distance before seemed to not have hurt anything, i just dont feel right tying her down to me if i will not be around. She discusses having relationships with me all the time though for when im done making something of myself. Also in truthful honesty now that i've gotten this close relationship with her, where i feel i can talk to her about anything, i have become completely disinterested in all other women around me, none of them seem to compare. But still, i would love to know what i should do? I dont want to ruin whats happening by seeming to act jelous, but i also dont really feel like being toyed with all that much, i'd rather have it be one or the other. D:
I know this situation might be confusing, but i tried my best to explain it.
Also i've only been in town about a week, and after sleeping with me a few times the first two days, she told me she was not on the pill anymore. She initiated the sexual advances as well, not me, and she did not inform me of this until after the fact...sooooo what are the odds of something coming out of that? it was only...twice? She didn't seem to care, she said she would not mind at all if something did. Which is strange, but at the same time i am about to go into a promising career, and i am 24, i could deal with it, but still, she didnt tell me.
And it kind of feels like it was on purpose.