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My best friend's suicidal girlfriend
AyeJaye
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
One of my friends, J (who is a girl), has had a rocky relationship with another girl (C) for about a year now. From what J has told me, C seems bipolar. This is post is what I know of the relationship based on what J has told me. I don't speak much with C.
Although it was better before, C now goes from loving J to saying that she hates her multiple times within the scope of a day. J has "left" C several times and has been the one to come back every time, making C (in my opinion) accept that J's return is a given no matter what. I asked J how long they've gone without talking recently. 1 day was the record.
Recently, C has had some family problems the exact nature of which J hasn't told me, but I'm sure you can imagine what sort of troubles a young lesbian can have in a right-wing, devoutly Christian family. I asked J about this and she says that it's not the obvious issue of them finding out about C's secret love. C has begun talking about suicide with J, who has obviously been trying to talk her out of it. These attempts are met with C's rebuttals of things akin to "I hate you, leave me alone". This is regular conversation, not a fight. When J does leave her alone, C promptly contacts J and berates J for leaving her alone.
Recently, after one of their fights, J was crying. I don't see this often but according to her sister it's pretty common after talking to C. C acknowledges her appalling behaviour and apologizes for it. At the same time, she knows that it will happen again, possibly later that same day. J is deeply in love with C and has no idea what to do. She fears that leaving C will result in her suicide.
Although it was better before, C now goes from loving J to saying that she hates her multiple times within the scope of a day. J has "left" C several times and has been the one to come back every time, making C (in my opinion) accept that J's return is a given no matter what. I asked J how long they've gone without talking recently. 1 day was the record.
Recently, C has had some family problems the exact nature of which J hasn't told me, but I'm sure you can imagine what sort of troubles a young lesbian can have in a right-wing, devoutly Christian family. I asked J about this and she says that it's not the obvious issue of them finding out about C's secret love. C has begun talking about suicide with J, who has obviously been trying to talk her out of it. These attempts are met with C's rebuttals of things akin to "I hate you, leave me alone". This is regular conversation, not a fight. When J does leave her alone, C promptly contacts J and berates J for leaving her alone.
Recently, after one of their fights, J was crying. I don't see this often but according to her sister it's pretty common after talking to C. C acknowledges her appalling behaviour and apologizes for it. At the same time, she knows that it will happen again, possibly later that same day. J is deeply in love with C and has no idea what to do. She fears that leaving C will result in her suicide.
delicious.
AyeJaye on
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If she is bipolar, she will have to get professional help. Bipolar is not something to screw with. It is a very serious problem affecting a person's very core personality, which makes it right about impossible for that person to handle. Go read up on it via Wikipedia if you're interested. It is normally caused by gross imbalances of chemicals in the brain and thus responds the best to drugs first then therapy (can't really treat someone who doesn't care enough to want to be treated).
Now, she may not really be bipolar. However, suicide is generally seen as a point against the happy and healthy mental condition. Bipolar is generally indicated by extreme shifts in mood from extremely depressed (in exceptional cases, the person will not even get out of bed for several days, won't eat, attempts/succeeds at suicide, etc) to extremely manic (in exceptional cases, won't sleep for several days while working on paintings or music or cleaning or something else which takes up a lot of energy and/or creativity). The swings are often regular and can be prolonged, going for days at a stretch.
Now, something else to remember is that teenagers are crazy, emotional, and in strong need of acceptance. They will oft times do and say things to get that attention.
The only person who can determine her specific psychological problem is a psychologist. Attempting to handle this without the professional help is not much different than a 10 year old trying to drive a 16-wheeler across the country. The kid could do it, but it is extremely unlikely and the attempt will have a great probability of causing harm to the kid and those who come near.
If C is a minor and her family isn't the type to go to professional help... well that leads to an unfortunate situation. J can, in that case, seek out some help in dealing with this from professionals. J could talk to C's family, or have her sister do it, or her parents, or you. J could also contact a local community support center to see what they suggest (such as a suicide hotline). She could also respond to all of C's "i hate you and I'm going to kill myself" tantrums by giving her the phone number to such a hotline and telling her to contact them. J should not do this alone.
Murphy's Paradox: The more you plan, the more that can go wrong. The less you plan, the less likely your plan will succeed.
Fix'd for h-scroll, and to give them real names. It's fucking hard as shit to follow complicated explanations when everyone is only given a letter to identify.
First off, what are these two girls' ages? How long have they been together?
Get J to finally get rid of C. Tell her it is not her responsibility to be burdened by someone that she is losing feelings for. C seems to have psychological instability and IMHO (not a doctor) seems to be using the threat of suicide to keep J with her. C can mean nothing but trouble for J and J is partially responsible for going back after breaking up with C. Tell J to cut contact with C, break off a relationship and move on. C has her own problems that need to be worked out and post break up she may even threaten to kill herself.
IMHO, people that threaten to kill themselves to other people are unstable but attempting to use it as a bartering chip and emotional extortion.
What I'm asking for is any kind of advice to give J. They've been together for a year; they're both 18.
18? get J to get away from the situation as fast as possible, it is just going to get worse and worse.