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I think I've become apathetic

ReignerReigner Registered User regular
edited December 2006 in Help / Advice Forum
I've become stuck in a rut, and I think it's caused me to develop apathy towards just about everything.

I'm a 23 year old single father who still lives with his parents; Custody of my child is split biweekly between her mother and me. I work for the government as a graphic designer in a building with only 4 other people, all of whom could retire at any given day.

My routine consists of waking up, going to work, coming home and either A) watching/taking care of my daughter on the weeks I have her or B) coming home and either playing video games or watching TV on the weeks I don't. Weekends are pretty much the same only with a trip to the Mall thrown in here or there.

This has caused me to really have no desire to go out and do things, I want to, I just don't care if I do or don't. Granted there’s nothing around my town to really do, but still. I can't really go to bars because for one, I don't like drinking alone, and two, the bars around here consist of hicks, thugs or hick thugs. My mom's suggested going back to church if anything than to just meet people, but I go, sit through service, come home and that's the end of it. Course, it doesn’t help that I've never been a very outgoing person when it comes to having the balls to go over and talk to someone new.

I have a small group of about 5 friends, all of them have girlfriends now, and none of them are really what I'd consider 'close' friends. We usually get together about once every other month to drink a beer and eat some steaks at Applebees but that's about it. I was never very popular in highschool so all my 'friends' from there don't talk to me, and any friends I made in college don't talk to me either. I've made attempts, but get the old "hey we should hang out sometime" only to never hear from them again. Any girl I talk to seems to get the feeling that I'm trying to go out with them so they pretty much only humor me when I just try to have a conversation with them.

All of this stuff combined has just caused me to stop caring and go about my routine. And I don't want this. It's starting to affect my motivation to get started on projects at work, and my desire to do more than stare at my two year old daughter.

So I've come asking for some collective advice. Please don't say "pills or going to a Doctor" because I can't afford either. Thanks in advance for any great advice, as I've noticed this forum is full of :D

Reigner on
3DS FriendCode. Pokemon me: 0645-5757-1012

Posts

  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I remember reading a journal articel about quarter-life crisises or something like that. Whether or not you buy into it, you have to remember that you are in control of your life and can take steps to make it better or worse or leave it the same. But it'll take hard work, and slogging through short term setbacks and stuff. Try new things, try things that you've done and hated when you were younger. Go out by yourself, not neccesarily to drink, but just to get out. Spend quality time with your child. You might be apathetic to other things, but don't let that apathy get in the way of a relationship with your little girl, because one day she won't be little anymore. The future is what you make of it etc. etc. The truth is that you have to make the change in your life, and any doctor giving out pills will tell you the same thing.

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  • Anarchy Rules!Anarchy Rules! Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    You have apathy? Who cares

  • thorpethorpe Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Also: quit WoW. It absorbs an unhealthily large amount of time.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • crakecrake Registered User
    edited December 2006
    First of all, remember there's nothing wrong with your life if you're happy with it. So if you secretly want to embrace this lifestyle, go and do it man!

    If you want to get out of a rut like that though, you need to force yourself to do all the things you'd like to see your life include. It's like breaking a bad habit and trying to start a good one. There's a phase where you just have to go through the motions until they become natural and eventualy enjoyable.

    You may wish to investigate community support systems too. You'd be surprised what's available to young, down on their luck single dads. :wink:

  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    As others have mentioned, the whole "kid" thing should help with that apathy. Just remember, you are one of the most important forces in her life, and will shape a large part of who she grows up to be. The way you treat and interact with her will inform her understanding of men for the rest of her life.

    If you're feeling apathetic, take her out somewhere fun, and revel in just how much kids enjoy the stupidest shit, and enjoy it with her.

    (you didn't say how old she is, so I dunno, maybe you can't do this yet)

  • Kewop DecamKewop Decam Registered User
    edited December 2006
    you have a kid... do you realize the amount of fun things you can do with a kid? Kids are nuts and have fun doing just about anything. Spend some time with your kid when you got her. The weeks she's no there... i dunno. You got any hobbies that aren't videogames? Like do you like the arts? Or sports?

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  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic I've Done Worse Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Learn something. I like learning things, it's something I really enjoy doing. If you're the same find something you want to know and take some night/weekend classes. With the child this is a bit more difficult but if you and the mother are still on reasonable terms you might be able to work something out.

    Learn some new form of art, take a language class, do something that involves your brain and being mildly social. You'll meet new people to boot.

    Also, I feel I should post something like "Yea! Another convert!" but I've not paid much attention to my tag here for quite a while.

    Trogg wrote: »
    Not as positive as AIDS and cancer, but positive nonetheless.
  • NightDragonNightDragon Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    you have a kid... do you realize the amount of fun things you can do with a kid? Kids are nuts and have fun doing just about anything. Spend some time with your kid when you got her. The weeks she's no there... i dunno. You got any hobbies that aren't videogames? Like do you like the arts? Or sports?

    How old is she?

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  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    you have a kid... do you realize the amount of fun things you can do with a kid? Kids are nuts and have fun doing just about anything. Spend some time with your kid when you got her. The weeks she's no there... i dunno. You got any hobbies that aren't videogames? Like do you like the arts? Or sports?

    How old is she?

    Two.

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  • Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Cowboy Fwankenstein Livin' That DreamRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Malkor wrote:
    you have a kid... do you realize the amount of fun things you can do with a kid? Kids are nuts and have fun doing just about anything. Spend some time with your kid when you got her. The weeks she's no there... i dunno. You got any hobbies that aren't videogames? Like do you like the arts? Or sports?

    How old is she?

    Two.

    Two is a great age. Everything is new and shiny. You're garaunteed to have a good time.

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  • ReignerReigner Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Unfortunately, there's shit all to do around these parts, especially for a two year old. We arent in bumblefuck nowhere by any means, but we have bumblefuck's activities.

    We have two parks, but both are in the seedy, projecty areas. And it's the type of winter where its cold as balls but we don't have any snow, so I can't do stuff with her outside anyway. Next year at this time I don't think I'll have a problem finding stuff for her and I to do.

    At the moment I'm more worried about my time that I don't have my daughter. I don't leave my house and my hobbies aren't exactly that vast that I could go out and do things related to them. I've thought about moving away, but I don't have the finances and I would have to either give up my daughter or fight a losing battle to get full custody.

    I'd like to just blame everything on my location, but that's the cheap way out. But at the same time I don't know what to do to get out and meet new people. I don't want to be a single dad forever :P which is where my life feels like it's going.

    3DS FriendCode. Pokemon me: 0645-5757-1012
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Teach your daughter about things you think are cool. She'll enjoy the time with you, and you'll enjoy seeing her like the same stuff you do.

    My daughter (also two) is pretty much the coolest two year old ever, cause she likes comic books and zombies and vampires and videogames. Just share your interests with her, read to her, stuff like that.

    As for your time without her, if you're not satisfied with your current place in a life, start seeking something new. Take some courses at a local college or take up a new hobby. Trying to date might be nice too, but I have no advice there, having not tried dating with the whole "I have a kid" thing.

  • ThujoneThujone Registered User
    edited December 2006
    If at all possible, what about getting your own place? I feel like when I had finally saved up enough cash to move out of the parents place, I was excited because I had total freedom, met new neighbors and began to try fun new hobbies like cooking/playing party-type videogames/group sporting events etc.
    What about joining a bowling league or adult soccer team? They have sign ups at sports centers for children for adult teams- they are a TON of fun, and your daughter could enjoy some sort of sporting event as well.

  • blanknogoblanknogo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    You'll feel better if you tell yourself you feel better.

    It all starts with making yourself smile, telling yourself everything is good and everything will be okay. Once you start believing it - hey, things will probably really get better.

    A positive outlook on life is important.

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