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THIS IS MY FIRST THREAD IN MORE THAN FIVE AND A HALF YEARS
I AM UNHAPPY
so i was doing really good for myself lately, been getting help for my issues and i was really happy and i made a couple of cool (and sober!) friends up here and i met this really nice, sweet, pretty christian girl who likes books and water polo and is in college and i just never got along with anyone better than her
and then as most of you know i broke my FUCKING JAW about 5 weeks ago when i misjudged a curb and whoops i fractured my left jaw hinge and SHATTERED my chin and broke like three fucking teeth and had to get my jaw wired shut for six weeks (almost done at least thank fuck) and now i have a metal plate in my jaw forever and i was just riding my BICYCLE to get a FUCKING SANDWICH and now I CAN'T EAT and i ruined SEVEN FUCKING YEARS of orthodontic work. SEVEN YEARS.
and then just about the time i was done withdrawing from the painkillers some fucking CUNT rode right up to my doorway on some little kid's bike that he stole and STOLE MY BIKE and it wasn't even my fucking shitty bike that almost killed me, it was my GOOD ONE that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN RIDING
and all of this was okay because i knew this girl alyse and she was gorgeous and smart and fun and i hadn't known her very long but this death metal bum and the nice christian college girl with nothing in common but a drinking problem they were trying to beat got along like magic
i hadn't heard from that girl that i had been getting along with real well in a while, i knew she was in the hospital for two weeks because she fucked up her liver drinking and got kicked out of her house by her roommates and then she disappeared for like another two weeks and wouldn't answer her phone
and then i find out that she was camping a little bit up north by herself and i guess her liver failed and she couldn't get any help because they found this sweet pretty girl DEAD AND ALONE IN THE FUCKING WOODS on wednesday and I WILL NEVER MAKE HER SMILE AGAIN and i went from never having a future so bright to taking the biggest blow i've ever been dealt unless you count the physical one that BROKE MY FUCKING FACE
and then the next day i find this big lump on my chin and i have to pop it because it's going to pop on it's own if it doesn't and fucking gallons of pus pours out (okay just kidding probably like a THIRD OF A SHOT GLASS of pus and infected blood) but i'm on antibiotics for my fucking broken teeth that are getting infected and i have shitty dental insurance so that shit cost me TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS i don't have
and then i go to see the plastic surgeon that reconstructed my face today to have that infected thing on my chin looked at and LONG STORY SHORT i fucked it up worse when i lanced it (even though i had no choice because i could not sleep on that thing because i would wake up with the side of my face caked to my pillow with blood and pus) and the doctor had to slice my chin open and after six shots of anesthesia around the wound i spent an hour or so with him picking around with sharp metal objects in FUCKING HOLE IN MY CHIN and he found out it's FUCKING REALLY INFECTED although apparently so far just shy of the kind of infection requiring surgery (thank fuck) and now i'm on fucking like maybe NINE DOSES OF ANTIBIOTICS A DAY (i haven't fucking figured it out yet i'm waiting on a call) and i have a HOLE THE SIZE OF A PEN CAP in my chin because they want to let it heal from the inside out so it's still fucking open but SPACKLED SHUT with zinc oxide and i have to see the doctor EVERY FUCKING DAY so he can take it out and clean out the wound and then i have to do it a second time MYSELF for TEN TO FOURTEEN FUCKING DAYS and wednesday i find out if the shit growing inside my chin is bad enough that I need a fucking IV STUCK THROUGH MY ARM VEINS UP INTO MY FUCKING FACE so that i can give myself a HALF HOUR IV DRIP TWICE A DAY also for TEN TO FOURTEEN FUCKING DAYS
i went FOUR DAYS without anything FUCKING SIGNIFICANTLY UNPLEASANT happening to me but at least he gave me some FUCKING vicodin