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Massively Multiplayer Online Extravaganza: AWESOME POST in "Hates, Hopes, Happies, Hard Modes,

TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosiRegistered User regular
edited September 2009 in [2008-2012] Awesome Posts?
Tofystedeth has reported a post.

Reason:
Munkus woke up once with a scorpion in his bed. He was asked to tell the story.
Forum: Massively Multiplayer Online Extravaganza
Post: Hates, Hopes, Happies, Hard Modes, and Harpies
Posted by: Munkus Beaver


Original Content:
I woke up and ran my hand across something. I was in a sleepy daze and confused as to what it was, thinking it may be one of my dog's toys that I was unfamiliar with. I then gazed upon the black beast, the scorpion. I grabbed one of my dog's chew bones and I slammed down on the scorpion. Thinking it dead, I lifted my weapon and checked to see if it was real or a dream.

It was a nightmare, its tail wrapped in a mortal coil, black heart still beating.

The beast was not slain.

It scurried off, desperate to find shelter, uncoiled tail lashing black death at its unseen attacker. I knew I had to strike again, failure here meant a spurned beast yearning for vengeance beneath my hearth and home. Never again would sweet sleep carass me gently into the night while this abomination lurked in the shadows.

STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! Still it moved! STRIKE! Still but not dazed, it scurries more! STRIKE! Its impenetrable shell curses my every move, the black obsidan absorbing each blow into its dark abyss. Its freedom, my doom, lay inches before it. In an act of desperation I lunged, all of my might flowing through the chew-bone, and I pressed forth on the black demon.

I put all of my power, the weight of the world, into breaking the blackened armor of the beast. I held still, never relenting the force, keeping constant, crushing power and holding my entire weight on top of the bone.

*snap*

The armor had broken.

The needle tail lay still.

The beast did not stir.

I was victorious.

Tofystedeth on
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Posts

  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I chuckled, mainly because I once woke up in a daze and thought the floral patter on my bed was a scorpion in the dead of night and scurried out my room, sleeping on the couch. When I told my brother this some months later, he said, "So you just left me in the room with your dream scorpion?"

    ·
  • WetsunWetsun Registered User
    edited September 2009
    I enjoyed this more when immediately followed by:
    815165 wrote: »
    I saw a bee once.

    edit: didn't sting me tho

    The reassurance in the edit is just wonderful.

    XBL/Steam: Wetsun
    ·
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    pleonastic purple prose primarily pisses people... poff

    and by people i mean me

    ·
  • DmanDman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I like to picture this guy when reading the story.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fattail_scorpion

    ·
  • darleysamdarleysam Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I read the story, and all I can picture is this
    carthrash.jpg

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  • EndEnd Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Munkus tells the best stories.

    zal7-ensuh-sig.pngsteam~tinythumb.png
    ·
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    an interesting note, Your fear of scorpions should be proportionate to the size of its claws.

    bigger claws generally means its sting is less dangerous, Smaller claws means you better watch the fuck out.

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
    ·
  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    just this side of too verbose in the telling

    gkcmatch_zps97480250.jpg
    so next time you see recruiters in your school or your crib
    tell'em thank you for the offer, but you'd rather you live
    ·
  • ChanusChanus Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    an interesting note, Your fear of scorpions should be proportionate to the size of its claws.

    bigger claws generally means its sting is less dangerous, Smaller claws means you better watch the fuck out.

    Wouldn't that be inversely proportionate?

    ·
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Chanus wrote: »
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    an interesting note, Your fear of scorpions should be proportionate to the size of its claws.

    bigger claws generally means its sting is less dangerous, Smaller claws means you better watch the fuck out.

    Wouldn't that be inversely proportionate?

    i no how speke gud, u no tel me how speke gud

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
    ·
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2009
    Hyperbole is fun.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver and Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Twitter which gives health updates and the like: https://twitter.com/MunkusBeaver
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Since this came from the MMO forum, I need to ask.
    Did the scorpion drop any phat loots?

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    ·
  • 101101 Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Dyscord wrote: »
    just this side of too verbose in the telling

    One can never be too verbose.

    ·
  • jothkijothki Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    see317 wrote: »
    Since this came from the MMO forum, I need to ask.
    Did the scorpion drop any phat loots?

    Probably just a bunch of random body parts.

    ·
  • ChanusChanus Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    101 wrote: »
    Dyscord wrote: »
    just this side of too verbose in the telling

    One can never be too verbose.

    Yeeeeeeah... I'm going to disagree with you, there.

    ·
  • formatformat Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    see317 wrote: »
    Since this came from the MMO forum, I need to ask.
    Did the scorpion drop any phat loots?

    munkus still needs to get 5 more scorpion anuses.

    and it dropped a ring? how the hell does a scorpion get a ring?

    You don't know if I am joking or not.
    ·
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    jothki wrote: »
    see317 wrote: »
    Since this came from the MMO forum, I need to ask.
    Did the scorpion drop any phat loots?

    Probably just a bunch of random body parts.

    But somehow it didn't drop a single Scorpid Claw.

    Even though you saw the motherfucker and it had one on each arm goddammit.

    ·
  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Dhalphir has also reported this post.

    Reason:
    I don't think I even need to saything.

    2211020.png
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  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Your Chewbone skill has increased to 2
    Your Chewbone skill has increased to 3
    Your Chewbone skill has increased to 4
    (etc)

    Well done, sir.

    ·
  • TychoCelchuuuTychoCelchuuu ___________PIGEON _________San Diego, CA Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    It was a nightmare, its tail wrapped in a mortal coil, black heart still beating.
    If this is a joke it's hilarious but if Munkus is being serious it just makes me sad. Either way things are just a leeeetle too overwrought if you know what I mean.

    ·
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2009
    I have never told a joke in my entire life.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver and Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Twitter which gives health updates and the like: https://twitter.com/MunkusBeaver
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
  • A steak!A steak! Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited September 2009
    This is funny because I can imagine Munkus shrieking like a girl the whole time.

    ·
  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    A duck! wrote: »
    This is funny because I can imagine Munkus shrieking like a girl the whole time.
    The mental image this creates upon rereading the story is magnificent.

    Battle.net ID: Jaef#1126 -- Steam: Jaef -- PSN: Jaef -- League of Legends: Jaef
    jaefster.png
    ·
  • darleysamdarleysam Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Munkus slapped the scorpion so hard across the face that his little bluetooth headset flew off of his other ear. then he kept walking into the bathroom and said 'we're even'.

    ·
  • EchoEcho staring is caring Moderator mod
    edited September 2009
    Great, now I got stuck on Wikipedia.

    Did you know adult scorpions glow under UV light?

    Steam (wishlist) » bloggy stuff » interestin' stuff
    Casual wrote: »
    a man reaches a certain age when he can no longer be part of groups with "wang" in the title
    ·
  • primedapeprimedape Registered User
    edited September 2009
    omigod it has hair....

    a shell ..... and hair.

    Germany - done raiding since 1945!
    ·
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    primedape wrote: »
    omigod it has hair....

    a shell ..... and hair.

    So...you're a virgin, I'm guessing?

    Excision wrote: »
    My girlfriend is going down tonight!

    Steam:MichaelLC
    ·
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Echo wrote: »
    Great, now I got stuck on Wikipedia.

    Did you know adult scorpions glow under UV light?

    I did know that, and think it's awesome.

    sigtwo.png
    ·
  • A steak!A steak! Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited September 2009
    darleysam wrote: »
    Munkus slapped the scorpion so hard across the face that his little bluetooth headset flew off of his other ear. then he kept walking into the bathroom and said 'we're even'.

    Bluetooth is the ingredient I forgot!

    ·
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Reminds me of my battle with a mantid.

    ·
  • EskimoDaveEskimoDave Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Echo wrote: »
    Great, now I got stuck on Wikipedia.

    Did you know adult scorpions glow under UV light?

    pretty much every zoo has an exhibition with a scorpion under UV light.

    ·
  • BelruelBelruel naw Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    haha, you smote that scorpion right good munkus.

    man, i would have freaked out so much if i woke with a scorpion in my bed oh gosh.

    3DS friendcode: 2380-4618-2503
    ·
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2009
    I figured that's how I'd be too. I was just way more preoccupied with the fear of it living and still being there than of it 'killing' me at that moment.

    WiiU: munkusbeaver and Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Twitter which gives health updates and the like: https://twitter.com/MunkusBeaver
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    ·
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