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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Businessman!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You know, I remember someone (Kevin Smith, maybe) telling a story once about how he got a handjob from a girl when he was very young, and how she didn't know what to do or what was supposed to happen, and he told her just to continue doing "that", and then she was all shocked when it all shot out.

    Like, srsly, how do you not know? Yet go for it? And where were these girls, man?

    Off to silently brood at the awesome SO's thread.

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    I pronounce it bee-log. Most recent entry: VIDEO GAMES: GUNPOINT, OR A SCIENTIFIC STUDY ON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GLASS MEETS TROUSERS. 3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348
  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    And where were these girls, man?

    Locked up in homes that made no effort to teach about sexuality.

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Businessman!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yet free enough to jack off Kevin Smith to completion.

    Alright.

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    I pronounce it bee-log. Most recent entry: VIDEO GAMES: GUNPOINT, OR A SCIENTIFIC STUDY ON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GLASS MEETS TROUSERS. 3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348
  • KratosmasterKratosmaster Registered User
    edited August 2009
    I was just an observer for this one but this story ends badly for my once-friend.

    Let me start off by saying that my friend is no catch. He is overweight and very socially awkward, had a dead-end job for a while and is a slob. That being said, he is my friend so I am sad that this crazy woman has basically enslaved my friend. He met a girl who is an absolute bitch. She convinced him to move in with him after 3 months, they got engaged in another 4 months and were married after just over a year after knowing each other. During this time frame she:

    -Made him cut off all contact with his family (with whom he was very close with before)
    -Made him get rid of all his comics, game systems, etc. which he enjoyed immensley
    -(bolding now for craziness) Made him join the marines to pay for her lifestyle. Made him join a military organization to pay for her own shit.
    -Moved to a town where she has had two former boyfriends and I suspect she is cheating on him regular
    -He has a kid with her
    -She SCREAMED at us when we told him he had to slow shit down and think about this by himself. We tried to get him alone for a night to try to talk some sense with him. Yes we wanted to sabotage this relationship because it is not healthy for him

    The ONLY good thing about this is that he has lost so much weight due to being in the marines that maybe he will grow a spine and leave her, even though she would make out like a bandit.

    i wish I could call him my friend but man I cannot do anything with him while that evil succubus is around.

    Saving Silverman?

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Bro!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yet free enough to jack off Kevin Smith to completion.

    Alright.

    Never underestimate the power of a repressive household to make a girl want to experiment. Also, sneaking about as a teenager adds a certain amount of spice.

  • Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt Damn you, eidetic memory! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    'Went back to the sock' totally needs to become a commonly used euphemism.

    Origin ID: Null_Cypher
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  • AbdhyiusAbdhyius Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah I think we can all stand to work that into our daily vocabularies more.

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  • AumniAumni Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I asked a girl out once.

    Later the next day when we were talking about where we'd like to go and hangout and stuff she mentioned that she dated this kid she met at work (supermarket) earlier in the day, made him pay for a movie then dumped him and told him she had a boyfriend (me).

    Made the next few weeks of college -awwwkward- because I wouldn't even look at her anymore.

    http://steamcommunity.com/id/aumni/ Battlenet: Aumni#1978 GW2: Aumni.1425
  • NamrokNamrok Herndon, VARegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    This isn't crazy so much as it was hilarious to me. So in college I'm seeing this girl sort of casually for a few months. Eventually we get around to doing what young adults do in college. The very next day she says she can't see me anymore because I'm coming between her and Jesus. Which was an excuse which perfectly encapsulated why I was better off getting out then as opposed to later.

    To this day I still laugh about it.

  • TinuzTinuz Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    The very next day she says she can't see me anymore because I'm coming between her and Jesus.

    You came between her and Jesus...I'd be disturbed by that too :winky:

    Quelreth wrote:
    .....when you made it sound like turning on a blacklight in your room would be like setting off a flashbang.
  • NamrokNamrok Herndon, VARegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, I have a pretty good track record of bring out the crazy in women. And not the good kind of crazy.

  • cloudeaglecloudeagle Zhu-Li, do the thing! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Quick story, and no, this isn't insanely depressing like the last one.

    Went out on a few dates with a Filipino girl. She was about 4'9" and had a face like a 12-year-old, even at 26. (Fortunately she had significant curves so I didn't feel like a pedophile.)

    Now imagine that young-looking, angelic face passionately, gleefully and very seriously saying to me during a make-out session: "I want to bite you so hard you bleed!"

    And then I ran.

    Also, Alyce, you sound like you will absolutely make some lucky bastard experience heaven on earth. So find someone deserving! (When you're ready, of course.)

    3DS: 0344-9335-6762
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Bro!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Bah, the scars from that would fade given time.

  • CommunistCowCommunistCow Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    This isn't crazy so much as it was hilarious to me. So in college I'm seeing this girl sort of casually for a few months. Eventually we get around to doing what young adults do in college. The very next day she says she can't see me anymore because I'm coming between her and Jesus. Which was an excuse which perfectly encapsulated why I was better off getting out then as opposed to later.

    To this day I still laugh about it.

    The first girl I ever dated when I was 15 or so broke up with me because "god wouldn't want us to be together" (I am an atheist).

    When I was in college, I also dated a girl who wanted to sleep with me on the first date and I didn't want to. Later she broke up with me because I wasn't christian. The irony was so delicious.

    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    So, wait. This guy got daily blowjobs? AND stopped sexing you in the middle due to frustration? What a tool.

    And your mother, she's a saint. Mine would have headbutted him and thrown his stuff out on the lawn.

    My dad would have ripped him a new butt, pooped in it, sewed it up, and watch as he died of dysentery.

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  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    There's this girl I've known all of my life. Great person. Very warm. Excellent artist. Aspirations.

    Always tended to date jerks. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" off and on since we were in the first grade. We grew slightly apart near the end of highschool, and she started dating this real jerkwad named Gary. Meth head. Got her addicted to it for a while.

    See, her one flaw was that she picked up the personalities of other people. One boyfriend hates X? She hates it. Next boyfriend loves X? She loves it. That's a good thing if you're in a relationship that allows you to explore things you like, but most people just used that trait to take over and do what ever they want.

    She seriously wanted to date me once while I was in a serious relationship, so I had to turn her down.

    She's married to a guy who's just not really that great of a person. And by not Great, I mean a complete soul sucking psychic vampire type of person.

    It's so hard to peg this guy down. No one likes him and everyone has the same problem. He does a billion small things that, by themselves, aren't character ruining flaws. But when you stack them up, the guys a giant pile of walking douche.

    I lived with them for a while and he would go out and buy everyone groceries. Well. My grocery money was spent on toilet paper and cleaning supplies while they bought food with theirs, so I'd have to go out shopping again.

    They offered, without consulting me, to take care of our neighbors pet rabbits while the neighbors were on vacation. By taking care of them he meant shoving them into a closet. I came home to a bathroom full of rabbit pellets.

    He got other neighbors kicked out of their place by leaving his busted as truck in the church parking lot for three months while they constantly complained.

    He had to gumption to tell me, when I was living with them, that I don't spend enough time with them and they'd appreciate it if I hung out more. WTF?

    He'd leave open containers of oysters and cheese all over the house.

    Every time company would come over he'd play the same Skynard song on his acoustic.

    He's starting a career in tattooing. She's the actual artist. She's stuck working the checkout line at a local supermarket. The guy's a know it all. He did his first tattoo on the night I stopped to visit the girl and he was already handing out tattoo advice to everyone and telling my fiancee that the one she had on her hand was terribly done and will fade and that the guy who did it sucks (he doesn't).

    I wish I could remember the list of things this guy did. It was huge. I've largely purged him out of my mind.

    I try to catch up to the girl from time to time, but since they're married they're largely hand in hand.

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  • JeanJean Lonely québécois bear Gatineau, QuébecRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    O I have another story... that one is from way back then.. it happened in 2003. The ending to that story was so predictable .... hindsight's always 20/20 I suppose

    We were both in college. It was a long distance relationship. I'm from Québec, she was from Pennslvania and was going to college in Florida. Let's call her R.

    We started talking in July '03. At first we were friends only, but we devloped feelings for each other and started a relationship in September. We had plans to meet after the end of the semester. I still remenber the planned meeting date : December 15, 2003

    For the first 2 months everything was going great, but arround my birthday (Nov 12) I started to notice a change in her behaviour toward me.. she was becoming more and more distant, and I was wondering what the hell was going on. She wouldn't tell me.

    One of her real life ''friend'', let's call her B, IM'd me out of the blue to tell me the truth : R was cheating on me with another guy. At first I didn't believed her. I tought she was trying to get back at R because she had slept with B's boyfriend before the start of our relationship. That should had been a huge red flag to never get romantically involved with R to begin with, I know.

    When I confronted her after this talk , she admitted everything. B was indeed saying the truth, she was going out and sleeping with another guy and thats why she was growthing more distant from me.

    That marks the only time in my entire life than I cried because of a girl.

    I burnt her pictures and letters , deleted all the emails she had sent me, blocked her from MSN. I did tried to be just friends with her a few months afterwards, but that didnt work out very well...

    "You won't destroy us, You won't destroy our democracy. We are a small but proud nation. No one can bomb us to silence. No one can scare us from being Norway. This evening and tonight, we'll take care of each other. That's what we do best when attacked'' - Jens Stoltenberg
  • Raiden333Raiden333 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm on the fence as to whether this is real or not, but it's too good not to post here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ

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  • WazzaWazza Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Dracil wrote: »
    None of these are me but they involve crazy guys.

    The first one some of you may have actually seen. Basically 1st year of college, some guy in my dorm decides it would be a cool thing to videotape himself having sex with a prostitute. Naturally, this video gets leaked all over campus (and onto the 'net). The video itself was fairly boring. Except at the end of it, he asks her if she wants to eat at the campus cafeteria and she shoots him down. The video should still be somewhere out there.


    Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy, I know that guy. Not personally. But I went to Berkeley too, and he lived on another floor of the building.

  • DracilDracil Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Wazza wrote: »
    Dracil wrote: »
    None of these are me but they involve crazy guys.

    The first one some of you may have actually seen. Basically 1st year of college, some guy in my dorm decides it would be a cool thing to videotape himself having sex with a prostitute. Naturally, this video gets leaked all over campus (and onto the 'net). The video itself was fairly boring. Except at the end of it, he asks her if she wants to eat at the campus cafeteria and she shoots him down. The video should still be somewhere out there.


    Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy, I know that guy. Not personally. But I went to Berkeley too, and he lived on another floor of the building.

    Then we were dormmates. Which floor? I was 6th.

  • Lady EriLady Eri Registered User
    edited August 2009
    I hope I meet nice boys at PAX.

    The Wheel of Calculadon turns, and then suddenly? Orbital lasers.
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Lady Eri wrote: »
    I hope I meet nice boys at PAX.

    So that they can come share stories in this thread?

  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Businessman!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    PAX is not a dating ser-

    Ah...

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    I pronounce it bee-log. Most recent entry: VIDEO GAMES: GUNPOINT, OR A SCIENTIFIC STUDY ON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GLASS MEETS TROUSERS. 3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348
  • Lady EriLady Eri Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Lady Eri wrote: »
    I hope I meet nice boys at PAX.

    So that they can come share stories in this thread?

    No sex for you.

    The Wheel of Calculadon turns, and then suddenly? Orbital lasers.
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar QA Tester -> Game Producer Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Lady Eri wrote: »
    I hope I meet nice boys at PAX.

    PAX mostly has "nice guys" instead of nice guys. :P

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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Businessman!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Damn, she's so coldblooded already.

    How can you expect to find a husband like that?

    edit: She did say she wanted nice "boys". So not men, then.

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    I pronounce it bee-log. Most recent entry: VIDEO GAMES: GUNPOINT, OR A SCIENTIFIC STUDY ON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GLASS MEETS TROUSERS. 3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348
  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    Lady Eri wrote: »
    I hope I meet nice boys at PAX.

    PAX mostly has "nice guys" instead of nice guys. :P

    Well damn, now I'm glad I'm not making it this year!

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Businessman!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Stop scaring away all the chicks.

    How's a guy supposed to get some tail with you people buzzkilling?
    Spoiler:

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    I pronounce it bee-log. Most recent entry: VIDEO GAMES: GUNPOINT, OR A SCIENTIFIC STUDY ON WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GLASS MEETS TROUSERS. 3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348
  • SkutSkutSkutSkut Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
  • deowolfdeowolf Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    'Went back to the sock' totally needs to become a commonly used euphemism.

    "I tired of dating crazy girls in college, so I went back to the sock for a while."

    Hey, it works!

    [SIGPIC]acocoSig.jpg[/SIGPIC]
  • NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    "Well, we're getting ready to get underway."

    "Time to go back to the sock for awhile."

    (Actual quote from two Naval personnel.)

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  • WillethWilleth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Raiden333 wrote: »
    I'm on the fence as to whether this is real or not, but it's too good not to post here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ

    Holy shit, I laughed so hard at the subject of the final email.

    @vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming!
    @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    the girl there isn't a "bad listener"

    she is something amazingly more

    holy shit

    they have some serious issues me thinks

    3:30 in so far


    EDIT:
    THEY HAD

    THEY HAD

    holy shiiiiiiiiiiit

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  • ArchArch HELLO YES THIS IS BUG Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Willeth wrote: »
    Raiden333 wrote: »
    I'm on the fence as to whether this is real or not, but it's too good not to post here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ

    Holy shit, I laughed so hard at the subject of the final email.

    Y'know, if she had just not slept with some other dude, it wouldn't have been so bad.

    Also-I would have been wayyy more concerned than pissed off if my girlfriend had vanished for a few days without me being able to get in touch with them. Like, first thought- maybe she got hurt. FIRST PRIORITY- talk to parents. Don't just leave a message, actually TALK TO THEM.

  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    Willeth wrote: »
    Raiden333 wrote: »
    I'm on the fence as to whether this is real or not, but it's too good not to post here:

    Holy shit, I laughed so hard at the subject of the final email.

    Y'know, if she had just not slept with some other dude, it wouldn't have been so bad.

    Also-I would have been wayyy more concerned than pissed off if my girlfriend had vanished for a few days without me being able to get in touch with them. Like, first thought- maybe she got hurt. FIRST PRIORITY- talk to parents. Don't just leave a message, actually TALK TO THEM.
    Yeah, that struck me too.

    It's like she was actively looking for drama and was too self-absorbed to consider the real life possibilities outside of him avoiding her.

    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. On Hiatus!

    Any gamers in the Danville, PA area? PM me if you're interested in some tabletop gaming.
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    He called her the night before he left for god's sake

    It was pretty obvious she was far, far too self absorbed

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  • ArchArch HELLO YES THIS IS BUG Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    He called her the night before he left for god's sake

    It was pretty obvious she was far, far too self absorbed

    "Hahahaha oh JD that kidder! Europe for two weeks hahahaha!"

    *Next morning* "WTF WHERE IS JD WHY WONT HE CALL ME"

    How I imagine it went down

  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    She even called his friend

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  • WulfWulf Disciple of Tzeentch The Void... (New Jersey)Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    She even called his friend

    Called his friend a liar... :lol:

    Everyone needs a little Chaos!
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My favorite part,
    Spoiler:

    its like, wtf? Who says that?

This discussion has been closed.