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Confidence vs The Seduction Community

GameGrrlGameGrrl Registered User
edited August 2009 in Social Entropy++
Wow, just fucking wow.

I decided to play devil's advocate yesterday with Tycho just because that's something I enjoy doing. I think in reality I fall somewhere in the middle of this argument but that's not as much fun. What I didn't expect was to get flooded with mail from guys thanking me for sticking up for this system because they use it. I also got my share of mail from angry girls but honestly I expected that. I made some pretty ridiculous exaggerations for the sake of a silly argument. Just like any time we exaggerate for the sake of a joke, we end up offending people who don't see the humor in it. We've been doing this for ten years and so the angry mails were no surprise. It was the mails from guys thanking me that really threw me for a loop.

Like I said, I was trying to be ridiculous but in reality I guess I sort of hit on something. As someone who was diagnosed with, and currently takes medication for chronic anxiety I suppose I should have expected it. You can go back through the archive here and find my posts about anxiety. It was something I lived with for as long as I could remember and it was horrible. What I didn't really understand until I started taking medicine was that the constant worrying and anxiety had also lead to depression. Once I was on Lexapro I started to feel...well good and I finally had a frame of reference. When you're always depressed and worried you don't understand that there is any other way to feel. It probably sounds crazy to people who've never had to deal with it but it's true.

One of the effects of my anxiety was that I couldn't talk to girls. My wife Kara was the the first girl I ever went on a date with and the fact is I didn't even ask her out myself. My friends at the time knew that I liked her but also knew that I would never be able to ask her on a date. I was in my early twenties and I had never really talked to a girl for longer than a couple of minutes. My friends knew this and so like some kind of crappy romantic comedy they cooked up a plan to get us together. They told me that she wanted to meet me at a movie theatre and they told Kara that I wanted to meet her there. We ended up together watching Vegas Vacation and when she reached over to hold my hand I was literally fucking terrified.

What I'm realizing is that sort of anxiety is almost like a kind of class feature for nerds. I got tons of mail from guys who aren't using these systems to abuse girls or score one night stands. They are using them for the reasons that I listed jokingly. They really are trying to learn to be more confident and get past their anxiety with girls. They feel like all the douche bags out there give the system a bad name and more then one recommended a book called the Game by Neil Strauss. Where as I had pretty much given up on the idea of ever meeting a girl these guys are going out and trying to get help. I'm not sure how I can blame them for that.

In my exchange with tycho I was trying to do a bit, I was playing a part and I thought I was making a joke. I guess I was being a little more honest then I really understood. Now obviously I don't think women are evil witches ensorcelling men with their magic vaginas. I'm a 31 year old married guy with a kid and a much clearer view of the world thanks to the miracles of modern chemistry. What I can say to all the guys mailing me about this system is that the girls you're so terrified to talk to, are just as scared of you. I've got guys mailing me saying they don't know how long they should wait before calling a girl or if it's okay to ask for their phone number. They are worried about not understanding the rules of some imaginary game. My advice for what it's worth, is that the girls you really want aren't playing a game, and they won't expect you to play one either.

-Gabe out

So there's a bit of discussion going on between Mike and Jerry on the front page about Pick-Up Artists and the techniques they use. It's making the New Comic thread a little cluttered so i think it deserves its own thread.

I've had a guy try to use 'the method' on me once and I have to say it just feels uncomfortable, almost like he's hunting you emotionally. I really didn't enjoy it, and it was only recently that I realized what he was doing and where he was learning it from. I have to say the entire thing feels pretty slimy.

Is this actually a confidence builder for guys? Does it make you feel more comfortable if someone tells you what steps you need to get women to like you?

GameGrrl on
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Posts

  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    well I mean it's the rape culture we live in

  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I have no game

    So when I'm interested in a girl, I just show her my penis

  • World as MythWorld as Myth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    how could you tell he was using the method

    I have no idea what these things are

    kQwcZLJ.png
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

    it means you forfeited

  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Certified BrimperRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    The Game is a neat book. Not something to live by, but it's an interesting read to see a shy, nerdy Rolling Stone writer research and get immersed in that whole community and better himself in the process.

    He recently wrote another book called Emergency, about survivalism and how to handle crises and other emergencies.

    sites: personal | tumblr | abracadaniel dot com | coolguy.me
    services I recommend: tonx coffee *highly recommended* | everlane
    Secret Satan Wishlists: Regular List Coffee Stuff
    FUNTENDO DS BROCODE: 2337-4364-1683
  • JoeUserJoeUser Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    women are evil witches ensorcelling men with their magic vaginas

    This seems like something Tycho would write

    PSN: JoeUser80 Steam
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    the wook wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

    it means you forfeited

    Damn, I could have been a contender.

  • World as MythWorld as Myth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    if I had to guess whether I had been a victim of a "seduction method", the wook would be the most likely perpetrator

    kQwcZLJ.png
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2009
    I love playing the game. Whenever I get a woman into bed, I always tell her "lol pwnt newbcakes, lrn 2 micro!"

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    if I had to guess whether I had been a victim of a "seduction method", the wook would be the most likely perpetrator

    hey

    i am that charming naturally

  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    By seduction method, do you mean chloroform, a rag, and some duct tap?

  • YukiraYukira My watch is stopped on Jump Time.Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

    I'd say it's a win.

    Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn - Masha Amariyo
    3DS Friend Code: 4854-6566-1045 | Nintendo Network ID: ModelZ
    I guess I upload Mario Kart videos.
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Druhim wrote: »
    I love playing the game. Whenever I get a woman into bed, I always tell her "lol pwnt newbcakes, lrn 2 micro!"

    This right here is fantastic.
    if I had to guess whether I had been a victim of a "seduction method", the wook would be the most likely perpetrator

    In this case the list of usual suspects is pretty long

    You know who I fucking hate? Pony.

    I don't know why, I just felt the need to say that.
  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User
    edited August 2009
    There are multiple "methods" from my experience

    Things like ignoring girls, or belittling girls, or various strange tactics employed to round up them thar wimmins

    One guy actually teached such a course adjacent to my first writer's workshop, one where I just attended rather than (co-)presiding, and one day he said I should attend because I "obviously needed the help"

    I told him I was a writer and that I had no problems with getting women

    He laughed and said they'd all be bookworms, to which I said no and explained that I was incredibly rich and relied on high-class call girls

    He forgot we shared a corridor after that

    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
  • JoeUserJoeUser Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    By seduction method, do you mean chloroform, a rag, and some duct tap?

    free_candy.jpg

    PSN: JoeUser80 Steam
  • Ol' SparkyOl' Sparky Registered User
    edited August 2009
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    By seduction method, do you mean chloroform, a rag, and some duct tap?

    that's just step one

  • RuckusRuckus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    the wook wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    By seduction method, do you mean chloroform, a rag, and some duct tap?

    that's just step one

    Step two involves a bear, two midgets, and an ice cream cone!

    Raneados wrote: »
    so what SPECIFICALLY is the problem with my hole?
  • UsagiUsagi Feminazgul ~*special snowflake*~Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    JoeUser wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    By seduction method, do you mean chloroform, a rag, and some duct tap?

    free_candy.jpg

    ahahaha

    Jormungandr? Damn near killed 'er!
  • World as MythWorld as Myth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    kQwcZLJ.png
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    it is a rape culture

  • RuckusRuckus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    I think you're describing it wrong, because that just sounds like harassment that you learned to live with.

    Raneados wrote: »
    so what SPECIFICALLY is the problem with my hole?
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

  • World as MythWorld as Myth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ruckus wrote: »
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    I think you're describing it wrong, because that just sounds like harassment that you learned to live with.
    that describes just about every interaction on this forum, and I'm closing in on 23,000 posts

    kQwcZLJ.png
  • GameGrrlGameGrrl Registered User
    edited August 2009
    how could you tell he was using the method

    I have no idea what these things are

    Well, I've had a guy try to 'seduce' me... he's actually an acquaintance from highschool. Before when we were in highschool he was really awkward. Outside of his small circle of friends (some pretty nerdy guys who played Magic daily during school), he didn't talk at all. At prom he had one of his friends ask me to dance with him, I'm not sure but people have told me he had crush on me, but we barely talked in highschool at all.

    Now we're going to different schools, but we still end up seeing each other at times, and he's completely different from the way he was before... but not in a good way. Now he's not afraid to talk or to approach women (including me), but he's so arrogant and in your face about it... it makes me really uncomfortable to be around him. When we were out once with some friends he pretty much made a point of walking straight up to me and asking me for my number. I didn't really think about it and just gave it to him. Then he left really abruptly and pretended like I wasn't there for the rest of the night.

    He called me up two days after and told me he wanted to take me out on a date. I was still pretty puzzled over what was going on, but it was legitimately not a good time for me because of some family problems. He asked for another date the next day, and when I said that I still couldn't he told me to stop wasting his time and that he could do better.

    Two weeks pass, and he does the exact same thing, but to my best friend. She has no interest in him at all, and after that he goes back into "stay really quiet" mode... doesn't make eye contact with me anymore, doesn't make eye contact with her...

    About a month or so ago I talked to one of his friends about it, and apparently he thinks of himself as a player, and has been talking about ways to pick up women... pretty typical pick-up artist stuff, but I guess you already have to know how to talk to women to make it work. He apprantely has had some success though with some other girls so far.

  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    I know he is attractive, but if a 7 foot tall drunk guy cornered me in the bathroom with his tongue out I'd be crying myself to sleep with electric tape keeping my buttcheeks together so I couldn't be raped.

    juggcat.jpg
  • WeaverWeaver send help pirates have meRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yukira wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

    I'd say it's a win.

    I'm in my second marriage

    How many points does that get me?

    ProfessionalandCommander_zps6c326307.jpg
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights fuck tough be coolRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I have been told by more than one person that I have game

    Unfortunately I am shy and self loathing and so this game only makes it so that we have one pleasant conversation before I proceed to annoy or scare the girl and we never talk again

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2009
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say
    loooooove is a many splendored thing:whistle:

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Hunter wrote: »
    If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

    So has the repeated exposure to Rohypnol made you build up a resistance

    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
  • WeaverWeaver send help pirates have meRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    love


    is a fiery thing

    ProfessionalandCommander_zps6c326307.jpg
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    my strategy is to be shy and bumble around and then almost date a girl then be friends

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2009
    GameGrrl wrote: »
    how could you tell he was using the method

    I have no idea what these things are

    Well, I've had a guy try to 'seduce' me... he's actually an acquaintance from highschool. Before when we were in highschool he was really awkward. Outside of his small circle of friends (some pretty nerdy guys who played Magic daily during school), he didn't talk at all. At prom he had one of his friends ask me to dance with him, I'm not sure but people have told me he had crush on me, but we barely talked in highschool at all.

    Now we're going to different schools, but we still end up seeing each other at times, and he's completely different from the way he was before... but not in a good way. Now he's not afraid to talk or to approach women (including me), but he's so arrogant and in your face about it... it makes me really uncomfortable to be around him. When we were out once with some friends he pretty much made a point of walking straight up to me and asking me for my number. I didn't really think about it and just gave it to him. Then he left really abruptly and pretended like I wasn't there for the rest of the night.

    He called me up two days after and told me he wanted to take me out on a date. I was still pretty puzzled over what was going on, but it was legitimately not a good time for me because of some family problems. He asked for another date the next day, and when I said that I still couldn't he told me to stop wasting his time and that he could do better.

    Two weeks pass, and he does the exact same thing, but to my best friend. She has no interest in him at all, and after that he goes back into "stay really quiet" mode... doesn't make eye contact with me anymore, doesn't make eye contact with her...

    About a month or so ago I talked to one of his friends about it, and apparently he thinks of himself as a player, and has been talking about ways to pick up women... pretty typical pick-up artist stuff, but I guess you already have to know how to talk to women to make it work. He apprantely has had some success though with some other girls so far.
    you just fear the alpha male

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • YukiraYukira My watch is stopped on Jump Time.Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Weaver wrote: »
    Yukira wrote: »
    Hunter wrote: »
    I'm married, so does that mean I won or lost the game?

    I'd say it's a win.

    I'm in my second marriage

    How many points does that get me?

    50. 100 for having two at once.

    Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn - Masha Amariyo
    3DS Friend Code: 4854-6566-1045 | Nintendo Network ID: ModelZ
    I guess I upload Mario Kart videos.
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    one

    cut a hole in a box

    two

    put your junk in that box

    three

    make her open the box

    and that's the way you do it

    xmassig2.gif
  • World as MythWorld as Myth Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Fiz wrote: »
    my boyfriend's seduction method, prior to us dating, was to get very drunk at parties and then corner me in a bathroom and make out with me

    this went on for the better part of two years

    kid's got game what can I say

    I know he is attractive, but if a 7 foot tall drunk guy cornered me in the bathroom with his tongue out I'd be crying myself to sleep with electric tape keeping my buttcheeks together so I couldn't be raped.
    perhaps I've been uncharitable; it wasn't exactly one-sided

    kQwcZLJ.png
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    i don't have a method

    i never even think of hitting on girls because i'm oblivious as fuck

    reposig.jpg
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