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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Dear sweet jesus cpt hamilton... we may both know this girl as i grew up in durham... did this happen in durham? in the past 27 years?

    Nah, this was... hrm. Been married 3 years, dated a year, so a span of time between 2002 and 2005 in SC, not NC.

    Ah gotcha. Well always neat to stumble across someone right down the road via the internets.

    Edit: worst TOTP ever.

    I think that there are like a half dozen of us Durham-ites on this forum. Maybe we should have a mini-meetup one day.

    To return to the thread topic:

    My sister dated (at my strong, strong protestation) a guy who was 24 when she was... 14? 13, maybe? One of those. He was between 10 and 11 years her senior and she was a teen in any case.

    This guy was like the stereotype of all bad boyfriends you don't want your kid sister dating.
    * He lived with his mom at 24, having never moved out. Of course, he dropped out of highschool so didn't ever go away to college to help him transition away from home.
    * Didn't have a job or want one because his metal band was going to Make It Big. Except of course that they only played two gigs a year and hadn't written a new song since they started.
    * Abused methadone after getting out of the clinic to get off of whatever painkillers he was on before getting sent to the methadone clinic. My sister actually broke up with him, finally, in part because he tried to get her to do methadone with him. I wasn't even aware people abused that stuff before him.
    * Was a hard-core Nazi sympathizer and...fetishist, I guess. He had the whole SS getup and tattoos he'd done himself with a home-made tattoo gun.
    * Had a blood-drinking fetish (the other reason my sister dumped him when she found out).

    I'm pretty sure that I would have done something violent to the guy were I not such an absolutely staunch pacifist outside of times of dire threat.

    OptimusZed wrote: »
    Jesus, people. This thread is like a running gunbattle with stupid bullets.
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Well, to be fair, blood-drinking high-school dropout Nazi addict losers need love too.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Well, to be fair, blood-drinking high-school dropout Nazi addict losers need love too.

    Don't forget metal-playing.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    Well, to be fair, blood-drinking high-school dropout Nazi addict losers need love too.

    Don't forget metal-playing.

    I figured that was covered with the combination of "high school dropout" and "losers".

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • cloudeaglecloudeagle Zhu-Li, do the thing! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Blood-drinking? I should totally set him up with the tiny Filipina who wanted to make me bleed.

    3DS: 0344-9335-6762
  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    And my sister wondered why I insisted on meeting all of her dates.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Blood-drinking? I should totally set him up with the tiny Filipina who wanted to make me bleed.

    Or maybe the chick who wanted that guy to eat her used tampon.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • MelksterMelkster Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You know, we could totally set up lots of crazies with eachother this way.

  • ArchArch HELLO YES THIS IS BUG Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Blood-drinking? I should totally set him up with the tiny Filipina who wanted to make me bleed.

    Or maybe the chick who wanted that guy to eat her used tampon.

    Wait....wat?

  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Blood-drinking? I should totally set him up with the tiny Filipina who wanted to make me bleed.

    Or maybe the chick who wanted that guy to eat her used tampon.

    Wait....wat?

    Tread with caution ... http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showpost.php?p=11267649&postcount=937

  • McDudersteinMcDuderstein Registered User
    edited August 2009
    MT_Max wrote: »
    Arch wrote: »
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Blood-drinking? I should totally set him up with the tiny Filipina who wanted to make me bleed.

    Or maybe the chick who wanted that guy to eat her used tampon.

    Wait....wat?

    Thread with caution ... http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showpost.php?p=11267649&postcount=937

    Fix'd?

    Spoiler:
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    Well, to be fair, blood-drinking high-school dropout Nazi addict losers need love too.

    Don't forget metal-playing.

    I figured that was covered with the combination of "high school dropout" and "losers".

    zing

  • DuffelDuffel Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I think that there are like a half dozen of us Durham-ites on this forum. Maybe we should have a mini-meetup one day.

    To return to the thread topic:

    My sister dated (at my strong, strong protestation) a guy who was 24 when she was... 14? 13, maybe? One of those. He was between 10 and 11 years her senior and she was a teen in any case.

    This guy was like the stereotype of all bad boyfriends you don't want your kid sister dating.
    * He lived with his mom at 24, having never moved out. Of course, he dropped out of highschool so didn't ever go away to college to help him transition away from home.
    * Didn't have a job or want one because his metal band was going to Make It Big. Except of course that they only played two gigs a year and hadn't written a new song since they started.
    * Abused methadone after getting out of the clinic to get off of whatever painkillers he was on before getting sent to the methadone clinic. My sister actually broke up with him, finally, in part because he tried to get her to do methadone with him. I wasn't even aware people abused that stuff before him.
    * Was a hard-core Nazi sympathizer and...fetishist, I guess. He had the whole SS getup and tattoos he'd done himself with a home-made tattoo gun.
    * Had a blood-drinking fetish (the other reason my sister dumped him when she found out).

    I'm pretty sure that I would have done something violent to the guy were I not such an absolutely staunch pacifist outside of times of dire threat.
    I have to know - Did this guy wear t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off, and/or have a mustache.

    IROC for bonus points.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    It may or may not have looked like this:
    Spoiler:

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • MelksterMelkster Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    That guy could actually be cute.

    But no.

    He had to wear that stupid horrible mustache.

    Ugggh.

    Men.

  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    I think that there are like a half dozen of us Durham-ites on this forum. Maybe we should have a mini-meetup one day.

    To return to the thread topic:

    My sister dated (at my strong, strong protestation) a guy who was 24 when she was... 14? 13, maybe? One of those. He was between 10 and 11 years her senior and she was a teen in any case.

    This guy was like the stereotype of all bad boyfriends you don't want your kid sister dating.
    * He lived with his mom at 24, having never moved out. Of course, he dropped out of highschool so didn't ever go away to college to help him transition away from home.
    * Didn't have a job or want one because his metal band was going to Make It Big. Except of course that they only played two gigs a year and hadn't written a new song since they started.
    * Abused methadone after getting out of the clinic to get off of whatever painkillers he was on before getting sent to the methadone clinic. My sister actually broke up with him, finally, in part because he tried to get her to do methadone with him. I wasn't even aware people abused that stuff before him.
    * Was a hard-core Nazi sympathizer and...fetishist, I guess. He had the whole SS getup and tattoos he'd done himself with a home-made tattoo gun.
    * Had a blood-drinking fetish (the other reason my sister dumped him when she found out).

    I'm pretty sure that I would have done something violent to the guy were I not such an absolutely staunch pacifist outside of times of dire threat.
    I have to know - Did this guy wear t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off, and/or have a mustache.

    IROC for bonus points.

    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.

    OptimusZed wrote: »
    Jesus, people. This thread is like a running gunbattle with stupid bullets.
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Melkster wrote: »
    That guy could actually be cute.

    But no.

    He had to wear that stupid horrible mustache.

    Ugggh.

    Men.

    Well we can't all be sex chryssalids, in alien cults or force the opposite sex to chew on our hygiene products.

    We didn't want to be unoriginal, so we developed our own special kind of crazy.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • ArchArch HELLO YES THIS IS BUG Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Melkster wrote: »
    That guy could actually be cute.

    But no.

    He had to wear that stupid horrible mustache.

    Ugggh.

    Men.

    I know right? I wish I could like...date women...
    Spoiler:

  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Don't knock Tampon chewing till you've tried it, bros.

  • DuffelDuffel Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

  • BolthornBolthorn Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

    At least tell me he was into crappy metal.

    bolthorn_zps8e770883.png
    SteamID : http://steamcommunity.com/id/Bolthorn/
    PSN : Bolthorn
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Bolthorn wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

    At least tell me he was into crappy metal.

    This seems pretty redundant.
    Spoiler:

  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

    He didn't have a car, but I would be willing to bet that, if he did, he would have done that. Except that he had this weird growl of a voice like he smoked three packs a day for 10 years and had just been punched in the gut. So it would've been more like, 'whuuuuuu'.

    Hrm. More crazy stories...

    I had a roommate who (for reasons that are lost in the mists of time and stupidity) dated this horrible troll of a woman. He was no prize catch either, and had a body odor that left behind a strange, metallic scent that lingered in his former bedroom for ~4 months afterward, but she was really one of nature's wonders. About 5' tall, wide of body and wider of face, with crooked teeth where they weren't just rotten and broken off. I don't recall her name but we all called her Snaggletooth, except roommate who called her Dragon Lady for reasons unknown. Their relationship largely consisted of her coming to parties we threw, attempting to molest unwilling young women on our hallway floor once they were drunk, and having sex with roommate whenever she could get someone to watch her kid.

    Eventually he dumped her. She started showing up outside of his work (which, unfortunately, was also my work). Now, you'd think she'd figure out what time he worked in addition to where and just wait during those times. Especially after the first instance. But according to the security guard she'd get there and just stand around smoking by the parking lot for upwards of 3-4 hours waiting for roommate to leave work, then jump him and attempt to talk him into having sex. When the security guy started telling her she couldn't just hang around she would leave notes and little boxes containing candy (Why? Who knows!) on his car. At one point she tied a bra to his antenna. I'm not sure how he finally got rid of her but she did eventually go away. I was always kind of frightened she'd try to 'I can't have him, so I'll get his roommate instead!' deal that many posters in this thread have mentioned. Luckily I guess I wasn't her type or something as I don't think we ever exchanged more than 20 words, usually along the lines of, "Don't puke on my carpet!" or "Leave her alone, she said no!" or "Move over; I'm trying to get to my bedroom!"

    OptimusZed wrote: »
    Jesus, people. This thread is like a running gunbattle with stupid bullets.
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    Bolthorn wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

    At least tell me he was into crappy metal.

    This seems pretty redundant.
    Spoiler:

    Hey now. Depending on your definition of metal there are a lot of good metal bands. Even independent of that I like a few metal bands from time to time. Cradle of Filth is always good for a laugh when you're feeling angry, and Dani Filth has a hell of a vocal range. And Meshuggah's Abnegating Cecity is both a cool song name and a decent (for metal, at least) song.

    OptimusZed wrote: »
    Jesus, people. This thread is like a running gunbattle with stupid bullets.
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote:
    Screams at me for the rest of the night about what a fucking retarded gift it is. How she can't use any of the coffee she already has, and how she already has a coffee machine, and how the rest of the gifts better be fucking awesome or she's dumping my ass.
    Um.
    Spoiler:

    "How'd you like some grapefruit?"

    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I definitely have trouble with people who are ungrateful. I personally try to show appreciation to people for things they do, be they extravagent presents or small acts of kindness.

    I've dated women where you could buy them a gift, flowers, do some chores around the house, and all that good will can be ruined by the smallest of inadvertant misteps or a poorly chosen turn of phrase.

    It's becoming one of my pet peeves.

    sigtwo.png
  • MelksterMelkster Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    Melkster wrote: »
    That guy could actually be cute.

    But no.

    He had to wear that stupid horrible mustache.

    Ugggh.

    Men.

    I know right? I wish I could like...date women...
    Spoiler:

    Wait.

    Is that guy someone we know?

    Or just a random guy from Google images or something?

  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    I definitely have trouble with people who are ungrateful. I personally try to show appreciation to people for things they do, be they extravagent presents or small acts of kindness.

    I've dated women where you could buy them a gift, flowers, do some chores around the house, and all that good will can be ruined by the smallest of inadvertant misteps or a poorly chosen turn of phrase.

    It's becoming one of my pet peeves.

    I know a nice Canadian girl with a sweet temperament. I can certify her as not crazy and she loves getting things like that. Would you like her number? :mrgreen:

  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    Bolthorn wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    Sadly no, because that would be hilarious. He pretty much exclusively wore band t-shirts of metal bands or gothy button-down shirts. His previous girlfriend was my now-wife's then-best-friend. She was a teacher and would argue with him because she regularly ran into her students' parents when out and about and didn't want to be standing next to a guy wearing a Corpse Sodomy t-shirt or similar.
    At least tell me you'd seen him doing donuts in an abandoned parking lot with the windows rolled down yelling "WHOOOOOO!"

    At least tell me he was into crappy metal.

    This seems pretty redundant.
    Spoiler:

    Hey now. Depending on your definition of metal there are a lot of good metal bands. Even independent of that I like a few metal bands from time to time. Cradle of Filth is always good for a laugh when you're feeling angry, and Dani Filth has a hell of a vocal range. And Meshuggah's Abnegating Cecity is both a cool song name and a decent (for metal, at least) song.

    The only metal I listen to on a regular basis is Metallica's first three albums, Megadeth and Dethklok. I should expand my interests.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Just... Just, the worstRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Melkster wrote: »
    just a random guy from Google images or something?

    Yep.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • cloudeaglecloudeagle Zhu-Li, do the thing! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    The only metal I listen to on a regular basis is Metallica's first three albums, Megadeth and Dethklok. I should expand my interests.

    Playing Brutal Legend may help.
    Spoiler:

    3DS: 0344-9335-6762
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    The only metal I listen to on a regular basis is Metallica's first three albums, Megadeth and Dethklok. I should expand my interests.

    Playing Brutal Legend may help.
    Spoiler:

    I like a lot of songs on that list, but this is the first time I've seen it. Thats a pretty badass soundtrack.

  • BolthornBolthorn Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Okay, I had my share of the crazies. Here's a story that is quite a bit o_O and :shock: and :cry:

    Spoiler for the long.
    Spoiler:

    There are some more one offs I'm sure I could pull from this relationship and a few others, maybe later.

    bolthorn_zps8e770883.png
    SteamID : http://steamcommunity.com/id/Bolthorn/
    PSN : Bolthorn
  • DunxcoDunxco Should get a suit Never skips breakfastRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    ... That is a sad, sad tale, Bolthorn. :(

  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Bolthorn wrote: »
    see her a few weeks later and she's drunk and wants to spend the night at my house. I refuse and her friends get all up in arms about "I thought you were going to still be her friend!". My reply, "you obviously still are, let her crash at your place".

    +1

  • ProPatriaMoriProPatriaMori Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    non-euclidean spiderweb...(so if I didn't get my cookie beforehand, I was out of luck).

    Aside from, you know, heaping platters of crazy these stuck out to me. Most spiderwebs I can think of are pretty polar, which isn't a Euclidean geometry, so I'm trying to figure out that imagery now.

    Also, "get my cookie" is one of the funniest euphemisms I've read today. Thanks.

  • DuffelDuffel Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Man, today's stories have been kind of unsettling.

  • NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm not sure if I posted my "first" story but here it goes...

    So I'm 21, and I've been in the Navy for 2 years now and I'm stationed in my home town of Sandy Eggo. SD is not really very friendly towards Squids as I discovered. (While talking to a girl online, she asks "waddya do?" I reply that I'm in the navy followed promptly by <user disconnected>.)

    S, this is October 2001 and I just celebrated my 21st birth about a week before 9/11 so I'm looking at things VERY differently now and I wanted someone in my life. I don't remember how I met her except that it was online, but we exchange emails and eventually she tells me that she needs a place to stay for the weekend. Being the nice guy that wants to help everyone that I am, I agree to put her up in a hotel room (lived with grandparents/onboard ship at the time). I meet her at a trolly station and we head over to a Motel 6. She laughs and tells me that she's been here before and was actually busted on Cops and they had to break their pipes on camera^ (I'll be using ^ to mark red flags.)

    That night, after spending some time together and her telling me about all her troubles we go back to the motel room. We start making out a bit and things get close, however I'm not packing any rubbers. So I proceed to power walk about a mile in 8 mintues to a gas station and pick up a box. After a blissful 5 mintues I tell her that she was my first and I ask her what number I am (32, she was 19 by the way)^. She mildly gets upset about this and calls one if her friends up where I hear her end of the conversation "I just slept with 32 guys. <pause> No, not at once! Does that make me a slut? <No, that means your well experienced.> Funny, he said the same thing."

    Anyway, we spent the weekend using up the box. Now things start getting... Bad. We start IMing eachother and eventually someone who says that they're her old friend starts threatening me on AIM. Ez (the girl) starts freaking out when I tell her about this and says that they used to be best friends, but she blames Ez for her brother's shooting death. She needs a couple hundred bucks to get back to Mexico and hide with her aunt. ^

    That was just one such incident. Another was she said she was pregnant from our weekend. It wasn't mine since I left Sunday night to sleep onboard the ship, but she made a booty call to one of her friends and they slept together^ without protection^. Being the nice, caring guy I am, offered to help her out. She accepted my offer and took another couple hundred.^

    During this time, I kept in touch with my dad and he kept telling me to get out of this relationship. Gave me a bunch of warning signs to look for and by Jove if she didn't hit every single one of them (claimed to have a kid, every single time she contacted me it was for money, etc). He looked into the reported shooting incident and nothing (2 of my uncles are former/current police in SD, they had no reported incidents at that time in that area.)

    Did I mention that after that first weekend we never saw each other for longer than 3 hours? And that we only got together about maybe 5 or 6 times after that weekend? Each time me giving her another couple of hundred dollars? This "relationship" lasted a little over a year and cost me roughly $1200. But I'm the nice helpful guy who (at the time) had two steady paychecks a month.

    newSig.jpg
  • NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Post story stinger:

    So I've been telling my roommate some of these stories and I asked him since he's young and never had a relationship last longer than six months, he's got to have some crazy ex stories.

    "Well, there was that time I found out my girlfriend cheated on me with four guys.

    At the same time."

    newSig.jpg
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    Your definition of Army Whore differs from the one I know.

    Most of the few that I know are just chicks that take their time in the service pretty much making the rounds with whoever. Most of them had husbands.

    Had.

    Most of them end up getting discharged as well.

    QlBGc.jpg
This discussion has been closed.