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How about some awful jokes

tuggatugga how neat is thatthats pretty neatRegistered User regular
I just found a website

http://jokesareawesome.com/


and terrible jokes are kind of my thing

so ITT we make bad jokes, and they must be awful or you will be ridiculed for having a poor sense of humor
A guy was walking down the street when he noticed a little boy walking aroundwith a piece of steak on his head. So he asked, "Little boy, why do you have apiece of steak on your head?""I'm not a boy," the boy answered. "I'm a fork."
Down in Virginia, the prosecutors brag they could get a grand jury to bring a ham sandwich to trial. In fact, just last week, a banana was actually convicted of murder. It was overturned on appeal.
Two pretzels were walking down the street, then one got a-salted
A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us.""It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

tugga on
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Posts

  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    a fish runs into a wall

    DAM

    rat.jpg facebook? tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Wishlist! satan here!
  • MorivethMoriveth Registered User regular
    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

    KanjiSig.png
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    what's the hardest part about roller blading?
    Spoiler:

  • PataPata Registered User regular
    A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Mullah walk into a bar.

    Spoiler:
  • BeastehBeasteh RIP BIG CHRIZZLERegistered User regular
    two flies are arguing on a toilet seat

    one of em gets pissed off

  • BusterKBusterK Negativity is Boring Cynicism is Cowardice Registered User regular
    What do you call a masturbating cow?



    Beef Stroganoff

    Visit http://www.cruzflores.com for all your Cruz Flores needs. Also listen to the podcast I do with Penguin Incarnate http://wgsgshow.podomatic.com
    Amazon Wishlist: http://www.amazon.com/BusterK/wishlist/3JPEKJGX9G54I/ref=cm_wl_search_bin_1
  • Anjin-SanAnjin-San That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    boy starts crying, doesn't want to see his grandma

    father says "SHUT UP, KEEP DIGGING"

  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Registered User regular
    A man walks into a bar.
    He says, "Ow".

    potato_sig.gif
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    What kinda cheese is not yours?

    nacho cheese!

    rat.jpg facebook? tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Wishlist! satan here!
  • BeastehBeasteh RIP BIG CHRIZZLERegistered User regular
    what do you call a leper in a bathtub
    Spoiler:

  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    black people

    STEAM
    Spoiler:
  • VanityPantsVanityPants Registered User regular
    What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
    Spoiler:

  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    Spoiler:

    sig1.jpg
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository PAHK YAH CAH IN DAH YAHD BAWH-STANRegistered User regular
    What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
    Spoiler:

    Your fuckin' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy on the weekends. I got that right?
  • DruhimDruhim Usagi's cuddlefish Registered User, ClubPA regular
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    confucious say not cross road or else you might get tired

    reposig.jpg
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    neil looks coked out of his mind

    STEAM
    Spoiler:
  • DeathPrawnDeathPrawn Registered User
    Confucius say baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk

    Signature not found.
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Greatest Wizard In All of Ooo. Cantrip!Registered User regular
    Two guys walk into a bar


    Third one ducks.

  • SeriouslySeriously Maarebas Registered User regular
    I like the idea of jokes such as Hester and Chester or Better Nate than Lever but to actually execute them would be a difficult task outside of print.

    NSxe4l9.png
  • Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is enough!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

  • SeriouslySeriously Maarebas Registered User regular
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    NSxe4l9.png
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is Un oeuf!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

    fixed

  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    Seriously wrote: »
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    oh, ya think?

    STEAM
    Spoiler:
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    celandine wrote: »
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    have you read Watchmen?

  • SeriouslySeriously Maarebas Registered User regular
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    One day when I am old and pretending to be wise I will tell this story, but in the end invalidate the entire point by having Pagliacci burst out laughing at the situation.

    NSxe4l9.png
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is enough!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

    What happened to the three cats who went out sailing in a hurricane?
    Spoiler:

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • unintentionalunintentional Registered User regular
    What's the difference between a violin and an onion?

    No one cries when you slice up a violin

    i'm out, follow me on twitter @uninten , steam is GaryMyNemesis
  • SeriouslySeriously Maarebas Registered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    oh, ya think?

    Yes.

    Imagine the plight of someone who is desperately saying "enough" over and over, stretching it out, sounding it out, trying different accents.

    I wish to prevent this situation.

    NSxe4l9.png
  • MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    Why did Hellen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?

    You would too if your name was MNYEIWRAWROOO

  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    Abe goes to the doctor, finds out he has a brain tumor, only has one more day to live.
    He goes home, tells his wife, "Sarah, I only have one day to live."
    "Oh, that's awful! Tell me, honey, is there anything you want to do tonight, seeing as, you know, it's your last night to live?"
    "Well, um, it would be really nice if we could fool around, seeing as it's my last night to live."
    So, Abe and Sarah have sex, and it's really great.
    Abe says, "Would you, um, mind if we fooled around again?"
    "Sure, honey, anything you like, after all, you're a dying man."
    So they fool around again, and it's really great.
    Abe says, "Sarah, you know, that was wonderful, but I'd just really like to do it one more time."
    "Oh, for goodness sake, Abe! You don't have to get up in the morning!"

    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    guy has been going to a therapist for a few months now, and he tells his doctor he's worried about his brother

    "He just keeps walking around the house all day clucking and pecking at the ground. Guy honestly thinks he's a chicken. I'm not really sure what to do about it."

    therapist says, "well, maybe you should bring him in to see me. I could be able to help"

    and the man says, "you know, I would do that, doc, but I need the eggs"

  • MathildaMathilda Registered User
    A baby seal walks into a club


    I AM A COMEDIC GENIUS!

  • MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    What do you call a gay chinaman?

    Chew Man Chew

  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    Antimatter wrote: »
    celandine wrote: »
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    have you read Watchmen?

    Yes, of course. That's why you're twisted.

    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
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