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The Monocled Cock: D&D's List of Greatest Historical Figures

Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
edited October 2009 in Debate and/or Discourse
Lists. We love them, we hate them, we engage in debate and discourse over them. It is time that Debate and Discourse, this esteemed collection of intellectuals and _J_, craft their own list.

Thusly, I introduce The Monocled Cock, an award granted to those historical figures who most exemplify the human spirit, who have pushed the boundaries of what we were capable of, who have altered the course of human history for the better, who are not Canadian.

This will work in two stages. The first stage is the nomination phase. Anyone can nominate a historical figure for this esteemed award, though I ask you to keep it serious. You can also nominate as many historical figures as you want. When nominated, please enclose it in "<nomination></nomination>" tags and color it lime. This makes it easy for me to search for and find them.

Example:
<nomination>Karl Marx</nomination>

During the nomination phase, discussion is encouraged! Please, discuss these great figures of history, engage in that thing which we are second greatest at (first greatest is, of course, cock jokes): debate and discourse.

After some completely arbitrary length of time, I will gather up the list and give the list to all who are interested in voting. You will rank them and then I will use mathematics to determine the final list! The mods will be used to break any ties, should they arise.

So, my friends, NOMINATE ON!

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Premier kakos on
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Posts

  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
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    Organichu on
  • Dr Mario KartDr Mario Kart Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You should do it like how mcc does his GOTY thread at G&T. Its got all sorts of fancy maths.

    Dr Mario Kart on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Organichu wrote: »
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    Premier kakos on
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  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <nomination>Johannes Gutenberg</nomination>

    I think for obvious reasons.

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    You should do it like how mcc does his GOTY thread at G&T. Its got all sorts of fancy maths.

    I'm going to be using the Condorcet method to generate the final list. Condorcet is keen and awesome.

    Premier kakos on
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  • Crimson KingCrimson King Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Or you could just say Teddy Roosevelt and save everyone's time.

    Crimson King on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Or you could just say Teddy Roosevelt and save everyone's time.

    I assume you meant to say

    <nomination>Theodore Roosevelt</nomination>

    ?

    Premier kakos on
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  • BerenBeren Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <Nomination>Shakespeare</nomination>

    It doesn't get better than Shakespeare. It just doesn't.

    Beren on
    PS4: DarconvillesCat
  • RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <Nomination>Henry II of England</nomination>

    Pros:
    - Ruled the Angevin Empire, England and Half of Modern France, as well as bits of Wales and Ireland.
    - Codified the common law system, where law is usually made by court cases and judge decisions, the system used in the UK and United States today.
    Cons:
    - Got into a massive shitstorm with Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, over whether the church should be subordinate to secular authority. His famous lament of frustration, "Who will rid me of this turbulent priest", was construed to be a royal command by four knights, who went off and murdered Becket, widely considered the worst crime in Christendom.
    - Thanks to mismanagement by his sons, the Angevin Empire was a bit of a flash in the pan, and already started to fall apart 15 years after his death.

    RMS Oceanic on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Beren wrote: »
    <Nomination>Shakespeare</nomination>

    It doesn't get better than Shakespeare. It just doesn't.

    Honestly, I never got the Shakespeare love. I mean, his plays are pretty decent, but they're not as spooge-worthy as everyone thinks they are in my opinion. Shakespeare sort of is in the same category as the Beatles for me. I don't dislike them, but I don't think they're great and they certainly aren't as great as everyone thinks they are (again, in my opinion).

    Premier kakos on
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  • cyphrcyphr Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Hmm, if we have to choose just one, it's going to be close between enlightenedbum, me, and whoever nominates Jesus (are we allowing figures whose existence is debated?)

    Anyways, I feel like Gutenberg's achievements would have been realized by someone else, given time, but there could only be one (YES I KNOW ABOUT LIEBNIZ)

    <nomination>Isaac Newton</nomination>

    cyphr on
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  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    I should clarify, you can nominate as many people as you want.

    Premier kakos on
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  • deadonthestreetdeadonthestreet Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Beren wrote: »

    It doesn't get better than Shakespeare. It just doesn't.

    Chaucer

    deadonthestreet on
  • BerenBeren Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Beren wrote: »
    <Nomination>Shakespeare</nomination>

    It doesn't get better than Shakespeare. It just doesn't.

    Honestly, I never got the Shakespeare love. I mean, his plays are pretty decent, but they're not as spooge-worthy as everyone thinks they are in my opinion. Shakespeare sort of is in the same category as the Beatles for me. I don't dislike them, but I don't think they're great and they certainly aren't as great as everyone thinks they are (again, in my opinion).

    Shakespeare is secular scripture. It is, basically, the basis for all great literature after it. Whether through direct influence or deliberate rebellion against

    Mostly, just read Harold Bloom on the subject. You'll slowly understand what it is that makes Shakespeare the greatest writer of all time.

    OF ALL TIME.

    Beren on
    PS4: DarconvillesCat
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Dibs on <nomination>Norman Borlaug.</nomination>

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • Crimson KingCrimson King Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I should clarify, you can nominate as many people as you want.

    oh okay

    <nomination>Theodore Roosevelt</nomination>

    I don't actually know that much about him though, I just know everyone on the internet loves him and that he was the most badass president

    Crimson King on
  • BerenBeren Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Beren wrote: »

    It doesn't get better than Shakespeare. It just doesn't.

    Chaucer

    Chaucer is up there. The Wife of Bath is one of the best characters ever. But Shakespeare at his height is better than Chaucer. Hamlet, King Lear, Macbeth, are superior.

    But yeah. Chaucer is the fucking man.

    Beren on
    PS4: DarconvillesCat
  • AegisAegis Not Quite TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <Nomination>Lester B. Pearson</Nomination>

    For the modern concept of peacekeeping and end of the Suez Crisis, and thus indirectly giving a role to the United Nations and/or legitimizing its position in the world, even if it hasn't really followed up very effectively at times.

    Also as a :P to kakos.

    Aegis on
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  • cyphrcyphr Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Gosling wrote: »
    Dibs on <nomination>Norman Borlaug.</nomination>
    Well played, well played.

    cyphr on
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  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Nomination splurge!

    <nomination>Archimedes</nomination>

    <nomination>Julius Caesar</nomination>

    <nomination>Leonardo da Vinci</nomination>

    <nomination>Euclid</nomination>

    <nomination>Leonard Euler</nomination>

    <nomination>Sir Isaac Newton</nomination>

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I should clarify, you can nominate as many people as you want.
    Eh. I'll hang back until others have had a chance and then I'll sop up whoever's left that I think got missed.

    You may want to list nominated people in the OP so people don't inadvertently repeat.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    cyphr wrote: »
    Gosling wrote: »
    Dibs on <nomination>Norman Borlaug.</nomination>
    Well played, well played.

    Indeed, that is exceptionally well played.

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • ElldrenElldren Is a woman dammit I'm a good person yes it's trueRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Phase I: the conquerors, liberators, and uniters
    <nomination>William The Bastard</nomination>
    <nomination>Emperor Pedro I</nomination>
    <nomination>Simón Bolívar</nomination>
    <nomination>Oda Nobunaga</nomination>
    <nomination>Otto von Bismarck</nomination>
    <nomination>Vittorio Emanuele II</nomination>
    <nomination>Mao Zedong</nomination>
    <nomination>Genghis Khan</nomination>
    <nomination>Julius Caesar</nomination>

    fakedit: there are way too many I give up

    Elldren on
    fuck gendered marketing
  • BerenBeren Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Just naming lists of names is kinda boring.

    Beren on
    PS4: DarconvillesCat
  • Crimson KingCrimson King Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Elldren wrote: »
    Phase I: the conquerors, liberators, and uniters

    <nomination>Mao Zedong</nomination>

    um Mao Zedong was an evil mass murderer

    Crimson King on
  • JudgementJudgement Registered User
    edited October 2009
    <nomination>Martin Luther King Jr.</nomination>

    Judgement on
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  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Mao? No. Just no. Great Leap Forward, man, seriously. Some Chinese wound up reverting to cannibalism they were starving so badly.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • _J__J_ Pedant Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    historical figures who most exemplify the human spirit, who have pushed the boundaries of what we were capable of, who have altered the course of human history for the better, who are not Canadian.

    george-carlin.jpg

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d79FmF1_YUQ

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvF1Q3UidWM


    <Nomination>George Carlin</Nomination>

    _J_ on
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Elldren wrote: »
    Phase I: the conquerors, liberators, and uniters
    <nomination>William The Bastard</nomination>
    <nomination>Emperor Pedro I</nomination>
    <nomination>Simón Bolívar</nomination>
    <nomination>Oda Nobunaga</nomination>
    <nomination>Otto von Bismarck</nomination>
    <nomination>Vittorio Emanuele II</nomination>
    <nomination>Mao Zedong</nomination>
    <nomination>Genghis Khan</nomination>
    <nomination>Julius Caesar</nomination>

    fakedit: there are way too many I give up

    Yeah, I'm trying to avoid military figures other than Caesar.

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • AegisAegis Not Quite TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Gosling wrote: »
    Dibs on <nomination>Norman Borlaug.</nomination>

    I never even heard of this guy. I fail so badly :(

    Aegis on
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  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Realistically, we should have a bunch of categories.

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Beren wrote: »
    Just naming lists of names is kinda boring.

    Give it time. Right now we're just making with the really big names that more or less speak for themselves. Once you get into more obscure and more questionable names, it'll pick up.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • deadonthestreetdeadonthestreet Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I mean <nomination>Jesus</nomination> was the best cult leader ever
    <nomination>Muhammad</nomination> was decent as well

    deadonthestreet on
  • RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <Nomination>Sir Winston Churchill</nomination>

    Pros:
    - Pretty much the definition of the right man in the right place at the right time.
    - Stirred the UK into not folding against Hitler. Also helped steer American opinion to support for Britain, before Japan did that much better than he ever could.
    - Charismatic and boisterous, not to mention a master user of wit and sarcasm.
    - Gave us the concept of the Iron Curtain, and was I think genuinely sad at leaving his Polish allies in the lurch.

    Cons:
    - Quite chauvanist.
    - Had a bit of the "Mighty Whitey" about him, was determined to "Keep India out of the hands of the Indians".
    - Royally screwed up Gallipolli in World War I.

    RMS Oceanic on
  • PantsBPantsB Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Don't get cute, draft your studs in the first round.
    <nomination>Abraham Lincoln</nomination>
    lincoln-memorial-brian-mcdunn.jpg

    If there's nothing against multiple nominations
    <nomination>René Descartes</nomination> (Key figure in development of the Scientific Method, mathematics and philosophy (and philosophy 101 courses))

    If I was pulling a Mel Kiper, I'd still have John Locke, Benjamin Franklin, Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton, Copernicus, Galileo, Leonardo (huge upside if not as influential as he could have been) and Simon Bolivar high on the Big Board.

    PantsB on
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    QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Should we just get all the major religious figures out of the way?

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • JudgementJudgement Registered User
    edited October 2009
    I agree with Bum, we should have different categories.

    There will be an "Artists" and a "Philosophers" list.

    A "George Carlin" and a "Martin Luther King Jr." list.

    Judgement on
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  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Aegis wrote: »
    Gosling wrote: »
    Dibs on <nomination>Norman Borlaug.</nomination>

    I never even heard of this guy. I fail so badly :(

    Neither have a lot of people. Used to be that wheat was top-heavy; the seeds were too big and made the stalks topple. Borlaug engineered smaller seeds, which made the grain harvestable.

    He's credited with saving a billion lives.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Pokemon Champion (retired) Ann ArborRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    PantsB wrote: »
    Don't get cute, draft your studs in the first round.
    <nomination>Abraham Lincoln</nomination>
    lincoln-memorial-brian-mcdunn.jpg

    If there's nothing against multiple nominations
    <nomination>René Descartes</nomination> (Key figure in development of the Scientific Method, mathematics and philosophy (and philosophy 101 courses))

    If I was pulling a Mel Kiper, I'd still have John Locke, Benjamin Franklin, Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton, Copernicus, Galileo, Leonardo (huge upside if not as influential as he could have been) and Simon Bolivar high on the Big Board.

    Clearly we need to set up a fantasy league with points awarded based on the voting.

    enlightenedbum on
    Never use the phrase "alt right." Call them what they are: white supremacists.
  • Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    <nomination>Plato</nomination>
    <nomination>Aristotle</nomination>
    <nomination>St. Thomas Aquinas</nomination>
    <nomination>St. Augustine</nomination>


    Edit: I'm going to go into pros/cons for each later. Tomorrow, probably. It's 1AM and I'm inexplicably exhausted.

    Salvation122 on
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