So in another post a person is being beaten up because he still lives at home with his parents after college and is in his 20s. I don't see anything wrong with this in most cases... why is everyone so against this?
Disclaimer : I lived with my parents off and on while attending local colleges. I moved out for good at 27, only after having job security... Now I am in the position that I can help out my parents financially because I didn't have to struggle earlier in life. Because of their assistance I know have achieved a better career then either of my parents, have a higher level of education and happily married and about to start a better life.
My wife on the other hand believes everyone should move out the day they turn 18. What she doesn't tell you is that she was still living off her trust fund when we got married and she was 31... I made more dollars in overtime last year alone then she has earned her entire life. But she moved out at 18 so that was MUCH better then what I did by living at home.
I have another friend who just moved out at 30... but he was saving up to buy a house in an aggressive sellers market. Was he wrong? (When the inevitable conversation about bringing the opposite sex home to mom and dad's comes up I will tell you his f'd up theory)
And here is a generic case: Alot of "adults" have their moma and dad move in with them... they take care of their "parents" while raising their own families. But that grandparent is helping out with the cooking, cleaning and in some cases contributing financially to the family . The babysitting they provide is almost priceless in this economy.
So why is it ok/not ok to live with your parents after high school?
And why is it ok and socially more acceptable if your parents "live with you" and you take care of them even if they are contributing in much the same way if the roles were reversed. (In fact most people have houses in the first place because their parents helped them out with it)
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Personally, I'd rather be struggling and independent than secure and reliant.
I don't know about that. Most people I've seen that lived with their parents for a while have purchased homes and or started families quicker and more successfully than those that went straight independent as early as possible. They have also had considerably less debt. Makes sense, if you get a good job and can put like 90% of your income toward savings. No need to buy food or pay housing bills, etc.
I guess the key is to go independent when you are certain you can afford a comfortable lifestyle on your own. Unless you like living rough.
I do not think there is an inherent problem with living with one's parents after high school. I lived with my parents after I graduated college so that I could save money for graduate school. It made no sense to me to pay rent when I could save money by living with parents.
The "problem", I think, is when persons live with their parents and insodoing become stagnant without any direction or compulsion to do anything with their lives. This is not objectively problematic, but it seems very easy to make an argument that stagnation does not behoove one's development, if one at all cares with development.
So, living with parents is fine, economically sensible, and practically reasonable.
I don't really see anything wrong with it.
Their help with the new baby is nice, and the money we save on housing costs lets my wife be a full time mother.
So . . . go intergenerational cooperation.
It can also be a problem to go straight from living with your parents into a serious relationship depending on the person's relationship with their parents and how much they were actually doing at home.
What is the virtue of being independent? Why is independence good?
Well, dependence can sometimes be a burden on the loved ones that are helping you out.
Even still, I'm not sure independence is necessarily a virtue, in and of itself. It can be desirable, though. My brain is wired for independence. It's tied up with my concept of happiness.
Independence means you can basically do whatever you want, live how you want to live.
Most people however, even ones who consider themselves independent, can't really do that.
Basically, hardly anyone is financially stable during college, so IMO it's okay to live with the rents for a while, but I feel like you should try to get on your feet, get a decent job, and move out and live your own life.
That's just me though...and I can't wait to move out, actually.
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Honestly, I've seen so many hypocrites in the 'move when you're 18' crowd that it kinda irks me. "What? You moved out when you're 18 and your parents pay your rent and car payment? Yeah buddy, you're soo independent."
Then again, you do have that small population of 30 something years old whose lives had become stagnant. Work 8 hours, play WoW 10 hours, sleep 6 hours, repeat till infinity. Of course, this situation can happen to people who live with or without their parents.
Seriously, it's all on how the scales balance. If the money saved outweighs the convenience of living without your family, then I say live with your parents. If it tips the other way, then live on your own. It's all circumstantial for a mature person.
I agree with this line of thinking. I did not move out until I was 24 (graduated, had a hard time finding work so went back for a second degree). Moved out to get a graduate degree, lost my job and ran out of money (Cash on hand - credit card debt = -$1500). I had to move back with my parents in order to get financially secure again. Pretty much as soon as that happened I started paying rent to them, which brings me to my point:
If you are in your mid twenties or older, not in school and living with your parents you had better be paying for your own upkeep!
Anyway, ended up living in the house with my brother after my parents moved out / waiting for it to sell (splitting full mortgage/utilities with just him). Finally out again and happier for it, but I was nearly 30 before I reached a point where I was fully able to do so.
Not growing up is a big problem.
Never gaining independence is a great way to stunt your maturity. Parents living with their adult kids is not seen as anything negative because presumably the parents have already done more than their share of maturing, and while they are losing their independence in old age they are not impacting their own growth. They're long past that, and it just makes sense to take care of each other in a family.
Right now my younger brother has a career and a house. My parents moved in with him and sold their house, they all live in the same city. I am going to school in another but was staying there as well to avoid having to work too much while going back to university. They helped me out, nothing wrong with a late 20s individual that moved out at 18 and lived his life independently to move back with family for financial support. (I'm actually moving back to the big city for January to finish off my last terms and begin grad school, since I can't make the commute viable any longer.)
Options? Yea...
I'm going to live back home to save up currency for my grad career, but fucking hell I'm not sure what the fuck to do about dating and sex.
He was 30, had a good job with amazing perks and some nice income, living in his parents basement.
By basement I mean with a kitchenette and approaching 1500 sqft.
He was saving up for a house (which he has since bought.)
He had this theory which i find completely asinine:
Girls will respect him more then if he was sharing an apartment with roommates. he says sharing an apartment with roommates makes you look irresponsible and childish. A woman would be more inclined to respect the person at 30 living at home with his parents. It shows sound financial planning.
I never figured that theory out.
It depends on how he words it.
From a strict standpoint, if he isn't paying rent, it's more money to save toward a house, which seems to have worked out well for him.
It's a moot point now, and even in his favor, because he now has a house of his own.
I fall into this category, but don't understand your quotes. I own the house, bought with my money. I pay the mortgage. My mother lives with me and contributes financially. It works out well. You can't get anyone more reliable (and cleaner!) than your mother in most cases. I will admit it is a little awkward to explain.
TLDR : Children of this generation actually get on quite well with their parents.
Now, this didn't make me financially independent and after a series of almost serious mistakes a few years later, I moved back in with my parents for a year. However, I did have social independence and was allowed to live as an adult and make my own mistakes, and that kind of experience was invaluable to who I am today.
edit: moving out also improved my relationship with my parents immensely.
That's just because most (not all!) popular modern rock sucks ass.
Fuck this economy in its dog raping asshole thats how
i think lots of people also think it's a little weird if your parents cater to you (i.e., do your laundry, clean your room, wash your dishes, etc.). these kinds of chores are things people expect adults to do for themselves. i probably agree with "them" (whoever they are) on this point.
financially, there is nothing better than living with your parents. it's definitely the best way to go. i just think there are too many pitfalls that possibly get in the way of maturing.
After my lease ended, packed up and headed home. In the subsequent year I have been nearly soley responsible for ensuring my younger brother and sister make it to and from school on time, make their sports activities, do appropriate shopping and household tasks, pay rent, etc. My parents and I get along amazingly well. My being around allowed my mother to finish her last year of schooling to finally get a degree, and my father to transition from high school teaching to college courses, things they would not have been able to do without my assistance.
I don't believe the fact that I live with my family makes me any less responsible than someone that lives independently. If anything I feel more mature and responsible from my experiences now, than I ever did living on my own. But, like everything in life, void where prohibited, and your mileage may vary.
I currently live with my parents due to health reasons. I can't currently work at the moment and have been in and out the hospital a bit. So living with my parents right now doesn't bug me since I am not healthy enough to live on my own. In situations like that I see no problem with living with your parents. I get along with mine but I am starting to go a little nuts since I haven't lived with them for a few years.
If you need to live with your parents for health reasons or because of the economy at the time it isn't a huge deal. If you are living there because you have never grown up and prefer to just stay stagnant then I can see it being a problem. I know people who are both.
I think in my situation, both my parents being immigrants, they pushed on my brothers and I about it because it was their conception of America.
I personally find responsible independence to be extremely attractive and valuable. If someone can survive on their own, fully and wholly, they can develop themselves in ways that cannot occur if someone is always constantly and heavily supported. That's not to say anyone is unsupported - very few of us are in that position, and thankfully so, but having time to get to know yourself by yourself is a precious thing to me.
That said, reality prevents me from having any issue with people who do not get that opportunity. Economics, health issues, and the raising of offspring are all reasons I can sympathize with staying with the folks longer than it takes to get your degree. People who elect to do so for other reasons I have no grudge against, but they don't jive with me at all.
It was a while back, but I'd like to chime in: if you are dependent on something and that something is suddenly taken away from you, you're going to suffer. I mean, let's say you have someone who cooks for you all the time. As a result, you never learn how to cook much at all. If that person is suddenly taken away from you, you're going to have a hard time of it until you learn how to cook for yourself. So, if you're relying too much on your parents, you're setting yourself up for a rude awakening. Statistically speaking, they aren't going to be around for your whole life.
I see no problem at all with living with your parents.
Hear, hear. Thats what stopped me from moving while I was in college. I was never going to find a house that was liveable for the amount of money I had. Even Part-time jobs would only have move me up from Rat/Roach infested hellhole to plain Hellhole.
As it was I had to stay with my mom longer due to the shitty jobmarket. The relief I felt when moving out was canceled out by the terror of actually living on my own for the first time. (the terror was mostly unfounded in the end).
It also seems to depend on the part of the country. Where I grew up out west, living with ones' parents was really seen as a mark of shame, but it is pretty common in New England.
Hell, even now, it's not that uncommon for people to live with their parents until they're something like 26 I think. Especially with the economy in the tank, people can't just go get a job with the mill, move out, and get married at 18 like they could 50 years ago. It's a different world now.
Personally, my wife and I got married during college, and we lived on our own for a little while still attending classes. When that was done, we moved up with her parents, and eventually my parents, just trying to find jobs that we could support ourselves on. We finally managed to move out for good when I was 25, and are pretty set finally.