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Help me not cry all over my professor [last update]
ceres
When the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
When the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
So a while back I made this stupid thread about this thing I had to build for a class I wish I'd never taken. I never did really find better instructions (although most of my class did use the ones from the website I posted here), but with a picture of how it works, a picture of someone using a professionally made one, and brainstorming with my husband about what we had around the house (as well as springing for the stuff we didn't at the craft store, which was most of it), I ended up building something that not only worked well, but didn't really look like anything anyone else in my class came up with. I cited the images I used in the paper I had to write, made sure everything jived with the syllabus, and turned it all in.
Time, effort, not a few dollars, and a lot of stress went into making a project that worked. I got a D. A D that is uncomfortably close to an F, as a matter of fact, and I've had some trouble with this class, so this D really hurts. Thanks to this project I will probably have a D for the term, which not only isn't passing as far as my degree is concerned, but it also may well be damaging enough to my GPA to keep me out of grad school.
I emailed her, twice. I said I did everything she wanted and everything the syllabus said, so I really don't understand this grade. She said I could come in Monday around noon to see the rubric she used. I agreed, and said again that I don't understand this.
I've been in tears since I found out about this, 24 hours ago, more or less. The more effort I seem to put into this class the worse my grade is, and I just don't get it. I'm not unaccustomed to getting D's, it's just that... well.. frankly, if I get a D I usually earned it. I feel like this is going to ruin my prospects and I just don't know what I did wrong. And I never should have taken this class.
So now I have to leave in about 6 hours to go talk to her about this. I'm looking more forward to the dentist appointment I have afterwards. I feel like I am going to walk in there, look at this woman, and break down in tears all over her desk.
I'm pretty sure she hates me. If you got a D on something you put so much into, that looked better than all but one of the other 11 projects turned in, what would you think? And I feel like she'll leave me no choice but to try to contest it, and I doubt I'd win, and I'm not even sure that winning would really be winning, if you know what I mean. I respect this teacher's work, and wanted to go into similar. I was hoping to get her support.
Tl;dr: I'm a wreck about a grade I don't feel I deserve from a teacher I respect and I can only imagine hates me. In the morning I am going to go in so she can explain the grade. Help me not cry bitter tears of hatred all over her office and if possible stand my ground because I can't afford this grade.
Time, effort, not a few dollars, and a lot of stress went into making a project that worked. I got a D. A D that is uncomfortably close to an F, as a matter of fact, and I've had some trouble with this class, so this D really hurts. Thanks to this project I will probably have a D for the term, which not only isn't passing as far as my degree is concerned, but it also may well be damaging enough to my GPA to keep me out of grad school.
I emailed her, twice. I said I did everything she wanted and everything the syllabus said, so I really don't understand this grade. She said I could come in Monday around noon to see the rubric she used. I agreed, and said again that I don't understand this.
I've been in tears since I found out about this, 24 hours ago, more or less. The more effort I seem to put into this class the worse my grade is, and I just don't get it. I'm not unaccustomed to getting D's, it's just that... well.. frankly, if I get a D I usually earned it. I feel like this is going to ruin my prospects and I just don't know what I did wrong. And I never should have taken this class.
So now I have to leave in about 6 hours to go talk to her about this. I'm looking more forward to the dentist appointment I have afterwards. I feel like I am going to walk in there, look at this woman, and break down in tears all over her desk.
I'm pretty sure she hates me. If you got a D on something you put so much into, that looked better than all but one of the other 11 projects turned in, what would you think? And I feel like she'll leave me no choice but to try to contest it, and I doubt I'd win, and I'm not even sure that winning would really be winning, if you know what I mean. I respect this teacher's work, and wanted to go into similar. I was hoping to get her support.
Tl;dr: I'm a wreck about a grade I don't feel I deserve from a teacher I respect and I can only imagine hates me. In the morning I am going to go in so she can explain the grade. Help me not cry bitter tears of hatred all over her office and if possible stand my ground because I can't afford this grade.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
ceres on
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You are going to see the teacher, you are going to get this sorted out.
That's it, going to the teacher, and getting it sorted out. Don't get it into your head that a teacher hates you. They have far too many students to start hating on particular ones, unless you are a total shithead in class, she doesn't hate you.
Less being a victim, more fixing the grade
It will probably be seen as a bit provocative by the professor who set the first grade, but if you'll never see her again, why care?
EDIT Well, yeah. What the black hunter said is the most likely scenario.
And I'm worried that if I escalate it, I'll lose any possibility of her support for research... but then, if my grade ends up like this, I guess grad school isn't a concern anyway.
Do not go in with the attitude that you have been cheated or victimised. Go in with the attitude that you A) want to know what went wrong. (Note I didn't say why you didn't get a good grade, that is whiny, what you want to do is being pro-active) which leads me to
Satans..... hints.....
What you are doing now is what we call the park bench syndrome. In your head this small trivial task becomes enormous because ifyoufailtogetthatgradeyouwillnevergetintogradschoolandthenyouwillnevergetajobandyouwillnevergetmarriedandfindhappinessandendUPONAPARKBENCHANDTHENDIE!!!
And going to that meeting being insanely nervous is is not doing you any good. Even if she won't change your grade or give you the chance to fix it, there are other ways.
Try stop spiraling downwards. It's hard as hell but try.
Honestly, I'm really angry. I DO feel singled out. I know that's something I need to put aside for this conversation, but I also feel like as much as possible, I need to stand my ground because I just... can't afford to do this badly. It's not a test I can just re-take, it's one of the big projects for the semester, and the one that she very pointedly gave as little detail on how to do as possible.
I guess that's whiny too.
Movitz: Yeah, something like that. I've spent the last 24 hours trying to breath, to put this in perspective, to fight just being angry. There's absolutely nothing I can do before I've talked to her. Nothing. And she's made it clear she won't talk via email. So all I've had to do for all this time is sit here and try not to be upset.
Also its unlikely that she hates you simply because you don't really register with her. You don't have any power over her, can't really affect her life and the worst thing you can do is waste her time. Therefore the worst case scenario is probably that you annoy her. I'm not saying that you do annoy her, but it is extremely unlikely that a professor hates a student unless the reasonable face you show on these boards masks some kind of real life psychosis.
Back to the subject of a 'D' just being a letter- sometimes you can get a low grade based on some arbitrary mistake or using some particular technique that this lecturer doesn't like. I know that during my education many times I felt I had come up with a creative essay that really brought some fresh ideas that I would get a dissapointing mark. I would often get tripped up on something like relying to much on one type of source or something (to my mind) minor like that.
Many times it was my more boilerplate 'say what they want to hear' essays that got distinctions.
So my point is what to you appears a genius creative piece of work may appear to her as something abit left-field that misses the point of the assignment.
Just sayin'
https://medium.com/@alascii
I think the best thing you can do is write down what you want to say. Almost script how you want the interaction to occur. This may help get your mind of the emotional aspect of this upcoming conversation. However, if things do get emotional, at least you have something to refer to if you start getting flustered, a loss for words, or worse of all, too many potentially damaging words.
Chin up! Credit this all as being part of that wonderful academic process!
Definitely part of those notes or paragraph needs to be "Hey, I'm reading from a card because I'm pretty upset and don't want to ramble and waste your time" so you're both on the same page.
Because people have assumed that the class is taking place in a giant lecture hall for some reason. I don't think I've ever heard of a lecture class where you had to build or create any kind of project (not counting papers and the like).
So chalk it up to a lack of deductive reasoning.
I second the motion to create some talking points. The thing about that though is that often the conversation will not play out the way you think it will.
Just cool down, and talk to her about it. And if it turns out that she's firm in her position, you can go cry in your car. Make sure she explains to you exactly what you did wrong.
I talked to a few people on my way in, my advisor being one of them. She gave me some tips for handling this teacher specifically, and basically told me not to argue. At all. It's not worth arguing with her, she can be difficult to deal with and she's not going to give me anything back. That much is a given.
She also said that if I want to contest the grade, I have to wait till my final grade is recorded anyway, because there's no way to contest an individual grade; you have to contest the course grade.
I then went and talked to the professor the thread is about. I managed not to cry, and I don't even think I came off as being too confrontational. She had a ton of tiny complaints about the paper, all of which seemed incredibly petty but I couldn't really deny, and none of which were explicit in the sylabus.
There are two grades left, including the final, so I'll know in two weeks or so. This teacher seems to think I still have a shot at a B for the course. I think I just have to hope she's right for now.
Thanks for the advice... I really just needed to calm down.
She hated me because I did not chose the same career path as her.
Take a breather and focus these last weeks of class.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
I can't say whether this is the situation the OP is in, but good grief yeah, I've encountered this one. With some professors it doesn't matter if your work is actually good, insightful, or even matches the syllabus. It just matters that you do it the right way, and the right way is the way that they say is the right way.
So sometimes in those circumstances it's best to just let them have what they want, it's not like it affects what you do when you've left their class.
EDIT: Also, concur with what Gungho said about addressing every niggle she had so that there's nothing left for her to pick at.
I can't say whether this is the situation the OP is in, but good grief yeah, I've encountered this one. With some professors it doesn't matter if your work is actually good, insightful, or even matches the syllabus. It just matters that you do it the right way, and the right way is the way that they say is the right way.
So sometimes in those circumstances it's best to just let them have what they want, it's not like it affects what you do when you've left their class.
EDIT: Also, concur with what Gungho said about addressing every niggle she had so that there's nothing left for her to pick at.[/QUOTE]
So true. One class I took knocked me down a letter grade because I didn't submit it electronically with the correct name. Boy did I feel dumb.
Sounds like you have grounds, especially if the proff is a noted silly goose. Take some times and gather up your evidence and write everything down. If you contest this grade, you'll be glad you have detailed notes about what happened.
You don't really know the situation, though. Maybe she's already in some hot water for previous grades, and this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
She said she isn't used to getting Ds.
no, but you get a D.
unreasonable profs are a part of the university landscape and if you're unfortunate enough to run into one, you sometimes have to bite a bad mark.
it's terribly unfair but there's not much you can do about it
You also might want to work on your emotional control. Crying is something that should be done in private.
You obviously have to keep it simple and flexible, but it will really help you stay on track. If you feel yourself starting to get rambly, take a deep breath and pick out the next point you wanted to make. Move on.
It's very important to be honest but not defensive.
Have an objective. You may not be able to expect a grade change, but can you shoot for her to give you extra credit somehow? State your reasons for needing this extra credit, state your reasons as to why you are a good enough student to deserve it (if applicable!), and then offer suggestions as to what you can do.
The more prepared you are for this, the less likely you will dissolve into an emotional response. Prepare for it like you would a job interview; let your passion for the subject show, let some of your frustration at the grade show, but keep everything else reined in as best you can, and knowing what you're going to say is the best way to do it.
Also, cry it out wherever and however you need to before you go in there. Once you have gotten your emotions vented, you'll be better able to deal with a more rational approach to the issue.
Wow.
Why is that?
Its immature and unprofessional. It puts those around you in a an uncomfortable position and is often used as a form of childish manipulation. In this situation it would basically be like stamping your foot and throwing a temper tantrum because you didn't get your way.
Vivi has a good point. If a situation is overwhelming, vent out in private, collect yourself, then deal with it in a calm collected manner.
Typically my advisor is an extremely busy person and doesn't really have much time to hug these things out with me, but whenever I've had a question about something related to school or work that's really important to me, she's always been there to listen. I probably should have thought of talking to her in the first place, and I'm not sure I would have kept it together quite as well if I hadn't run into her beforehand.
She also confirmed that yes, a D would be very bad at this stage and I should definitely try not to have one in any way possible. She said to sit the final and see what happens, that the process for contesting a grade isn't really that hard, but it has to be done properly.
Most people, when they cry, do so because they feel hopelessly frustrated or sad. This doesn't have anything to do with manipulation, but rather as an expression of these emotions.
You know, emotions. The things you apparently know nothing about.
Even though it doesn't even seem to be strictly related to the thread, as Ceres' problem did not seem to be not following this rule, I find it necessary to stress it because it is still a very important rule to follow.
And the other thing I want to post about is Cliff joking about understanding emotions. Displaying your emotions is hardly immature, and while it can be considered 'unprofessional' you can't label it as such in a situation like this where it has NOTHING to do with a profession. And crying is far from the same as being manipulative, or throwing a temper tantrum.
To clarify, I only suggested she cry it out beforehand only because crying makes you harder to understand and you tend to lose your train of thought when you are seized by tears.
I do not agree with your assessment about expressing emotions in general.
Yeah, unfortunately you'll probobly have to wait for the final course grade to officially contest it. Will this be a D in your major? Is it possible for you to take another class to replace it?
Anyway, OP, she said you could possibly get a B if you do well on other things in the class. You should be fine if it works out this way. I can freak the fuck out about grades and GPAs and grad school prospects with the best of 'em, but hope is not lost. There are a lot of graduate schools out there, and you don't have to be a perfect genius to get into every one. One of my graduate advisers got into a prestigious school with a 2.5 GPA because she had been published numerous times. It seems like the thing to do now is study hard.
ETA: Also, when are you graduating, and does anybody else teach this course? At my college you can re-take a class and keep the better grade (or maybe it's the new grade, better or worse...can't remember) and I don't think this is rare.