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Girlfriend freaking out over nothing

2

Posts

  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    So...this ISN'T the first time then, this is just the first time it's gotten this bad.

    This situation just got worse. I like your stance though, don't take crap and don't let her convince you that you're crap.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • jungleroomxjungleroomx Aaron Hernandez shot me through the heartRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I know what she was talking about on Facebook. She tried to disguise it, but if it was about her mom (and man, is it ever usually) she wouldn't hesitate to talk to me. If it was about ANYTHING, actually, she wouldn't hesitate. She has the memory of a damn elephant.

    But somehow she "forgot" what she was talking about, even though she posted the Facebook post right after it happened.

    Spoiler:
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Oh, it's one of those off hand remark facebook posts that doesn't specifically mention names or anything. "I can't believe I could be so hurt again, this is just like how my ex treated me" or something like that.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • jungleroomxjungleroomx Aaron Hernandez shot me through the heartRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Yeah, that'd be the kind.

    I've had a sinking feeling about this relationship for a few weeks now, but for the last couple months its just been getting worse.

    I may have to cut it off after this. Not because of this, but because of what it seems to be indicating. If she won't talk to me, I'm going to spend some time alone until she will.

    Spoiler:
  • Protein ShakesProtein Shakes __BANNED USERS
    edited May 2010
    I think you definitely got the right attitude, and the right feeling about the relationship. My previous relationship was like that - a little over a year long, lots of small incidents like the one you describe that eventually made me run out of patience. Frankly, jealousy that has no basis it not something that anyone should just suffer through.

    Modern Man wrote: »
    Well, if my mom met the following criteria... I'd be in favor if waterboarding her.
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Well, sounds like you've got some stuff to consider for yourself then. Guess all I can tell you is if you want to try and work it out you're not in error to do so. In the same vein, if you want to break it off you're totally within your rights.

    Anything else you need advice on? Need more elaboration on something we skimped on here?

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • IndyComoIndyComo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    We're not shy in our sexual lives, and we've watched porn together (sometimes its her idea).
    Wow, I'm surprised. It's no wonder she feels insecure. Look, I know I will have the minority opinion around here, but the proof is or will-be in the pudding:
    A woman will always feel insecure, whether openly or buried deep in her psyche, as long as she is not treated/feels like a beautiful, sexy woman with almost noone to compare to. Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good, not the good of this particular relationship. If you are actually interested any woman in a monogomously way, be that not just in action but in your heart. If you have thoughts, it is just a matter of time before it becomes a temptation, likely when you are going through a rough patch yourself.

    But lastly, yes, this is is some pretty petty, passive-aggresive, guilt-tripping crap she's doing. I would point that out to her, whether you stay together or not. And do it before you break-up, if that is what ends up happening, not during the break-up. It can be more easily dismissed if delivered during the break-up conversation.

  • jungleroomxjungleroomx Aaron Hernandez shot me through the heartRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I did delete the picture. She knows I did. And she's still giving me shit.

    Spoiler:
  • JadedJaded Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    We're not shy in our sexual lives, and we've watched porn together (sometimes its her idea).
    Wow, I'm surprised. It's no wonder she feels insecure. Look, I know I will have the minority opinion around here, but the proof is or will-be in the pudding:
    A woman will always feel insecure, whether openly or buried deep in her psyche, as long as she is not treated/feels like a beautiful, sexy woman with almost noone to compare to. Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good, not the good of this particular relationship. If you are actually interested any woman in a monogomously way, be that not just in action but in your heart. If you have thoughts, it is just a matter of time before it becomes a temptation, likely when you are going through a rough patch yourself.

    But lastly, yes, this is is some pretty petty, passive-aggresive, guilt-tripping crap she's doing. I would point that out to her, whether you stay together or not. And do it before you break-up, if that is what ends up happening, not during the break-up. It can be more easily dismissed if delivered during the break-up conversation.

    Care to elaborate on the bolded part? My wife and I also partake in watching porn and it at times has made our sex life that much better. Hell... I'd dare go out on a limb and say she watches it more then I do.

    I can't think of anything clever.
  • ceresceres Just your problem OooSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2010
    Go with your instincts on this. As first offenses go, this really isn't that big a deal and you two can probably talk it out. But if you feel like you've had enough that's important, and you shouldn't ignore it.

    If you actually want to try to stay with her then you may need to sit her down and have a "you" talk. YOU aren't comfortable with the jealousy, and it's affecting you. Basically, talk about your feelings. It's fine to feel that her passive-aggressiveness is out of control and you can't deal with it anymore, but if you actually care make sure you're doing your part to communicate your own feelings. You don't need her to confess the reason for her facebook shenanigans to say "Hey, I haven't done anything wrong and I don't like the way you're treating me over a stupid picture."

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
    Dear Satan...
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Whoa whoa, you shouldn't have to delete the picture unless it's something you two agree on, it's the whole principal thing. If you delete the picture without settling this first then she might take that as "I can just bitch and eventually he'll give in".

    I mean, it's a simple in-joke picture sure, but what if it was, say, pictures of an old friend who she didn't like? You then throw them out/delete them because she went AWOL.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • Protein ShakesProtein Shakes __BANNED USERS
    edited May 2010
    ceres wrote: »
    Go with your instincts on this. As first offenses go

    It is not a first offense. Did you read the thread beyond the OP?

    Modern Man wrote: »
    Well, if my mom met the following criteria... I'd be in favor if waterboarding her.
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    Whoa whoa, you shouldn't have to delete the picture unless it's something you two agree on, it's the whole principal thing. If you delete the picture without settling this first then she might take that as "I can just bitch and eventually he'll give in".

    I mean, it's a simple in-joke picture sure, but what if it was, say, pictures of an old friend who she didn't like? You then throw them out/delete them because she went AWOL.

    Note that I agree with the consensus that the girl is being a bit unreasonable, but if you had something as mundane as a picture on your phone causing an argument/problem, what's more important to you: Your picture, or your relationship?

    Delete the picture, but frame it with "I'm doing this because it bothers you, even though I don't agree." Some people will say that this is "giving in" or "setting a precedent", but to them I say a) in relationships, there's give and take: pick your battles wisely, and b) not necessarily if you keep mindful of future situations.

    Anyways, that's my $0.02.

    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I did delete the picture. She knows I did. And she's still giving me shit.

    Sounds like a nutter to me. She's being passive-aggressive by not straight-up talking to you about it and being a child by instead posting on facebook about it. And FYI, not all women are insecure and need to have our hand-held and told we're the prettiest in the world just to make it through the day without losing our shit in a jealous rage over a picture. I don't know who IndyComo knows but man do they sound needy.

    There are some people (men and women) who are just ass crazy jealous over stupid shit and you have to decide if it's worth dealing with this kind of crap. My boyfriend's ex used to pull this shit and it drove him nuts. Hence why she's an ex.

    Also, some chicks dig porn. Just saying.

  • ceresceres Just your problem OooSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2010
    ceres wrote: »
    Go with your instincts on this. As first offenses go

    It is not a first offense. Did you read the thread beyond the OP?
    And that was my initial "if" statement. Did you read the post beyond that phrase?

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
    Dear Satan...
  • Protein ShakesProtein Shakes __BANNED USERS
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    A woman will always feel insecure, whether openly or buried deep in her psyche, as long as she is not treated/feels like a beautiful, sexy woman with almost noone to compare to. Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good, not the good of this particular relationship. If you are actually interested any woman in a monogomously way, be that not just in action but in your heart. If you have thoughts, it is just a matter of time before it becomes a temptation, likely when you are going through a rough patch yourself.

    So much stupid in this post it's unbelievable.

    No dude, this isn't about you having the "minority opinion". This is about you having the wrong opinion. There is absolutely nothing - nothing! - wrong with looking at pictures of celebrities, or watching porn (especially when the girl watches it with you).

    The whole "treat her as if she is the most beautiful/sexy woman in the world or she will feel insecure" thing is also a gigantic piece of horse shit.

    Modern Man wrote: »
    Well, if my mom met the following criteria... I'd be in favor if waterboarding her.
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    saint2e wrote: »
    Sipex wrote: »
    Whoa whoa, you shouldn't have to delete the picture unless it's something you two agree on, it's the whole principal thing. If you delete the picture without settling this first then she might take that as "I can just bitch and eventually he'll give in".

    I mean, it's a simple in-joke picture sure, but what if it was, say, pictures of an old friend who she didn't like? You then throw them out/delete them because she went AWOL.

    Note that I agree with the consensus that the girl is being a bit unreasonable, but if you had something as mundane as a picture on your phone causing an argument/problem, what's more important to you: Your picture, or your relationship?

    Delete the picture, but frame it with "I'm doing this because it bothers you, even though I don't agree." Some people will say that this is "giving in" or "setting a precedent", but to them I say a) in relationships, there's give and take: pick your battles wisely, and b) not necessarily if you keep mindful of future situations.

    Anyways, that's my $0.02.

    I almost agree, I would wait for her to concede your side of the arguement first though with the whole Passive Aggressive thing coupled with the Overreaction. If she was willing to admit and apologize for that I'd delete the picture.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • saint2esaint2e Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    saint2e wrote: »
    Sipex wrote: »
    Whoa whoa, you shouldn't have to delete the picture unless it's something you two agree on, it's the whole principal thing. If you delete the picture without settling this first then she might take that as "I can just bitch and eventually he'll give in".

    I mean, it's a simple in-joke picture sure, but what if it was, say, pictures of an old friend who she didn't like? You then throw them out/delete them because she went AWOL.

    Note that I agree with the consensus that the girl is being a bit unreasonable, but if you had something as mundane as a picture on your phone causing an argument/problem, what's more important to you: Your picture, or your relationship?

    Delete the picture, but frame it with "I'm doing this because it bothers you, even though I don't agree." Some people will say that this is "giving in" or "setting a precedent", but to them I say a) in relationships, there's give and take: pick your battles wisely, and b) not necessarily if you keep mindful of future situations.

    Anyways, that's my $0.02.

    I almost agree, I would wait for her to concede your side of the arguement first though with the whole Passive Aggressive thing coupled with the Overreaction. If she was willing to admit and apologize for that I'd delete the picture.

    Agreed. However, it seems like he's already deleted the picture, and she's still got her panties in a twist.

    My guess is she thinks the OP hid the picture from her, rather than him discovering an old picture. In her mind, hiding things (ie- pictures of girls) constitutes him being sneaky, which she equates with cheating thanks to her ex.

    That doesn't excuse her from being standoffish, being snarky on facebook and lying about it, or not wanting to talk about things. That's just childish.

    banner_160x60_01.gif
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    We're not shy in our sexual lives, and we've watched porn together (sometimes its her idea).
    Wow, I'm surprised. It's no wonder she feels insecure. Look, I know I will have the minority opinion around here, but the proof is or will-be in the pudding:
    A woman will always feel insecure, whether openly or buried deep in her psyche, as long as she is not treated/feels like a beautiful, sexy woman with almost noone to compare to. Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good, not the good of this particular relationship. If you are actually interested any woman in a monogomously way, be that not just in action but in your heart. If you have thoughts, it is just a matter of time before it becomes a temptation, likely when you are going through a rough patch yourself.

    But lastly, yes, this is is some pretty petty, passive-aggresive, guilt-tripping crap she's doing. I would point that out to her, whether you stay together or not. And do it before you break-up, if that is what ends up happening, not during the break-up. It can be more easily dismissed if delivered during the break-up conversation.

    Fuck that shit. Not only is it misogynistic, it's a goddamn poor excuse made on someone else's behalf.

    If she's wanting to watch porn with the guy and then she brings up him liking the girl's tits too much while they're watching it together, then it sounds like a personal problem, not a problem because of her chromosomal arrangement.

    Now, if, after they're done watching, he's saying "oh wow, that porn actress had such great tits, why can't you have great tits like that", that's another issue entirely. But, it still isn't an issue with whether her parts are innies vs outies.

    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I think it also needs mentioning that some things in a relationship are meant to be private. Just because you have a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean you have to share everything with them. This was an innocent, private photo that she really has no business with. She's not allowed to tell him who he fantasizes about, who he can find attractive, who he can imagine when he jerks off, etc.

  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    We're not shy in our sexual lives, and we've watched porn together (sometimes its her idea).
    Wow, I'm surprised. It's no wonder she feels insecure. Look, I know I will have the minority opinion around here, but the proof is or will-be in the pudding:
    A woman will always feel insecure, whether openly or buried deep in her psyche, as long as she is not treated/feels like a beautiful, sexy woman with almost noone to compare to. Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good, not the good of this particular relationship. If you are actually interested any woman in a monogomously way, be that not just in action but in your heart. If you have thoughts, it is just a matter of time before it becomes a temptation, likely when you are going through a rough patch yourself.

    But lastly, yes, this is is some pretty petty, passive-aggresive, guilt-tripping crap she's doing. I would point that out to her, whether you stay together or not. And do it before you break-up, if that is what ends up happening, not during the break-up. It can be more easily dismissed if delivered during the break-up conversation.

    Wowowow, this is such horse shit. Not all women have emotional problems, and insecurities. And if they do, a lot can also get over them. I was cheated on. It sucked, and I have some insecurities because of it, but I don't freak the fuck out if my boyfriend isn't constantly telling me I'm the most beaaauutiiful girl in the whooolle wiiiide woooorld. There will ALWAYS be prettier, skinnier, taller, whatever, people than me, and I trust my boyfriend to never cheat.

    Also, never watching porn ever? Please. That's bullshit too. I watch porn, my boyfriend watches porn. it's a release, and if it's not an addiction (watching it 24/7 and ignoring your partner), it's actually a healthy thing. What's wrong with porno that he has to stop watching it for his "own good"? OH MY GOD TITTIES! Jesus doesn't approve.

  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    ...and IndyComo was never heard from again.

    Coincidentally his identical twin brother IndyComo_2 or IndianaComo or something like that joined up shortly after and carefully avoided the subject of women and insecurities.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • IndyComoIndyComo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I did delete the picture. She knows I did. And she's still giving me shit.
    Than she needs to honor that and get over it. She is not being respectful of your actions, and is not forgiving. That behavior will rise its head again if it isn't cut off. (And by that I don't mean you jumping down her throat for doing it. At best just let her know, as someone else suggested, how these things are making you feel. Her reaction will let you know who's more important to her in the relationship.)
    However, keep in mind that this one single picture is not the only woman-image she feels you are interested in. There is a huge difference between being able to say "she is an attractive woman" and acting like another woman is attractive. What do you do for/to her to show her she's attractive to you? Think of those things, and then give her the monopoly on them.
    Now, I am speaking generically here. I am unsure from this interwebs-distance that your current GF is going to straighten up and just be able to approach you about the things that make her feel uncomfortable, if she even recognizes them herself, and also give you credit for changes that you do make. But I am sure that even if this relationship ends, there will be another one.

    Jaded wrote: »
    IndyComo wrote: »
    B]Delete the photo. Stop watching porn, period. For your own good,[/B]
    Care to elaborate on the bolded part? My wife and I also partake in watching porn and it at times has made our sex life that much better. Hell... I'd dare go out on a limb and say she watches it more then I do.
    I am not sure how you want me to elaborate on this part. Are you judging your sex life by how explosive your orgasms are, by how long your periods of activity are, or by how close you feel with one another? By how secure you feel with each other? Big orgams aren't going to keep you together--trust, honestly and security are. What have you gotten from watching porn that makes "[your] sex life that much better" that you couldn't have gotten by just exploring ideas together, not being hindered by expectations, and having solid communication. Or reading all the many respectful and research-supported 'better sex' books?
    Just because she may watch more porn than you doesn't make it okay. Maybe she's the one who is secretly harboring a sexual interest in someone--specific or idealized--than you. Or she may be the one attaching value to the intercourse and not the emotional bareness, or at least more than you.

    Let me just go on record: I am not saying sex is unimportant in any way. I am just saying there is more to sex than the physical, erotic aspects. There are tons of emotions involved, and making those your top priorites in the bedroom will yield a lot more than the nerve endings. But that is not to say that physically fun sex is without value and should not be pursued--it absolutely should be pursued, together.

    Sipex wrote: »
    ...and IndyComo was never heard from again.
    No. IndyComo took a lunch break and actually walked away from the computer for an hour.

    As for the 'horse shit' crowd, you can feel that way. And mine isn't a wrong opinion, that's practically an onxymoron, I have what in this setting will be a minority opinion, and I voiced it anyways knowing as much. I know nothing of the similarly named accounts, and hopefully you would never find me running from my beliefs in such shameful cowardace.
    Yes, every woman has insecurities. Not every woman has a big issue with insecurities, that's a different statement. And you know what else? Every man has insecurities, and not every man has a big issue with insecurities. It is in no way mysoginistic(sp), it is a view of what we are as creations. And noone is 100% honest. And everyone will succome to pride at some point. And we will all direct hate at someone at some point. And we will all desire to bed someone other than the one we are in a relationship with at some point. Even if these things only happen once, they will happen.

  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    The forums don't have enough Salmon for this one, folks.

    sigtwo.png
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Stay classy, Omaha.

    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Indy, you might say "It's my opinion, etc etc" but you come off as "I'm right and you're wrong" without actually saying it, especially in your first post. We're also not here to judge the OPs sex life OR porn habits since they're not part of the problem, in fact, if they were part of the problem it's still not our job to tell the OP that porn is bad bad horribad.

    This is why most of the forumers exploded at you.

    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • Protein ShakesProtein Shakes __BANNED USERS
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    As for the 'horse shit' crowd, you can feel that way. And mine isn't a wrong opinion, that's practically an onxymoron, I have what in this setting will be a minority opinion, and I voiced it anyways knowing as much. I know nothing of the similarly named accounts, and hopefully you would never find me running from my beliefs in such shameful cowardace.
    Yes, every woman has insecurities. Not every woman has a big issue with insecurities, that's a different statement. And you know what else? Every man has insecurities, and not every man has a big issue with insecurities. It is in no way mysoginistic(sp), it is a view of what we are as creations. And noone is 100% honest. And everyone will succome to pride at some point. And we will all direct hate at someone at some point. And we will all desire to bed someone other than the one we are in a relationship with at some point. Even if these things only happen once, they will happen.

    Not wrong in a sense that it's not right or wrong, but as in "holy shit, what is fucking wrong with that guy?!"

    You are misogynistic. You may not realize it, but the fact that several people caught onto it should tell you something. And you can't squirm out of this with "oh I know I am of minority opinion here" because that's not a blanket excuse for saying dumb things and then expecting people to not give you crap.

    Modern Man wrote: »
    Well, if my mom met the following criteria... I'd be in favor if waterboarding her.
  • IndyComoIndyComo Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    Indy, you might say "It's my opinion, etc etc" but you come off as "I'm right and you're wrong" without actually saying it, especially in your first post. We're also not here to judge the OPs sex life OR porn habits since they're not part of the problem, in fact, if they were part of the problem it's still not our job to tell the OP that porn is bad bad horribad.
    This is why most of the forumers exploded at you.

    This makes sense, Sipex, by forum rules. Then let me rephrase my advice, OP: You may be given advice on how to handle this specific situation, but my advice is that it is mearly the symptom, and the cause is still there. You will, in my opinion, face something born of this same cause again if the cause remains unaddressed, though the symptom may appear different.

    Protein, sorry for coming off so "I am right, you are not." I am that sure of my advice, however. I am also quite sure that I could quickly garner many, many people to agree with my assessment and say that I am not misogynistic--at least half of which would be women--and I wouldn't even count my wife, since if I am a misogynist she would obviously be either misogynist as well or too scared to give me an honest answer. However, I am also quite sure:
    1) that you would as easily dismiss them all as misogynistic as well, since our core values and beliefs obviously don't line up;
    2) that doing so is very, very off-topic.

    GungHo....I'm not quite sure what to make of your reply. (I am assuming it was directed at me, though I had to think about it, since Omaha really isn't part of my identity.) Encouragement or kind correction?

  • JadedJaded Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote:
    I am not sure how you want me to elaborate on this part. Are you judging your sex life by how explosive your orgasms are, by how long your periods of activity are, or by how close you feel with one another? By how secure you feel with each other? Big orgams aren't going to keep you together--trust, honestly and security are. What have you gotten from watching porn that makes "[your] sex life that much better" that you couldn't have gotten by just exploring ideas together, not being hindered by expectations, and having solid communication. Or reading all the many respectful and research-supported 'better sex' books?
    Just because she may watch more porn than you doesn't make it okay. Maybe she's the one who is secretly harboring a sexual interest in someone--specific or idealized--than you. Or she may be the one attaching value to the intercourse and not the emotional bareness, or at least more than you.

    I could care less about how much "man juice" I shoot off in the 3 minutes of disappointment I provide for my wife... (honestly... it's a little longer then 3 minutes :P) and we are quite close with one another, that happens after 7 years (usually).

    I am wondering how partaking in adult entertainment has anything to do with a lack of trust, honesty or security with one another? From watching porn we've seen visual representations of things we've applied in the bedroom that was far easier to follow then typed verbage... this may be a news flash but not all porn videos are smut videos.

    Your original post came off like you were an inside source with god, maybe you have a direct line to him/her?

    Aggressive posting is usually met with aggressive posting.

    I guess in the end we'd have to agree to disagree. I can see value in pornography, you can not. That's why opinions are like assholes I guess, everyone has one.

    I can't think of anything clever.
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    IndyComo wrote: »
    Then let me rephrase my advice, OP: You may be given advice on how to handle this specific situation, but my advice is that it is mearly the symptom, and the cause is still there. You will, in my opinion, face something born of this same cause again if the cause remains unaddressed, though the symptom may appear different.

    Way to be incredibly ambiguous and unclear after being called out on your bullshit!

    So what exactly is the 'cause' that is still there? The fact that he watches porn? That his girlfriend has insecurities and he just needs to not look at another woman in a bathing suit ever again? Please, enlighten us, because I don't see any cause that will still be there after he has explained the situation and talked with his significant other about it.

    Maybe the cause you so ambiguously hinted at is that her delicate psyche can't handle the TRUTH because all women are insecure, am I right?

    You have some interesting opinions about sex and relationships. Interesting enough that I feel your advice may not necessarily be helpful. If you'd like to start up a D&D thread on why porn is bad, we can have that discussion, as we've done before.

    3DS: 5043-2471-1061
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  • jungleroomxjungleroomx Aaron Hernandez shot me through the heartRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Dude, Indy, you're basically saying I need to be a fucking doormat.

    Sorry, no. A relationship isn't all ooey, gooey. Its got the romantic thing, yes, but it's also a partnership and a friendship.

    Oh, and she has previously driven by where I live to see if I was actually telling the truth about where I was before. It was a long time ago, but I feel the attitude that came up from that resurfacing.

    Spoiler:
  • Protein ShakesProtein Shakes __BANNED USERS
    edited May 2010
    Oh, and she has previously driven by where I live to see if I was actually telling the truth about where I was before. It was a long time ago, but I feel the attitude that came up from that resurfacing.

    D:D:D:

    Modern Man wrote: »
    Well, if my mom met the following criteria... I'd be in favor if waterboarding her.
  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Her behavior when it comes to addressing the issue is very round-about and passive aggressive.

    I do not deal with people like that unless they are one of two things:

    1) people I'm forced to work with

    and

    2) Clients, who just-so-happen to fall under section 1.

    Passive Aggressiveness is a sign of immaturity - if I were you, I wouldn't put up with it.

    sig.jpg
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I stand by what I said earlier, girl sounds nuts. Act accordingly.

  • Feels Good ManFeels Good Man Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    unless you're a nut too, because nuts should be together



    i assume you're not. fuckin end that shit. crazy

  • DiorinixDiorinix Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    If you care about this girl, tell her she's behaving nutty. If she actually is a nutter, she'll flip out on you and you have your evidence and can back away.

    If she reacts with a little regret and it generates some conversation about why she went temporarily nutty, she's a rational human being with some issue or insecurity that needed to be brought to a head. Having you there to help her through it SHOULD bring the two of you closer together if resolved properly.

    Both men and women on occaision go through batshit crazy phases. If it means enough to you to help her through this, by all means do so. But if there's indication that this behavior is not going to get better or even get worse the longer you stay together, pull out now.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Mmmmm....toasty.
  • JihadJesusJihadJesus Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Jaded wrote: »
    I am wondering how partaking in adult entertainment has anything to do with a lack of trust, honesty or security with one another? From watching porn we've seen visual representations of things we've applied in the bedroom that was far easier to follow then typed verbage... this may be a news flash but not all porn videos are smut videos.

    I can speak to this a bit at least in more general terms, if anyone's interested. I don't think it's necessarily about trust and honesty, at least not from my own experience. My sex life with my wife did indeed improve after I dropped porn, but I won't go into it much if people aren't actually interested.

    I should also point out that I'm no Bible thumper, and I don't think porn is useless or offensive as a blanket statement. Just that I think there are circumstances were dropping porn entirely can indeed be a good idea, just as there are circumstances where it can be a major boost t a couple's sex life. the important thing is to know what works for you and your partner, and if that's not porn then agreeing to drop it is hardly a sign of repression.

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  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    JihadJesus wrote: »
    Jaded wrote: »
    I am wondering how partaking in adult entertainment has anything to do with a lack of trust, honesty or security with one another? From watching porn we've seen visual representations of things we've applied in the bedroom that was far easier to follow then typed verbage... this may be a news flash but not all porn videos are smut videos.

    I can speak to this a bit at least in more general terms, if anyone's interested. I don't think it's necessarily about trust and honesty, at least not from my own experience. My sex life with my wife did indeed improve after I dropped porn, but I won't go into it much if people aren't actually interested.

    I should also point out that I'm no Bible thumper, and I don't think porn is useless or offensive as a blanket statement. Just that I think there are circumstances were dropping porn entirely can indeed be a good idea, just as there are circumstances where it can be a major boost t a couple's sex life. the important thing is to know what works for you and your partner, and if that's not porn then agreeing to drop it is hardly a sign of repression.

    Using mainstream porn as anything remotely close to a guide for your own sexual behavior is really kinda laughable.

    Mostly because a lot of it is horrible inaccurate and pretty harmful to perceptions about how sex works for younger folk.

    sig.jpg
  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA
    edited May 2010
    SkyGheNe wrote: »
    JihadJesus wrote: »
    Jaded wrote: »
    I am wondering how partaking in adult entertainment has anything to do with a lack of trust, honesty or security with one another? From watching porn we've seen visual representations of things we've applied in the bedroom that was far easier to follow then typed verbage... this may be a news flash but not all porn videos are smut videos.

    I can speak to this a bit at least in more general terms, if anyone's interested. I don't think it's necessarily about trust and honesty, at least not from my own experience. My sex life with my wife did indeed improve after I dropped porn, but I won't go into it much if people aren't actually interested.

    I should also point out that I'm no Bible thumper, and I don't think porn is useless or offensive as a blanket statement. Just that I think there are circumstances were dropping porn entirely can indeed be a good idea, just as there are circumstances where it can be a major boost t a couple's sex life. the important thing is to know what works for you and your partner, and if that's not porn then agreeing to drop it is hardly a sign of repression.

    Using mainstream porn as anything remotely close to a guide for your own sexual behavior is really kinda laughable.

    Mostly because a lot of it is horrible inaccurate and pretty harmful to perceptions about how sex works for younger folk.

    Really?

    Are you claiming that as a fact? Or is that just your pet assumption?

    Here's what's wrong with your post:
    "mainstream porn" is a broad enough category that can be selectively re-defined based on oh-so-many criteria that it's essentially a term without any meaning. You're using a definition that you can selectively re-define as the argument goes to better support your argument and to the exclusion of those who disagree.

    and
    Porn isn't harmful to anyone. I'll look up the study later if I have to, but a couple months back or so a study went out that was looking to test that. So they needed a control group, and they were using university students because presumably the older you get the more likely it is you've seen some titties in print or on video or whatever.

    They couldn't find a single respondent who hadn't been exposed to porn, and they'd basically all been exposed as teenagers. And yet as a society we generally speaking treat women better than we ever have before.
    http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/TechandScience/Story/STIStory_462399.html

    Not only that, but the customs officers who search through porn to identify illegal materials get exposed to all manner of necrophilia, beastiality, child porn, etc.? Completely unaffected by their exposure. A study was done to see if this was going to cause PTSD for these dudes, and you'd expect at least some minor effect given the extreme nature of the subject matter even those these are now grown men. But none!
    http://www.efc.ca/pages/media/ottawa.citizen.21sep96.html

    So not only is porn normal and probably provides legitimate benefits to a fair number of people, but you're not allowed to pull that think of the children horse shit in a thread that it doesn't even apply to until the OP asks about that issue directly, and even then I'm going to need you to back up your theories there.



    Now with all of that aside, anyone suggesting anything about "all women" is, if not an outright misogynist, a silly, silly goose and should be ignored. Didn't see anything really over the line there, but I think we can safely ignore that guy.

    I personally think you've found a bit of a nutter here and I agree with the advice to (POLITELY!) explain that you feel she's been acting nutty lately. Then if she spazzes, well, take notes. Because that's what you can look forward to getting used to if you stick around with her.

    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Well since she apparently pulls this shit all the time it's obviously not an isolated incident.

    Since you can't control her actions or reactions, the best thing you can do is officially decide how you're going to handle the situation. If you decide that it's not a battle worth breaking out the big guns (hint: it isn't) then say that. It seems like what started as an incredibly harmless issue has been fanned and fueled enough where it isn't about the picture anymore, but how each party reacted to the situation.

    Think about how you want this situation to end and act accordingly. If you just want to stop hopefully stop fighting, declare it water under the bridge and move on. If her behavior bothers you enough, break it off and don't look back, because jealousy is an incredibly hard attitude to break and you shouldn't wait around being miserable on the off chance that it will.

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