Welp.
Guess we need another hundred pages (or more, probably more) to get the awful cretins of D&D shacked up with some nice people.
ONLINE DATING. It's a fun game.
Figure 1, some random hotties I found with SFW pictures. These women here? They're out there. Perhaps. But your mighty neckbeard won't impress them.
So let's get down to brass tacks shall we? Sure, you could spend ages messaging a perfect 10 like the ladies above with killer lines like "sup" and "omg u look amazing lol", but so is everyone else.
Figure 2, or how men are idiots. This chart here? Unless you look like the suave motherfucker in Figure 3, it means you better make damn sure you write a memorable message to a cute chick, and you shouldn't take it personally when she deletes your hard work before reading it.
So based on the assumption that none of us look like the suave motherfucker below in Figure 3, I guess we should put some effort into our profiles. I know a dude who gives Mr Motherfucker there a good run for his money in looks, and his profile is the most Bland McBlanderson two paragraphs of generic text, but his physical features means that women like those in Figure 1 message
him regularly.
Figure 3. Are you this man? Odds are pretty good that you aren't. Deal with it.
Is life fair? Not it isn't. Shit, or get off the pot. Some SA spy has revealed to me in a dark sagely manner secret texts from the depths of their slice of hell (OKC specific, but the general advice is sound)
Every Section
:ARROW: STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
:ARROW: STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
:ARROW: STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
:ARROW: STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
:ARROW: STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
:ARROW: STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
:ARROW: YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.
Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
SO MAGGOT WANT TO GET LAID?
www.okcupid.comwww.plentyoffish.com
There are other websites aka paysites out there but lol opinions lol fuck that.
And as always, we part with some legendary advice:
Too good looking for you? Son, let a girl figure out why she won't sleep with you. Don't do it for her.
I couldn't not post the Jetta back seat. Shitty car back seats are like the mecca of awkward voyages into messy happiness.
SHIRTLESS PHOTO SECTION
So if you look like this with your shirt off
Then go here
Or another such location where being shirtless is normal. Don't take the douchebag photo in the mirror shot.
Well that being said, don't take that photo if you want a lady who would find a blatant shirtless photo kind of crass and excessive. There are a lot of women who wouldn't mind a brazen shot, so go for it if you feel like it.
HANDSOME ADVICE FOR Plenty of Fish (and possibly every other site):
Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?
Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.
I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".
Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.
Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".
About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.
First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.
Also don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
Posts
First question from Mercutio:
Then that relationship will not work if you are having trouble with it. Shut it down. Poly relationships take a lot of work and aren't something that one person can say they're doing and the other not be comfortable with. You lock eyes, look at the cliff and metaphorically leap off it together. If, however, you were okay seeing only her and okay with her seeing other dudes, you could make it work. You don't have to be poly just because your partner is IF YOU ACCEPT IT.
Also, have you verified that she is having protected sex with all the guys?
shit rocks
Remember everyone: learn from my success and message all the black women you can find! OKC even did that study that proved they are a neglected subset of the site, and are more likely to respond to you!
Plus everyone knows that white people are awful anyway. Don't reproduce with a white person and perpetuate the problem. Find a nice brown spouse and be a part of the solution.
Only you can say no to white babies!
Yeah, unless you are totally and completely okay with whats going on, its just time to end it. Theres no point in working with a major change in the relationship when it makes you feel weird.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
they're out there
Is that Deborah Woll from True Blood? She plays Jessica.
white women
how 20th century of you
embrace the caramel future
I am the owner of this new dating thread. Do you need my advice or are you just trolling aimlessly until we can play SC2 again?
While navigating the new members, I came across a girl with an interesting SN. I won't give it away to the masses, but the words "Anal love" were a part of it. Deciding to look in, I found a basically normal to mediocre profile. Lots of "I hates," some kind of rant about the new Star Trek. Then at the end, out of nowhere is the following line:
"i like to dominate men with my strap on and i love performing goatse."
I don't want to turn this into a "what people are into is WRONG" thread, because I don't really care what she likes to do, but it seemed like a large disclosure for people on the internet. I would pay to see what kind of messages she gets.
In related news, I think I may have worked my way through all the women I'm interested on OCK. It may be time to kill my present profile and come back in a couple of months with a new profile, pics, and skills. Any suggestions for making POF less... single-mom infested?
My Little Game Blog - http://profundospielen.blogspot.com/
Coming back in a few months on OkCupid will make the dating pool refresh? I hadn't known! It's just like an MMORPG, I gotta run through the dungeon quick before I die or the crazy harpies will respawn at the entrance and tell me all about how many boyfriends in Germany they've had.
(Yes, that's happened on a first date. FYI, it was 3...)
To some extent it will and it won't. There will be new members, not tons, but there will be some fresh ones. My real issue is that I contacted all the attractive women with good profiles before I knew how to write a goddamn message, or have a decent profile/pics. The way I see it (and I may be creeping myself out with this line of thinking)- I can start fresh with a good profile, new pictures, and the ability to successfully contact women. For all intents and purposes, I'll be someone else. I know this won't ensure success, but I think I'd like a second try at some of these girls. Though there may be a way to send a "My contact was lame first time around, try checking me out again!" message, I haven't figured it out yet. Really I'd just like the chance to make an adequate first impression... again.
My Little Game Blog - http://profundospielen.blogspot.com/
I ain't trollin
I have literally never dated a white woman
I am taking no chances for having white children
But on a more serious note I think it is a shame that black women on OKC receive relatively fewer messages than any other ethnic group of women on the site, because it seems pretty clear to me that must be the result of negative stereotyping, and folks shouldn't let that get in the way of trying to meet somebody to get their nasty on with
edit: I'm just saying I bet a bunch of dudes never even thought about it. Trying to open some minds and pants up ins
oh terrible coincidences, ha ha
we would have made the sweetest hate buddies
On the black screen
I resemble a vampire on True Blood so I hope they also feel a novelty value.
p.s. you should know that in voice chat you sound like the whitest of white dudes. Like a member of Weezer all shouting at Hacksaw that he is wasting our time by not quitting out of the game.
p.p.s. I have had two local black ladies message me and one's SN had "Christ" in it and the other had "Vagina". Too small of a sample size but I am hells of confused.
You should absolutely ask her to make some awesome memories with you and spend as much time as possible with her. Be totally up front that this is what is going to happen. Worst case scenario she says no.
I want to teach a class on how to do this.
I am so sorry, dude. My mom's side of the family lives there and I can't imagine doing so myself.
In other news, I still love the OP on this thread to death. Daniel Craig is one suave GQMF.
So here's something I was curious about -- has/is anybody here used/using Match.com or eHarmony or their pay-to-use ilk? I'm wondering if there's really any better success in paying them to find you someone you're good with.
I've had a date with a black girl (FOR TONIGHT!) since Monday. Bitch, you way behind.
Man, you're crazy. Yes the interface sucks, but it still attracts the same population range as OKC, depending on your region.
Inappropriate words follow:
Oh... I thought it would be more std-related.
And why is he sending her that? Didn't she tell him to go fuck himself for giving her herpes yet?
but as to the actual thing, yeah i'm just as confused as richy with the intent of this....
As for black women on OKC, there don't seem to be any online within fifty miles of me (I only know one black person in general and I've lived in this godforsaken state for almost a year). I am actually having a really cool conversation via messages with a mixed race woman who lives on the other side of the country and is planning on moving to a town right next to mine later this year, however.
Y'know, I'm glad I'm only paying 1/3 of their usual monthly rate, because 1-2 weeks in and thus far my "matches" have been a big wall of silence (mostly irregular and non-paying users, I assume), closed matches (wherein one party decides they're not interested in the other, thus closing off the match for both), and people who live outside the area in which I'm looking to date (Toronto has 2.5 million people living in it, I'd hope that I wouldn't have to travel an hour or more outside of the city for a date).
It's still early on and I'm using it in conjunction with casual OKC perusing, but thus far I'm not exactly floored by their matchmaking system. While I respect that no system is perfect, I'd sort of hoped that there'd be enough information in there to, y'know, match me with likeminded women.
If there's any up side to it, I suppose it's that rather than shotgun messaging people with the assumption that the women are drowning in messages (see: PoF, OKC, any other free site), they're getting connections/messages at a vastly more reasonable rate.
Which when put beside the issues I'm having talking to people (let alone finding dates) might be indicative that the problem is, in fact, me.
Curse my status as the common denominator here!
eeeeaghhh that's a word that should never be used if you are trying to cause arousal
SLURP!
A theory on this: You might be being matched with people who are incompetent at online dating.
Bear with me and I'll explain. As someone is a member for longer, they start to get matched with people further and further away from where they live because they start running out of matches nearby. So to make up for this, I believe the matching system gives them priority on being matched with people who recently signed up, in order to actually let some people match their range settings.
TLDR - It took me a few weeks before I started getting matched with the awesome people. Right now you're problem getting matched with people who have been on there for a while and squandered all of their matches for one of any number of reasons.
2/2 last night on affirmative action messaging. But I'm sorry, crazy Indian girl, I am not going to ask for your number even as you playfully insist that I should ask for your number. You are crazy. Well, until I get drunk. Then I will probably think it is a fine idea to give you my number... sigh.
I had that happen when my most recent renewal came up, so it's not impossible
Strangely the resubscription fee is only half their usual monthly rate, so if that came to be I might not grumble too much about giving it a shot.
That said, I kind of hope I'm not spending 4 months on the site without even a vaguely promising lead or three.
In theory it would make sense that if you have two people spending money to date, it adds a level of seriousness to their search and their messages, meaning they're more willing to "give it a shot" because they already spent $$ on it and want to get their money's worth. But that's not the case if one half of the conversation is mute because they haven't subscribed.
...
yeah
There's also an offer going on now where you can get 7 months for $60, but only as a resubscription. It's showing up for me on a banner ad at the site, presumably because I canceled shortly after that renewal.
The code is YNL26459 and it expires on 7/31, if you decide to give it a try. No idea if the code is tied to me or not, but I don't plan on using it.
oh I am assuredly the whitest of white dudes
but I have the appropriate self-loathing