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Herpes Dillemma
Handsome Costanza
Ask me about 8bitdoRIP Iwata-sanRegistered User regular
Ask me about 8bitdoRIP Iwata-sanRegistered User regular
First off let me start by saying that it actually is my friend who has herpes. No it's not me and I'm just trying to cover for myself. If I had herpes I would tell you. In fact to avoid all the "your friend is you" controversy let me just come out now and say that I have herpes.
Now that that's out of the way lets get down to business. So my friend recently admitted to me after much speculation that he had contracted herpes from his previous succubus soul sucker of a girlfriend. Now he has a new girl he's with. Here is my question: Do I tell his new girl that he has herpes?
I'll agree that it's none of my business. But Don't I have a civic duty to warn her? I mean thats like stopping a crime in progress right? I have no idea if I should infringe on the trust my friend bestowed on me but as one of the only people who knows the truth I feel compelled to tell her. He's already had sex with her so it may be too late if he was having an outbreak.
Should I warn her or leave it be? Frankly I'm worried that this is going to start an epidemic throughout my community of friends since we all know the same people.
Whadoido?
(psst. heres a secret, I really dont)
Now that that's out of the way lets get down to business. So my friend recently admitted to me after much speculation that he had contracted herpes from his previous succubus soul sucker of a girlfriend. Now he has a new girl he's with. Here is my question: Do I tell his new girl that he has herpes?
I'll agree that it's none of my business. But Don't I have a civic duty to warn her? I mean thats like stopping a crime in progress right? I have no idea if I should infringe on the trust my friend bestowed on me but as one of the only people who knows the truth I feel compelled to tell her. He's already had sex with her so it may be too late if he was having an outbreak.
Should I warn her or leave it be? Frankly I'm worried that this is going to start an epidemic throughout my community of friends since we all know the same people.
Whadoido?
Nintendo Switch friend code: 7305-5583-0420. Add me!
Resident 8bitdo expert.
Resident hybrid/flap cover expert.
Resident 8bitdo expert.
Resident hybrid/flap cover expert.
Handsome Costanza on
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You tell him to tell her. If he doesn't, then you tell her. Anyone who has sex (protected or not), who has a venereal disease, and who does not tell their partner is not a friend worth having.
Talk to your friend, tell him he really needs to get tested and warn his new girlfriend. If he refuses... I would say you should tell his girlfriend.
This is something that can negatively change someone's life forever, and I feel that she needs to be informed. By you, if your friend refuses.
That is a good point. I'm not positive. Hell they could both have herpes and be trying to keep it private for all I know. Although I highly doubt it.
I'm pretty sure they just got together yesterday and have already fucked. I'm 99.9% certain he didnt tell her anything like that. And I know people who were with her right before she got with him (like a 2 to 3 month span) and she didn't have herpes then.
Resident 8bitdo expert.
Resident hybrid/flap cover expert.
I didn't even think of that, but it's definitely a possibility. You might just not know about it because she isn't comfortable telling other people, even if you are all from the same group of friends. The timeline doesn't support it, but who knows.
I'd ask him about it.
And so it shall be.....
There is going to be a pretty heavy conversation taking place at the ole Disk Golf course tomorrow.
Which brings me to my next question: Can you get herpes from Disc Golfing with someone?
Resident 8bitdo expert.
Resident hybrid/flap cover expert.
Even getting charged with a sex crime will make the rest of his life extremely, extremely difficult.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Not really a friend worth having indeed(assuming he refuses to tell her).
This girl could be carrier of the virus, and you too. This could become a snowball, he should tell her.
Yes which is well and good but if his friend knows he has herpes and he conceals it and she contracts it, he can find himself under a mountain of (fully justified) legal trouble.
Tell him to tell her. If he won't, you should. If he doesn't want to be your friend after that, you should probably just shrug and move on with life.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
She really may already know though. If he's not having a breakout at the moment it's not a dire emergency, and herpes is largely controllable with medication anyway. It's not a reason not to tell her, but it IS a reason not to fucking panic all over yourself. Some ridiculous percentage of the US population has some form of herpes and doesn't even know it because it's just extremely virulent and severity of symptoms varies from person to person.
However, you can urge him to get tested and to warn his partner about his medical concern.
you all have herpes
allllllll of you
they don't even bother to distinguish simplex types anymore
What does that have to do with anything? It's not very speculative either. His friend said "Hey, I've got herpes."
And he told you under a doctor/patient situation.
Like pheezer said, in many places in is a crime, a month or two ago I saw on the news a dude going to jail for purposely having sex while HIV positive with unknowing women.
Just have a word with him. If he says he hasn't done it tell him to do it, because A) it's a illegal,
Satans..... hints.....
A. Proof that he has the disease
B. He has disclosed that he has MEDICAL diagnosis of the disease
C. You know he plans to not take proper precautions with his disease state
Even then, you need to think long and hard about your moral highground.
If this dude went on WebMD, he probably thinks he has herpes and twelve other conditions.
My point is, don't do anything rash without talking to your friend first.
No one said to go straight to the girl.
And it's not a "moral high ground" if he's infecting other people. I don't care how many people have various types of it.
Yeah, we get it. No one is arguing this.
To clarify, he has a giant herpes welt/bump/zit on the left side of his lip and his ex-gf went to a gynecologist recently. She told him she gave him herpes so I'm assuming her gynecologist told her that. The giant herpes welt and him saying to me "I have herpes" were the two things that let me know he had it. Now whether or not he's gone to the doctor about it I do not know but why would he tell someone he has herpes if hes not even sure?
This thread is making me crazy because I am going to jail if I don't tell on him but if I do tell on him I'm violating some sacred medical code and I'm going to jail. Now I have to go to a doctor and look up his patient records or I'm going to jail. For doing that I am going to fucking jail. Then I also have to look into his mind to see if he's going to maliciously infect anyone but how am I going to do this from jail? Everyone knows jail cells block out mind reading powers.
this thread TLD;R:
My friend has herpes, and I'm going to jail for it.
Resident 8bitdo expert.
Resident hybrid/flap cover expert.
So outside of San Francisco it isn't customary to greet others with a dickslap?
If she heard from her and she said she went to her gyno, that's not a diagnosis. That could even be her trying to freak him out about a cold sore (also herpes, but different herpes).
In short, until he says to you "I was just tested for herpes and I have herpes" you are probably not going to jail, and you probably shouldn't go freaking out everyone he knows on that basis. He should tell his girlfriend and he should get tested, and I would argue that if he gets tested and has it and doesn't tell her you probably should, but right now you don't actually know anything.
No, not at all. You won't go to jail at all if your buddy gives someone herpes without warning them, HE can. You're just morally obligated to speak up if you can confirm he refuses to.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
NO.
It's none of your goddamn business. HSV is not some life-threatening epidemic that must be eradicated by all means--it's probably the most benign STD in existence. It gets a bad rap because its sufferers have long been associated with sleaze and stupidity (i.e., fucking dirty girls or not using protection), but I'd wager that most people contracted it while in a normal relationship.
Now, if you're concerned, you can talk to your friend about it. Make sure he's being safe--absolutley no genital contact during an outbreak, strict condom use, keeping up on his medication, avoiding bodily fluid-swaps, etc--and if he is, then the risk of her contracting Genital Herpes is incredibly low. If not, well, he's an asshole and your next course of action would be to cease being his friend.
That's it. Telling her would be an extremely assholish move on your part, and likely and unnecessary one, too.
P.S. I think you should convince your friend to get tested and then convince him to tell his girlfriend if he is positive.
His ex might or might not have herpes. She could be lying. If she's not lying, she could just assume that she gave it to him, I don't know that it's safe to assume a 100% chance of transmission.
He really needs to get tested, and soon, even if he does have a giant herpes-like sore on his face.
I just felt like this didn't get the attention it deserved.
Also, it's something I was thinking as well.
There's no reason not to get tested.
Yeah, I mean, she probably noticed the giant cold sore. He should get tested and you should encourage him to get informed and inform his GF. Did he specifically tell you that he isn't going to tell this chick that hes got herpes all over his face?
But, like every one says, yes he should get tested. Dont go freak out his girlfriend like you're saving her becoming a pustule covered zombie, she should be taking preventative measures but herpes is not the end of this dudes right to have sex, he just needs to disclose.
If your buddy is saying he has a cold sore, he has HSV-1. If you buddy is saying he has welts around his dong, he has HSV-2. Either virus can be transmitted to the genitals. It just depends which of your naughty bits you're rubbing together.
In either case, the guy should be more up-front with this girl if he does have an STD. Even HSV-1 is an STD given the right circumstances. You should at the very least encourage your friend to share this information with his partner.
That is not to say that if you have a cold sore you need to scream it from the rooftops or you're a sleaze bag. But if you're at that point in a relationship where your uglies will be bumping, that is when you need to let people know that you have a transmittable disease.