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Tropical vacations are usually not the thing to invite an ex on. The very invitation does imply some type of romantic something. It's probably a good idea to nix that one as the perception will only have the chance of deepening once y'all are actually in said tropical location.
It was meant to imply a romantic something. Just not a romantic something extending longer than 8 days.
BattleTech campaign at: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/169696/battletechmegamek-fight-for-gan-singh#latest
Sexy time then gtfo?
This is valid, I guess, in its own way. Expect hurt feelings.
Might want to be up front about it? Then again there will most likely be no sexy time then.
Oh, I was upfront about all of it. If no sexy time, no trip. We're long distance which is about half of why we're not dating currently. If she moves back to my city we'd probably date. She is cunningly reading "past" what i've told her to divine my true intent which is that we should start dating again.
BattleTech campaign at: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/169696/battletechmegamek-fight-for-gan-singh#latest
we have feelings
*headdesk*
Why am I not at all surprised.
You sound like my mother >.>
Anyways, thanks guys. Makes me feel better, it's just one of those things. Neurosis has become the way of my life and I'm tired of it. I get along very well with people but I've just never had that mutual personal interest or romance... no one's ever asked me out and of course it's mostly my fault because I've never asked anyone out. Acne has been a huge confidence destroyer in my life but I only ever had it bad way back when, now it just quite subtly comes and goes. I always thought maybe it would disappear completely and I figured I wanted to establish myself before I sought someone to really be with. But it seems life moves too fast (I know I'm still young, but I don't necessarily feel it). Your words give me the lift I need to just be more direct with people.
Really? Everyone thinks taking a no strings attached vacation with someone is a bad idea? Less neutral observers (i.e. my friends in RL) don't seem as perturbed by it. Even if the ground rules are laid out completely well, consensus is not to do it?
BattleTech campaign at: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/169696/battletechmegamek-fight-for-gan-singh#latest
-NSA something with the ex
-8 day, tropical vacation + NSA = incongruous (a weekend with a FwB on a short drive? maybe. A flight and more than a week together? That implies a bit more)
-You say she's reading more into it than she should be, but you might go anyway.
So basically, you're telling us that she might be emotionally involved, and you're not seeing it that way, but that's a risk you're just willing to take for 8 days of fun.
It's not "I'd like to go on vacation with the girl who I'm close to but situations dictate we can't be in a relationship, and fun stuff will likely ensue." It's "no sexy time, no trip." You're using sexual favors as a bargaining chip which are required in order for her to come.
Well, that and the whole "not understanding why taking a tropical vacation with someone and wanting romantic stuff to happen while on the trip" could be interpreted as perhaps wanting more.
I mean, friends can take vacations to places. I had/have a standing offer to accompany a female friend of mine to Argentina at an undetermined date (provided she doesn't find someone who's good at Argentinian Tango to come, mind you
But at the end of the day, it's all about the notions people have - you're going to be staying with one another for a week. If there's the slightest bit of misconception, it's going to cause some serious problems. Most likely for her.
Sigh, I wasn't even going to reply but here's why I reacted as I did:
You've stated that you'd otherwise be with this girl except distance is a factor. She wants to be with you, you want to be with her. (I guess? Sounds more like you're into the fucking part and not the relationship part, but you didn't say that, that's just my reading.) All right, that's fine, star-crossed love and whatnot, bleargh. You guys can pine for each other, maybe get together for some awesome "reunited" sex, then go your separate ways if that's how life works out. Seriously this story happens all the time.
So in this situation there isn't really anything wrong with a no-strings-attached vacation (though 8 days is beyond reasonable, just sayin'), as long as you don't (a) manipulate her into thinking you might want a relationship, if she properly fucks your brains out (or any other pseudo requirement you might set up to make her think she might get what she wants if she gives you what you want), and (b) are perfectly clear about what exactly you expect/want/hope for from this vacation (which is clearly lots of sex after which you both go your separate ways, correct?). This is cool and fine as long as both parties are adhering to these rules and they have only the best intentions for not just themselves but also the other person. I.e., you can't be selfish. (p.s. this is where you fail)
But the fact that (as YOU state) she thinks that this is a signal you may want a relationship is a sign that you sure as hell haven't fulfilled (b) and you may be moving into (a) territory. And the fact that you're still contemplating going, regardless of whether she correctly gets the point or not, pushes you straight into goosebag territory. And to reiterate what Bobble said, basically you're cool with messing with/manipulating this girl if it means you get an 8-day sex-filled vacation. Good for you.
edit: Also mad props to Jragghen for pointing out your "sexual bargaining chip" requirement. Because dear god that level of manipulative goosebag-ish behavior makes me want to break my keyboard. arlgjlksldf good thing we're due for a new thread! this topic can safely die soon!
No worries. Around your age I had the same problems (not acne, but self esteem). Heck even until a few years ago I still had some issues. I had only a smattering of girlfriends and a lot of one-off dates.
The biggest clincher for me was (and maybe this will sound terrible) a few years ago a friend and I were talking and he pointed out that if I really wanted to I could easily get people to sleep with me. Thinking about it I decided he was probably right and so I asked an older woman (19 years my senior) that I'd been chatting with on OKC over for sex. With very little convincing she agreed. I came to the conclusion (with some small repetition) that even though I don't think much of myself most of the time at least a good percentage of people must think the exact opposite.
Interestingly I met my wife a few months later...
Yeah, I have no problem with the idea I guess, but it sounds too tied up in emotional baggage to be anything other than manipulative. Even if that's not the real intent it doesn't matter because that's what it ends up being.
You sound exactly like me before I found my first (and now ex) girlfriend. I'm pretty sure once you've been in a relationship, even a short one, you will be much more confident and your relation towards women in general will change. I've observed this in a lot of people I know from highschool; they were interesting and not at all bad looking but somehow couldn't relate to girls at all. After they got laid, to put it bluntly, some turned into real "players".
It might sound stupid (It sure did to me in the past) but you just have to chill out and treat women no different than anybody else and things should just come together by themselves.
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
Ex-fiance got dumped yesterday and I thought huh, I bet she'll want to get back together. But today she got a prestigious job making 2x as much and can get masters degrees at that prestigious university. Halfway across the country. Welp, she's gone!
Back to the grindstone with Internet Dating thread 3.
Yeah, that's just it mang, there's some point in which you suddenly realize that women aren't all that scary, and heck a bunch of them are attracted to you, even.
I want to end this thread with an important reminder that women can bite. Hard. Be on your toes, men.
Hey, some people are into that.
All depends on the body part being bitten IMO.
Ended up with a nasty bruise on my shoulder from that once. luckily it didnt break skin.
XBL: Manetherenwolf | PSN: Manetherenwolf | STEAM: Manetherenwolf
As someone with an ex-fiancee, all I can say is why the hell would you want to get back together with one? Mine can't be far enough from me for my tastes.
why would you assume that just because she got broken up with that she'd automatically want to get back with you?
lol that makes two of us. i'm that way with exes in general.. you always break up for a reason. why the hell get back together.. ever? buffer zones are great!
She's probably getting older and has less options than when she was younger. Obviously going back to her old flame would be a better life than becoming a highly successful career woman/spinster. Plus her wandering uterus is probably drying up and menopause is on-setting, so she better pop those kids out while her bone-density is good enough and the probability of down's syndrome is low.
a-doy
If faith is just a silent tribute, mine is just a desperate act.
(hahahahaaaaaa)
i definitely have one ex that i would be open to trying things with again in the future should the opportunity present itself....it wasn't anything to do with me, was just her life at the moment she was trying to fix......and sadly for both of us, that fix couldn't possibly involve me
I click the super cute girl of the bunch and voila! It happens to be the right girl. And she's in to video games.
So I send her a message... and she sends one back... I send another and she responds a second time... third message and BAM! She never replies again.
We hadn't even got out of the talking about video games stage! She mentioned how she was going to Canada for a bit and I the last thing I asked was what she was going to do in Canada.
How can that possibly scare someone away?
So confusing.
On unrelated news, this past weekend was... weird. Considering the general drought of contact I've been having on either site (OKC or eH... which is the perfect abbreviation for the site for me), suddenly they were everywhere.
All I did was axe the self summary on OKC and I ended up being contacted first by two people (one of whom came over to watch a movie a few hours later on Saturday evening, and ended up crashing on the couch as it was pretty late when that wrapped up. Nothing :winky:, I'm apparently just a trustworthy kinda guy. Not sure she's quite my type anyway), and heard from three others from before; two just to say hi and check in, the third to set up another date for Wednesday.
Then on eH, which I've been crapping on for weeks now, suddenly I've gone from 0 ongoing contacts to three people trading communication steps with me.
... when is the next full moon anyway? Is there some kind of tidal thing going on that I should know about?
Oh, and I found another thing I dislike about eH (it really is a decent abbreviation): the fact it does not keep formatting like paragraphs in your profile or messages.
So remember how I asked how long my responses should be? Well two of them almost hit the limit (1000 characters), but I figure they answered the questions well and left lots open for responses. Unfortunately eH did not keep the formatting so it ended up sending two giant blobs to the poor girl....booo
Or maybe she actually has a history of this, and maybe he doesn't in fact have the motivations that you guys are projecting on him?
Way to jump to conclusions.
The past couple of dates all had a smooth first date, but the follow up is the kicker! One girl got back with her boyfriend a few days after we went out, then another one keeps having to cancel at the last minute.
Meeting women in the city without the aid of the college campus student body is a lot of work! I'm going out with this other girl this thursday, and I picked up the number of this other girl on the way home a couple of nights ago, so hopefull I either pull through this or just have to power through this mess.
Right now the plan is to see how the date goes and play it by ear. It just seems I need to make this decision before I go just in case. Any advice? Anything to do to make sure I'm not stabbed and killed for my organs?
edit: We have talked at length for a couple weeks. Its not like I don't know her at all. And also in Australia the age of consent is 16 so no need to bring up american laws in regards to hot teenagers not allowed to have sex.
I see no horrible disadvantage from trying it out.
This has happened to me a lot too. People just suddenly stop responding.
She wants to be friends, but has problems with people getting upset since she leads a very active lifestyle (sales, does Tupperware-type parties and goes to a lot of corporate functions) and doesn't contact them as often as they would like. However, since I was in the military I'm used to not being in contact with friends for months at a time.
Hopefully by the time we hang out again, I'll be employed and have a steady cash flow since we do have a lot of shared interests and I need to get out of the house more.
1) Don't play with other people's toys without permission. (Yes, there are girls that will say they're in an 'open' relationship too, only to have the boyfriend come home with rage in his eyes.)
2) No repeat business. (If you left them, you left them for a reason. There's plenty of other people to bone down with.)
3) Safe, sane, consensual. (Self explanatory.)
There's quite a few girls, in the Atlanta OKC scene at least, who are like that. We'll talk and talk for weeks straight and then radio silence for a month. Then all of a sudden we're back on like a raging fire. Odd, but you learn to shrug it off.
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Thanks for the reminder, forgot what was on my neck