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JASON VOORHEES APPRECIATION (NSF56K, COUNSELORS, MOTHERS OF MONGOLOIDS)

The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
edited August 2010 in Singularity Engine++
Sure, there's a little movie called The Exendables coming out August 13th, but there's another reason that date is radical. That's right, it's not just any "the 13th" it's a Friday the 13th, and doggies, you know what that means.

IT'S VOORHEES TIME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbT8n_ay4fM


The year was 1980.

Teenagers was having sex and doing drugs like it wasn't no big thing.

Hell, that sex might have even been unprotected.

That shit just ain't kosher, and one lady just was not taking that any longer.
Betsy00.jpg

Friday the 13th was the story of a young mongoloid child who drowned to death at camp in the 50's because teenagers was too busy bumping uglies to pay attention to him. I know, people did have sex in the 50's. I Love Lucy and Father Knows Best lied to you.

Move forward to CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, 1980. To avenge her son and expose those lies, Mrs. Voorhees went crazy and killed a bunch of teenage counselors and also Kevin Bacon because seriously what the fuck was the deal with Flatliners until she found herself quite decapitated .

BUT LO AND BEHOLD
24oonkn.jpg

It appears Jason was not dead. He survived being drowned because the Voorhees is too baller to be stopped by a mere lack of oxygen. Instead, he grew up and became a twisted backwards hillbilly with a sack for a head.
friday-the-13th-part-2-deluxe-edition-20090129051315878-000.jpg

See? Look at that impeccable sense of fashion

Jason, having seen his mom decapitated decided to avenge his mother's death. And what better way than killing more teenagers?

Featuring more kills and half the cast getting drunk instead of being there to be killed and never being heard from again, the Voorhees established himself as the apex predator. Jason Voorhees is the shark of camps in New Jersey.

And if you thought he was terrifying in 2-D, well, Friday the 13th added a whole new dimension of terror

f3d2.jpg

Yeah, that's right bitches.

Jason in 3-D.

Featuring an incredibly long scene with a yo-yo, and also the debut of the trademark hockey mask, Friday the 13th Part 3-D also introduced the world to Shelly, the loveable nerd.
ShellyWelly.jpg

Okay, so he wasn't so loveable and they decided to end the series in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.

It starred Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis and Crispin Glover as some douche.

Crispin Glover danced.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIMj_tYfzsc

and Jason was dead and buried.

UNTIL
531e2f.gif

Tommy Jarvis, now older and fucked up in the head and not being played by Corey Feldman, is in a home for crazy, fucked in the head teenagers. And Jason is back to haunt him. Some thought it might really be Jason. Some thought it might be Tommy has snapped and become Jason.
neither is right. it was this guy.

5still59pm2.jpg

he was a paramedic whose son died earlier and no one cared about it

Clearly this would not do, so Tom Mcloughlin took over for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives.

It has the most ridiculous and fun deaths, but no nudity.

On the plus side, this happens:
jasonlives4.jpg

Tell me that is not a badass shot.

I dare you.

Jason's rampages continued.

He fought a telekinetic and got really fucking ugly in Part VII
jasonvoorheesundead.jpg

He decided to take a cruise ship to Manhattan in Part VIII
storagecanoeca.jpg

He became a Richard Gant and then went to Hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQN72XOEELY

And then, naturally, he went to Space and became a cyborg
uberjason1.jpg

Jason had killed a lot of people by now.

But there was not challenge he had not yet conquered:

Kicking the shit out of Freddy Krueger
freddyvjason.jpg

Thankfully, in Freddy Vs. Jason he does this.

And he also beat up one of the non-Beyonce ladies of Destiny's Child!

Also, anyone who says the ending was a draw or that Jason did not win is a chump.

In 2009 they decided to reboot the Friday the 13th franchise.
28340w.jpg

Some people were angry that Jason ran in it and used traps, but those people are dumb.

All's you gotta do is ask your self one question: Did Jason kill himself hells of teenagers?

If the answer is yes, then fuck you, it was a good Friday the 13th movie.

The franchise, while not only radical, also either elevated or featured these major name stars/dreamboats
nz2e5u.jpg

jared-is-roman.jpg

MV5BNDcwNjgyMDE4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNDE2MjU3_V1_SX485_SY325_.jpg

crispin-glover-backto.png

Corey-Feldman.jpg

30siqrs.jpg


Now let's celebrate Jason's reign of terror with classic video games
xmo0vb.gif

Or sweet kicks:
custom-nike-dunk-sb-friday-the-13th-jason-voorhees-9.gif

And if you ain't down with the Voorhees, well
friday-the-final-chapter-finger.jpg

The Lovely Bastard on
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Posts

  • SASA Registered User
    edited August 2010
    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    slasher movies are only good if your age ends in "teen"

    #pipe on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    pipe that is not true at all

    clearly you do not like looking at titties and hate fun

    therefore, you must be gay

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • MaceraMacera Registered User
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    slasher movies are only good if your age ends in "teen"

    Yeah, I never got the appeal.

    B-Movies, sure, but slasher movies? Not my bag.

    Macera on
    xet8c.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    The Lovely Bastard on
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    pipe that is not true at all

    clearly you do not like looking at titties and hate fun

    therefore, you must be gay

    I'm an adult though

    I can watch honest to goodness porn

    #pipe on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    And the appeal of the slasher movie is the fact you know exactly what is going to happen to each and every person who isn't the hero, it's the how and when.

    You know the punchline, but you are enjoying the set-up, that is, if it is done correctly.

    And when it is done correctly, you might still find yourself surprised.

    Plus, titties and stupid people being killed.

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    sometimes you just wanna watch a giant hillbilly zombie in a hockey mask ruin a bunch of teenagers' shit

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    pipe that is not true at all

    clearly you do not like looking at titties and hate fun

    therefore, you must be gay

    I'm an adult though

    I can watch honest to goodness porn

    Yeah but do those titties come with the schadenfreude feeling that you know them titties are there because they think they will get a legitimate acting career out of it?

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • undeinPiratundeinPirat Registered User
    edited August 2010
    titties titties titties

    jason loves the titties

    undeinPirat on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] steam: undeinpirat
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    No he doesn't

    Jason hates titties.

    That's why he must murder them all

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • undeinPiratundeinPirat Registered User
    edited August 2010
    well

    that's one way to look at it

    the other way is that he wants to be the only person in charge of the valuable titty assets and goes into a bloodrage upon finding out the situation is not in his favor

    undeinPirat on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] steam: undeinpirat
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    nah he hates them

    titties made him die

    (sort of)

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    next thursday we are watching jason goes to hell on netflix tlb

    JUST TRY AND STOP ME

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Why would I stop that?

    WHO WOULD STOP THAT?

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    also I guess this thread can be used to talk about other horror movies

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I really wish Jason X was on there

    but I'll take Goes To Hell

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Jason Goes to Hell was the first R Rated movie I saw

    and Friday the 13th The Series was the first show I watched from beginning to end

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    every movie franchise ought to feature a film inexplicably set in space

    harry potter in space
    spider man in space
    jason bourne in space
    lord of the rings in space
    star wars in space

    Dichotomy on
    0BnD8l3.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I been trying to sell my Death Wish in Space script for years

    It's the future and Paul Kersey's brain has been transplanted into a robot

    Instead of a face, it has a screen that plays Charles Bronson killing people

    And yes, the robot falls in love with a woman 30 years younger than it and the woman dies

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • fightinfilipinofightinfilipino omfg Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    pipe that is not true at all

    clearly you do not like looking at titties and hate fun

    therefore, you must be gay

    I'm an adult though

    I can watch honest to goodness porn

    Yeah but do those titties come with the schadenfreude feeling that you know them titties are there because they think they will get a legitimate acting career out of it?

    yes, actually, with legit porn, they DO think this too.

    in any event, i like the Jason flicks just for the sheer absurdity, but i don't like mixing my sex with my violence. that's just not cricket.

    fightinfilipino on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    yes but a porn movie is a porn movie

    a friday the 13th movie is a theatrical film

    (they got a porno director to do part V)

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    also guess what

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch is the best Halloween movie

    who wants to fight about it

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • KochikensKochikens Lovely-Cuddle-Blanket-Stephen-Fry-Awesomer Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    god I fucking love these movies
    I love them so fucking much
    this is gonna be such a good friday the 13th for movies too

    Kochikens on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I been trying to sell my Death Wish in Space script for years

    It's the future and Paul Kersey's brain has been transplanted into a robot

    Instead of a face, it has a screen that plays Charles Bronson killing people

    And yes, the robot falls in love with a woman 30 years younger than it and the woman dies

    so it's like a spider-slayer mk. 1

    58-3.jpg

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Kochikens I bet I love the Friday the 13th movies more than you

    In fact I am typing it in my computer and you are a dead fuck

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I been trying to sell my Death Wish in Space script for years

    It's the future and Paul Kersey's brain has been transplanted into a robot

    Instead of a face, it has a screen that plays Charles Bronson killing people

    And yes, the robot falls in love with a woman 30 years younger than it and the woman dies

    so it's like a spider-slayer mk. 1

    58-3.jpg

    It was a mix between that and

    ED209.jpg

    only with the ability to walk up stairs

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    also guess what

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch is the best Halloween movie

    who wants to fight about it

    that's not the one with the tv commercials that fill your head with bugs is it

    that's not the best anything

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It is exactly that one yes!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIHUv2ooG38

    HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN

    HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN

    SILVER SHAMROCK

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • KochikensKochikens Lovely-Cuddle-Blanket-Stephen-Fry-Awesomer Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Kochikens I bet I love the Friday the 13th movies more than you

    In fact I am typing it in my computer and you are a dead fuck

    probably
    but it doesn't mean I don't love them hard as fuck anyways
    slasher movies in general are fucking amazing if I could I would spread them on toast and eat them every day for breakfast



    and dessert

    Kochikens on
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that's the only thing I think of when people tell me about Halloween movies

    what the fuck was that about

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Kochikens have you seen the slasher classics Pieces and Slaughter High?

    Also what is your opinion of April Fool's Day?

    These answers will determine whether or not we can be pals.

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that's the only thing I think of when people tell me about Halloween movies

    what the fuck was that about

    well see

    a creepy dude with android guards decided to use the power of celtic runes to murder all the children in the world on Halloween with masks that are set to kill you when they watch Silver Shamrock commercials at a certain time

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    That stupid fucking video game.

    I could never save the children.

    I could never save the children.

    ChicoBlue on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Fuck the Children

    wait

    no chico

    don't do what I just said

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So the new thread is about Jason Voorhies.

    I'm so very disappointed in you TLB.

    You know damn well this should have been about Ashley J. Williams.

    chrishallett83 on
    terriblepostsigpic.jpg
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that's the only thing I think of when people tell me about Halloween movies

    what the fuck was that about

    well see

    a creepy dude with android guards decided to use the power of celtic runes to murder all the children in the world on Halloween with masks that are set to kill you when they watch Silver Shamrock commercials at a certain time

    grimes.gif

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    No the thread is about Jason Voorhees

    and Ash ain't done shit worth caring about since he fought the Marvel Zombies with Dazzler

    The Lovely Bastard on
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    still haven't seen the evil dead movies

    don't think I'm missing much

    Dichotomy on
    0BnD8l3.gif
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that's the only thing I think of when people tell me about Halloween movies

    what the fuck was that about

    well see

    a creepy dude with android guards decided to use the power of celtic runes to murder all the children in the world on Halloween with masks that are set to kill you when they watch Silver Shamrock commercials at a certain time

    grimes.gif

    Shoe he was just killing children

    (but not running them over)

    The Lovely Bastard on
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