Sure, there's a little movie called The Exendables coming out August 13th, but there's another reason that date is radical. That's right, it's not just any "the 13th" it's a
Friday the 13th, and doggies, you know what that means.
IT'S VOORHEES TIME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbT8n_ay4fM
The year was 1980.
Teenagers was having sex and doing drugs like it wasn't no big thing.
Hell, that sex might have even been
unprotected.
That shit just ain't kosher, and one lady just was not taking that any longer.
Friday the 13th was the story of a young mongoloid child who drowned to death at camp in the 50's because teenagers was too busy bumping uglies to pay attention to him. I know, people did have sex in the 50's. I Love Lucy and Father Knows Best lied to you.
Move forward to CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, 1980. To avenge her son and expose those lies, Mrs. Voorhees went crazy and killed a bunch of teenage counselors and also Kevin Bacon because seriously what the fuck was the deal with Flatliners until she found herself quite decapitated .
BUT LO AND BEHOLD
It appears Jason was not dead. He survived being drowned because the Voorhees is too baller to be stopped by a mere lack of oxygen. Instead, he grew up and became a twisted backwards hillbilly with a sack for a head.
See? Look at that impeccable sense of fashion
Jason, having seen his mom decapitated decided to avenge his mother's death. And what better way than killing more teenagers?
Featuring more kills and half the cast getting drunk instead of being there to be killed and never being heard from again, the Voorhees established himself as the apex predator. Jason Voorhees is the shark of camps in New Jersey.
And if you thought he was terrifying in 2-D, well, Friday the 13th added a
whole new dimension of terror
Yeah, that's right bitches.
Jason in 3-D.
Featuring an incredibly long scene with a yo-yo, and also the debut of the trademark hockey mask, Friday the 13th Part 3-D also introduced the world to Shelly, the loveable nerd.
Okay, so he wasn't so loveable and they decided to end the series in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.
It starred Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis and Crispin Glover as some douche.
Crispin Glover danced.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIMj_tYfzsc
and Jason was dead and buried.
UNTIL
Tommy Jarvis, now older and fucked up in the head and not being played by Corey Feldman, is in a home for crazy, fucked in the head teenagers. And Jason is back to haunt him. Some thought it might really be Jason. Some thought it might be Tommy has snapped and become Jason.
neither is right. it was this guy.
he was a paramedic whose son died earlier and no one cared about it
Clearly this would not do, so Tom Mcloughlin took over for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives.
It has the most ridiculous and fun deaths, but no nudity.
On the plus side, this happens:
Tell me that is not a badass shot.
I dare you.
Jason's rampages continued.
He fought a telekinetic and got really fucking ugly in Part VII
He decided to take a cruise ship to Manhattan in Part VIII
He became a Richard Gant and then went to Hell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQN72XOEELY
And then, naturally, he went to Space and became a cyborg
Jason had killed a lot of people by now.
But there was not challenge he had not yet conquered:
Kicking the
shit out of Freddy Krueger
Thankfully, in Freddy Vs. Jason he does this.
And he also beat up one of the non-Beyonce ladies of Destiny's Child!
Also, anyone who says the ending was a draw or that Jason did not win is a chump.
In 2009 they decided to reboot the Friday the 13th franchise.
Some people were angry that Jason ran in it and used traps, but those people are dumb.
All's you gotta do is ask your self one question: Did Jason kill himself hells of teenagers?
If the answer is yes, then fuck you, it was a good Friday the 13th movie.
The franchise, while not only radical, also either elevated or featured these
major name stars/dreamboats
Now let's celebrate Jason's reign of terror with classic video games
Or sweet kicks:
And if you ain't down with the Voorhees, well
Posts
3DS: 5241-1953-7031
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
clearly you do not like looking at titties and hate fun
therefore, you must be gay
Yeah, I never got the appeal.
B-Movies, sure, but slasher movies? Not my bag.
I'm an adult though
I can watch honest to goodness porn
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
You know the punchline, but you are enjoying the set-up, that is, if it is done correctly.
And when it is done correctly, you might still find yourself surprised.
Plus, titties and stupid people being killed.
Yeah but do those titties come with the schadenfreude feeling that you know them titties are there because they think they will get a legitimate acting career out of it?
jason loves the titties
Jason hates titties.
That's why he must murder them all
that's one way to look at it
the other way is that he wants to be the only person in charge of the valuable titty assets and goes into a bloodrage upon finding out the situation is not in his favor
titties made him die
(sort of)
JUST TRY AND STOP ME
WHO WOULD STOP THAT?
but I'll take Goes To Hell
and Friday the 13th The Series was the first show I watched from beginning to end
harry potter in space
spider man in space
jason bourne in space
lord of the rings in space
star wars in space
It's the future and Paul Kersey's brain has been transplanted into a robot
Instead of a face, it has a screen that plays Charles Bronson killing people
And yes, the robot falls in love with a woman 30 years younger than it and the woman dies
yes, actually, with legit porn, they DO think this too.
in any event, i like the Jason flicks just for the sheer absurdity, but i don't like mixing my sex with my violence. that's just not cricket.
steam | Dokkan: 868846562
a friday the 13th movie is a theatrical film
(they got a porno director to do part V)
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is the best Halloween movie
who wants to fight about it
I love them so fucking much
this is gonna be such a good friday the 13th for movies too
so it's like a spider-slayer mk. 1
In fact I am typing it in my computer and you are a dead fuck
It was a mix between that and
only with the ability to walk up stairs
that's not the one with the tv commercials that fill your head with bugs is it
that's not the best anything
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIHUv2ooG38
HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN
HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN
SILVER SHAMROCK
probably
but it doesn't mean I don't love them hard as fuck anyways
slasher movies in general are fucking amazing if I could I would spread them on toast and eat them every day for breakfast
and dessert
what the fuck was that about
Also what is your opinion of April Fool's Day?
These answers will determine whether or not we can be pals.
well see
a creepy dude with android guards decided to use the power of celtic runes to murder all the children in the world on Halloween with masks that are set to kill you when they watch Silver Shamrock commercials at a certain time
I could never save the children.
I could never save the children.
wait
no chico
don't do what I just said
I'm so very disappointed in you TLB.
You know damn well this should have been about Ashley J. Williams.
and Ash ain't done shit worth caring about since he fought the Marvel Zombies with Dazzler
don't think I'm missing much
Shoe he was just killing children
(but not running them over)