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The Expendables - August 13th, In a Fucking Theater, Where Violence Belongs

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  • WarcryWarcry Registered User regular
    The reviews are now viewable.

    They are not favorable.

    I don't know if this means it is awesome 80's testerone filled awesomeness that snooty critics hate, or actually just a terrible movie made by a man 30 years past his expiry date.

    ONLY THE PUBLIC CAN DECIDE ITS FATE.
    Spoiler:

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  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    Not tough enough to post the reviews, are you?

    When people ask me how old I am; I just tell them I was a part of the Great Console War..... we won.
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  • WarcryWarcry Registered User regular
    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_expendables/

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  • TicaldfjamTicaldfjam Registered User regular
    Warcry wrote: »
    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_expendables/

    Eh, fuck the haters I say. I'm going to this chock, full-o-awesome day fuckin one son.

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
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  • HounHoun Jump In Save the WorldRegistered User regular
    It's not for critics.

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  • UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    amateurhour wrote: »
    Thom, I like you, and we agree on a lot of things, but that Indy vs Swordguy thing is overhyped. It's an awesome moment in cinema, but I wouldn't put it in the rankings of "action movie scenes" just like I wouldn't put Han shooting Greedo in that category.

    It was a hot day, they were late on the shot, and Harrison Ford had a good idea that he completely stole from his role in Star Wars. It was an accidental success on camera, and I fucking love it, but it's not an action sequence. Badass yes, comedic yes, action, no.

    Hmm. I heard/watch from somewhere that it wasn't actually scripted. There actually was supposed to be a long, drawn out fight between the two of them but Ford was not feeling very good that day (dysentery or diarrhea or something) and he just wanted the day to end. I can't remember where I got that info from though.

    Oh it's from Wiki.

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  • HounHoun Jump In Save the WorldRegistered User regular
    Underdog wrote: »
    amateurhour wrote: »
    Thom, I like you, and we agree on a lot of things, but that Indy vs Swordguy thing is overhyped. It's an awesome moment in cinema, but I wouldn't put it in the rankings of "action movie scenes" just like I wouldn't put Han shooting Greedo in that category.

    It was a hot day, they were late on the shot, and Harrison Ford had a good idea that he completely stole from his role in Star Wars. It was an accidental success on camera, and I fucking love it, but it's not an action sequence. Badass yes, comedic yes, action, no.

    Hmm. I heard/watch from somewhere that it wasn't actually scripted. There actually was supposed to be a long, drawn out fight between the two of them but Ford was not feeling very good that day (dysentery or diarrhea or something) and he just wanted the day to end. I can't remember where I got that info from though.

    Oh it's from Wiki.
    Houn wrote: »
    Yeah, that... I'm not sure what that was. It was not the comedic action genius of the Raiders Shot.

    I thought the lore behind that scene was that Ford was really, really sick that day. Actually, imdb confirms it:
    https://support.f5.com/kb/en-us/solutions/public/9000/200/sol9254.html?sr=9094309
    The infamous scene in which Indy shoots a marauding and flamboyant swordsman was not in the original script. Harrison Ford was supposed to use his whip to get the swords out of his attacker's hands, but the food poisoning he and the rest of the crew had gotten made him too sick to perform the stunt. After several unsuccessful tries, Ford suggested "shooting the sucker." Steven Spielberg immediately took up the idea and the scene was successfully filmed.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.
    What did the bad reviews have to say?

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    Thanatos wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.
    What did the bad reviews have to say?

    Well that's one of them. Mostly they say that it's a highly polished modern version of an 80's action film. It's lite on plot but lots of explosions and silly awesomeness. Mostly the objection is that it's action fluff.

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
    • Agree Awesome
  • jefe414jefe414 The dirtiest Sanchez Registered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.
    What did the bad reviews have to say?

    Well that's one of them. Mostly they say that it's a highly polished modern version of an 80's action film. It's lite on plot but lots of explosions and silly awesomeness. Mostly the objection is that it's action fluff.

    Sounds like the best movie of 2010.

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    He tells Fox News, "I thought we had the ugliest group of guys on the planet in one movie. That is what I am so proud of. We all look like horseshoes or catchers' mitts. People go, 'Wow, that is a sexy group of guys'. And I say, 'Excuse me, you're talking about the Twilight team, not us.'"

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
    • Agree Awesome
  • HounHoun Jump In Save the WorldRegistered User regular
    Was that Stallone? Awesome quote either way.

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    Houn wrote: »
    Was that Stallone? Awesome quote either way.

    Yep.

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
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  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/553855/the_expendables_review.html

    Its den of suck so take with a salt lick, but they liked it.

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  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    I approve of the geek review. Anyone looking for plot better stay the fuck out of the theater I'm watching this in.

    And fuck yeah thats an awesome quote from Stallone.


    Fuck Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

    When people ask me how old I am; I just tell them I was a part of the Great Console War..... we won.
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  • BigBearBigBear If your life had a face, I would punch it. Registered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    He tells Fox News, "I thought we had the ugliest group of guys on the planet in one movie. That is what I am so proud of. We all look like horseshoes or catchers' mitts. People go, 'Wow, that is a sexy group of guys'. And I say, 'Excuse me, you're talking about the Twilight team, not us.'"

    Judging from interviews, Stallone seems like a really cool guy.

    I bet it'd be fun to hang out with him for a day, he must have so many awesome stories about Hollywood and stuff.

    "Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?"
    "Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?"
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  • unknownsome1unknownsome1 Registered User
    There's nothing I can really say that hasn't been said already. I'm just going to say that watching this upcoming movie is my top priority before returning to college.

    By the way, I love the comment made by Stallone to Fox News.

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  • ChillyWillyChillyWilly Registered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.
    What did the bad reviews have to say?

    Well that's one of them. Mostly they say that it's a highly polished modern version of an 80's action film. It's lite on plot but lots of explosions and silly awesomeness. Mostly the objection is that it's action fluff.

    Yes.

    Yes.

    YES.

    I don't think anyone is going into this movie with any delusions. That review is exactly what people want out of this movie.

    Hence, I shall be watching the fuck out of it.


    And with respect to that Stallone quote, Jason Statham is actually pretty sexy.

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  • LeCausticLeCaustic Registered User
    ChillyWilly wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    So there you have it. The Expendables, at times, is undeniably entertaining, but it’s always in that gimmicky, ‘this is very silly but let’s go with it’ kind of way. Unfortunately, once all the gunfire dies down (if you see this in a cinema with a powerful sound system, your eardrums may explode), what’s left is one simple truth: strip away the modern day polish and the bluster of its gimmicky (though admittedly satisfying) cast and you’re left with a fairly standard 80s-esque action spectacle. That’s the point, of course, but it isn’t enough to earn the film a genuine recommendation.

    So basically it's exactly what I want. Cool.
    What did the bad reviews have to say?

    Well that's one of them. Mostly they say that it's a highly polished modern version of an 80's action film. It's lite on plot but lots of explosions and silly awesomeness. Mostly the objection is that it's action fluff.

    Yes.

    Yes.

    YES.

    I don't think anyone is going into this movie with any delusions. That review is exactly what people want out of this movie.

    Hence, I shall be watching the fuck out of it.


    And with respect to that Stallone quote, Jason Statham is actually pretty sexy.


    That's what's reassuring about this movie. People are saying it's bad because it's exactly what we want, which is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! I can't deny the amount of times I flipped through the tv channels and ALWAYS stopped at an 80s action flick or went back to it.

    To put it in perspective - it's like a remake of 80's action super flicks. If we compare this remake to other current attempts (marmaduke, smurfs, yogi bear, etc), this movie is amazing!

    Spoiler:
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  • Fatboy RobertsFatboy Roberts Registered User
    I saw this today.

    I'm very surprised by how much of a piece of shit I thought it was. It couldn't be a bigger piece of shit if it's name was Womack.

    It's not like I had high expectations. I was expecting "Commando," basically. And Commando, for all it's charms, is a pretty bad movie. This is more like if "Commando" got sloppy drunk and started oversharing at a bar and all you want to do is sneak away slowly and leave before something unfortunate happens.

    The biggest crime? The action sucks. Most of it is incomprehensibly edited. There is none of the surety with which Stallone staged his Rambo set-pieces. It's PG-13 origin is very much on display, because almost all the gore is digitally, and poorly, applied.

    Eric Roberts is okay in this. Jet Li plays a short joke. Randy Couture plays "Guy in funny hat who reads." Terry Crews holds a gun that makes a loud Poom-Poom noise. Everyone else is pretty awful, and again, I'm measuring this against something like "Commando," not something like "Inception." Hell, there isn't a single fight in this movie that packs anywhere near as much punch as Hit Girl does in "Kick-Ass." I mean, it's not even close.

    I guess that's probably the most disappointing thing about this movie - a sweaty, glistening pool of pure testosterone, shot out of a cannon made of fists, and I can't even say it hits like a girl. Because I've seen girls hit harder than this.

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  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    Now I have to figure out if you're a troll, a filthy unwashed liar, or a truth speaking soul crusher.........

    I'm still seeing it.

    When people ask me how old I am; I just tell them I was a part of the Great Console War..... we won.
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  • Fatboy RobertsFatboy Roberts Registered User
    The others I saw it with were varied in their capacity for forgiveness of the movie's sins. I think I might have been one of the harsher critics of the film at this screening, so there's that. It wasn't universal dislike across the board.

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  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    Fatboy also didn't like The Losers, so he just doesn't like action movies.

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  • Fatboy RobertsFatboy Roberts Registered User
    Which is why I referenced one of the best lines from "The Rock" in my post, because I think action movies blow. :)

    Also, I think the action was done better in "The Losers" than it was here. It's really, REALLY surprising how badly Stallone botched this, especially when set next to Rambo from 2008, which I thought was one of the 10 best films of that year.

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  • nstfnstf __BANNED USERS
    Fatboy Roberts wrote: »
    Which is why I referenced one of the best lines from "The Rock" in my post, because I think action movies blow. :)

    80s action flicks are great. I always stop when I see predator or something on the tube.

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  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    One of my friends showed me this from one of the "rotten" reviews on RottenTomatoes:
    When it isn’t bad Shakespeare, this throwback 80s action movie... is like what we might see if Solider of Fortune magazine decided to get into the business of pornography.

    I'm curious as to what a review has to say before RottenTomatoes counts it as "fresh...?" Does the movie actually have to give you a blowjob or something?

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  • Fatboy RobertsFatboy Roberts Registered User
    The Rotten Tomatoes rating system is almost as mysterious as the iTunes podcast ranking system. But I think so long as you're around the positive side of a 2 1/2 star review, or a C+, you'll be marked as positive. Depending on other factors that nobody really knows.

    My review went up at Aint It Cool today. Basically, my earlier post ended up being a rough draft of sorts.

    http://www.aintitcool.com/node/46106

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
    Armond White wrote:
    The Expendables is third-rate.

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
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  • KetarKetar Registered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
    Armond White wrote:
    The Expendables is third-rate.

    Whew.

    It had occurred to me at some point that if Armond White gave this a positive review, we would be truly fucked and I would probably have to wait for cable.

    Instead, I can go back to looking forward to the manly outing with the guys on Saturday to watch this very manly movie.
    Spoiler:

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  • HitsuraptorHitsuraptor Registered User regular
    Just got back from seeing this

    It was prety awesome, was a slight lull at one spot though, and the scenes placing the explosives were a bit shit, but the big action scene
    mannnnnnnn
    Spoiler:

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  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Registered User regular
    oh god i almost clicked that spoiler

    i would have been piiiiissed

    how would you rate it?

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  • RandomEngyRandomEngy Registered User regular
    GaryO wrote: »
    sorry someone said AVATAR is one of the best action movies ever. What the heck are they smoking. It is nowhere near even the middle of the pack. I've lost faith in humanity, only otpion left is to take off and nuke it from orbit...

    You can argue about whether or not it deserves to be called an "action movie" but it does have awesome action scenes. Me and pretty much everyone I know think that final battle was badass.

    Anyway I'm pretty sure I'm going to see this movie this weekend. 45% is a pretty good sign given how critics generally treat brainless action movies.

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  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    RandomEngy wrote: »
    GaryO wrote: »
    sorry someone said AVATAR is one of the best action movies ever. What the heck are they smoking. It is nowhere near even the middle of the pack. I've lost faith in humanity, only otpion left is to take off and nuke it from orbit...

    You can argue about whether or not it deserves to be called an "action movie" but it does have awesome action scenes. Me and pretty much everyone I know think that final battle was badass.

    Anyway I'm pretty sure I'm going to see this movie this weekend. 45% is a pretty good sign given how critics generally treat brainless action movies.

    The interesting part is that it's also slowly climbing. It was at 39% before.

    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
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  • BansheeBanshee Registered User
    Going to an advanced screening TONIGHT! :D:D:D

    So fucking pumped for this movie. 7PM can't come soon enough.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Registered User regular
    How do people even get tickets to advance screenings?

    Unless of course they are movie critics.

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  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    THEPAIN73 wrote: »
    How do people even get tickets to advance screenings?

    Unless of course they are movie critics.

    Theaters offer them? I remember I saw a sneak peak for 3:10 to Yuma just by reading the paper.

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  • BansheeBanshee Registered User
    Got the passes from work. (marketing dept. for a cable company)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • DeadfallDeadfall Registered User regular
    Going on Saturday. The theater is within walking distance, so I expect at least one, maybe two six packs before the show and a nice drunken walk over.

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  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    Deadfall wrote: »
    Going on Saturday. The theater is within walking distance, so I expect at least one, maybe two six packs before the show and a nice drunken walk over.

    For me its black angus for some red meat, a couple beers and then theater time.

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