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[Mass Effect] Incendiary Ammo makes Krogan extra crispy.

Dox the PIDox the PI Registered User regular
edited August 2010 in Games and Technology
monocleeffect.jpg
My name is Avina and I'll be your guide on the citadel today
Masseffectlogo.png
Mass Effect is an action role-playing game developed by BioWare for the Xbox 360 and then ported to Microsoft Windows by Demiurge Studios. The Xbox 360 version was released worldwide in November 2007 published by Microsoft Game Studios. The Windows version was released on May 28, 2008, published by Electronic Arts.

According to our records this is your second visit to the citadel.
Mass Effect 2 is an action role-playing game developed by BioWare and published by Electronic Arts. The game is a sequel to Mass Effect, and the second game of the series. The game was released on PC and Xbox 360 in January 2010, and is due for release on PlayStation 3 in January 2011.

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DISCONNECT
Transmission incoming

WARNING CLASIFIED
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM THE GROUP CEBERUS
YOU HAVE AWAKENED AND NEED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT UPGRADES
I WILL EXPLAIN LATER
-TIM

WE HAVE ALSO FOUND YOU A NEW SQUAD MATE

And our agent who goes by the name TychoCelchuuu's has created you some Facebook pages: one two three | FOUR!

AND A GENERAL BEHAVOURAL GUIDE LINE
YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO OPEN YOU EMAILS

Think Zaeed's a stone cold killer? He's not, and here's proof: Jessie - A Love Story

All aboard the Love Boat with Jacob Taylor: The Prize - Jacob Taylor

Kasanagi's early Christmas present to us; a mod that turns the widow into a fully automatic death machine:
Kasanagi wrote: »

We caught the turian council member making a funny.Airquotes

Who else but Miranda?: Is that a new hairstyle?


Mass Effect movie? y/n?


need crucial info on the inner thinking of a reaper? LOOK NO FURTHER!
sovereign watches the asari discover citadel

THEY ARE PRETTY, YES. BUT THEY HAVE ALREADY BEGUN A CULTURAL STAGNATION. UNFLAVORFUL AND BLAND I DEEM THEM


salarians come in, ambitious, but under the influence of asari cease progressing as well

OH GOD THEY'RE LIKE POP ROCKS. TOO BAD THEY DON'T LAST LONGER....ANYONE ELSE GOING TO JOIN THE PARTY?

no? oh well guess i'll drop the voice effects it's not like these rachni can appreciate them anyway. ok you bug queens guess i'll trigger this purge early. not much this time around but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. wish you buggers were worth more to me than as a puppet race...ah nevermind

OH FUCK KROGANS

dammit, they didn't even register on my spacefaring, relay-using species list! D: looks like this plan ain't gonna work retreeeat

also very odd i sent the signal to open the citadel relay but it didn't work. UPSETTING.

also dammit that was the loss of a good puppet race D: indoctrinate the queens and everyone follows ugh ugh where am i gonna find another one oh well

ooo turians OOOO they didn't even get to the citadel until they were already worth harvesting? OMFG you guys ALONE are worth this purge i gotta let the guys know~ <3 mebbe they'll give me a puppet race or something too!

um ok they're excited too but they say nobody gets access to the collectors unless it's an EMERGENCY

FUCK

uh, uh *casts around*

OH HO HO SENTIENT TOASTERS YOU SAY? I CAN WORK WITH THAT! NO I DON'T CARE THAT THEY HAVE FLASHLIGHT HEADS

hmm humans? well they're no krogan i don't think i have to worry about them much hahaha

besides i've got enough busy-work traipsing all over the galaxy trying to find this prothean "back door" thingy

did the guys bother to tell me about that? nooooo they just get to point and laugh, specially that bitch harbinger. DENY ME ACCESS TO THE COLLECTORS WILL YOU? YOU JUST WAIT

HOW BOUT I LEAVE YOU ALL IN BLACK SPACE HMMM?

i was just kidding guys- ah you don't have to bring that up-LOOK I SAID I WAS SORRY.

who the fuck is this shepard person?

...

ok, WHO the FUCK is this SHEPARD person?

...

OMFG WHO THE FUCK IS THIS SHEPARD PERSON. I AM GOING TO HAVE A CHAT WITH THIS HUMAN.

....

blah that didn't go as well as i'd liked. doesn't matter anyway, me and my flashlight heads are in the backdoor. the guys will like the taste of the turians and it's just gravy if i get to personally stomp out this humanity species too. GOD they can be ANNOYING.

OMFG SHEPARD I SWEAR TO GOD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGSHDFSJDKFSDFSDFSDF1011011110001011010111-


__________________________________________

WHAT? DON'T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY GUYS, WE ALL AGREED THAT SOVVY WAS TOO INCOMPETENT TO USE THE COLLECTORS.

OK FINE THIS IS A PROBLEM ALRIGHT I'LL USE THE COLLECTORS TO DEAL WITH IT

BAM

SHEPARD'S DEAD ARE YOU HAPPY? GOOD.

...

WHAT NOW. YOU WANT TO USE THE HUMANS? WHAT ARE YOU, OUT OF YOUR BIOMECHANICAL MINDS?

FINE. BUT I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE IT.

...

OH FUCK OH FUCK SHEPARD'S BACK OH FUCK

I THOUGHT I KILLED HIM TOO DON'T FUCKING BLAME ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT SOVVY LEFT THE HUSK TECH LYING AROUND WHERE THEY COULD RESEARCH IT

oh god.

shepard is in the collector base. ah shit. ah SHIT SHIT SHIIITTTTT

....

look, i'm sorry guys i didn't mean for that to happen. YES i know that was our backup plan. YES i know we don't have any "spare" puppet species. YES i know just how much energy we spent on the collectors and on that base.

just....leave me alone. i gotta think.

Most people don’t like to talk about it but most Shepards suffer from sever Suicide mission falure LOOK NO FURTHER THEN HERE FOR HELP ON THIS PROBLEM

You think your Shepard looks ugly? At least he’s not his guy.


AND FOR OUR GRAND FINALE!

THE SONG THAT GOES WITH EVERTHING

This goes with:
Mass Effect 1 (all of it)
Mass Effect 2, disc 1 (all of it)
Mass Effect 2, disc 2 (all of it)
Every movie
Every story
Every moment of your life

A final thanks to Bioware for creating two awesome games
Dox the PI for the 10 minutes it took to create this clusterfuck of an OP
And you the, the reader, because without you no one would be reading this.
.

Dox the PI on
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Posts

  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    You're thanking yourself? O_o

    That takes a quad.

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • -Tal-Tal With God's help our labour is successful Sheffield, the Steel CityRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    op needs more Cerberus logos, pleges of allegiance, bumper stickers, voting pins, action figures, t-shirts, eroges, monuments to TIM, etc.

    lZSeta.png
  • korodullinkorodullin What. SCRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    But does September also go with this thread?

  • Transdimensional WhaleTransdimensional Whale Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Mass Effect 2 is going to be on the PS3? I really didn't like the first Mass Effect... but I need more RPGs on my PS3. Oh well, I suppose it deserves a second chance.

    Dram wrote:
    Still, it took a massive amount of trial and error before I realised that hookers were the solution to all my problems.
  • SpoitSpoit *twitch twitch* Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Mass Effect 2 is going to be on the PS3? I really didn't like the first Mass Effect... but I need more RPGs on my PS3. Oh well, I suppose it deserves a second chance.

    You can play is pretty much like a Gears style 3rd person shooter.

    steam_sig.png
  • GrimReaperGrimReaper Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Mass Effect movie link is broken in the op.

    Needs to be Mass Effect movie? y/n?

    PSN | Steam
    ---
    I've got a spare copy of Portal, if anyone wants it message me.
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that canon romance video still gives me nightmares

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
  • deowolfdeowolf Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    [SIGPIC]acocoSig.jpg[/SIGPIC]
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    deowolf wrote: »
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    " Creator-Tali'Zorah, This platform is fully equipped and knowledgable in multiple techniques. " said legion, his eye fins quivering as the creator before him slowly shed her enviromental suit.

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    deowolf wrote: »
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    " Creator-Tali'Zorah, This platform is fully equipped and knowledgable in multiple techniques. " said legion, his eye fins quivering as the creator before him slowly shed her enviromental suit.

    You cut that shit out before i start crying.

    YOU'RE ALL BABIES.
    SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO WASTE.
    Koshian wrote: »
    JOKE'S ON YOU
    MY POTENTIAL IS ALREADY WASTED
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Karl wrote: »
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    deowolf wrote: »
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    " Creator-Tali'Zorah, This platform is fully equipped and knowledgable in multiple techniques. " said legion, his eye fins quivering as the creator before him slowly shed her enviromental suit.

    You cut that shit out before i start crying.

    While masturbating?

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Orca wrote: »
    Karl wrote: »
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    deowolf wrote: »
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    " Creator-Tali'Zorah, This platform is fully equipped and knowledgable in multiple techniques. " said legion, his eye fins quivering as the creator before him slowly shed her enviromental suit.

    You cut that shit out before i start crying.

    While masturbating?

    Hey, what i do in my own time is none of your concern.

    YOU'RE ALL BABIES.
    SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO WASTE.
    Koshian wrote: »
    JOKE'S ON YOU
    MY POTENTIAL IS ALREADY WASTED
  • XtarathXtarath Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Oh you guys!

    Wait a minute, if it's Tali and Legion, why is it slashfic?

  • TracerBulletTracerBullet Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Xtarath wrote: »
    Oh you guys!

    Wait a minute, if it's Tali and Legion, why is it slashfic?

    Just wait till Tali drops the envrio-pants.

    SoaL wrote:
    I didn't know you're a practicing magician
    TyrantCow wrote: »
    I will get hit by a car if you don't send me drugs!
  • FawstFawst The road to awe.Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    You know, I haven't played ME2 since... huh, when did it come out? I haven't touched it since I beat it.

    I should do a ME1/ME2 run again.

    PSN: Fawst0083
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Fawst wrote: »
    You know, I haven't played ME2 since... huh, when did it come out? I haven't touched it since I beat it.

    I should do a ME1/ME2 run again.

    There is something wrong with you sir.

    Spending 200 hours on the game is perfectly normal.

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • Dr. WormDr. Worm Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Xtarath wrote: »
    Oh you guys!

    Wait a minute, if it's Tali and Legion, why is it slashfic?

    Just wait till Tali drops the envrio-pants.

    And surprise!
    She's got an enviro-penis.

  • SynthesisSynthesis Honda Today! Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    that canon romance video still gives me nightmares

    Miranda's doing her job, apparently. Giving you nightmares.

    Orca wrote: »
    Synthesis wrote:
    Isn't "Your sarcasm makes me wet," the highest compliment an Abh can pay a human?

    Only if said Abh is a member of the nobility.
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Dr. Worm wrote: »
    Xtarath wrote: »
    Oh you guys!

    Wait a minute, if it's Tali and Legion, why is it slashfic?

    Just wait till Tali drops the envrio-pants.

    And surprise!
    She's got an enviro-penis.

    I want Tali to turn out to be a guy now, just for the screams of anguish you'd hear from Talimancers.

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • jefe414jefe414 Lost in time, low on gas, surrounded by evilRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Now that is a great plot twist. I was actually hoping that Quarians turned out to be sentient machines.

    Xbox Live: Jefe414
  • ebotasticebotastic Going Gonzo In People's HeartsRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    New thread?

    At first I was like
    Happy.jpg

    But then I
    Derp.jpg

    Please, call me ebo.
  • ebotasticebotastic Going Gonzo In People's HeartsRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    that canon romance video still gives me nightmares

    You know, that drive core is pretty shiny.

    And there's a whole boatload of windows looking in on it. I know it's an orb and everything, but I think it'd still be possible for someone to watch Miranda and Shepard/Scionpard going at it if they were so inclined.
    It's Kelly Chambers, pressed against a window overlooking the drive core. She's crying but she can still see your two forms through the tears. All she can manage to say is "You have a new message at your private terminal, Commander Shepard" over and over.

    Please, call me ebo.
  • HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Mass Effect 2 is going to be on the PS3? I really didn't like the first Mass Effect... but I need more RPGs on my PS3. Oh well, I suppose it deserves a second chance.

    I missed the first Mass Effect... but getting a PS3 ME encourages me to want it now.

    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
  • SoundsPlushSoundsPlush yup, back. Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I like where this thread is going.

    s7Imn5J.png
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    d0c8c913-7cbd-47c7-ba54-f3e188b9d0d7.jpg

    It just seemed appropriate.

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • SoundsPlushSoundsPlush yup, back. Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    "Miranda, make sure they don't kill Shepard."
    "K, got it."

    s7Imn5J.png
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    "Miranda, make sure they don't kill Shepard."
    "K, got it."

    "Oops."

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • NEO|PhyteNEO|Phyte Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Good thing Miranda doesn't make mistakes, eh?

  • -Tal-Tal With God's help our labour is successful Sheffield, the Steel CityRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    ebotastic wrote: »
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    that canon romance video still gives me nightmares

    You know, that drive core is pretty shiny.

    And there's a whole boatload of windows looking in on it. I know it's an orb and everything, but I think it'd still be possible for someone to watch Miranda and Shepard/Scionpard going at it if they were so inclined.
    It's Kelly Chambers, pressed against a window overlooking the drive core. She's crying but she can still see your two forms through the tears. All she can manage to say is "You have a new message at your private terminal, Commander Shepard" over and over.

    Kasumi actually watches you and has a line about it.

    "Right where Tali works, Shepard? And just how genetically modified is Miranda? Because, I mean...wow!"

    lZSeta.png
  • Dox the PIDox the PI Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    GrimReaper wrote: »
    Mass Effect movie link is broken in the op.

    Needs to be Mass Effect movie? y/n?

    thanks fixed

  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    deowolf wrote: »
    So we'll just hang out over here then? That other thread had perfectly good pages left for Tali/Legion slashfic.

    " Creator-Tali'Zorah, This platform is fully equipped and knowledgable in multiple techniques. " said legion, his eye fins quivering as the creator before him slowly shed her enviromental suit.

    legions light flickered momentarily as the creator stepped from the enviromental suit that had fallen around her ankles. her nubile flesh glistening with a fine glean of sweat, her synthetic robopenis springing to life as she turned to legion, " reconcilliation awaits, legion "
    i am going to hell for this. i really am.

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
  • jefe414jefe414 Lost in time, low on gas, surrounded by evilRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    i am going to hell for this. i really am.

    I sure hope so.

    Xbox Live: Jefe414
  • Dox the PIDox the PI Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Thane exhaled deeply, and closed his eyes.

    "I only have meer months to live he said!" eyes filled with tears
    "It makes no differance to, my love" the voice murmed

    Thane began to cry tears of joy as Garrus got into bed with him, It would be a grand, long night.

  • DragkoniasDragkonias Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Ah...bad fanfics...this takes me back.

  • battledrillbattledrill Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Oh snaps I just found out you can romance Kelly! No Paramore points of course but still. She is said to do a dance for ya. FFFFFUUUUUU.

    KellyChambersDance.jpg


    ______________________
    battlerep on STEAM.
  • ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Oh snaps I just found out you can romance Kelly! No Paramore points of course but still. She is said to do a dance for ya. FFFFFUUUUUU.

    KellyChambersDance.jpg

    how do you think scale itch gets on the ship, she puts on a special show before going through the omega-4 relay

    that's it, I'm shutting this entire forum down, everyone thank buttcleft
  • DragkoniasDragkonias Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Kelly is what we Earthlings eloquently call "A ho fo' sho."

  • KazakaKazaka Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Robopenis, cleft?
    Robopenis? Robopenis?

    Robo
    penis?

    ...Robopenis, Buttcleft?

    ... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.
  • Dox the PIDox the PI Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Dragkonias wrote: »
    Kelly is what we Earthlings eloquently call "A ho fo' sho."

    Shepard pimps her out to the reapers to stop the war

  • battledrillbattledrill Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Being as I am working on an A-hole, Adept, Renegade Shepard...We don't love them hoes!


    ______________________
    battlerep on STEAM.
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