Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

[Let's Play] Paradox Succession Game: Charlemagne's Heirs! The Thread Lives!

145791040

Posts

  • Rhan9Rhan9 Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Looks like we could use another ruler like Henri, to beat everyone into submission for a period long enough to let the realm recover and hopefully connect the fractured parts. I'd do it, but I don't have the time, as I'm leaving on holiday abroad soon.

    At least the collapse wasn't as bad as I thought from the earlier reports. Still, why the fuck is our capital in Besancon? Ile de France is superior, Besancon is shit. Better give it someone else to rectify this. Also, if someone gets the Netherlands back under our control, it's a good idea to split them between several different counties/duchies, as they seem especially prone to revolt.

    steam_sig.png
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    OK, I've managed to survive to the beginning of the new century. Here's the first 12-ish years of Alexander's reign to whet your appetite...

    9 years old is way too young to inherit this kind of responsibility. My whole realm is falling to pieces, and mommy won't let me go out to even TALK to the people.

    11901revolt.jpg


    From what they tell me, my new buddy Drogo has been doing a good job getting the bad men back in line.

    11902Liegesubdued.jpg


    Now Mommy tells me I have to give away some of my land. I don't even know the name of all my provinces yet, and I have to share? No fair!

    11903newcounts.jpg


    It's always nice to make new friends (Italy will spend the next 12 years dragging us into pointless mini-wars with minor sheikhdoms, while Bohemia will disappear more or less immediately).

    11904alliances.jpg

    Finally after a few years of never even seeing a Sicilian army, I offer them a token tribute (about 150) and they go away. For the first time in Alexander's young life, the realm is at peace.

    11911peace.jpg


    Having been raised without a father figure, listening to the tales of glorious war without ever seeing it firsthand, Alexander becomes a bit of a naive romantic.

    11921poetking.jpg

    The kingdom is still beset with rebellions, but Marshal Drogo is always on the spot to put my vassals in their place.

    11922anotherrebel.jpg


    Some major wars have been going on between England, Sweden and Poland. We've stayed out of major conflicts while trying to rebuild, but we aren't above reclaiming some old territory when the possibility arises...

    11941rennesreclaimed.jpg


    Alexander's romantic nature makes him want to keep his peasants happy, so he gladly caves to their demands in the name of civil order.

    11951cavingtorebels.jpg


    At long last, the first signs that the kingdom is beginning to recover.


    11952stability.jpg


    Alexander is soft-hearted, and apparently a little soft-headed as well.


    11953pettifogger.jpg


    At last Alexander comes of age and seeks out a pretty bride (who happens to be very good with money)


    11954marriage.jpg


    Alexander's lovely bride.

    11955newbride.jpg


    Alexander shows his weak-willed nature once again, caving to the peasants' demands and finally ending the last open rebellion in his demesne.

    11961cavingagain.jpg



    A traveling troupe of artists passes through Ile de France. Alexander seriously considers running away with them, but satisfies himself by writing page after page of terrible plays for the minstrels to perform.

    11962patronofthearts.jpg


    Pious young lad that he is, Alexander calls in some favors from the church in order to stabilize the realm.

    11971leaningonthechurch.jpg


    Two years into the marriage and all is not well. No sign of an heir, and Isabella is essentially extorting her husband. This is what I get for picking a woman who's good with money...

    11981bribingthewife.jpg



    ...and lo and behold, it works, because shortly thereafter...

    11982knockedup.jpg



    Note: I forgot to catch a screencap of the birth, but Isabella eventually gives birth to a son named William. An heir! (at least I hope - further developments might call the paternity into question)



    Things are momentarily pacified on the homefront, but all is not well in the kingdom as our most prominent vassal rebels. Drogo is again sent to teach the rebels a lesson, and this time Alexander rides forth as well.

    11983anotherrebel.jpg


    Wait, maybe things aren't so peaceful on the homefront either. Don't make me assassinate you, woman...

    11984youslut.jpg


    Nordgau and Sundgau are reclaimed, with the Duke allowed to maintain his independence in his German holdings. Unfortunately, in the course of the war our loyal marshal Drogo is wounded and dies shortly thereafter.

    11991Drogodead.jpg



    By some miracle, Isabella has become pregnant while Alexander is off at war. Hmm....


    11992butisitmine.jpg


    Just to be on the safe side, Alexander rewards Guillaume for his "loyal service" with a new county, far far away from the capitol (and the queen).

    11993removingtheproblem.jpg


    A new century is upon us. The realm is slowly healing from the wars of the prior century, and there is hope that the 13th century will be one of peace and prosperity (fat chance...)

    12001anewcentury.jpg




    Short version: So far, so good. Alexander is a bit of a ninny, but the stability of the realm is better and we've managed to reclaim a province or two. We've even got an heir (although I'm holding my breath that he's legitimate, given that the queen only puts out for the highest bidder).

    I'll try to burn through the rest of Alexander's reign in the next 2-3 days. Do we have someone in the on-deck circle yet?

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    We do not, so it's me if nobody steps up.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It looks like going through kings pretty quickly has helped to keep our infamy down. A shame your wife is a bit of a whore.

    Be excellent to each other you stupid cunts.
  • ZedarZedar Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Thats a lot of blue. Is that France, Sweden, Croatia or a mix of the three in Germany / Bohemia?

    steam_sig.png
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Zedar wrote: »
    Thats a lot of blue. Is that France, Sweden, Croatia or a mix of the three in Germany / Bohemia?

    There is indeed a whole lot of blue going on. It's mostly Sweden to the east. France has expanded quite a bit to the west and is holding its own in Iberia. A handful of those blue provinces actually belong to Scotland, who has a few vassals on the mainland (most of which we have claims on - probably target #1 when I'm ready to go on the offensive.)

    I actually feel a little bad that I haven't helped Italy out much. While France has been pushing the Muslims out of Iberia, they've been pushing back up the Italian peninsula. I keep seeing messages along the lines of:

    "Italy has declared war on the Sheikdom of Firenze"

    Last I looked, even Rome was in the hands of the infidels. I'd like to send some forces down there to help throw them back, but I'm really hoping to get stability up a little higher before I get involved in any large-scale wars...

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I love when the Muslims do cool things.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It's cool to see there are still Muslims at all. In my current game I'm only a little ahead of this time period, and they're nearly extinct.

    Be excellent to each other you stupid cunts.
  • President RexPresident Rex Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I'm still potentially available if you'd like to avoid cycling through the old list. I've got DVIP running, but I can always install another copy of just CK with DV. I make no promises about being able to pull the realm back together; I may know the nuances of the game, but that doesn't make me good.


    (...contrary to my lack of updates at my LP I've managed to get FRAPS working with it, so there has been minor progress).

    Join the Crew: Sink to the level of sinking those trying to sink us.
    PR-SH3-sig2.gif
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I need to get to bed, so no time for a full update tonight. Alexander has made some real progress in reuniting the realm, but he's holding things together with spit and scotch tape at the moment. Frankly, the kingdom is going to be in much better shape when Alexander dies. Not because of me, necessarily, but well - look:


    This is the present...

    Alex1214.jpg


    ...and _this_ is the future. :^:

    William1214.jpg

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Hopefully William there is fertile. Good God.

    EDIT: Also, he's totally not Alexander's son. :P

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • President RexPresident Rex Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Maybe he's good at everything except getting chicks. He'll need a street-smart, wise-cracking partner to show him the ropes and win the love of his life.

    Join the Crew: Sink to the level of sinking those trying to sink us.
    PR-SH3-sig2.gif
  • starkillerstarkiller Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Maybe he's good at everything except getting chicks. He'll need a street-smart, wise-cracking partner to show him the ropes and win the love of his life.

    You want Lusty and 16. Any other stat is worthless.

  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    starkiller wrote: »
    Maybe he's good at everything except getting chicks. He'll need a street-smart, wise-cracking partner to show him the ropes and win the love of his life.

    You want Lusty and 16. Any other stat is worthless.

    Believe me, in this case that is precisely what I'll be looking for. William needs to pump out heirs by the bucketload, and hopefully some of those righteous genes will pass on.

    EDIT: Also, he's totally not Alexander's son.

    Yeah, probably not. But I won't tell if you won't...

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    shalmelo wrote: »
    EDIT: Also, he's totally not Alexander's son.

    Yeah, probably not. But I won't tell if you won't...

    So, thread title change incoming?

    "Charlemagne's Psuedo-Heirs"? "Charlemagne's Usurpers"? :D

    elvenshae2_zps569236d5.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    The FATE of the Rebellion PBP
    FotR on Obsidian Portal
  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I wouldn't mind getting in the rotation, but I've never played the games. Would that be an issue?

  • PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    All hail William, gleaming metal robot-king from the future!

    Be excellent to each other you stupid cunts.
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    schuss wrote: »
    I wouldn't mind getting in the rotation, but I've never played the games. Would that be an issue?

    Try to play before Rex's turn is over, but sure.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    schuss wrote: »
    I wouldn't mind getting in the rotation, but I've never played the games. Would that be an issue?

    Try to play before Rex's turn is over, but sure.

    OK, which game should I pick up to be most appropriate?

  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Ah! If you want to play soon, you'd need Crusader Kings and the Deus Vult expansion. If you want more time to learn and a simpler game to understand, probably, you want Europa Universalis 3 Gold and Heir to the Throne.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Update the 2nd

    or

    The Continuing Adventures of Alexander the Romantic Nitwit, King of Burgundy (1200-1214)


    While relations between Alexander and his wife are frosty at best, he dotes on his young son and insists on raising young William himself.

    12002homeschooled.jpg


    Shortly afterward, Isabella gives birth to a girl. Surely there will be domestic tranquility from now on, right?

    12003babygirl.jpg


    Alexander's brother Henry comes of age and has turned into quite the military mind. This will be great! Sure, he picked on Alexander some when they were kids, but now it will be totally different...the Vermandois brothers will work together to reclaim the realm!

    12011mybrotherthemarshal.jpg


    ...or not. I never liked him anyway.

    12012mybrotherthetraitor.jpg


    You get one guess who our Steward is. Did I mention that she's good with money?

    12031mywifethethief.jpg


    Yes, thanks to the queen's greed, we're hocking our possessions. How embarrassing...

    12032sellingourpossessions.jpg


    Normally I can't say no to the kid, but did I mention that we were selling all our possessions? Ask your mother.

    12033Williamstoys.jpg


    A sad day for Burgundy as young Grateria is discovered dead in her crib. William is now an only child, and it seems likely that he'll stay that way.

    12041daughterdies.jpg


    Distraught by the death of her daughter, Isabella responds as you might expect.

    12042notagain.jpg


    Wait, seriously?!? After everything she's done to you? What kind of masochist are you, man??? I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Idiot.

    12051Istillloveher.jpg


    Isabella, of course, takes advantage of her husband's renewed affection by reclaiming her position as Steward, from which she was released after all that gold disappeared a few years back.

    12052despiteherfaults.jpg



    Alexander's terrible poetry has been translated into many languages, and while most nations regard it with disdain, the Hungarians can't get enough of it (Transylvania asked to be our vassal about a month after the neighboring Duch of Pest, for no apparent reason)

    12061Transylvania.jpg


    Eager to avoid his bumbling father and greedy, shrewish mother, William has thrown himself into his studies. It's paid off handsomely.

    12062theprodigy.jpg


    Italy drags us into another minor war, and as soon as the Transylvanians realize that the doofus poet actually has the authority to muster their army, they immediately declare independence. We let them go without a fight.

    12071somuchfordracula.jpg


    The tensions that have been simmering in Burgundy finally boil over as our most powerful vassal rebels. We quickly subdue Anjou's two continental provinces, but they also hold claim to Alexandria. Alexander sails forth with a great host to show the Duke who's boss.

    12073knowyourplace.jpg



    You know I can't say no to you, my darling golden child. Besides, even though you're 8 years old, I'm pretty sure you could take me.

    12074cantsayno.jpg


    While Alexander is conveniently aboard a ship on the way to Egypt, Isabella takes the opportunity to once again loot the royal treasury.

    12091robbedagain.jpg


    The financial setback serves as the final straw, and with a large chunk of the army in the middle of the Mediterranean, a few vassals declare independence and throw Burgundy back into civil war.

    12092realmduress.jpg


    Alexander is quite taken with the city he was named after, and sets up a temporary court in exile for the duration of the civil war (I guess the capitol automatically moves to the wealthiest province, or something? I didn't choose for this to happen, I just looked up at one point and the royal seat had moved)

    12093newcapitol.jpg


    Despite everything, Alexander still pines for his wife. Absence makes the heart grow stupid.

    12094poordeludedsoul.jpg


    As if the constant vassal rebellions weren't enough, some neighboring vultures decide to get in on the action.

    12101ohshit.jpg


    ...which of course accelerates the rate of vassal defection

    12102morebadnews.jpg


    Note: not pictured, because I forgot to take a screenshot - immediately after the English declared war, but before they could get their troops across the channel, we declared war on the Duke of Normandy, an English vassal who we still had claims on from a century ago. Our badass Marshal (more on him later) managed to polish off the Duchy and bring them back under Burgundian control before the English even made landfall.


    The climactic battle, and perhaps the high point (to date) of Alexander's entire reign, comes in Aprill 1211 in Nantes. Alexander hurries back from Egypt and combines his forces with the army that just took Normandy. Together, they march south into Nantes, where a massive English host has just finished besieging the castle. The Burgundian army is outnumbered, approximately 17,000 Burgundians against 20,000 English, and the outcome is far from certain.

    12111battleofNantes.jpg


    What looks like a tightly-matched battle turns into a rout, as the English forces are scattered and flee the battlefield in a panic. Alexander masses his host again and prepares to follow the English and finish them once and for all...

    12112victory.jpg


    ...when the Pope intervenes. While Alexander regrets missing the opportunity to thrash the English further and perhaps claim some more territory, he is perfectly happy to accept the Pope's wishes. After all, there are still multiple unruly vassals that need to be shown their place.

    12113popeintervenes.jpg

    (This war really couldn't have gone any better. We reclaimed the Duchy of Normandy, spanked the English around a little bit and made peace before the cost of the armies bankrupted us. Thanks, Pontiff!)



    With the major enemies off the battlefield, Alexander heads back to Egypt and leaves the cleanup to his faithful Marshal, Gilbert. Gilbert has been nothing short of brilliant in bringing unruly vassals to heel (martial rating: 19), and has gained the unofficial title "Sheriff of Paris".

    12131gilbertthesheriff.jpg


    All disloyal vassals have been temporarily subdued. The Duchy of Luxembourg, one of the few vassals who has remained steadfast throughout the crisis, decides that this would be an opportune moment to pick a fight with the Pope. You're on your own, buddy...

    12121youreonyourown.jpg



    So that's where we stand as the calendar moves into 1214. Alexander remains in Egypt, waiting for the realm to calm down enough that it is safe to rule from Paris. (as soon as William comes of age, I plan on making him Count of Alexandria, which I'm assuming will bounce the royal seat back to Ile de France). Meanwhile, the rest of the realm counts the days, waiting for their soft-headed poet-king to die so that his vastly superior son can take command.




    Also, because I know y'all are map dorks (you almost have to be, in order to play this game), here's how the known world looks as we move into 1214:

    Our realm. As you see, we've reclaimed a few territories here and there so things are more or less connected. Some of the red in the northeast belongs to Denmark, but it's mostly us.

    1214updateBurgundy.jpg


    Britain. Things have taken a turn for the worse in England since their disastrous war with us. The British Isles are totally up for grabs, although Scotland is slowly pushing the border south.

    1214updateBritishIsles.jpg


    Iberia. France has been pushed back a bit, weakened by a slugfest war with Sweden that's been going on for a while now. Most of the French territories in Iberia are currently under Swedish control. Strangely enough, Denmark has been making some inroads on the peninsula as well.

    1214updateIberia.jpg


    Central/Eastern Europe. Sweden and Poland are the main powers here, and the Byzantines have been doing pretty well for themselves too. The Kingdom of Sicily has regrouped and taken control of the southern part of Italy again, leaving only a few scattered sheikhdoms from the once-impressive Muslim holdings on the peninsula.

    1214updatecentraleurope.jpg


    The Holy Land. We control a handful of provinces in Egypt. The only other major European player in the region is Poland, who also has part of Egypt and is currently occupying Muslim-owned Jerusalem.

    1214updateholyland.jpg

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    That's, um, a lot of prestige you've got. I assume the crusade is aimed at Jerusalem and not somewhere in Spain?

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    You tend to rack up a lot of prestige when you're putting down 4-5 vassal rebellions every year. I'd spend some of it on new claims, but we've got a bad enough reputation as it is.

    And how can you tell what specific territory a Crusade is aimed at liberating? I've never been able to figure that out, just figured it meant dogpile on the heathens...

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It'll say if you mouse over the flag. Sometimes finding the spot can be a pain in the ass, though.

    Be excellent to each other you stupid cunts.
  • President RexPresident Rex Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    With your wife constantly stashing away the entire kingdom's treasury, you might want to check on her loyalty from time to time. If it's low you'll tend to get a lot of those sorts of events (the spymaster is the other one you'll want to check fairly often).

    Even if she's the best steward by stats, you'll want to replace her (or hope for means of increasing her loyalty).

    Join the Crew: Sink to the level of sinking those trying to sink us.
    PR-SH3-sig2.gif
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It'll say if you mouse over the flag. Sometimes finding the spot can be a pain in the ass, though.

    They're only done for I believe Antioch (north of Jerusalem on the coast), Jerusalem, Alexandria, Rome itself, and various places in Spain, as I recall.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So, out of curiosity, is there any way to abdicate your throne to your son? I ask because my reputation is terrible, the loyalty of all my vassals is dropping like rocks, and William is more than ready to take over and kick some ass. I've had a 30-year reign, I think what Alexander really wants is some peaceful downtime to write his poetry. Plus, I have a lot to do this weekend, and I'd rather not spend the whole time fighting against my own armies...

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • theSquidtheSquid Sydney, AustraliaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    shalmelo wrote: »
    So, out of curiosity, is there any way to abdicate your throne to your son? I ask because my reputation is terrible, the loyalty of all my vassals is dropping like rocks, and William is more than ready to take over and kick some ass. I've had a 30-year reign, I think what Alexander really wants is some peaceful downtime to write his poetry. Plus, I have a lot to do this weekend, and I'd rather not spend the whole time fighting against my own armies...

    A good way to lose reputation seems to be to declare war on a vassal, vassalise them, but give up all your claims to their land. You can knock off a couple percent for every one you do this to with the added bonus of restoring his loyalty to 100%.

    Or given you've got 4000 prestige, why not just claim someone elses land, invade, kill all their fit young males, and then relinquish the claim?

    What is the proper response to a Winston ult anyway?

    A banana so he slips
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010

    A good way to lose reputation seems to be to declare war on a vassal, vassalise them, but give up all your claims to their land. You can knock off a couple percent for every one you do this to with the added bonus of restoring his loyalty to 100%.

    Hmm, good to know. But will their loyalty stay high even if the realm is under duress, stability is low and my stats stink?

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Update the 3rd (1214-1224)

    or

    Turns out madness is hereditary. Who knew?


    1214 begins with the completion of a Grand Palace in Alexandria, home of the court-in-exile. The great undertaking was begun by the former holder of the province, the Duke of Anjou, but when Alexander seized the territory he insisted that the work be completed so that his family could have a proper home while the awaited the opportunity to return to Paris.

    12141homeawayfromhome.jpg


    Eventually Alexander is forced to return in order to help quell rebellions among his vassals. Despite his weak-willed romantic nature, he proves to be surprisingly useful as a soldier.

    ?action=view&current=12143poetwarrior.jpg


    Young prodigy William, heir to the throne, finally comes of age and has turned into quite the schemer, among his many many other virtues.

    12151Williammatures.jpg


    We immediately marry him off to the youngest, most fertile-looking sexpot we can find. For fun, try saying her maiden name five times fast.

    12152willswife.jpg


    We grant William the Duchy of Valois and give him some territory including the old ancestral family seat of Vermandois.

    12153willstitles.jpg


    Our old alliance with Italy finally expires, and new suitors immediately come looking for a defensive pact. We decline both, hoping to land a partner who is a little closer to home. (Fun fact - Cibyrrhaeot is actually the Island of Rhodes, over by Turkey. When that window popped up I didn't have the slightest clue)

    12161cibyrrwhonow.jpg


    With the realm temporarily pacified, Alexander takes the bold move of going after some of his family's ancestral claims in Brittany. During the short war, our beloved Marshal, the Sheriff of Paris, is captured and slain by treacherous Brittanian dogs. His replacement, Oshere, is very pious, but barely half the soldier that Gilbert was.

    12171gilbertganked.jpg


    The conquest and subsequent annexation of Brittany is seen as the last straw by several vassals, who spend the next couple of years revolting en masse. Some, like Pest way over in Hungary, we simply let go without a fight...

    12191uprisings.jpg


    ...more local vassals are put down. On recommendation from one of his advisors, Alexander begins a policy of subduing local vassals with force, then reassuring them by releasing all claims on their domain, in exchange for renewed vassalage. This policy will serve Burgundy well, as most vassals are pacified and finally start to remain loyal. In addition, Alexander's standing with the other lords of Europe rises considerably.

    12192newpolicy.jpg


    One of the vassals that rebels during the time of troubles is William, and while it breaks Alexander's heart to do so, he goes to war in order to return his heir to the fold.

    12193warwithwilliam.jpg

    12194battleseverywhere.jpg



    The strain of holding together a realm that is flying apart in all directions finally gets to Alexander, and he falls victim to the madness that took his uncle Godfrey.

    12195Alexgoescraycray.jpg


    (You can't see it because of the pop-up, but given that Alexander's stats were pretty poor to begin with, the "crazed" trait has given him a 0 in all four attributes. Lovely...)

    12196lunatic.jpg



    Shortly after Alexander snaps, the old Pope passes away. Somehow, control of the papacy falls into the hands of the mad poet-king. What could possibly go wrong? (insert modern religious commentary here)

    12201runningtheasylum.jpg


    Despite his madness, Alexander still serves as general to the Burgundian forces as they put down the remaining rebels. His frothing, fanatic, nearly-incoherent speeches to his troops somehow raise morale, as does his tendency to throw himself into battle armed with nothing but a lute.

    12202berzerker.jpg


    While reports of Alexander's madness are stifled abroad, the legend of the crazed poet-king spreads, and lords from every corner of Europe ask to become Burgundy's vassals. (I lol'd when I saw Transylvania pop up again. And yes, they declared independence again a few years later and left without a fight)

    12203Transylvaniaagain.jpg

    12204morevassals.jpg

    12205stillmorevassals.jpg


    Despite his new friends, Alexander finds it more and more difficult to shake his melancholy.

    12211depressed.jpg


    Finally we get the alliance we were looking for, as the old foe England comes to us seeking some help on the continent.

    12212englandalliance.jpg


    Marshal Oshere has been suffering some delusions of his own, and believes that he has been called to become a Templar.

    12221marshaltemplar.jpg


    ...unfortunately, his heart can't withstand the pressure of the training regime. Oh well.

    12223osheredead.jpg


    The discussions Alexander held with Oshere prior to his departure inspire a new militaristic obsession. Alexander spends days on end ordering his personal regiment in elaborate parade drills in the grand courtyard of the palace.

    12222militarymadman.jpg


    After years of peace, Isabella decides to take advantage of her poor deluded husband one more time. Even addled as he is, Alexander knows it is (finally) time to replace her as Steward.

    12223wifestillstealing.jpg


    The queen's dalliances with other lords have grown less and less subtle since her husband snapped. Unfortunately for her, Alexander finally catches her in the act. This time, there can be no forgiveness. Alexander orders his wife to be publicly beheaded, with her corpse displayed in front of the palace for all to see.

    12224wifeexecuted.jpg


    Confused and wracked with guilt and remorse, Alexander somehow convinces himself that his new steward Thora is the reincarnation of Isabella and immediately demands that she marry him.

    (I was looking around for a young, lustful bride, just on the off chance that Alexander might still be able to produce another potential heir. Turns out there was already one in-house. Sometimes these stories just write themselves, you know?)

    12231anewbride.jpg


    Eager to impress his young bride, Alexander dementedly orders construction of a new Tower of Babylon in the back yard.

    12232babylon.jpg


    Thora cleverly convinces her husband that it would be inappropriate to build the tower solely with funds from the treasury, and gets him to siphon some extra money out of the nobles.

    12233raisingfunds.jpg


    Disaster strikes in 1224, as William and a couple of his young Duke buddies decide that it would be a fine idea to declare war on the Pope. Predictably, he is immediately excommunicated and suddenly our godlike young heir-apparent is NO LONGER ELIGIBLE TO TAKE THE THRONE. $#@%!!!!!!!!!!


    12241williamexcommunicated.jpg



    Please stay tuned tomorrow for the next installment of "As the Realm Crumbles".

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • lowlylowlycooklowlylowlycook Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Wait, so you son decided to attack, and get excommunicated by, the Pope that you control?

    Sweet.

    steam_sig.png
    (Please do not gift. My game bank is already full.)
  • ZedarZedar Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Well things are sure to stay interesting the the crazy apparently running strong in the de Vermandois bloodline. Is the (no longer) heir showing any signs of it? Who is in line for succession now?

    steam_sig.png
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Wait, so you son decided to attack, and get excommunicated by, the Pope that you control?

    Sweet.

    Ayup. I (repeatedly) tried to order the Pope to revoke the excommunication, but he was unable to do it because his prestige was too low, or some such bullshit.


    Anyway, Alexander's finally off to the great beyond. I've got to eat something and head out for the evening in a few hours, but I'll try to get the writeup done for the final installment before I go.

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I like O'Cruadhlaoich as a Norwegian name. Stupid Pope.

    By the way, my compliments, that was my favorite single update so far.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Thanks very much. It was definitely fun to write, if not always fun to play. There were a couple moments in there around 1219 or so when I was really beginning to worry if there would be anything left to hand over to you guys.

    shalmelo has gained the trait: stressed



    FUUUUUUU. I had the writeup almost complete, then accidentally misclicked on the browser and lost it. No time to do it again now, so it will have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry guys. Tune in tomorrow for the less-than-thrilling conclusion.


    shalmelo has gained the trait: drunk
    shalmelo has gained the trait: surly

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It's fine, send the save tonight though just in case Rex can only play on weekends or some such.

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • PolloDiabloPolloDiablo Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Ha, that's great to read. I hope our family stays crazy forever. I especially love the tower of babel.

    And in looking online, apparently O'Cruadhlaoich is pronounced "Crowley?" Oh Irish, you and your wacky letters.

    Be excellent to each other you stupid cunts.
  • President RexPresident Rex Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So I've got the save and it seems to have loaded find.

    ...The political situation in-game however ...not so fine. I think I'll leave shalmelo to potentially address these issues. We also seem to have cut out the middleman - going from Norman to Norwegian culture.

    Join the Crew: Sink to the level of sinking those trying to sink us.
    PR-SH3-sig2.gif
  • enlightenedbumenlightenedbum Arcadia Champion (Retired) WanderingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Vikings + Charlemagne?

    Lose: to suffer defeat, to misplace (Ex: "I hope I don't lose the match." "Did you lose your phone again?")
    Loose: about to slip, to release (Ex: "That knot is loose." "Loose arrows.")
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Update the final

    or

    The Madness of King Alexander I (1225-1235)



    Important note to start off - some screenshots got lost/corrupted, but in 1226-7, the Pope called us specifically to crusade into Jerusalem. We rallied our Egyptian armies and took the city (for a massive piety boost), but were never able to manage a deal with the al-murabitids to actually TAKE the city. Eventually, they passed it over to the Kingdom of Egypt, who was way too powerful in the holy land for us to fight him without shipping over all our European forces. We also got a big piety boost from eventually releasing Alexandria as a Bishopric. Anyway...


    Alexander may be crazy, but he's not always wrong. Turns out Queen Thora does bear some resemblance to her predecessor. (Not that I blame her - would you want to be faithful to a psychopath who's 25 years older than you?)

    12251newwifesameastheoldwife.jpg


    Alexander has begun to hear voices. Around about this time, his imaginary friend the "Archbishop of Sjaelland" starts trying to persuade him to abandon his faith, but Alexander holds firm.

    12252imaginaryheretic.jpg


    Thora may not be faithful in the bedroom, but she's been far more faithful in the treasury than Isabella ever was, going beyond the call of duty in covering up for Alexander's excesses and keeping the realm solvent.

    12271anicechange.jpg


    Devastated over William's excommunication, Alexander renounces his celibate lifestyle in the hope of siring another potential heir. Thora, probably wisely, will have none of it.

    12281celibacy.jpg


    Despite the fact that A) his vassals declared open war on the Vatican and B) he's plainly batshit crazy, the Pope for some reason is a huge fan of Alexander's work. I worry for the future of the church.

    12301churchlovesme.jpg



    In 1231, the Bishopric of Alexandria declares independence. Knowing of Alexander's great love for the city, and fearing that he would immediately raise up his entire host and sail the Mediterranean to take it back, his advisers simply choose not to tell him.

    12311alexandrialeaves.jpg


    The Muslims have resumed their push back into central Italy, and in 1232 the Kingdom of Zaleta conquers Rome itself. The Pope flees, but not before issuing a new crusade to retake the holy city from its heathen occupiers.

    12321thesackofrome.jpg


    Note: Alexander put an army together and marched south, but by the time our forces arrived the King of Italy had already occupied all heathen-controlled provinces on the peninsula. However, as of the end of this update, Italy still has not negotiated peace with Zaleta, so central Italy is still technically under Muslim control.


    While Alexander musters his forces and heads south to retake Rome, his longtime Chancellor, who has been under constant strain for many years as the public face of a madman, finally snaps and kills one of her subordinates. Alexander has developed something of a taste for beheading women and has her executed without so much as a trial.

    12322murder.jpg



    William, hoping that the presence of a child will help soothe some of his father's demons, sends one of his daughters to the court in Paris. (William may be excommunicated, but he's been quite fertile. At age 35ish, he's sired six children. One legit son (more on him later), one bastard son and four daughters).

    12331granddaughter.jpg


    The scandal from the murder and subsequent beheading has caused rumors to fly like crazy, and with Alexander out of the country with the bulk of his forces, the realm loses stability yet again.

    12332lossofstability.jpg


    Queen Thora continues to prefer the beds of other, slightly more sane men.

    12351anotherslut.jpg


    Everyone has been impressed with the way that young Fessenda has gracefully managed to handle life in the court of the mad poet king. (She was fostered with us for three years, during which I received this message on three separate occasions).

    12352survivingthemadhouse.jpg


    Alexander's health has begun to fade, but he holds on to see the new castle completed in Paris. It will serve as the keystone in the foundation of Burgundy from now into the future.

    12353castlecomplete.jpg


    Late one night, a chambermaid notices a candle still lit in the King's private study. She goes to put it out and finds Alexander dead, slumped over his desk with a quill in his hand and parchment in front of him covered with illegible scribblings and terrible, somewhat profane poetry. At last the mad King is gone to his maker, and the realm can try to advance with some competent leadership for a change.

    12354Alexanderdies.jpg


    Alexander is inherited by his grandson Bjorn. While not the embodiment of perfection that his father is, Bjorn is reasonably capable in any number of areas (and better at everything than Alexander EVER was, even before he lost his marbles).

    All hail King Bjorn! May he live long and help return Burgundy to her former glory.

    I present Bjorn de Vermandois, King of Burgundy, Duke of Champagne and Orleans, Count of Hainaut, Amiens, Arques, Vannes, Nantes, Chartres, Ile de France and Nordgau.


    12355thenewking.jpg





    And here's the state of the known world in 1235 as the torch is passed:


    Our realm. We've got vassals scattered all over the place, but the bulk of our empire is right here. France is a shell of its former self, as most of the blue to the south belongs to Scotland.

    1235mapsBurgundy.jpg


    The British Isles. As far as I can tell, England is mostly extinct. They don't control a single province of their home islands. Scotland is the major power here, although Norway has been making a big push lately, and Sweden, Poland and Sicily all have some territory.

    1235mapsBritain.jpg


    Iberia. Most of what remains of France is down here, and Denmark continues to do well for itself.

    1235mapsIberia.jpg


    Italy. As you can see, the Kingdom of Italy has occupied all the muslim-held territories, but has yet to formally retake them.

    1235mapsItaly.jpg


    Scandinavia. After years of being a massive power on the continent, Sweden overextended itself. While they still have a fair amount of territory in central Europe, their presence at home is virtually extinguished. Norway seems to be on the verge of taking the whole of Scandinavia once and for all.

    1235mapsScandinavia.jpg


    Eastern Europe. Still a bit of a mess, but Poland and the Byzantines are doing pretty well for themselves.

    1235mapsEasternEurope.jpg


    The Holy Land. Burgundy and Poland have a few territories each, but almost the entire region is controlled by the Kingdom of Egypt, by far the most powerful Muslim empire currently in existence.

    1235mapsHolyLand.jpg




    So, to summarize - Alexander sat on the throne for a whopping 46 years, and for the last 16 years he was psychotic. When he inherited the throne the realm's stability was at rock bottom, and while he was never able to get it back into positive numbers, it fluctuated between -1 and 0 for most of his reign. Territory-wise it was two steps forward, one step back. Normandy and Brittany were both brought back into the fold, but Anjou was lost. Hopefully Bjorn will be able to retake Holland, now that England and Sweden are both severely weakened.

    This was a lot of fun, and while I would have preferred a shorter reign (and would have preferred to give someone a chance to rule with man-god William), it was definitely quite a ride. Best of luck to Rex as he moves forward with Bjorn, and if my name comes up again in the rotation for either CK or EUIII, I'll definitely take the call.

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
145791040
Sign In or Register to comment.