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Hey there guys, got something I would like to ask you. You see, I'm kind of worried that I have some sort of disorder where I swing wildly from highs to lows.
I mean, sometimes it's like I'm on a caffeine high or something, I just talk to people loads and want to spend time with people and all that, and I'm kind of a little manic. And then sometimes I am just so so down, which wouldn't be so bad except there's no reason. I just look out of the window or something and I realise that I am miserable and my life sucks, even though there's no reason why it should suck, because there are people who have it far worse than white middle-class, healthy old me. This doesn't happen all the time, I have inbetween moments, but it happens sometimes. I am just jumpy or down for no reason at all. And in those moments there so much I want to just say, you know? Like I want to just say everything which is on my mind and how I feel but I can't because who wants to listen to that shit anyway. It's like I want to shout it all out but I'm so damn constricted by my own self that I can't. I never talk about how I feel. Never.
Plus there's this wierd thing I have where I can meet people and talk to them and like them but I can't make friends with them. I have so many acquaintences but I find it hard to actually make friends. And when it comes to girls I suck, I can talk to them easy and I like them I just never actually do anything with them. It;s the same acquaitance not actually someone close. I never ask them out because they'll just say no, and I can't be dealing with that. There is a girl right now who I should be asking out. If she said no then I could probably deal because it would be no biggie but I just can't do it. I don't know why.
I want to go and see someone but I'm afraid they'll laugh me out of there all like "yeah everyone feels like that don't be a pussy, there are people with real problems who have it much tougher than you etc." So do you think i should go and see someone? I don't know, and I can muddle on just like I do now. It's not like it's getting worse.
I just wish it would get a little better.
Edit: Edited some of what I said because I wanted to say it.