They were terrible and douchey, and I'm ok with him being banned on the cause of just being a goddamn terrible person and awful to the community with his terribleness, but I don't see where the off-topic part comes in.
I guess he didn't meet her on the internet?
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RentI'm always rightFuckin' deal with itRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
yay i did something good for once
only time in my life
also thanks jacob you rocks
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JacobkoshGamble a stamp.I can show you how to be a real man!Moderatormod
Well, that's a problem then. Because "What if I fucked this dude's girlfriend?" is pretty clearly not about Internet Dating and also sounds like it belongs in H/A.
man, there's nothing that bugs me more than an unanswered email. what's the deal with that? i replied to the shitty, infuriating email i mentioned a couple pages back late last night, and nada. and i really hate the placating talk of "i totally want to hang out with you as a friend still!" if you want to be my goddamn friend, talk to me then! yeesh. i'm a down to earth and smart(ass) rad lady, why the hell do i have to deal with this high school passive aggressive bullshit? never should've given the guy the time of day.
dating really does fucking suck. castle's got it right.
man, there's nothing that bugs me more than an unanswered email. what's the deal with that? i replied to the shitty, infuriating email i mentioned a couple pages back late last night, and nada. and i really hate the placating talk of "i totally want to hang out with you as a friend still!" if you want to be my goddamn friend, talk to me then! yeesh. i'm a down to earth and smart(ass) rad lady, why the hell do i have to deal with this high school passive aggressive bullshit? never should've given the guy the time of day.
dating really does fucking suck. castle's got it right.
Yeah, I don't get it either. Two girls I went out with this summer did something similar, over e-mail as well. They oddly both used the word "lovely" when describing our date...hmm...
But yeah, one of the girls said she wanted to be friends and even had an open invitation to do something, I replied and never heard back. *shrugs*
Yeah, so far in all but 1 situation the "Let's just be friends" has been code for "I really don't want to have anything to do with you, but I am too gutless to say that", which bugs the shit out of me to say the least.
The 1 was cool about it though, I dont really see her any, but we still talk on facebook sometimes.
----
Up to date info though. Girl I was talking to that wanted me to look her up on facebook friended me there when I told her I couldn't find her profile. Helps if you give me your name first... Chatted for like 10 minutes on there, and have yet to be able to run into each other on there again. I messaged her and left her my number, she said she'd text me, and several days later, still nothing.
Kind of annoys me a bit, but whatever. If she ever decides to get in touch, then we'll see.
Until then I just started talking with another girl and are over to regular emails instead of through the site. Lives a bit out of town, but she works here so that helps.
Yeah, I appreciated the other girl's response cause though I'm still curious as to what she felt our goals in life that clashed, at least she was straight up to say she was not interested.
man, there's nothing that bugs me more than an unanswered email. what's the deal with that? i replied to the shitty, infuriating email i mentioned a couple pages back late last night, and nada. and i really hate the placating talk of "i totally want to hang out with you as a friend still!" if you want to be my goddamn friend, talk to me then! yeesh. i'm a down to earth and smart(ass) rad lady, why the hell do i have to deal with this high school passive aggressive bullshit? never should've given the guy the time of day.
dating really does fucking suck. castle's got it right.
That high school mentality never seems to end for some people. Why is it so hard for people to be honest with each other?
Most people (I'm talking 20-30 here) seem to be unable to man up and just say yes/no, regardless of gender.
Ferrus on
I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
I dated a girl who'd broken up with her boyfriend around Thanksgiving. I knew him casually. He asked to talk to me outside when he tracked me down on Jan. 16 at a local game store.
I said okay and he said he was going to hit me. I shrugged and let him. HE DID NOT MENTION THE ROLL OF DIMES IN HIS HAND.
Yeah this is not a good move. I'm more of a fun of "run away like wild dogs are pursuing you."
Especially since the guy my gf dated before me was a 6'4", 220 Air Force pilot
I'm pretty sure he could break me in half if he wanted to
Girl tonight had me massage her butt, seriously I was all giving her a backrub then she wanted me to do that and laid across my lap, but when I wanted to do more than just kiss, got incredibly angry, said she didn't have sex until the 3rd date and had me leave. Which I did voluntarily. I mean she like gave me a soliloquy on how date 3 was sex, seeing the boobs was date 2. I was a monster cause I was all 'what? why do you have those rules? I only care if the date goes well' which it had been. After I left she kept texting me about what a monster I was and how I only wanted sex, I said sorry and no, that wasn't all I wanted but.. it... kept... coming. Having shown me your underwear and making me massage your butt... sorry I even suggested the idea.
Fucking dating.
I so hope this 2nd date with the med student goes incredibly well like the first, and I can be done with god damn dating because it is fucking horrible.
(this thread is seriously not to brag, I fucking hate dating after all this shit)
Yeah, that shit be complicated. Leaving was probably not the right move, though, because that might reinforce her conception that you were just there for sex, and once you realized you couldn't have it you left. She may have wanted you to stay and argue that you wanted more than sex.
On the other hand, that whole situation is probably grounds for a dealbreaker, in which case you made the right call.
I generally date women who are pretty reasonable and straightforward and about sex -- no mixed messages. Like, one girl I went on a date with from OKC made it clear that she wanted to fuck before we even met, asking for, er, intimate pictures and the whole thing.
The GF has been a bit of a departure for me in this regard. The third date with the her had been led up to by her talking about how she often dates guys for months without having sex, and only has sex if she's monogamous and feeling relationship-ish, and she told me throughout the night/makeouts that she wasn't going to have sex with me.
And then of course we ended up having sex like an hour later.
I think it can be pretty confusing to adjust to that sort of behavior if you're used to more obvious interactions. Although that girl in particular sounded like a really extreme version of that. Probably best to bail.
The thing is, I said it's fine, I like you lets go on more dates as I left. Did. Not. Register. What the fuck is wrong with people? It's not like I in any way held her down. I kissed her extremely well, she said so, and put the moves on her. Then stopped when she said no.
Fuck this fucking fuckity shit.
edit: I am going to die alone because I had a great girl and broke up mutually because I WANTED TO BE SINGLE. IT IS THE WORST SHIT IN THE WORLD EVEN IF YOU GET TO FUCK LOTS OF WOMEN. This is me at my most angry. Deal with it tonight, internet dating thread! /bedtime
Ah, yes, this phase of singledom. I went through this a bit myself since that's a part of why I broke up with my ex. Whatever you do, though, do not go back to your ex. That's the easy way out -- going back to something familiar.
On some real level though, you were probably unsatisfied with the relationship and that dissatisfaction will not disappear if you get back together. Being single is rough, but the payoff is when you find someone better than your ex. I was starting to get a bit disheartened myself, but now I'm really enjoying my new relationship and I'm extremely glad I had the spine to pursue what I wanted and broke up with my ex instead of staying in a relationship I wasn't really invested in (which isn't fair to anyone, really).
I dated a girl who'd broken up with her boyfriend around Thanksgiving. I knew him casually. He asked to talk to me outside when he tracked me down on Jan. 16 at a local game store.
I said okay and he said he was going to hit me. I shrugged and let him. HE DID NOT MENTION THE ROLL OF DIMES IN HIS HAND.
Yeah this is not a good move. I'm more of a fun of "run away like wild dogs are pursuing you."
Especially since the guy my gf dated before me was a 6'4", 220 Air Force pilot
I'm pretty sure he could break me in half if he wanted to
I'd just remind the person that I'm not going to put up with their shit and if they want to try and mark their territory like that then they can happily do it in Jail. Come at me bro.
So I was chatting up a girl on Facebook that went to the same Middle and High School as me. We had a few classes together but never talked. Got 6 or so messages between us and she tells me that she just got out of a 6 year relationship. I fucked it up by saying if she ever wanted to hang out to text me. Haven't heard from her since. Can I salvage this or just forget about it unless I run into her around town? I wanted to actually get to know her, not be a rebound but I don't know how to convey that. I could be honest, but would she believe me. Why am I doubting myself now, FUCK.
Got a message from a girl that predominately dates women. We message back and forth and I don't scare her off. I say we should meet up sometime and she agrees. I give her my number and tell her my name. She replies back with her number and to text her if I want. Ugh, do we have to play this game of who likes who more? She messaged me first unsolicited, why couldn't she just send me text? god damnit. I did text her, but only exchanged a few texts.
It just went so well til the crazy. Guys, I am super nice, logical and funny. I can't fucking deal with women calling me sex crazed monsters out of nowhere WHEN I'M NOT. This date on Friday better go fucking well. I think it will because she seems really down to earth and fun, if studious which is in and of itself a good quality.
Okay, really, bedtime. 'cause this god damn date destroyed me.
Honestly I think this is just an artifact of dating more attractive women, who are pursued regularly and get lots of romantic attention. It's probably a perfectly natural reaction when you're constantly bombarded by people who want to fuck you -- and who are willing to lie to you about wanting a relationship even if they don't.
I never had this problem before, but I never dated women who were stone-cold foxes before -- I've never dated women who normally get with guys who are 6-foot-plus, ripped, and five years older than them. Because, you know, I'm 5'9.5", 140lbs, and I used to play Magic The Gathering in high school. Dating really attractive women is sort of new to me -- and I'm encountering a lot more of the stereotypical "women is crazy lolz" behaviors than I'm used to.
But honestly a lot of them seem fairly reasonable if you remember to contextualize them in the way that these women are treated. I mean, simply put, being a hot woman means your life is going to be substantially different from someone who isn't. I don't have people randomly decide to follow me on the street all the way to my home. That's crazy shit.
So, again, I think in many cases it's worth sympathizing a bit. The girl I'm with still occasionally accuses me of being all about "getting it in" -- not so much even that she really thinks that, but because she's trying to tell me that she wants me to reassure her, compliment her, and re-profess my interest in her as a person and in the relationship. She gets me to do that by saying "oh you just want to get it in all the time" or something similar, but it's more a way to ask for reassurance and emotional affection than an actual accusation -- there's really no difference in how much we both want to have sex. It's just that she wants to, on an emotional level, make sure that the sex is occurring within the context of some emotional/personal investment.
And, again, for someone with an ass like hers, I understand why she might want to do that, because she's no stranger to men running games just in order to get in her pants. I'm sure when people are constantly telling you you're hot (and not necessarily complimenting anything about your personality or mind), it's nice to hear something a little more intimate and personal from the person you're with.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
She apologized today and doesn't understand what happened to her. Now I know why Four Loko was banned (I bought some in celebration of the banning and she had never had one so we drank one each and watched scary movies.)
Fucking terrifying though.
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KakodaimonosCode fondlerHelping the 1% get richerRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Makes a little more sense. But think about what also could've happened if she actually said yes, then realized that she didn't want to after the fact but was too drunk to articulate it. I've turned down women before when they've been too drunk. Plus it's not that much fun if either party is really, really drunk.
R = total material resources
G = total genetic/fertility resources
P = total parental resources k = likelihood of investment of (R+P) exclusively in potential offspring
C = perceived cost of mating
essentially a quick calculation of the likelihood that copulation would produce viable and successful offspring
one-night-stands generally result when we don't care if k is exceptionally low because G, R, or P are exceptionally high (or all three), and if C is low (contraception decreases C) I.e., if someone is really attractive or has very high status, or is extremely charming.
relationships, on the other hand, hinge to a large degree on k -- which is where a lot of conflict comes up, as we try to gauge our partner's truek as opposed to their projectedk.
When a girl accuses you of just wanting sex, even it seems irrational, what is really happening is her sub-cortical brain is trying to provoke you to initiate a creative display that either demonstrates a sufficiently high PG (say, a verbal display of tremendous creativity, i.e. sweet-talking, i.e. verbal intelligence, because potentially this is something you would pass onto children, increasing their viability if they reach sexual maturation, making k (which is itself something of a proxy for how likely offspring are likely to survive to maturation) less important) or to demonstrate that your k really is sufficiently high to justify your PGR.
Oh, busting out the social science. So what does that say for your average poor college student who plays video games and wastes time on internet forums?
She apologized today and doesn't understand what happened to her. Now I know why Four Loko was banned (I bought some in celebration of the banning and she had never had one so we drank one each and watched scary movies.)
Fucking terrifying though.
Seems like an odd excuse, though. I've often put tequila in my coffee at night and it's never made me (or anyone else who I've made it for) batshit insane. Obviously you were perfectly rational, as well (since, as you said, you were like "wtf?" and left).
So what's your response? "Don't worry about it, you only completely ruined my evening. You free on Saturday?"
OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
I haven't decided. It was fun until we had what seemed like a minor disagreement about dating rules that turned into 'all you want is sex, you monster' and her saying nasty things.
So like, do I just think she got too drunk and give her another chance or move along doggy? I'm ... so.... sick... of... dating. Sorry I angsted up the thread.
Now is a good time for a game I like to play called deciding coin.
The setup is easy what you need is:
Yourself
1 american quarter
Now before you begin deciding coin you must agree that you will follow whatever decision is tells you. No cheating is crucial.
Pick a decision for each side (go on another date/avoid her)
Flip coin
Read result.
Now simple enough. But here is where the magic of deciding coin happens. Right in that instant that you read the result you're mind is going to do one of three things directly from your subconsciece.
Either:
-Slight dread
-Slight happiness/relief
-Neutrality
So, from there you know what you really want. If you have that tinge of dread you know that you wanted the opposite outcome and that is the course you should do. If you are truly neutral and do not care either way then you just flipped a coin and got an easy answer. Naturally if you are happy/relieved then everything worked out.
I haven't decided. It was fun until we had what seemed like a minor disagreement about dating rules that turned into 'all you want is sex, you monster' and her saying nasty things.
So like, do I just think she got too drunk and give her another chance or move along doggy? I'm ... so.... sick... of... dating. Sorry I angsted up the thread.
Give it another go, what do you have to lose? I've heard far worst of a drunk woman letting the crazy out of the bag. Along the lines of physical violence and destruction of private property, with a dash of calling ex's to pick them up.
The thing is, I said it's fine, I like you lets go on more dates as I left. Did. Not. Register. What the fuck is wrong with people? It's not like I in any way held her down. I kissed her extremely well, she said so, and put the moves on her. Then stopped when she said no.
Fuck this fucking fuckity shit.
edit: I am going to die alone because I had a great girl and broke up mutually because I WANTED TO BE SINGLE. IT IS THE WORST SHIT IN THE WORLD EVEN IF YOU GET TO FUCK LOTS OF WOMEN. This is me at my most angry. Deal with it tonight, internet dating thread! /bedtime
Ah, yes, this phase of singledom. I went through this a bit myself since that's a part of why I broke up with my ex. Whatever you do, though, do not go back to your ex. That's the easy way out -- going back to something familiar.
On some real level though, you were probably unsatisfied with the relationship and that dissatisfaction will not disappear if you get back together. Being single is rough, but the payoff is when you find someone better than your ex. I was starting to get a bit disheartened myself, but now I'm really enjoying my new relationship and I'm extremely glad I had the spine to pursue what I wanted and broke up with my ex instead of staying in a relationship I wasn't really invested in (which isn't fair to anyone, really).
this. this SO MUCH. limed for truth. i'm just holding out i guess, trying not to lose all faith in relationships and mankind.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
I love the deciding game. My roommate has me use it all the time. You really realize how you feel right at the last second.
This girl and I are kind of laughing about it now. No more Four Loko ever again. She said she told the story to some friends as "This boy and I were making out and drinking four loko. He put his hand on my boob and I lost it. Turned into a monster and kicked him out." edit: and the friends all went "Yeah, that's four loko..." and laughed.
The fact that she remembers exactly what happened and not this weird fantasy land she was in last night means I'll hang out with her again. With a much smaller amount (or none) of booze involved.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Not gonna lie, she sounds pretty stupid and easy. Even though she's pretty smokin', I think I deserve better, plus i'm not that kind of guy. Next!
Good for you, dude. Confidence and standards make everyone more attractive. When I raised my standards significantly after having pretty low self esteem for a few years, it helped me out in tons of ways.
edit: I mean standards as a relative concept. Focusing on what you value and not compromising 'cause "I suck and don't deserve any better..."
It just went so well til the crazy. Guys, I am super nice, logical and funny. I can't fucking deal with women calling me sex crazed monsters out of nowhere WHEN I'M NOT. This date on Friday better go fucking well. I think it will because she seems really down to earth and fun, if studious which is in and of itself a good quality.
Okay, really, bedtime. 'cause this god damn date destroyed me.
Honestly I think this is just an artifact of dating more attractive women, who are pursued regularly and get lots of romantic attention. It's probably a perfectly natural reaction when you're constantly bombarded by people who want to fuck you -- and who are willing to lie to you about wanting a relationship even if they don't.
I never had this problem before, but I never dated women who were stone-cold foxes before -- I've never dated women who normally get with guys who are 6-foot-plus, ripped, and five years older than them. Because, you know, I'm 5'9.5", 140lbs, and I used to play Magic The Gathering in high school. Dating really attractive women is sort of new to me -- and I'm encountering a lot more of the stereotypical "women is crazy lolz" behaviors than I'm used to.
But honestly a lot of them seem fairly reasonable if you remember to contextualize them in the way that these women are treated. I mean, simply put, being a hot woman means your life is going to be substantially different from someone who isn't. I don't have people randomly decide to follow me on the street all the way to my home. That's crazy shit.
So, again, I think in many cases it's worth sympathizing a bit. The girl I'm with still occasionally accuses me of being all about "getting it in" -- not so much even that she really thinks that, but because she's trying to tell me that she wants me to reassure her, compliment her, and re-profess my interest in her as a person and in the relationship. She gets me to do that by saying "oh you just want to get it in all the time" or something similar, but it's more a way to ask for reassurance and emotional affection than an actual accusation -- there's really no difference in how much we both want to have sex. It's just that she wants to, on an emotional level, make sure that the sex is occurring within the context of some emotional/personal investment.
And, again, for someone with an ass like hers, I understand why she might want to do that, because she's no stranger to men running games just in order to get in her pants. I'm sure when people are constantly telling you you're hot (and not necessarily complimenting anything about your personality or mind), it's nice to hear something a little more intimate and personal from the person you're with.
This just sounds like 'don't hate me because I'm beautiful' mixed with an insecure mentality. These aren't good excuses for acting foolish/rude.
I reserve sympathy for people who actually have some kind of disorder that makes them act socially inept or improperly.
Now is a good time for a game I like to play called deciding coin.
The setup is easy what you need is:
Yourself
1 american quarter
Now before you begin deciding coin you must agree that you will follow whatever decision is tells you. No cheating is crucial.
Pick a decision for each side (go on another date/avoid her)
Flip coin
Read result.
Now simple enough. But here is where the magic of deciding coin happens. Right in that instant that you read the result you're mind is going to do one of three things directly from your subconsciece.
Either:
-Slight dread
-Slight happiness/relief
-Neutrality
So, from there you know what you really want. If you have that tinge of dread you know that you wanted the opposite outcome and that is the course you should do. If you are truly neutral and do not care either way then you just flipped a coin and got an easy answer. Naturally if you are happy/relieved then everything worked out.
This is how I decide most things. It truly works.
To keep this on topic though...
I'm basically micro-managing four girls. One far far away(but we talk almost every day on skype, usually for hours). The one that cheated on her boyfriend with me (but we just talk now for the most part). My sorta girlfriend, who I only get to see once or twice a month(which really sucks). And then sorta girlfriend's friend, who I enjoy hanging out with, and occasionally more.
Yet I haven't had sex in almost a month. Its not fair
I love the deciding game. My roommate has me use it all the time. You really realize how you feel right at the last second.
This girl and I are kind of laughing about it now. No more Four Loko ever again. She said she told the story to some friends as "This boy and I were making out and drinking four loko. He put his hand on my boob and I lost it. Turned into a monster and kicked him out." edit: and the friends all went "Yeah, that's four loko..." and laughed.
The fact that she remembers exactly what happened and not this weird fantasy land she was in last night means I'll hang out with her again. With a much smaller amount (or none) of booze involved.
I have a feeling this isn't an isolated incident... tread carefully
I love the deciding game. My roommate has me use it all the time. You really realize how you feel right at the last second.
This girl and I are kind of laughing about it now. No more Four Loko ever again. She said she told the story to some friends as "This boy and I were making out and drinking four loko. He put his hand on my boob and I lost it. Turned into a monster and kicked him out." edit: and the friends all went "Yeah, that's four loko..." and laughed.
The fact that she remembers exactly what happened and not this weird fantasy land she was in last night means I'll hang out with her again. With a much smaller amount (or none) of booze involved.
Good luck man. This isn't the med student, right? This is the grad student?
She might have some issues there with her reaction, so just be aware. It is all a question of how much baggage is too much, I suppose. Who knows. I have encountered an uncomfortable number of women who were rape victims of some form or another (some physical rape, others were taken advantage of due to drugs, liquor, or youth). It seems like they tend to have a bizarre reaction to intimacy. Their sense of the norm is all messed up, so these rules help guide them to act normal again. Their intuitive sense of the normal is all gone.
Just a thought. It is something I have noticed sometimes.
Anyway, that led me to try and find a woman with out baggage. A woman that has her shit together. Can she live her life and be happy with out someone else? Awesome. Lets date. (I applied the same rule to myself, so I took a date from it all.) It led to a long series of 'First Dates', but it worked out for me.
Baggage sucks. And not everyone carries it around with them (outbursts like hers is baggage).
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Yeah, not the same girl. I'm really glad you guys understood where I was coming from. I was fairly drunk having just walked home from that when I posted, but as you can see from how she described it today... spot on in my analysis. It was all surreal. Waking up this morning with a hangover I was thinking "oh god, I hope the internet doesn't rip me a new one for describing my awful date..." I wasn't even trying to have sex with her, I just thought her absolute dating rules were hokey and dumb.
Date with the med student tomorrow! She has a super important test she expects to fail tomorrow so I haven't seen her since last week. At first I thought she was being modest but nope, she honestly expects to fail it's that hard. But still pass the class. Freakin' med school! I didn't know all/most of their stuff was pass/fail but it makes sense.
In other news, deactivated my OkC profile for awhile. We'll see which of these two things pans out... if either does. And if not, I think it's time for a leisurely vacation from ladies until my crotch hijacks my brain.
Rachel Maddow just did a segment on Four Loco last night or the night before. It's nowhere near the same as putting a shot of tequila in your coffee. It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
edit: which isn't to comment one way or the other on her behavior, just to note that it's a lot more likely to get fucked up on four loco without realizing you're fucked up.
It's like putting an entire bottle of wine inside your five hour energy.
WHERE DO I SIGN UP??
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
$2-3 at a gas station or grocery store. It's the drink of hobos and college kids alike. I was only drinking one in honor of its upcoming banned status. I figure it'll take a few weeks to get pulled off the shelves though. It's 4-6 beers and at least 2 red bulls.
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
It's like putting a bottle of wine in you because it happens to be the same volume and alcohol content. The comparison is alarmist and unhelpful.
It's like putting a bottle of wine in you because it happens to be the same volume and alcohol content. The comparison is alarmist and unhelpful.
Alcohol content is an awfully helpful basis for comparison.
Yes, but people aren't saying "The drink contains 6-12% ABV", they're saying "THIS SHIT IS BEING MARKETED TO YOUR CHILDREN AND ONE CAN HAS AS MUCH ALCOHOL AS A BOTTLE OF WINE", relying on the fact that a bottle of wine contains a deceptively small amount of alcohol. I could drink a bottle of wine in a night and not regret it the next morning, easily.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Sooooo... back to internet dating. How's that going for everyone? I wish there was a new OkTrends article.
Lucid, that is horrible for her to have happened and I'm sure awkward as hell for you. I never know how to respond to that 'cause some people are okay with sympathy and it pisses other people off. It's a minefield when you don't know someone well.
Well glad that worked out for you sort of castle, as it has already been said. Tread carefully.
In my news I found one of the girls that worked in my lab over the summer on okcupid. She was kind of cute and smart I was vaguely interested but had a girlfriend at the time. So I message here saying hey what's the deal with that internet. Also turns out we're a 92% match. who knew.
Posts
They were terrible and douchey, and I'm ok with him being banned on the cause of just being a goddamn terrible person and awful to the community with his terribleness, but I don't see where the off-topic part comes in.
I guess he didn't meet her on the internet?
only time in my life
also thanks jacob you rocks
Well, that's a problem then. Because "What if I fucked this dude's girlfriend?" is pretty clearly not about Internet Dating and also sounds like it belongs in H/A.
dating really does fucking suck. castle's got it right.
Yeah, I don't get it either. Two girls I went out with this summer did something similar, over e-mail as well. They oddly both used the word "lovely" when describing our date...hmm...
But yeah, one of the girls said she wanted to be friends and even had an open invitation to do something, I replied and never heard back. *shrugs*
The 1 was cool about it though, I dont really see her any, but we still talk on facebook sometimes.
----
Up to date info though. Girl I was talking to that wanted me to look her up on facebook friended me there when I told her I couldn't find her profile. Helps if you give me your name first... Chatted for like 10 minutes on there, and have yet to be able to run into each other on there again. I messaged her and left her my number, she said she'd text me, and several days later, still nothing.
Kind of annoys me a bit, but whatever. If she ever decides to get in touch, then we'll see.
Until then I just started talking with another girl and are over to regular emails instead of through the site. Lives a bit out of town, but she works here so that helps.
That high school mentality never seems to end for some people. Why is it so hard for people to be honest with each other?
Most people (I'm talking 20-30 here) seem to be unable to man up and just say yes/no, regardless of gender.
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
Yeah this is not a good move. I'm more of a fun of "run away like wild dogs are pursuing you."
Especially since the guy my gf dated before me was a 6'4", 220 Air Force pilot
I'm pretty sure he could break me in half if he wanted to
Yeah, that shit be complicated. Leaving was probably not the right move, though, because that might reinforce her conception that you were just there for sex, and once you realized you couldn't have it you left. She may have wanted you to stay and argue that you wanted more than sex.
On the other hand, that whole situation is probably grounds for a dealbreaker, in which case you made the right call.
I generally date women who are pretty reasonable and straightforward and about sex -- no mixed messages. Like, one girl I went on a date with from OKC made it clear that she wanted to fuck before we even met, asking for, er, intimate pictures and the whole thing.
The GF has been a bit of a departure for me in this regard. The third date with the her had been led up to by her talking about how she often dates guys for months without having sex, and only has sex if she's monogamous and feeling relationship-ish, and she told me throughout the night/makeouts that she wasn't going to have sex with me.
And then of course we ended up having sex like an hour later.
I think it can be pretty confusing to adjust to that sort of behavior if you're used to more obvious interactions. Although that girl in particular sounded like a really extreme version of that. Probably best to bail.
Ah, yes, this phase of singledom. I went through this a bit myself since that's a part of why I broke up with my ex. Whatever you do, though, do not go back to your ex. That's the easy way out -- going back to something familiar.
On some real level though, you were probably unsatisfied with the relationship and that dissatisfaction will not disappear if you get back together. Being single is rough, but the payoff is when you find someone better than your ex. I was starting to get a bit disheartened myself, but now I'm really enjoying my new relationship and I'm extremely glad I had the spine to pursue what I wanted and broke up with my ex instead of staying in a relationship I wasn't really invested in (which isn't fair to anyone, really).
I'd just remind the person that I'm not going to put up with their shit and if they want to try and mark their territory like that then they can happily do it in Jail. Come at me bro.
So I was chatting up a girl on Facebook that went to the same Middle and High School as me. We had a few classes together but never talked. Got 6 or so messages between us and she tells me that she just got out of a 6 year relationship. I fucked it up by saying if she ever wanted to hang out to text me. Haven't heard from her since. Can I salvage this or just forget about it unless I run into her around town? I wanted to actually get to know her, not be a rebound but I don't know how to convey that. I could be honest, but would she believe me. Why am I doubting myself now, FUCK.
Got a message from a girl that predominately dates women. We message back and forth and I don't scare her off. I say we should meet up sometime and she agrees. I give her my number and tell her my name. She replies back with her number and to text her if I want. Ugh, do we have to play this game of who likes who more? She messaged me first unsolicited, why couldn't she just send me text? god damnit. I did text her, but only exchanged a few texts.
Honestly I think this is just an artifact of dating more attractive women, who are pursued regularly and get lots of romantic attention. It's probably a perfectly natural reaction when you're constantly bombarded by people who want to fuck you -- and who are willing to lie to you about wanting a relationship even if they don't.
I never had this problem before, but I never dated women who were stone-cold foxes before -- I've never dated women who normally get with guys who are 6-foot-plus, ripped, and five years older than them. Because, you know, I'm 5'9.5", 140lbs, and I used to play Magic The Gathering in high school. Dating really attractive women is sort of new to me -- and I'm encountering a lot more of the stereotypical "women is crazy lolz" behaviors than I'm used to.
But honestly a lot of them seem fairly reasonable if you remember to contextualize them in the way that these women are treated. I mean, simply put, being a hot woman means your life is going to be substantially different from someone who isn't. I don't have people randomly decide to follow me on the street all the way to my home. That's crazy shit.
So, again, I think in many cases it's worth sympathizing a bit. The girl I'm with still occasionally accuses me of being all about "getting it in" -- not so much even that she really thinks that, but because she's trying to tell me that she wants me to reassure her, compliment her, and re-profess my interest in her as a person and in the relationship. She gets me to do that by saying "oh you just want to get it in all the time" or something similar, but it's more a way to ask for reassurance and emotional affection than an actual accusation -- there's really no difference in how much we both want to have sex. It's just that she wants to, on an emotional level, make sure that the sex is occurring within the context of some emotional/personal investment.
And, again, for someone with an ass like hers, I understand why she might want to do that, because she's no stranger to men running games just in order to get in her pants. I'm sure when people are constantly telling you you're hot (and not necessarily complimenting anything about your personality or mind), it's nice to hear something a little more intimate and personal from the person you're with.
Fucking terrifying though.
where:
R = total material resources
G = total genetic/fertility resources
P = total parental resources
k = likelihood of investment of (R+P) exclusively in potential offspring
C = perceived cost of mating
essentially a quick calculation of the likelihood that copulation would produce viable and successful offspring
one-night-stands generally result when we don't care if k is exceptionally low because G, R, or P are exceptionally high (or all three), and if C is low (contraception decreases C) I.e., if someone is really attractive or has very high status, or is extremely charming.
relationships, on the other hand, hinge to a large degree on k -- which is where a lot of conflict comes up, as we try to gauge our partner's true k as opposed to their projected k.
When a girl accuses you of just wanting sex, even it seems irrational, what is really happening is her sub-cortical brain is trying to provoke you to initiate a creative display that either demonstrates a sufficiently high PG (say, a verbal display of tremendous creativity, i.e. sweet-talking, i.e. verbal intelligence, because potentially this is something you would pass onto children, increasing their viability if they reach sexual maturation, making k (which is itself something of a proxy for how likely offspring are likely to survive to maturation) less important) or to demonstrate that your k really is sufficiently high to justify your PGR.
Seems like an odd excuse, though. I've often put tequila in my coffee at night and it's never made me (or anyone else who I've made it for) batshit insane. Obviously you were perfectly rational, as well (since, as you said, you were like "wtf?" and left).
So what's your response? "Don't worry about it, you only completely ruined my evening. You free on Saturday?"
So like, do I just think she got too drunk and give her another chance or move along doggy? I'm ... so.... sick... of... dating. Sorry I angsted up the thread.
The setup is easy what you need is:
Yourself
1 american quarter
Now before you begin deciding coin you must agree that you will follow whatever decision is tells you. No cheating is crucial.
Pick a decision for each side (go on another date/avoid her)
Flip coin
Read result.
Now simple enough. But here is where the magic of deciding coin happens. Right in that instant that you read the result you're mind is going to do one of three things directly from your subconsciece.
Either:
-Slight dread
-Slight happiness/relief
-Neutrality
So, from there you know what you really want. If you have that tinge of dread you know that you wanted the opposite outcome and that is the course you should do. If you are truly neutral and do not care either way then you just flipped a coin and got an easy answer. Naturally if you are happy/relieved then everything worked out.
Give it another go, what do you have to lose? I've heard far worst of a drunk woman letting the crazy out of the bag. Along the lines of physical violence and destruction of private property, with a dash of calling ex's to pick them up.
Not gonna lie, she sounds pretty stupid and easy. Even though she's pretty smokin', I think I deserve better, plus i'm not that kind of guy. Next!
this. this SO MUCH. limed for truth. i'm just holding out i guess, trying not to lose all faith in relationships and mankind.
This girl and I are kind of laughing about it now. No more Four Loko ever again. She said she told the story to some friends as "This boy and I were making out and drinking four loko. He put his hand on my boob and I lost it. Turned into a monster and kicked him out." edit: and the friends all went "Yeah, that's four loko..." and laughed.
The fact that she remembers exactly what happened and not this weird fantasy land she was in last night means I'll hang out with her again. With a much smaller amount (or none) of booze involved.
Good for you, dude. Confidence and standards make everyone more attractive. When I raised my standards significantly after having pretty low self esteem for a few years, it helped me out in tons of ways.
edit: I mean standards as a relative concept. Focusing on what you value and not compromising 'cause "I suck and don't deserve any better..."
I reserve sympathy for people who actually have some kind of disorder that makes them act socially inept or improperly.
This is how I decide most things. It truly works.
To keep this on topic though...
I'm basically micro-managing four girls. One far far away(but we talk almost every day on skype, usually for hours). The one that cheated on her boyfriend with me (but we just talk now for the most part). My sorta girlfriend, who I only get to see once or twice a month(which really sucks). And then sorta girlfriend's friend, who I enjoy hanging out with, and occasionally more.
Yet I haven't had sex in almost a month. Its not fair
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
I have a feeling this isn't an isolated incident... tread carefully
Good luck man. This isn't the med student, right? This is the grad student?
She might have some issues there with her reaction, so just be aware. It is all a question of how much baggage is too much, I suppose. Who knows. I have encountered an uncomfortable number of women who were rape victims of some form or another (some physical rape, others were taken advantage of due to drugs, liquor, or youth). It seems like they tend to have a bizarre reaction to intimacy. Their sense of the norm is all messed up, so these rules help guide them to act normal again. Their intuitive sense of the normal is all gone.
Just a thought. It is something I have noticed sometimes.
Anyway, that led me to try and find a woman with out baggage. A woman that has her shit together. Can she live her life and be happy with out someone else? Awesome. Lets date. (I applied the same rule to myself, so I took a date from it all.) It led to a long series of 'First Dates', but it worked out for me.
Baggage sucks. And not everyone carries it around with them (outbursts like hers is baggage).
Date with the med student tomorrow! She has a super important test she expects to fail tomorrow so I haven't seen her since last week. At first I thought she was being modest but nope, she honestly expects to fail it's that hard. But still pass the class. Freakin' med school! I didn't know all/most of their stuff was pass/fail but it makes sense.
In other news, deactivated my OkC profile for awhile. We'll see which of these two things pans out... if either does. And if not, I think it's time for a leisurely vacation from ladies until my crotch hijacks my brain.
edit: which isn't to comment one way or the other on her behavior, just to note that it's a lot more likely to get fucked up on four loco without realizing you're fucked up.
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
WHERE DO I SIGN UP??
Alcohol content is an awfully helpful basis for comparison.
Yes, but people aren't saying "The drink contains 6-12% ABV", they're saying "THIS SHIT IS BEING MARKETED TO YOUR CHILDREN AND ONE CAN HAS AS MUCH ALCOHOL AS A BOTTLE OF WINE", relying on the fact that a bottle of wine contains a deceptively small amount of alcohol. I could drink a bottle of wine in a night and not regret it the next morning, easily.
Lucid, that is horrible for her to have happened and I'm sure awkward as hell for you. I never know how to respond to that 'cause some people are okay with sympathy and it pisses other people off. It's a minefield when you don't know someone well.
In my news I found one of the girls that worked in my lab over the summer on okcupid. She was kind of cute and smart I was vaguely interested but had a girlfriend at the time. So I message here saying hey what's the deal with that internet. Also turns out we're a 92% match. who knew.