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It's Getting Boring by the Sea [TFTD LP]
Posts
First Contact, Incident 1.
Acheron Base: Right. We have no confirmation for exactly what's out there, but it was able to destroy a trained investigative task force without a trace. Be careful, stay alert, watch your backs.
And good hunting, Triton 1.
Raneados: Right, right. Triton 1, signing off.
Alright. So, we've got an unknown number of terrifyingly effective enemy combatants outside. Anyone object to the tank going out first?
No?
That's what I thought.
Campion: Looks like we got contact. Carthage, torpedo.
Carthage: You sure? Don't have a clean line of fire, and I have no idea what the thing is. Or even if it is a thing. I've heard stories about the HWPs firing on random debris.
Campion: I'm sure.
*Explosion*
Carthage: Alright. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
Carthage: Son of a BITCH! How did the thing survive a torpedo again?
No wonder the first team bit it! Shit, shit, shit...
Campion: That's what the tank is for, right? Just stay calm, it can distract the thing, maybe buy time for you to reload.
*explosion*
Campion: Or reduce it to component atoms. That works just as well.
Zahrkon: LZ looks clear.
Campion: Alright, good. We can start spreading out then.
Campion: Belay that. Got another live one.
OnTheLastCastle: Got it. Just need to line it up for a burst.
*Autocannon whine*
OnTheLastCastle: Alright, just need to line up the next one better.
OnTheLastCastle: Shit.
Campion: That nearly hit the tank. Have you ever used this thing before? Carthage, you got another torp?
Carthage: Just give the word.
*explosion*
Carthage: Dammit! That was a perfect shot!
Raneados: It's moving! Get down!
*Hideous screeching*
Campion: Anyone dead?
OnTheLastCastle: Doesn't seem so, but it's gone.
OnTheLastCastle: Just keeping the thing's head down.
Raneados: It might not even be there!
OnTheLastCastle: Then I'm shooting it because I hate it.
Raneados: Fair enough.
OnTheLastCastle: And it's back. This may be the stupidest alien alive. We're doing it a favor by blowing its head off.
OnTheLastCastle: You're welcome. Two up, two down.
Campion: And it looks like we got a third. Anyone still got ammo for the big guns?
Joshua1, Professional Corpse and Food Critic, reporting for duty
Campion: On it.
*explosion*
Rainfall: Wow. That was the worst shooting I have ever seen.
*explosion*
Rainfall: Alright, like, fifth worst. Geeze. This thing is tough to hit.
Rankenfile: Alright, someone needs to show you idiots which end of the fucking gun you point at the enemy. Step a-fucking-side and let a man deal with the problem.
Rankenfile: Okay, this is a tough son of a bitch.
Campion: Never mind, everybody. Handled it myself. And it looks like that was the last of them. Man, Timspork's Ghost did a number on their sub.
Base? We have met the enemy and they are ours.
Acheron Base: We're sending a recovery team in to pick up the pieces right now. Good work.
End report
A post mission analysis should be ready shortly, but for the moment, I have to say I am pleased with the success so far. Keep it up.
Tsk. Yet another example of over cooking. Your classic Lobsterman is 6kg of chitin, then 50kg of flesh. Generally hard to capture intact, I recommend using elasto-retractable restrainment devices, since those claws can give you a nasty pinch.
Once you have managed to corral 4-6 of these beautiful specimens, carefully transfer them into the reactor containment unit, along with 12kg of lemon halves and a single case of malt rich beer.
Once safely contained, flood the chamber to 2.5m deep with sea water, just deep enough for your average lobsterman to submerge comfortably.
Now, your commander needs to order a full halt and adjust the ballast until you are only 5000 fathoms under the sea. This way the nitrogen gases promotes the permeation of the citric acid in the lobsterman bloodstream and the malt has time to fully soak into the mandibles.
This is when it gets tricky. Remove 70% of the carbon rods controlling the reactor core, because you need a load of those protons to really get this recipe kicking.
Immediately as you past the 70% mark, begin returning the rods, as the protons with continue to further propagate without your interference.
This way, you are able to steam your fresh lobstermen while retaining their ocean freshness. The lemons and the malt flavour serve to enhance the natural smokiness, without blanding the whole affair with gallons and gallons of butter.
I recommend serving with an array of mustards, ranging from the mild to potent. Layer with fresh crusty bread and aromatic olive oil, and you have a meal fit for a carrier battle group.
Enjoy, and death to the Alien Aggressor!
- Joshua1
Ahahahaha. Yesssss. I made sure there was enough left for you guys to get your feet wet.
It's how I resized all of my Daggerfall LP images.
On the whole, our first mission was a shocking success. No deaths, no injuries, and the only damage to anything was some scratched paint on the Triton.
Although I would recommend more time at the firing range for all of you, general performance was solid, and in two cases worthy of special recognition.
Campion and Rankenfile showed initiative and tolerable accuracy in their fieldwork, and I am proud to give them command of field operations.
Current kill board:
Campion 1
OnTheLastCastle 1
Tofystedeth AI system 1
Pilot kills
Timspork's Ghost 1 USO (small), 2 aliens killed in crash.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?
Well, depends what difficulty level he's playing at and if he let the bug happen.
Also: Aquatoids.
Classified X4
Commander?
Ah, Caulk Bite. Heard the medikit modification was done. Good work.
You honestly thought I'd bother you with that? I wouldn't waste your time.
So, what is this about? You make any progress on the Gauss project?
More important than that. Catch.
Okay, very nice, what the hell is it?
Grenade. Alien tech. Massive blast radius, incredibly powerful. Makes most of the surfaceside stuff look inadequate. One of them would have killed the entire investigation team. We were very lucky.
Extended pause
And you threw it to me. In a base where one breech would leave us all dead.
It's not like it was armed. At any rate, I'd advise deploying these things on every possible contact. The risk of damaging valuable resources is far outweighed by the increased survivability and versatility.
I'll take it under advisement. Thank you for your time. Anything else salvaged from the alien craft?
A few things.
Use your discretion.
*edit* TOTP, better add a link to something interesting;
The Legend of Patrick Stewart
My time to shine!
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The sale of resources from our first mission provided enough funds to purchase a second mobile tracked robot modified for surface operations.
The odds of non aquatic combat seem low at the moment, but it seemed sensible to cover for any eventuality. It is still bereft of an official designation, however, and suggestions will be considered.
Personally, I feel that the Sonic weapons (while seeming to be extremely effective) aren't in our best interests to research and produce at this time. Primarily due to their dependency upon a new alien substance, we've translated as "Zrbite". Whatever it is, we can't make more of it, so our only source is hunting more aliens.
Which leads me to my recommendation of heading to Gauss Tech. This should become our workhorse tech, much like the lasers they developed topside. If nothing else, we can also start selling them to warlords in third world countries for a quick cash out.
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you should know that the Hat Stand and other furniture pieces are reserved as places of honor for the fallen comrades that we manage to recover and stuff.
What worked for Tofystedeth up top should work for us. Besides, Rank already put in for the corpse to be ground into powder and burned. To experiment on it's use as an... Inhalant, apparently.
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I represent the conglomerate who provided most of X-COM's funding in the first war and will most likely do the same in this one. I'm not referring to any nation of course, but to Alien Autopsy Ltd. We'd like to purchase all alien corpses X-COM may come across. Mostly for use as props, but also various household supplies.
Then you'll have to convince Rank to give up a possible new source of intoxicants. and when we start to bring in Lobstermen, you'll need to fight off lowlylowlycook and the kitchen staff.
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