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Drunken holiday party hookup
ukiyo e
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I work for a small company (about 40 employees, mostly under the age of 30). We had our annual holiday luncheon on Friday. It followed the usual routine: big lunch, open bar, then the younger workers from the company go out to a bar to continue drinking. Usually I skip the last part because I'm not a huge fan of the local bar scene and I don't really socialize with my co-workers. But I went out anyways this year, had too much to drink, danced like an idiot (fun) and ended up making out with one of my co-workers at the bar (also fun). She was drunk as well, she came onto me (from what I can remember), and she seemed to enjoy the experience. I think that I can say both of those things with confidence because A: I'm not one to make out with people when I'm drunk (I've been drunk enough times to know this) and B: She had me pressed up against a wall, so if she wanted to stop she could have. While this was going on I sobered up enough to know that anything more then sloppy drunken makeouts would be a bad idea (sleeping with drunk girls is definitely not my style), so I told her that I had to catch a train (which was the truth) and made my exit.
So whatever, I'm moderately embarrassed by the whole situation because *sloppy makeouts in a crowded bar*, but I'm not too concerned about it. This co-worker and I are friendly enough around the office. I wouldn't call her a friend, but we share music and youtube links. You know, general office acquaintance stuff. I assumed that there would be some office gossip on Monday, I'd see her around the office, we'd share one of those knowing embarrassed grins, and life would go on. Monday comes around, I get into the office and go about my day. I see her in the hallway around noon time and hitch on one my usual big smiles, she sees me... and immediately does a 180 and goes in the opposite direction. Obvious avoidance. Great.
I know the right thing to do is to give her space. She's probably embarrassed, and hopefully not disgusted with herself (I like to think that I'm a decent looking fellow). So I'm playing it cool. The problem is that this isn't some college cafeteria. It's a place of business. Sooner or later we're going to have to communicate about business things. I really don't want this awkwardness to affect either of our jobs.
I don't even know what kind of help or advice I'm asking for here. It's just that none of my friends have ever really been in a situation like this. When I told my guy friends they basically just said the equivalent of "Niiiiice" and when I told my girl friends they just wanted to know who the girl was and if we were going to date. Neither response was very helpful in letting me know whether or not I'm acting like a jerk.
So whatever, I'm moderately embarrassed by the whole situation because *sloppy makeouts in a crowded bar*, but I'm not too concerned about it. This co-worker and I are friendly enough around the office. I wouldn't call her a friend, but we share music and youtube links. You know, general office acquaintance stuff. I assumed that there would be some office gossip on Monday, I'd see her around the office, we'd share one of those knowing embarrassed grins, and life would go on. Monday comes around, I get into the office and go about my day. I see her in the hallway around noon time and hitch on one my usual big smiles, she sees me... and immediately does a 180 and goes in the opposite direction. Obvious avoidance. Great.
I know the right thing to do is to give her space. She's probably embarrassed, and hopefully not disgusted with herself (I like to think that I'm a decent looking fellow). So I'm playing it cool. The problem is that this isn't some college cafeteria. It's a place of business. Sooner or later we're going to have to communicate about business things. I really don't want this awkwardness to affect either of our jobs.
I don't even know what kind of help or advice I'm asking for here. It's just that none of my friends have ever really been in a situation like this. When I told my guy friends they basically just said the equivalent of "Niiiiice" and when I told my girl friends they just wanted to know who the girl was and if we were going to date. Neither response was very helpful in letting me know whether or not I'm acting like a jerk.
ukiyo e on
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You didn't do anything wrong. You barely even did enough that it could've possibly been doing something wrong, given the context. She's just embarrassed because she made out with somebody, while drunk, in a public place, which our (repressed) culture says is something (female) people should feel bad about.
Don't press her, but don't start avoiding her. Just interact with her the way you normally would, and if she wants to bring it up she'll bring it up.
Just, you know, don't mention it ever again to her. She probably won't seem receptive to it. I would also not talk about it to anyone else at work.
"drunken holiday party sloppy makeouts" seemed a little too descriptive for a title. Gotta leave something to the imagination.
1. this is something you can easily laugh about.
2. she likes you
If it's 1, then stop being embarrassed and just laugh about it. If it's 2, well... that'll be awkward at some point if you don't like her back...
I highly doubt the bolded part, unless she's incredibly immature.
Best course of action is to probably just let it be for a bit. If she continues acting this way, you may have to just confront her and tell her straight up "it wasn't a big deal, we work together, we're going to have to acknowledge each other eventually."
I had a couple of experiences like this in the past: girl gets drunk, girl chases me, next day I encounter a completely different person. Alcohol has the ability to make people lose their inhibitions.
Either way, it seems to be either a "discuss frankly and like adults situation" if you like the girl or a "don't sweat it and pretend like it didn't happen situation" if you're not too fussed.
In my limited experience, these things honestly do change relationship and office dynamics and you can't really undo them. If your choice is the latter then you may be able to straighten things out later but, as others have said, I wouldn't force it or worry about overly.
You've not done anything wrong as far as your tale goes. You got drunk in front of colleagues but from your description, it was an environment where everyone was likely similarly plastered so that shouldn't be a problem.
If you do this, do not use the work email.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
He should probably try to approach her amicably. I doubt she is looking for a relationship, but rather embarrassed about the whole making out in public. In my opinion the best thing to do is to ask her out to coffee or something and discuss what happened. Which may have good repercussions for both of them, and, at the least, get past this issue.
If not, as above, just send a personal email or IM or something saying it's no big deal.
If you do, well, ask her out.
More than likely, you'll have forgotten about it by new years.
About the dating thing, that's out of the question. I know better then to read intentions from someone who was drunk. Dating someone you work with is a recipe for disaster, anyways.
Don't mention the incident again and make every effort to keep your relationship with her (and your other co-workers) as professional as possible. There is no benefit to anyone in bringing this up again. Just move on and pretend it didn't happen, and she'll likely do the same. If any of your co-workers bring it up, tell them it's inappropriate to talk about that at work.
And do not ever do anything like that again. Mixing your personal/romantic life with your professional one is a recipe for disaster. You showed some bad judgment in hooking up with a co-worker in a bar where other co-workers could see you. I wouldn't dwell on it, since stuff like this is sort of expected at holiday parties. But don't make a habit of it.
Rigorous Scholarship
Man, why you gotta be so eloquent, saying things I did without any profanity and yet with added sage wisdom.
"Don't dip your pen in the company ink." Or as my ineffably wise roommate used to say, "Don't shit where you eat."
The 2 best (IMO) ways of handling it: (1) pretend it never happened (a little difficult if you're discussing it with your work colleagues) and (2) an acknowledgement of what occurred and an assurance that it's a trivial matter (smile and say "Hi, you don't need to avoid me. I didn't think it was a big deal. You doing a 180 when you see me seems like avoidance and that makes me uncomfortable, is there something you want to tell me?"). I'd keep the communication verbal and short. If it looks like it's going to turn into an extended conversation I'd invite her to talk about it outside of work.
Sending her an e-mail is a fucking catastrofuck of an idea; I can't believe someone actually suggested it.
Give her some space, and after a week or so, go back to normal, pretend it never happened.
If it was me, and I liked the girl enough to date her, I'd simply show up at her desk with a smile and say something like 'hey! I just wanted to say sorry for bailing early the other night, I had to [x]. And also, tequila.'
Then take the tone. If it is an embarrassed smile, then green light, if it is a sharp breath masking the sudden taste of guilt and shame, then red light.
Green light: 'Well anyways, you're pretty awesome, and I'd love to do it up right. Dinner at [nice place]? Sweet. [details].'
Red Light: 'Hey no worries. It was what it was. Nothing wrong with a little fun once in a while. I'll see ya around okay? (big smile).'
There's all kinds of variations on the theme, depending on how badly you'd like to press, but in the end you can choose whether to treat it as a singular event or a segue to something else. Either way, let the person know that they are pretty cool and that things in general are cool. Not 'it never happened', but 'it was a non-event, don't worry about it'.
Hand in hand with non-event is not telling everybody (i.e. anybody) at work about it.
Oh shit. Ya, if you don't like her enough to date her, then don't make any kind of deal out of it at all. Just stop by with some useless bit of whatever that you 'need her opinion on' and be friendly so that she knows there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
yes, this
it was just drunken kissing
you're taking this way too seriously
edit: durr I am slow at reading, you've already acknowledged it ain't a thing so just be cool about it and let her avoid you if she wants to
The OP made a mistake hooking up with a co-worker at a Christmas party. It's not a faux pas on the level of taking a crap on your boss' desk, but it is still a faux pas. Trying to pursue this girl in any way after that incident is an incredibly terrible idea.
Move on, forget about it and don't ever again get drunk at a work function. And do not, in any circumstance, kiss a co-worker again.
Rigorous Scholarship
This completely depends on where you work. Inter-office dating is very common, sometimes its frowned upon and sometimes not. Totally moot in this case, as there is no wish to pursue anything further.
Whether or not one would clear the air, or ignore the event completely, appears to be the only thing currently relevant to the OP.
You can ignore the event and act like it never happened, and get on with your life and maybe things will go back to how they were. But the event did happen, and odds are that it will always be in the back of either your mind or hers when you two interact.
Or you can go talk to her (using any excuse you can come up with), and talk about it and maybe grow a (non-sexual) friendship out of it. Some of my best friends I have grew from a night of sloppy drunken make-outs, where the next day (or a couple days later) we got together, talked and laughed about it and realized we have a lot in common.
Everyone handles things differently, since the OP doesn't strike me as a particularly gregarious man about the office in what he posted, and given what he said she's acted like since it happened, I would say that a face to face lets talk this out is probably a bad idea. On the other hand OP if you're one of those people who can crack a joke and break the ice, then sure, do that, make light of it and be friends with her.
Once when my female roommate and I were drunk at our apartment she ended up offering to let me touch her boobs, which I of course accepted, things could have been very weird, but I joked about the very next morning and everything was fine. Also once I got a rather inappropriate goodbye at an office xmas party from a female employee. We both ignored it and are still pals. You just gotta pick the best tactic for the situation at hand.