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Awful girl thing.

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Posts

  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    She doesn't want anything to do with you, and she's hoping you'll go away on your own. She doesn't want to "be mean" and tell you to stop hanging out with her, so she's trying to throw enough drama your way until you decide she isn't worth it and leave her alone. She's doing this because she isn't old enough to realize that this strategy has never in the history of the world worked.

    So let me tell you what's going to happen if you keep trying to "be friends" with this girl. She will always smile at you when you're around and give you just enough "friendship" so that she doesn't have to think of herself as a mean person. You'll spend months or years thinking that maybe if she sees how you're cool with just being friends, you'll have a shot with her. She'll bitch about you always hanging around her at social events to her friends, who will roll their eyes at both of you. You'll bitch to your friends about her, and how you can't get her out of your head, and they'll roll their eyes at both of you.

    She'll try to avoid hanging out with you by making excuses to get out of any social gatherings. You'll jump at the chance to see her whenever the opportunity presents itself. Eventually one of you will do the smart thing and cut off all contact or leave the country, and you'll both be better off for it. Be the mature one and be the one to do it, but don't wait five years for it to happen. Don't make your friends put up with the annoying goose you'll become if this continues. Stop trying to be friends. Friendship isn't a consolation prize for a failed relationship.

    I know the OP was really long and rambling, but I think you missed the part where she lives in Norway and he's in North America.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • mysticjuicermysticjuicer Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Oh man. I thought for sure that she'd come back around Christmas and they'd reconnected then. Jebus.

    OP, she's never coming back to America. It's not a mark of maturity to cling to everybody who passes your way and once told you a kind word. This isn't a relationship. It isn't a friendship. It isn't even pen pals.

    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
  • Regina FongRegina Fong Allons-y, Alonso Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Stop talking to this girl, and for Christ's sake stop talking to her friends.

    If they were truly mutual friends, you could talk to them about your life without them feeding everything back to her. She broke up with you, so it's not like you're cheating and they are protecting her. So they clearly are her friends, not yours.

  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    So S., the girl who thinks you called her a bitch and is mad at you, is the girl you were in the long-distance relationship with, correct? Who lives in Norway?

    First, the relationship is a bust. The first sign of this was when she wanted to get together with some dude in Norway.

    Second, you seem way too emotionally dependent on this girl, which wouldn't be healthy even if the relationship WEREN'T a bust. Cliched as it may sound, you need to find yourself--find how to be secure enough in yourself that you don't go to pieces when a relationship does.

    Third, don't do heroin. Seriously.

  • darkmayodarkmayo Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Short answer is "you'll get over it"


    Long answer - Seriously it takes time, you will want to see her, talk to her but dont, push the little voice that is telling you that you miss her and you love her and all that and push it to the back of your head.

    Get out of the house, keep busy and find things to occupy your time with, things that you enjoy, things that dont involve her old friends.

    meet new people, dont do heroin, play some video games, dont do heroin, find happiness in yourself, dont do heroin, have a tawdry fling with a hot young thing and dont do heroin.. in fact change your mindset from I do see myself doing heroin in the foreseeable future to , I am not doing Heroin again.

    The choice is clear and once you start doing it you will see how easy it is to cut someone out of your life and you will be better for it.

  • QuirkQuirk Registered User
    edited January 2011
    OP seems drawn to conflict and feels a need to keep some sort of drama in his life. You seem to have surrounded yourself with like-minded people who perpetuate the conflict and drama just as yourself. You seem to have some serious issues that you think will be fixed by external sources; drug use and this girl. You don't seem to have the coping skills someone your age should have at this point, so how do you think this relationship would go if it actually were to happen? I predict it would implode within a couple of months due to lack of maturity on both sides.

    Get yourself some help, although I doubt that's going to happen.

    This sounds both mean and massively accurate

  • ceresceres Love is in the battlecry Nevada, USASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    Beck, what exactly is it that you want to hear? Nobody here is going to tell you that heroin use is a fantastic idea, a good coping mechanism, or anything short of terribly destructive any more than they are going to tell you the same things about talking to this girl. This is because these things are both objectively bad for you.

    JohnDies_zpsfe6c609e.jpg
    The avalanche has already started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote.
  • Anon the FelonAnon the Felon In bat country.Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    ceres wrote: »
    Beck, what exactly is it that you want to hear? Nobody here is going to tell you that heroin use is a fantastic idea, a good coping mechanism, or anything short of terribly destructive any more than they are going to tell you the same things about talking to this girl. This is because these things are both objectively bad for you.

    This is a sage-ed point.

    Mostly because this forum is filled with drug addicts, alcoholics, recovered addicts, straight edge, married folk, single folk, dating folk...The point I'm driving at is that this forum (in fact this thread) is a very good cross section of human society. We are experienced and inexperienced alike.

    And every single one of those people posting here, these people who vary in creed, code, and color....we're all tell you the same thing.

    Cut the dumb shit with the heroin, it is not an answer.
    Get over this girl. Yes it sucks, yes it's heart breaking...for now. It will get better, you'll be laughing in no time about shit that is unrelated.

    It is just one girl man. Just one girl. Give your best bud the bro-fist, and get out, go meet some new ones. There are lots. The one who is going to be with you forever? Here's a pro-tip from a married man...She doesn't live in a continent that is not the continent you live on. She lives in the same city you do. Oh oh, and she will never treat you like shit. Ever.

  • DeadfallDeadfall Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Anon I like the cut of your jib.

    BKqtjKy.jpg
    xbl - HowYouGetAnts
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle sometimes a boy just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Anon for president! I like your advice too.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Rationalization is an astounding thing to behold. Usually this ability is applied to minor things- emotional arguments, petty social disobediences- basically anything in which a person knows that what they are doing is not that good, but have found a way to convince themselves its not all that bad either.

    It's a natural process, reinforced by people around us who can see things the same way, or use the same arguments. And its amazing when the person is so utterly convinced of the 'okayness' of thier actions that they forget how the vast majority sees that action. The willingful creation of a blind spot extends past any specific action to include a part of their general being; how they are, whom they become involved with, how they see the world- and in this case, to forget how the world is likely to percieve and respond to something it generally doesn't agree with or want around. A person can become so entrenched in thier rationalizations, it becomes difficult, if not outright impossible, to see themselves as others are likely to see them.

    To that end, and as a nod to this comic, I have replaced the rationalized behaivior in the sections below with something that carries a similar stigma and reaction across the general populous.
    Alt-Beck wrote:
    My other friends are still pretty highschool, or just too self-absorbed to really be any help, so I go over to my friend B's, and I raped some dogs with her. She's an artist, and really cool. I like her a lot. We don't really talk, but this gives me time to think, and cope, and it's actually pretty fruitful.

    Sounds like one hell of a friend.
    Alt-Beck wrote:
    I don't plan on raping any more dogs. I'm not a serial dog-rapist or anything, I hadn't done it for like a year prior, and I don't plan on raping any dogs in the foreseeable future. I just needed to get myself together, I guess.

    Hooray? then I guess?
    Alt-Beck wrote:
    I'm never in good health. I have a severe pain problem, which is mostly why I like raping dogs so much. The only dogs that actually eliminate pain in my body (or close to eliminate it) are dogs that I rape, Rottweillers, (which are much better, and I used to have rugular access to), etc.. Unfortunately, the routine with those knocks me out, so I'm stuck with rubbing poodles on my crotch, which is...Pathetic. And there's no solution to that problem. But stress makes my dog-boner a lot harder, and I just needed some relief, and once that was gone it was a lot easier to cope and deal with my emotions and thoughts on the matter. It didn't help that I was also going through a flare up (they last weeks sometimes), so I figured I may as well just hit up some hard dog raping and be done with it, because molesting dangerously large dogs not only sucks physically, but really fucks me up, emotionally, for a while.

    Because this is what the original sounds like to anyone who hasn't self-lawyered the ever-loving shit out of thier psyche and situation.
    Alt-Beck wrote:
    I'm just not...I'm not raping dogs anymore. I don't think I'll do it again for years. But I'll probably do it again. I really like it. It's the best. At the same time, I know it's super dangerous and I know I'm playing with fire. But I'm far too unhappy to eliminate the idea of raping dogs again. Even if I never did it again.

    And you say people just drop contact for no reason? Or just straight up remove you from thier lives? I can't possibly imagine why that would be. Those bastards. What a man does on his own time is between himself and his broadband connection, I always say.

    What do you say to the man above? Fruitlessly address the social issues one at a time? I'm not even going so far to say that it's the source, just that its very hard to tell if someone is running a fever while they are running around on fire. There may be minor things in play, but considering that this specific lifestyle (hey it was just once and that cocker-poo was asking for it) could reasonably cause any normal person to make the sign of the cross while hissing and moving to the other side of the street, those things are going to be completely obscured by the larger issues in play.

    Edcrab wrote: »
    "See," said Lucifer, "God's an asshole."
  • Anon the FelonAnon the Felon In bat country.Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Win.

    This is correct, and something I hadn't thought of. Perhaps it is my own fault, but I never rationalized my drug use, I always was very aware of what I was doing. Yet I know many others do exactly as you are saying.

    Also an excellent point to the OP, "...just that it's very hard to tell if someone is running a fever when they are running around on fire." This, I believe, is most of the people in this thread's point. Beck's problems are systemic, and it's safe to assume the root is drug use. It's always drug use.

    That's why they say drugs are bad. Because it's always the drugs. Always.

  • SurrealusSurrealus Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Beck wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    snip
    snip

    I think hanging out with people is important, too. I just wanted to smoke some heroin. And it was cool. And I haven't done it since, and don't plan on doing any more. I know it sounds weird, but I can't be high a lot. My artistic output dies. I can't smoke often, I can't drink often, I can't. I really appreciate everyone's concern on that, but it's really a non-issue. I don't plan on doing it for at least six months. But I doubt I'd do it again for another year or more.

    But, no, B does not do heroin a ton or anything. She does it more than me but it's not a constant in her life. She likes it as much as I do but she kind of has the same thing going, constant drug use kind of kills her ambition to do much of anything, though I think she's a pretty big stoner. I can't smoke without sitting around without the will to do much of anything. She does stuff.

    I've never heard of the 10,000 hour rule, but I don't think it would be possible for me. I'm never in good health. I have a severe pain problem, which is mostly why I like heroin so much. The only drugs that actually eliminate pain in my body (or close to eliminate it) are drugs like heroin, Fentanyl (which is much stronger, and I used to have a prescription for), etc.. Unfortunately, the prescriptions for those knock me out, so I'm stuck on morphine, which is...Pathetic. And there's no solution to that problem. But stress makes pain management a lot harder, and I just needed some relief, and once that was gone it was a lot easier to cope and deal with my emotions and thoughts on the matter. It didn't help that I was also going through a flare up (they last weeks sometimes), so I figured I may as well just hit up some h and be done with it, because taking dangerously large amounts of morphine not only sucks physically, but really fucks me up, emotionally, for a while.

    You're right about locking myself up, though. That's a bad idea. I just don't feel like going out, and I'm not much fun right now. I'll give myself a week and then I'll go out again. I just need a little more time to myself, and my games, and work, and school. I just need to be away from people right now, I don't feel like I can go out without being a jerk right now. That's good advice, though, I won't stay in for much longer.

    But, regarding her single status, she tells people she's single, apparently, but only when I'm not around. She also got weirdly quiet when I complimented her on finding someone. I thought it was weird at the time. There's some history there, I kind of fucked around a lot when we were apart, and I guess she didn't. I think she feels inferior. She's never felt very wanted in Norway. I think she probably resents me for it.

    Okay, so this woman seems to have a lot of problems of her own, that was to be expected. You're definitely not in a position where you could help her solve them and ultimately they probably have very little to do with you. They are her problems. The history you share and your current situation as well as hers indicate that a fruitful relationship, even supposing that through some half-miracle you formed a romantic bond to her again, is nigh impossible. That's about all I'll say about THAT since I don't know everything etc. but add me to the list of people who think that, judging the situation from the information you've given, both you and her are really, truly better off without each other.

    As mysticjuicer said, what you're doing is self-medication. It's dangerous as hell, just like all other non-regulated (as in, not on a long-term medical plan that a professional has helped you decide on) usage of heavy drugs are. If you're not satisfied with the medical support, which certainly seems to be the case, then talk to your doctor about it. And yes, like you said stress management can play a crucial role in dealing with chronic pain - if you have the resources for it, try getting cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe you could ask your doctor to recommend you a good therapist? If you don't have money for that kind of thing (note: I don't know how expensive CBT is in the States, I'm guessing very) you can at least read up on different stress management techniques. Some recent studies have found mindfulness, though not always decreasing the actual pain, effective in helping persons with chronic pain be more active in their daily lives, you could have a go at that. What I'm saying is, there's a lot of people living with chronic pain and many of them have found good ways to cope with it. Self-administered heroin is a short-sighted here-and-now solution that brings you way way down. Again, finding effective ways to deal with your pain will help you advance in a multitude of areas in your life and if you value your own experiences and what you do you should at least have a go at it.

    Also, this means "B" gave a guy with chronic pain heroin. What. The. Fuck. That is so incredibly irresponsibly I just. She is not, as she is now anyway, someone you should regard as a friend at all. From your posts so far by the way, it seems you might benefit from reading up on heroin at wikipedia to understand better why people are freaking out about your abusing it.

    Edit: Almost forgot, good thing you at least somewhat reconsidered the whole locking yourself in for a month thing. Lack of social interaction is one of the things that can worsen chronic pain, or said the other way, social interaction is one of the things that can ease chronic pain, so there's that too.

  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    snip
    snip
    SNIP

    Okay, so this woman seems to have a lot of problems of her own, that was to be expected. You're definitely not in a position where you could help her solve them and ultimately they probably have very little to do with you. They are her problems. The history you share and your current situation as well as hers indicate that a fruitful relationship, even supposing that through some half-miracle you formed a romantic bond to her again, is nigh impossible. That's about all I'll say about THAT since I don't know everything etc. but add me to the list of people who think that, judging the situation from the information you've given, both you and her are really, truly better off without each other.

    As mysticjuicer said, what you're doing is self-medication. It's dangerous as hell, just like all other non-regulated (as in, not on a long-term medical plan that a professional has helped you decide on) usage of heavy drugs are. If you're not satisfied with the medical support, which certainly seems to be the case, then talk to your doctor about it. And yes, like you said stress management can play a crucial role in dealing with chronic pain - if you have the resources for it, try getting cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe you could ask your doctor to recommend you a good therapist? If you don't have money for that kind of thing (note: I don't know how expensive CBT is in the States, I'm guessing very) you can at least read up on different stress management techniques. Some recent studies have found mindfulness, though not always decreasing the actual pain, effective in helping persons with chronic pain be more active in their daily lives, you could have a go at that. What I'm saying is, there's a lot of people living with chronic pain and many of them have found good ways to cope with it. Self-administered heroin is a short-sighted here-and-now solution that brings you way way down. Again, finding effective ways to deal with your pain will help you advance in a multitude of areas in your life and if you value your own experiences and what you do you should at least have a go at it.

    Also, this means "B" gave a guy with chronic pain heroin. What. The. Fuck. That is so incredibly irresponsibly I just. She is not, as she is now anyway, someone you should regard as a friend at all. From your posts so far by the way, it seems you might benefit from reading up on heroin at wikipedia to understand better why people are freaking out about your abusing it.

    Edit: Almost forgot, good thing you at least somewhat reconsidered the whole locking yourself in for a month thing. Lack of social interaction is one of the things that can worsen chronic pain, or said the other way, social interaction is one of the things that can ease chronic pain, so there's that too.

    I see so much throwing around of blame here everywhere but where it should be. The OP chose to do heroin. I don't think "B" pressured him into it. The fact that they're doing it at all is irresponsible. Past that, does it really matter if he's in "pain" or not. I'd hardly call teen-angst over some internet relationship "pain". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's true. OP needs to recognize that it is HIS actions and HIS thoughts that are irresponsible and self-destructive and they have little if anything to do with anyone else. My thoughts? He needs to grow up and stop throwing pity parties for himself. Life is unfair. If he really thinks that self-imposed wallowing is going to help his "art", he's sadly mistaken.

    His girlfriend sounds pretty sane if you ask me. The only thing she did wrong was not be up front and just tell the OP that it was over. Bravo for her for moving on and not dating someone with as many issues as the OP has. Again, it's harsh, but judging from the OPs reactions to the advice given, it's true.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • ceresceres Love is in the battlecry Nevada, USASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    Esh wrote: »
    Past that, does it really matter if he's in "pain" or not. I'd hardly call teen-angst over some internet relationship "pain". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's true.

    Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe the OP mentioned that he has severe pain issues which he's been prescribed harsh painkillers for in the past, meaning that the pain that is being discussed here is physical. Not that it makes heroin a reasonable solution, but we're still not talking about relationship angst as far as that is concerned.

    JohnDies_zpsfe6c609e.jpg
    The avalanche has already started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote.
  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    ceres wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »
    Past that, does it really matter if he's in "pain" or not. I'd hardly call teen-angst over some internet relationship "pain". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's true.

    Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe the OP mentioned that he has severe pain issues which he's been prescribed harsh painkillers for in the past, meaning that the pain that is being discussed here is physical. Not that it makes heroin a reasonable solution, but we're still not talking about relationship angst as far as that is concerned.

    I missed that part in the walls of text. Apologies. The rest still holds up though as he has gone on about how emotionally stressful this is for him. Either way, he needs to be the smart one in regards to drugs. None of the people in his life sound particularly fun, but that's just me.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    ceres wrote: »
    Beck, what exactly is it that you want to hear? Nobody here is going to tell you that heroin use is a fantastic idea, a good coping mechanism, or anything short of terribly destructive any more than they are going to tell you the same things about talking to this girl. This is because these things are both objectively bad for you.

    Just how to cope, and a general direction to take. It's been a helpful thread, I could do without all the drugs are bad posts, though.
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    snip
    snip

    I think hanging out with people is important, too. I just wanted to smoke some heroin. And it was cool. And I haven't done it since, and don't plan on doing any more. I know it sounds weird, but I can't be high a lot. My artistic output dies. I can't smoke often, I can't drink often, I can't. I really appreciate everyone's concern on that, but it's really a non-issue. I don't plan on doing it for at least six months. But I doubt I'd do it again for another year or more.

    But, no, B does not do heroin a ton or anything. She does it more than me but it's not a constant in her life. She likes it as much as I do but she kind of has the same thing going, constant drug use kind of kills her ambition to do much of anything, though I think she's a pretty big stoner. I can't smoke without sitting around without the will to do much of anything. She does stuff.

    I've never heard of the 10,000 hour rule, but I don't think it would be possible for me. I'm never in good health. I have a severe pain problem, which is mostly why I like heroin so much. The only drugs that actually eliminate pain in my body (or close to eliminate it) are drugs like heroin, Fentanyl (which is much stronger, and I used to have a prescription for), etc.. Unfortunately, the prescriptions for those knock me out, so I'm stuck on morphine, which is...Pathetic. And there's no solution to that problem. But stress makes pain management a lot harder, and I just needed some relief, and once that was gone it was a lot easier to cope and deal with my emotions and thoughts on the matter. It didn't help that I was also going through a flare up (they last weeks sometimes), so I figured I may as well just hit up some h and be done with it, because taking dangerously large amounts of morphine not only sucks physically, but really fucks me up, emotionally, for a while.

    You're right about locking myself up, though. That's a bad idea. I just don't feel like going out, and I'm not much fun right now. I'll give myself a week and then I'll go out again. I just need a little more time to myself, and my games, and work, and school. I just need to be away from people right now, I don't feel like I can go out without being a jerk right now. That's good advice, though, I won't stay in for much longer.

    But, regarding her single status, she tells people she's single, apparently, but only when I'm not around. She also got weirdly quiet when I complimented her on finding someone. I thought it was weird at the time. There's some history there, I kind of fucked around a lot when we were apart, and I guess she didn't. I think she feels inferior. She's never felt very wanted in Norway. I think she probably resents me for it.

    Okay, so this woman seems to have a lot of problems of her own, that was to be expected. You're definitely not in a position where you could help her solve them and ultimately they probably have very little to do with you. They are her problems. The history you share and your current situation as well as hers indicate that a fruitful relationship, even supposing that through some half-miracle you formed a romantic bond to her again, is nigh impossible. That's about all I'll say about THAT since I don't know everything etc. but add me to the list of people who think that, judging the situation from the information you've given, both you and her are really, truly better off without each other.

    As mysticjuicer said, what you're doing is self-medication. It's dangerous as hell, just like all other non-regulated (as in, not on a long-term medical plan that a professional has helped you decide on) usage of heavy drugs are. If you're not satisfied with the medical support, which certainly seems to be the case, then talk to your doctor about it. And yes, like you said stress management can play a crucial role in dealing with chronic pain - if you have the resources for it, try getting cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe you could ask your doctor to recommend you a good therapist? If you don't have money for that kind of thing (note: I don't know how expensive CBT is in the States, I'm guessing very) you can at least read up on different stress management techniques. Some recent studies have found mindfulness, though not always decreasing the actual pain, effective in helping persons with chronic pain be more active in their daily lives, you could have a go at that. What I'm saying is, there's a lot of people living with chronic pain and many of them have found good ways to cope with it. Self-administered heroin is a short-sighted here-and-now solution that brings you way way down. Again, finding effective ways to deal with your pain will help you advance in a multitude of areas in your life and if you value your own experiences and what you do you should at least have a go at it.

    Also, this means "B" gave a guy with chronic pain heroin. What. The. Fuck. That is so incredibly irresponsibly I just. She is not, as she is now anyway, someone you should regard as a friend at all. From your posts so far by the way, it seems you might benefit from reading up on heroin at wikipedia to understand better why people are freaking out about your abusing it.

    Edit: Almost forgot, good thing you at least somewhat reconsidered the whole locking yourself in for a month thing. Lack of social interaction is one of the things that can worsen chronic pain, or said the other way, social interaction is one of the things that can ease chronic pain, so there's that too.

    I guess I thought 9 months would have got her passed some stuff but, I don't know. I guess not.

    Thanks for the pain management help, I've been through courses and stuff already, though. It's just bad sometimes. It's a very severe problem to the point where I'm vomiting from pain at times and it's just...I feel like heroin was less bad than that, at that point. I couldn't handle another week of that, in the state I was in. I know it's hard for people to understand.

    Lucas's Franklin Badge reflected the lightning back!
  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Beck wrote: »
    ceres wrote: »
    Beck, what exactly is it that you want to hear? Nobody here is going to tell you that heroin use is a fantastic idea, a good coping mechanism, or anything short of terribly destructive any more than they are going to tell you the same things about talking to this girl. This is because these things are both objectively bad for you.

    Just how to cope, and a general direction to take. It's been a helpful thread, I could do without all the drugs are bad posts, though.
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    snip
    snip

    I think hanging out with people is important, too. I just wanted to smoke some heroin. And it was cool. And I haven't done it since, and don't plan on doing any more. I know it sounds weird, but I can't be high a lot. My artistic output dies. I can't smoke often, I can't drink often, I can't. I really appreciate everyone's concern on that, but it's really a non-issue. I don't plan on doing it for at least six months. But I doubt I'd do it again for another year or more.

    But, no, B does not do heroin a ton or anything. She does it more than me but it's not a constant in her life. She likes it as much as I do but she kind of has the same thing going, constant drug use kind of kills her ambition to do much of anything, though I think she's a pretty big stoner. I can't smoke without sitting around without the will to do much of anything. She does stuff.

    I've never heard of the 10,000 hour rule, but I don't think it would be possible for me. I'm never in good health. I have a severe pain problem, which is mostly why I like heroin so much. The only drugs that actually eliminate pain in my body (or close to eliminate it) are drugs like heroin, Fentanyl (which is much stronger, and I used to have a prescription for), etc.. Unfortunately, the prescriptions for those knock me out, so I'm stuck on morphine, which is...Pathetic. And there's no solution to that problem. But stress makes pain management a lot harder, and I just needed some relief, and once that was gone it was a lot easier to cope and deal with my emotions and thoughts on the matter. It didn't help that I was also going through a flare up (they last weeks sometimes), so I figured I may as well just hit up some h and be done with it, because taking dangerously large amounts of morphine not only sucks physically, but really fucks me up, emotionally, for a while.

    You're right about locking myself up, though. That's a bad idea. I just don't feel like going out, and I'm not much fun right now. I'll give myself a week and then I'll go out again. I just need a little more time to myself, and my games, and work, and school. I just need to be away from people right now, I don't feel like I can go out without being a jerk right now. That's good advice, though, I won't stay in for much longer.

    But, regarding her single status, she tells people she's single, apparently, but only when I'm not around. She also got weirdly quiet when I complimented her on finding someone. I thought it was weird at the time. There's some history there, I kind of fucked around a lot when we were apart, and I guess she didn't. I think she feels inferior. She's never felt very wanted in Norway. I think she probably resents me for it.

    Okay, so this woman seems to have a lot of problems of her own, that was to be expected. You're definitely not in a position where you could help her solve them and ultimately they probably have very little to do with you. They are her problems. The history you share and your current situation as well as hers indicate that a fruitful relationship, even supposing that through some half-miracle you formed a romantic bond to her again, is nigh impossible. That's about all I'll say about THAT since I don't know everything etc. but add me to the list of people who think that, judging the situation from the information you've given, both you and her are really, truly better off without each other.

    As mysticjuicer said, what you're doing is self-medication. It's dangerous as hell, just like all other non-regulated (as in, not on a long-term medical plan that a professional has helped you decide on) usage of heavy drugs are. If you're not satisfied with the medical support, which certainly seems to be the case, then talk to your doctor about it. And yes, like you said stress management can play a crucial role in dealing with chronic pain - if you have the resources for it, try getting cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe you could ask your doctor to recommend you a good therapist? If you don't have money for that kind of thing (note: I don't know how expensive CBT is in the States, I'm guessing very) you can at least read up on different stress management techniques. Some recent studies have found mindfulness, though not always decreasing the actual pain, effective in helping persons with chronic pain be more active in their daily lives, you could have a go at that. What I'm saying is, there's a lot of people living with chronic pain and many of them have found good ways to cope with it. Self-administered heroin is a short-sighted here-and-now solution that brings you way way down. Again, finding effective ways to deal with your pain will help you advance in a multitude of areas in your life and if you value your own experiences and what you do you should at least have a go at it.

    Also, this means "B" gave a guy with chronic pain heroin. What. The. Fuck. That is so incredibly irresponsibly I just. She is not, as she is now anyway, someone you should regard as a friend at all. From your posts so far by the way, it seems you might benefit from reading up on heroin at wikipedia to understand better why people are freaking out about your abusing it.

    Edit: Almost forgot, good thing you at least somewhat reconsidered the whole locking yourself in for a month thing. Lack of social interaction is one of the things that can worsen chronic pain, or said the other way, social interaction is one of the things that can ease chronic pain, so there's that too.

    I guess I thought 9 months would have got her passed some stuff but, I don't know. I guess not.

    Thanks for the pain management help, I've been through courses and stuff already, though. It's just bad sometimes. It's a very severe problem to the point where I'm vomiting from pain at times and it's just...I feel like heroin was less bad than that, at that point. I couldn't handle another week of that, in the state I was in. I know it's hard for people to understand.

    What condition do you have exactly that causes this pain?

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Honeslty, Beck, the only way you're going to be able to cope with this type of crap...is if you stop talking to her.

    This is coming from someone with a lot of experience with these types of people. She's 24 and acting like a mean child, she's likely not to change for a long while. You need to do yourself some good, go out with some people, see a movie (True Grit was damn good, by the way *hint*), go ice skating, take up a new hobby, go geo caching! You need to keep your mind off of her. The good thing is, since she's in Norway, you won't accidentally run into her.

    Seriously, if you can move on with your life, busy yourself, and eventually forget about this girl, you'll be a much happier person.

  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User
    edited January 2011
    It sounds extremely complicated. Can you think of anything that might make things simpler? Easier to live through, easier to manage etc?

    The reason I ask, is because in general, people cause or become involved with a certain amount of complexity in thier lives. This level is generally about as much as they can handle without getting to stressed out about it.

    In a relationship, because lives and abilities are shared and exchanged, the overall complexity falls somewhere in the middle between the two. Thus, if a highly complicated person begins a relationship with a less complicated one, the less complicated person can feel easily overwhelmed by the sheer amount of issues and interactions in play.

    The highly complicated person may feel more at ease during this time, and even go out of thier way to invite difficulty, as they feel ready and able to handle more things. This load is again shared and the less complicated life becomes even more overwhelmed and so on.

    So perhaps, in knowing that you have issues, find other people with similar issues, and get to know them? You can share routines and strengths, lessening the overall load and providing room for growth in a relationship; room that may not otherwise be there. There must be some way to increase your own personal stability enough to support a foundation for growth, and if there isn't, maybe step back from getting intimately involved with anybody until there is.

    Edcrab wrote: »
    "See," said Lucifer, "God's an asshole."
  • ceresceres Love is in the battlecry Nevada, USASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    You are getting the "drugs are bad" posts because for the most part, drugs are bad. Especially heroin. You can probably expect to continue reading those.

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    The avalanche has already started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote.
  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Esh wrote: »

    What condition do you have exactly that causes this pain?

    They're not entirely sure. It could be referred pain from a spinal fracture, or it could just be neuropathic, which is more likely. They can't operate on either nerves, and local anesthesia isn't possible because it's a high movement area, and won't heal properly.
    Honeslty, Beck, the only way you're going to be able to cope with this type of crap...is if you stop talking to her.

    This is coming from someone with a lot of experience with these types of people. She's 24 and acting like a mean child, she's likely not to change for a long while. You need to do yourself some good, go out with some people, see a movie (True Grit was damn good, by the way *hint*), go ice skating, take up a new hobby, go geo caching! You need to keep your mind off of her. The good thing is, since she's in Norway, you won't accidentally run into her.

    Seriously, if you can move on with your life, busy yourself, and eventually forget about this girl, you'll be a much happier person.

    True Grit is awesome. I heard there's a True Grit guitar pedal, I want to see if it's as awesome as the movie.

    But, yeah, maybe I'll stop talking to her completely. I just feel bad about it. I've never lost a friend before.
    ceres wrote: »
    You are getting the "drugs are bad" posts because for the most part, drugs are bad. Especially heroin. You can probably expect to continue reading those.

    Yeah, that's fine. I expected to!

    Lucas's Franklin Badge reflected the lightning back!
  • Anon the FelonAnon the Felon In bat country.Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I have a curious question for you Beck.

    Why not get a doctor, especially with an existing condition like that, to prescribe an opioid like Oxycontin? I'm not reccomending Oxycontin as an alternative to heroin! I'm simply saying that way you'll be pain free, it's orders of magnitude less dangerous to deal with then heroin, and you'll have a doctor to watch out and help deal with addiction.

    I don't want to hear any of that "But oxy isn't as good as heroin!" Because that's flat out bullshit. Oxy does the same things chemically to your brain that heroin does. It produces the exact same feelings that heroin does (short of IV use that is, that's an even larger problem if that's your intake method). Any idea that heroin is "better" is purely psychological, and due to addiction.

    If you have legitimate pain issues, there are pain plans you can get on that will solve your problems. You just have to be open to these things, as they will solve your issues with much greater efficiency and security then the use of hard drugs.

  • SurrealusSurrealus Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Esh wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    Surrealus wrote: »
    Beck wrote: »
    snip
    snip
    SNIP
    snip again

    I see so much throwing around of blame here everywhere but where it should be. The OP chose to do heroin. I don't think "B" pressured him into it. The fact that they're doing it at all is irresponsible. Past that, does it really matter if he's in "pain" or not. I'd hardly call teen-angst over some internet relationship "pain". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's true. OP needs to recognize that it is HIS actions and HIS thoughts that are irresponsible and self-destructive and they have little if anything to do with anyone else. My thoughts? He needs to grow up and stop throwing pity parties for himself. Life is unfair. If he really thinks that self-imposed wallowing is going to help his "art", he's sadly mistaken.

    His girlfriend sounds pretty sane if you ask me. The only thing she did wrong was not be up front and just tell the OP that it was over. Bravo for her for moving on and not dating someone with as many issues as the OP has. Again, it's harsh, but judging from the OPs reactions to the advice given, it's true.

    I did not intend to lay blame on the woman or make her out to be someone with mental issues/a huge bitch. I was merely stating that from what Beck wrote about how she's been acting and things she has said - which I realize could be only what it seems like from Beck's perspective here, of course - it seems likely that she has problems of her own which would partly explain why she appears to be acting strangely in some instances. With this I mean that she has her own life like everyone else and she might be going through a lot of stuff like pretty much anyone does at some point in life. Nor am I trying to free Beck himself from any responsibility re: heroin, I was only arguing that he should distance himself from "B" because, regardless of whether the recipient seems capable of making their own choices or not, someone who is thoughtless enough to offer a person suffering from chronic pain is someone it's best to avoid talking to (no matter how 'cool' they would be). I guess in the case that she was already high when she gave the heroin to Beck it's hard to really 'blame' her but the result is the same: she commits highly irresponsible and destructive acts -> Beck would do best to stay away from her.

    Really, I don't care at all about judging anyone here, I'm only trying to somehow offer some help that can help Beck move towards some kind of lifestyle that will work out. A lot of H/A (of all kinds of forums) threads seem to get stuck playing the blame game which never can be quite finished as all these expectations and guesses are put into the mix by every poster that comes along. The truth is that - most, anyway - H/A threads rely on a very very small window into the whole context and it's all offered by one person who often has a warped view of the stories that have unfolded and so everyone seems to fill them out with their own experiences. I couldn't care less who's to blame, my focus is on what can be done to make things get better. That's really all I have to say on the matter and I don't wish to derail this thread so if anyone for some reason wants to respond to this paragraph, please do it in a PM.

    Beck: Ok, thanks for listening anyhow, I don't know if I can say much more to help. On the drugs topic, I don't wish to damn the usage of drugs, I'm just gonna say again that doing it under controlled conditions is far better than doing it all on your own. Like Sarcastro said, if you're not already involved in any group or know people that deal with chronic pain like yours, you could look it up. There's a risk it will get worse if you have bad luck and meet the type of person who always complains about it all the time, so just remember you're supposed to gain something positive from it, not only negativity.

    Although you say you've never lost a friend I'm sure you've at least been separated from someone close to you at some point in your life, try to remember how you managed to get over that. And really, adult life is filled with conflicts where you have to decide to just break off some relationships because they're not good for anyone. It's a sometimes painful but also very important thing to learn.

  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Beck wrote: »
    Esh wrote: »

    What condition do you have exactly that causes this pain?

    They're not entirely sure. It could be referred pain from a spinal fracture, or it could just be neuropathic, which is more likely. They can't operate on either nerves, and local anesthesia isn't possible because it's a high movement area, and won't heal properly.
    Honeslty, Beck, the only way you're going to be able to cope with this type of crap...is if you stop talking to her.

    This is coming from someone with a lot of experience with these types of people. She's 24 and acting like a mean child, she's likely not to change for a long while. You need to do yourself some good, go out with some people, see a movie (True Grit was damn good, by the way *hint*), go ice skating, take up a new hobby, go geo caching! You need to keep your mind off of her. The good thing is, since she's in Norway, you won't accidentally run into her.

    Seriously, if you can move on with your life, busy yourself, and eventually forget about this girl, you'll be a much happier person.

    True Grit is awesome. I heard there's a True Grit guitar pedal, I want to see if it's as awesome as the movie.

    But, yeah, maybe I'll stop talking to her completely. I just feel bad about it. I've never lost a friend before.
    ceres wrote: »
    You are getting the "drugs are bad" posts because for the most part, drugs are bad. Especially heroin. You can probably expect to continue reading those.

    Yeah, that's fine. I expected to!

    I hate to break this to you, but you two aren't friends. I really doubt she's going to feel any remorse from not hearing from you again. In your lifetime you're probably going to lose many more friends, it's something you'll need to get used to.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    I have a curious question for you Beck.

    Why not get a doctor, especially with an existing condition like that, to prescribe an opioid like Oxycontin? I'm not reccomending Oxycontin as an alternative to heroin! I'm simply saying that way you'll be pain free, it's orders of magnitude less dangerous to deal with then heroin, and you'll have a doctor to watch out and help deal with addiction.

    I don't want to hear any of that "But oxy isn't as good as heroin!" Because that's flat out bullshit. Oxy does the same things chemically to your brain that heroin does. It produces the exact same feelings that heroin does (short of IV use that is, that's an even larger problem if that's your intake method). Any idea that heroin is "better" is purely psychological, and due to addiction.

    If you have legitimate pain issues, there are pain plans you can get on that will solve your problems. You just have to be open to these things, as they will solve your issues with much greater efficiency and security then the use of hard drugs.

    Oxycontin works better for me, but I get really bad side effects on it, and I can't take it for periods of time longer than a day. I've tried everything, and Morphine is the best one for me. From Tylenol to Methadone, Morphine just works the best. Flare ups just last a long time, so I jump between a couple different opiates and opioids during those periods, but they don't last nearly as long as the flare ups do, and they are only marginally better than morphine. Thanks, though.

    Lucas's Franklin Badge reflected the lightning back!
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Beck wrote: »
    Thanks for the pain management help, I've been through courses and stuff already, though. It's just bad sometimes. It's a very severe problem to the point where I'm vomiting from pain at times and it's just...I feel like heroin was less bad than that, at that point. I couldn't handle another week of that, in the state I was in. I know it's hard for people to understand.

    You know what this pain sounds like to me? Sounds like your body really wants you to keep doing drugs, and it's using pain to remind you that you haven't had drugs in a while.

    That pain may have been real at one point, in fact I'd say it's likely that you do have some sort of condition that causes you pain. But we'll never know, because you use hardcore drugs. Now we're not sure if it's actually pain, or if your body is using the pain as a withdrawal system, because, YOU GUESSED IT. You're using hardcore drugs.

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  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    I wasn't using non-perscription drugs at the time I threw up.

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  • DockenDocken Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    As someone who has fractured T3 and T4 so severely I am now shorter than I used to be (as well as fracturing the connective points between my ribs and spine such that they don't connect properly anymore), I can tell you the absolute best way to reduce the amount of pain you're going through is to lift some weights and strengthen your back.

    Long term, you'll just waste away from painkillers. Could even cripple yourself in your old age. Doing weights and putting some muscle on is really the only way to recover from a back injury.

    Any other approach is merely delaying the inevitable and substantially worsening your quality of life.

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  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Docken wrote: »
    As someone who has fractured T3 and T4 so severely I am now shorter than I used to be (as well as fracturing the connective points between my ribs and spine such that they don't connect properly anymore), I can tell you the absolute best way to reduce the amount of pain you're going through is to lift some weights and strengthen your back.

    Long term, you'll just waste away from painkillers. Could even cripple yourself in your old age. Doing weights and putting some muscle on is really the only way to recover from a back injury.

    Any other approach is merely delaying the inevitable and substantially worsening your quality of life.

    This is actually really important for all back problems, Beck. Strengthening your back is key to reduce the pain. I managed to rupture a disc in my back while doing manual labor at one of my old jobs years ago, and while it's not as bad as it was, it still constantly hurts. If I laid on a bed, it would hurt until I got my self into a specific position, if I stood/sat for long periods of time, pain would shoot up my spine. The pain was reduced significantly when I did back exercises. I would suggest that too. It would at the very least, reduce the amounts of morphine you'd need.

  • existexist Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    At the very least, regularly exercising and going to the gym will make you feel better in just about every other way, even if it does not happen to help your back pain.

    UmPiq.png
  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Oh, yup, I do! Sometimes I can only go once a week, but I do stuff at home on those weeks, but I try to go 3 times. I've got my own little routine. And yeah, it's great. I do hate it, though. :p

    Lucas's Franklin Badge reflected the lightning back!
  • DockenDocken Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I don't know how big you are, but being able to deadlift at least 330lbs would be a decent start in terms of strength training for your back, with maybe 100lbs dumbbells for bench row.

    Unless you are very small, these are good minimum benchmarks to strive for as a man with a back injury.

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  • FireWaterFireWater Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Beck wrote: »
    I don't plan on doing any more heroin. I'm not an addict or anything, I hadn't done it for like a year prior, and I don't plan on doing any more in the foreseeable future. I just needed to get myself together, I guess.

    The thing is, I don't know if I can stop wanting to be with her. I guess that's the shitty thing. I still feel very much in love, though I know she's not in love with me. I think she wants to be my friend though, J said she's said wants to be my friend, things are just really acrid right now, and messy, and someone starting some really shitty rumor doesn't help.

    I don't like the idea of not talking to her anymore. I'll consider that advice, though. I'll try not to initiate contact.

    Thanks for the advice, everybody. Zeon, though, this is the thing.

    I'm hard to get along with. Not because I'm mean or weird, I'm just critical, I guess. I'm an artist and I like being surrounded by other artists, and I don't get along with people my own age so it's hard to connect with people years older than you, so I feel pretty lonely most of the time. I meet people, I can fuck, I just hate them. And I don't know how to get over that feeling of resentment towards people. I feel like I'm becoming really unforgiving. I like S. because she gets it, regarding art.

    My concern for you is the Heroin for several reasons.

    1) Heroin is arguably the most addictive drug out there, because it creates a physical addiction (i.e. if you DONT take it your body will go through withdrawal which is HELL).

    2) You used Heroin not for recreational use, but to "clear your head". Taking any type of hard drug (or even alcohol or marijuana) does not do that at all. Using drugs as a coping mechanism raises red flags to me.

    3) You are under the belief that you can just start and stop heroine.


    In my opinion, the girl is the least of your problems. I highly recommend getting a substance abuse evaluation to see if you qualify for treatment.

    People, Places and Things can cause someone to use. If this girl gets you upset again, I'm more than sure you will use again. It may be beneficial to terminate that relationship, and stay away from the people you use with.

  • BeckBeck Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Hey, just a little update.

    Things are going a lot better. I haven't entirely moved on, but I'm definitely going in the right direction, and I'm feeling a lot more positive about everything. Going out and being with friends has probably been the best thing for me, social distractions really are helpful. I'm not entirely sure if S. and I can ever be friends again, but I'm hoping so. Wrote some really awesome songs about the whole thing, not as many as I would have liked, but enough good ones (2) that I think might end up on this LP I'm trying to do with a friend. And, I just wanted to say thanks, I guess, there was a lot of really helpful advice in this thread and it really helped me move along and see things a bit more clearly. It was hard to accept that I could never be in a healthy relationship with this girl (at least not while she's in Norway, and she's not coming back) but, once I did, everything fell into place.

    I hope that makes the thread resurrection OK, I just really wanted to say something. (:

    Thanks again.

    Lucas's Franklin Badge reflected the lightning back!
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle sometimes a boy just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    You don't mention drugs so please, seriously, do not plan to do those kinds of drugs in the future. They are nothing but destruction.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
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