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Broke up with girlfriend, want her back

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Posts

  • ArfenhouseArfenhouse Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Shit son, if I had a nickel for every girl I still really liked even though the timing was terrible, I'd have like, five nickels.

    Which is less than I thought it would be really. Hunh.

    I suppose what I'm getting at, is that it's the timing that stinks, not the girl, the girl is probably fucking awesome. But every girl comes with their own situation, and you know (or at least seem very convinced) that you're not going to be a part of that situation. And that's rough, bud. I will drink a beer in your name. Maybe two or three.

    And at the end of those beers, I am sure I will think about girls. The endless sea of sweet, awesome girls, whom I am sure I would have adored, but couldn't be with or never met, or missed bumping into, or didn't talk to, who were dating my friends, who lived too far away, who had phone numbers written completely fucking illegibly on my body, and I will think to my myself while swirling the dregs of my drink and I will shrug, and down the rest in one go. And I will nod to my friends with a smile, I will tip, and then I will go home.

    To my girl. Who is fucking awesome. And whose timing worked out perfectly.

    I believe this is the end of the thread. You're my new hero, Sarcastro.

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Shit son, if I had a nickel for every girl I still really liked even though the timing was terrible, I'd have like, five nickels.

    Which is less than I thought it would be really. Hunh.

    I suppose what I'm getting at, is that it's the timing that stinks, not the girl, the girl is probably fucking awesome. But every girl comes with their own situation, and you know (or at least seem very convinced) that you're not going to be a part of that situation. And that's rough, bud. I will drink a beer in your name. Maybe two or three.

    And at the end of those beers, I am sure I will think about girls. The endless sea of sweet, awesome girls, whom I am sure I would have adored, but couldn't be with or never met, or missed bumping into, or didn't talk to, who were dating my friends, who lived too far away, who had phone numbers written completely fucking illegibly on my body, and I will think to my myself while swirling the dregs of my drink and I will shrug, and down the rest in one go. And I will nod to my friends with a smile, I will tip, and then I will go home.

    To my girl. Who is fucking awesome. And whose timing worked out perfectly.

    :^::^::^::^::^:

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  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle and you're not happy, but you're funny and I'm tripping over my joyRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Yep, calling it. Thanks, Sarcastro.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    While it can't hold a candle to Sarcastro's post, I do really like Tim Minchin's humerous take on the matter.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro

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  • clearsimpleplainclearsimpleplain Registered User
    edited January 2011
    I disagree with the majority of posters in this thread. Maybe I'm a stupid romantic. I just think breaking up with someone because the timing's wrong is messed up.

    People seem to feel and think that there are a lot of fish in the sea, and maybe they're right. Maybe it doesn't really matter how this or that relationship turns out; no matter what, after you move on, you'll find someone else who will be great for you, that you'll love just as much or more, that you'll be glad you had the opportunity to meet, an opportunity you would have missed if you had stayed with your long-distance relationship. Occasionally you hear about "the one who got away", but really, are there that many of those stories out there? Flat out, these situations may be hard on us, but we might be better if we choose to go through them.

    Personally though, I tried to stick it out in all of my relationships. Some of them had to end, some of them even I ended. I met a girl who lived half a country away and after some time we moved to the same place, although it was decidedly inconvenient for me to do so. We'll be married four years by the end of January, she's less than a foot from me now watching TV, and our baby's due in May. I didn't break things off because I had to stop school for a while, or because I had to move away from my family and friends (we moved back and I'm close to them again). I think it's obvious that I feel like it was worth all the hassle (and awfulness, there's lots of that) of the long-distance relationship, even though things were uncertain at the start.

    In short, I think that ending a relationship with someone because you're afraid you'll like them too much to leave them is just as silly as staying with someone even though being with them will be inconvenient. You're a fool if you do, you're a fool if you don't. Be honest with this girl and yourself and if you're both wanting to give things a shot, see if you legitimately love each other in a few months enough to stay together through some hard times. Maybe one day you, too, will be able to say that you didn't take the easy road and you wouldn't have it any other way.

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    I think it has more to do with him being very young and inexperienced as well as them only having dated a couple of months. I'm not criticizing the values you exhibit in your relationships, just pointing out that what worked for you isn't necessarily what works for most other people. What basis do they have for a long term relationship? She seems to appreciate him for who he is? They have fun together? Most of the women I've dated meet that criteria, but that doesn't mean any of them were worth settling down with.

    So I get that you feel it's important to stick out a relationship, but I don't get that at all. To me that seems more like either a fear of being alone even if you're not getting what you really want from a relationship, or some bizarre sense of obligation to someone that you're just dating. In my book, the only thing you owe a boyfriend or girlfriend is respect and honesty (provided they do likewise). But you don't owe anyone a relationship. I feel quite strongly that if the relationship isn't what you want, you owe it to both of you to get out, move on, and just as importantly let her move on as well.

    And I'm glad you've got a wife and a kid on the way, but as even you acknowledge you had your string of relationships leading up to your wife. The OP hasn't. That experience is a good thing. He'll learn not only about how to relate to a partner in a relationship in a healthy way, but about what he wants in a relationship to begin with.

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  • Katsuhiro 1139Katsuhiro 1139 Dublin, IrelandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Onwards and upwards son; in a few months time you won't even remember her. Move forward, never backward!

    Seriously lad; the second you move in May you'll find yourself in a new environment, with a wealth of new talent to consider. In the meantime, go take exercise - put her out of your mind and prep yourself for the boundless opportunities that lie ahead! Yaharr, pirate noises!

  • RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    While I agree with the consensus that the intelligent thing to do is probably just keep it broken off...it's your life. Take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself if its worth it or if its something you really want to do. If it is, then damn what everyone else says, do what you want. Worst case scenario you waste a few years in a relationship that is dieing...sure it hurts, but you'll live...and be a lot smarter for it. Best case scenario: something awesome and/or unexpected happens and it's amazing.

    That's what I love about relationships. Sure there are general guidelines to follow like "if s/he is crazy, gtfo" and stuff, but all relationships are unique and different. If you want to go crazy and see how it works: go crazy!

    But again, the sensible thing to do is follow the advice...

  • ceresceres Just your problem OooSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    Read Sarcastro's post, and then go watch How I Met Your Mother. And then reread Sarcastro's post and realize that he summed up the show in a couple paragraphs, because that's actually how life is, most of the time.

    I have fought tooth-and-nail to keep relationships going, good and bad alike. I've tried to keep things alive when the timing was just wrong because the person was perfect. I've chased The One halfway across the country, which was futile because I wasn't his one, but not worthless because my experiences in that location and the experience of chasing itself really shaped me.

    All of that, only to find the most wonderful man in the world, and the one I would marry, 20 minutes from my house because I was dragged by a friend to something I would never have otherwise attended. Because life is just like that.

    From all that I can tell you that there is nothing harder to fight to keep a relationship alive than bad timing. It sucks, it's painful, and it's entirely uphill... and in the end, it almost never works out. Do what you think you need to do to make yourself happy, though, because that's how life happens.

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
    Dear Satan...
  • ruzkinruzkin Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    You only want her now because someone is moving in on your territory. You broke up for good reasons and now you're getting jealous. Grow up, move on.

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  • clearsimpleplainclearsimpleplain Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Im glad to see some tide turn from "Rationally this doesn't make sense so you're completely right to end this garbage" to "This isn't very practical so the odds are against you, but I mean, love isn't practical so make up your own mind", which I think is a more fair outlook.

    She might end up being a waste of time but in the end she may also end up being worth it. Your call.

  • SicariiSicarii The Roose is Loose Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I kinda know where you're coming from as I just had a relationship end.
    Spoiler:


    TLDR : Loneliness can make you crazy but don't second guess yourself, you broke up with her for a reason.

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  • TelexTelex Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Quick story of my own:
    Dated a girl for 1.5 years, we were moving to different states after graduation, I broke up with her because of all the reasons mentioned in this thread - I worried that long distance would break us up anyway. But after I thought about it, I realized that yeah, there was a good chance that the relationship wouldn't work over a long distance, but why not just let it fail when it had to? I was preemptively breaking up because I assumed we would later on. Which is silly. (we got back together and are still together)

    If you want to be in a relationship with someone, be in one. If it won't work, it won't work, but just let it not work when the time comes. There's no need to over-rationalize these things.

    Not to say OP should or shouldn't get back together with his ex gf, but I'm just saying that neither choice is right or wrong.

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