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So, I hit my wife...

RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
edited January 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
Backstory of my excuse first. Please read if you have the time, as I feel (and hope) it applies.
Spoiler:

Now, slightly more backstory that is directly relevant. In middle school I had this suspicion (before I ever heard that some companies actually do this) that chapstick and lotion were made to relieve painful lips or hands (or whatever) for a little while, but actually made them worse. So I did an experiment and stopped using Chapstick and lotion for three months. I found that after the first month or so, I could actually get by pain-free and with fairly well moisturized skin if I kept drinking enough water. So, I stopped using lotion and chapstick.

Apparently this became a big deal for me, because I don't even like the feel of lotion or chapstick anymore...and I don't like it getting on me. It's not that big of a deal, it's not like I hide from it or run screaming...but if I had the choice, I'd never touch chapstick or lotion ever again. My wife, however, uses both fairly regularly (as is common). I of course jibe her and talk about how gross it is or whatever (and she knows I don't like kissing her/holding her hand right after such an application).

We're almost 2-months married, so we're still settling in and getting used to each others quarks and oddities. So far, it's been amazing and awesome and I love spending time with her and getting to know her better...as well as learning a lot about myself.

So...my wife had been commenting on how dry my knees are for a day or two, and then one evening while I was brushing my teeth, she came up behind me and suddenly started rubbing lotion on my knees. I sort of lashed out without really thinking what I was doing. I didn't hit her hard...she didn't fall back or anything; but I hit her harder than what would be considered playful. I tried to explain to her a little, and I'm fairly certain she forgives me...

But now I'm really worried. I'm fairly certain that if I were really angry, I wouldn't use violence...but how sure can I be now? I don't really get angry...but what if I did? I mean, it wasn't a spinal reaction...I jumped a little because I was surprised about the sudden contact with my knees. But it took processing to figure out there was lotion on there...I hit because of the lotion, not because of the surprise.

I didn't realize it was that big of a deal to me until then, but apparently it is. And also, apparently, all the rough-housing with my brother has left me with a bit of a social cripple when it comes to people I'm very close to.

I'll be honest; I'm coming here mostly for comfort and/or affirmation that just because I did something like this doesn't mean I'll resort to spousal (or child, when the time comes) abuse. But I also respect the opinion of this community, and so I want to get some insight. Thanks H/A.

RadicalTurnip on
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Posts

  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    How is your wife taking it? How did you handle it immediately afterward?

    Regardless of the response to either of those two questions, it is terribly important for reasons that should be obvious to you that you do everything imaginable to keep a watchful eye on your impulses and never do anything like that again.

    I want your respect, and I wanna be here
    But I don't want to rule the Nightosphere
  • DockenDocken Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Apart from the rather incendiary headline, your conduct sounds reasonable.

    Hmm, let me rephrase that: whilst physically hitting anyone is never acceptable (unless there is agreement between the parties) and is particularly bad in a male/female situation and even worse in a married couple situation (what with your vows and all), from your explanation it seems like your resorted to a form of communication you are comfortable with when you feel threatened.

    This does not excuse your reaction, but it does explain it.

    I strongly suggest you sit down and have a long talk with your wife, tell her the situation (if you haven't already) and really drive home how scared your reaction made you feel. You also should strongly reassure her that you're worried about even such a minor reaction and want some help on what to do about it.

    If you feel concerned that you may not be able to control yourself in future for any reason, you really must seek professional help right away.

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  • RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    We talked about it immediately afterward. She wasn't too happy with me, but after I apologized probably 20 times or more and explained a little bit where I think it came from, she wanted to let it drop (before I did, in fact). This happened the night before last night, and yesterday she seemed normal and fine.
    Edit: And I feel like I can control myself. Most of my overthinking it and mulling over it is to ensure that it doesn't happen again. I've found that the longer I allow myself to stew about something the better I perform in a similar situation in the future...so I'm perfectly happy to stew over it for a few more days, possibly the rest of the week...

    But while I am mulling over it, I sometimes get this voice in the back of my head that asks "how can you be sure?" Which...I am within a reasonable doubt sure...I just can't be as sure, because I used to be utterly certain that I would never hit my wife or kids...and...well...look what happened.

  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Getting struck by reaction when you are sneaking something on someone is not abuse.

    Using that background to justify habitual physical violence would be. It's an excuse but that doesn't make it okay.

    It would be abuse only in the latter, and you seem to realize that.

    Accidentally hitting someone you're close to happens. If everyone can laugh about it, don't sweat it. I've been accidentally headbutt pretty damn hard before, etc. :lol:

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  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    If she's letting it go, let it go, but you need to make sure that in future you can separate the way you would react to your brother from the way you react to your wife.

    I want your respect, and I wanna be here
    But I don't want to rule the Nightosphere
  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Oh, and I don't necessarily mean laugh about it within seconds. I remember being a little annoyed at the time but over it the next day. Shit happens.

    I have a friend that had a rough life, and you had to be careful not to make any quick moves near them or they'd just react. Years later he's rather accustomed to socializing and living in a safe circle, but it definitely took some getting used to and was a slow process for him. Likely you'll adjust with time to appropriate reactions around your wife.

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  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    Yeah, don't see anything abusive about this. She startled you with something that you had explained you find very unpleasant and you reacted out of instinct and feel bad about it.

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  • RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Okay...thanks a lot guys.

  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    If I didn't know my wife was afraid of spiders and I went up to her with one saying "LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE BEDROOM!" and she freaked out and ran and hit me on the way by, I would think I'm kind of a jerk -- even though I didn't really know how serious of a problem it was. Even though she hit me or shoved me down or whatever.

    In this case, it sounds like you may have underlying aggression that causes you to hit people or "lash out" when upset or startled, which is a separate problem from who you hit. So your wife probably feels kind of stupid for doing this, since she realizes it was a "sneak attack," which is why she just wants to drop it.

    But anyway, stew on it for a few more days to get it clear in your mind, then bring it up with your wife again to say that you don't want to dwell on it but you just want everything clear, because you're still thinking about it. There's nothing wrong with communication when you're in a serious relationship, and it should be encouraged -- but you should also know when you're just digging a hole. So think things through in your head and don't be afraid to talk about it as a sort of "finalized" chat with her.

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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Parental Unit RemulakRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Most abusive spouses don't make posts about how worried they are that they have a horrible bad impulse in them. So you have that going for you.

    Agree with Dru, with the caveat that you don't stop asking yourself if you did some things wrong over time. Self-examination is very helpful to have in a marriage, for both partners.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • Regina FongRegina Fong Allons-y, Alonso Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    If you're really worried about this happening again get some counseling. If you're sure it's never going to happen again, just keep apologizing.

  • Disco11Disco11 Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    My I entered our house after work and was pretty quiet about it apparently and touched my wife on the shoulder... She turned around and socked me in the face. Had a shiner for about a week after and a good story for parties.

    Make sure you tell her how bad you feel and maybe not to come at your blind side. That was your fight or flight kicking in from being startled.

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  • LewishamLewisham Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Most abusive spouses don't make posts about how worried they are that they have a horrible bad impulse in them. So you have that going for you.

    That's not necessarily true. I've found out that when we're having a big argument, I've felt capable of it a couple of times. My reaction to arguments is to try and leave them and get some space to breathe, her reaction is to confine me to steadily smaller spaces in order to ensure that the argument gets "sorted" out. It's not a good combination. And I know I had the capability to lash out. However, I think of myself as A Good Person and A Good Husband.

    I know what the OP feels like, because things that you thought you were sure of, like "wife beaters are terrible people who should all go to jail and I love my wife and I would never do something like that" suddenly don't seem so certain. If he's anything like me, that's why he made this post, because his confidence in his ability to be that person he thought he was has gone. He's beginning to worry where the line is drawn between playfulness and abuse, and his ability to notice when he crosses it.

    OP: What happened, happened. It doesn't require excuses, and it wasn't abuse. It doesn't reflect on you as a person or you as a husband. Just treat it as a reminder that getting physical isn't a good thing.

  • RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Well, it wasn't just a knee-jerk reaction (aka, it didn't originate in my spine). I had time to process what was happening because I didn't realize that it was lotioned until maybe a second in. I'll admit that the surprise probably got my adrenaline going, but it wasn't a "startled" reaction exactly.

    And yes, Lewisham, that describes how I feel fairly well.
    Most abusive spouses don't make posts about how worried they are that they have a horrible bad impulse in them. So you have that going for you.

    Yeah, I'm not worried about being an abusive spouse *now* per se...I'm worried I'll suddenly...become a monster. Which, when I say it, sounds pretty silly...but the worry is there none-the-less.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Parental Unit RemulakRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Lewisham wrote: »
    Most abusive spouses don't make posts about how worried they are that they have a horrible bad impulse in them. So you have that going for you.

    That's not necessarily true. I've found out that when we're having a big argument, I've felt capable of it a couple of times. My reaction to arguments is to try and leave them and get some space to breathe, her reaction is to confine me to steadily smaller spaces in order to ensure that the argument gets "sorted" out. It's not a good combination. And I know I had the capability to lash out. However, I think of myself as A Good Person and A Good Husband.

    Note the word most. I'm not going to get into a semantic argument over the statistics of men who make a post on the internet shortly after hitting their wife. The point is, he's self-examining and asking for outside perspective. That is a Good Thing.

    One time when my wife was coming home from work and I wasn't supposed to be home, I jumped out from behind the door when she came in. She didn't hesitate for even a split second and punched me right in the nose. I never considered myself abused. This situation is pretty analogous.

    ElJeffe wrote: »
    I get by on the knowledge that I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time mucking about inside of my asshole anyway
  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Well, it wasn't just a knee-jerk reaction (aka, it didn't originate in my spine). I had time to process what was happening because I didn't realize that it was lotioned until maybe a second in. I'll admit that the surprise probably got my adrenaline going, but it wasn't a "startled" reaction exactly.

    Why did you deliberately hit your wife then?

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  • RadicalTurnipRadicalTurnip Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    This is why.
    ceres wrote: »
    you need to make sure that in future you can separate the way you would react to your brother from the way you react to your wife.

    I reacted without thinking how I would react to my brother. I don't try to hurt my brother, but we play a lot rougher than my wife would ever be interested in playing.

  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    This is why.
    ceres wrote: »
    you need to make sure that in future you can separate the way you would react to your brother from the way you react to your wife.

    I reacted without thinking how I would react to my brother. I don't try to hurt my brother, but we play a lot rougher than my wife would ever be interested in playing.

    So, you didn't. The point is that it's either a reaction or isn't.

    You said twice in a paragraph that it wasn't a (qualified) reaction. Realize that it was a reaction, and that it was inappropriate for the situation sure, which means it will take conditioning.

    aka, just get used to living with your wife and keep these things in mind, it's something that just has to go away with time.

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  • bowenbowen Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I'd be worried that this reaction will become commonplace to surprises. I mean I don't want you to have a job, someone tapped you on the shoulder and you sucker punched them because they surprised you.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I have the same relationship as you with my older brother, except we don't play fight. We react physically when we're upset at each other enough. For example, he might start badgering me about something and it will get to the point where we'll get in a physical fight.

    This spilled over into my other relationships one day in high school when a friend was sitting beside me in the cafeteria. I was eating a sandwich, and he was just chewing on a straw. He then thought it would be funny to poke me with the straw he had been chewing. I told him to knock it off. He kept doing it. I told him if he did it one more time he'd get a punch in the face. He said, "Fine." And then he picked up the little container of salad dressing that was on the table and poured it on my hand.

    I punched him in the face.

    I didn't punch him in the face because I logically thought to myself that the next annoying thing would result in that. It was just the same "breaking point" I had frequently hit with my brother growing up where I just lashed out physically as the next normal step in an argument. Of course, it's not a normal step.

    I've been with my current SO for ten years, the past three living together. We've been in heated arguments before, but my natural reaction during those times is always verbal and frequently just walking away. I don't get the same knee-jerk reaction to become physical, so I don't know how to tell you to "control" the feeling you experienced in the washroom.

    Is this the first long-term, serious relationship you've had with a woman?

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  • kedinikkedinik Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    At least you feel bad about it and know it was a mistake.

    Just re-affirm to yourself that you'll do your damned best not to hit your wife again or ever to hit your future kids.

  • Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA
    edited January 2011
    Most abusive spouses don't make posts about how worried they are that they have a horrible bad impulse in them. So you have that going for you.

    Well, most abusive spouses are genuinely remorseful about it afterwards too.

    OP, don't take that to mean I think you're an abusive spouse, it's just a comment on that statement. While what you did definitely isn't okay, from your explanation it sounds like this is the way you ended up socialized growing up. As long as you realize this was not okay, it will never be okay, and take steps to make sure it never happens again, I don't think you need to worry too much about turning into a monster anytime in the future.

    That said, if it does happen again, I suggest you seek professional help. The right professional can help you to redirect any anger you experience from physically lashing out to something more constructive.

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  • DCJackDCJack Registered User
    edited January 2011
    good post, Turnip. It is good that you take it seriously. One such experience of mine eventually led to the end of a relationship. It may be useful to you. Note: I am 55 years old and this is the only time I ever hit a woman.

    My girlfriend surprised me by dropping in at my apartment at midnight after I had driven 600 miles and helped my son move and was beat. I just wanted sleep. She picked a fight with me and I just didn't have the energy for it. I asked her to leave and we could talk in the morning. She refused to leave. She insisted on continuing the argument. I said I want you to leave several times. She would not and just kept going. I opened the apartment door and gestured for her to leave. She would not.

    I reminded her that this was my apartment and I was insisting that she leave. I mentioned that I could call the police and have them remove her if she preferred. This just seemed to get her heels dug in. I said if you do not go voluntarily, I will have to remove you. This was my mistake. I thought that a little gentle encouragement toward the door and she would go. Instead she fought me. As I guided her by the elbow toward the door, she turned and clawed at my shirt. I kept moving toward the door myself and since she was clinging to me, she ended up going out as well.

    Once outside I demanded that she let go of me. She would not and was clinging fiercely. In the end my shirt was torn in three places, so you know she was holding on tight. I could have just abruptly jerked myself away, which would have forced her to release me, but we were on a stair landing and I thought that a sudden movement might result in her hurtling down them. I tried to pry myself away from her but could not. I slapped her hand that was tightly clinging to my shirt and said I mean it, let me go. She clung tighter. I thought she was hysterical and remembered in the movies that slapping an hysterical woman brings her to her senses.

    So I slapped her across the face. She immediately let me go. I thought, problem solved, and went back inside. But she told all her friends that I hit her and they said "if he hit you once, he will hit you again." Her and her friends are all professional counselling therapists. I was labelled a violent offender. After that if I even raised my voice (to insist that an interruption stop) it was evidence of PTSD. We went to a renowned psychotherapist to get to the bottom of it. Spent a lot of money and nothing ever came of it. Seven months later the relationship was over and it was because she was "scared of me".

    So my advice, find a way to stop that behavior with your brother. It can become habitual. And I hope your wife really can accept that you aren't a wife abuser. I heard that wondering if you are an alcoholic is the most certain indicator that you are. That reasoning could apply here.

  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Heh DCJack, that woman had issues before you ever touched her. I have a similar story regarding a girlfriend getting irrationally violent, but I'll save it.
    DCJack wrote: »
    So my advice, find a way to stop that behavior with your brother. It can become habitual. And I hope your wife really can accept that you aren't a wife abuser. I heard that wondering if you are an alcoholic is the most certain indicator that you are. That reasoning could apply here.

    It definitely can, but I think the current state of the analogy would be "wondering if I'm an alcoholic because I accidentally drank from someones drink when I meant to pickup my soda" which is a little silly a contemplation.

    Overanalysis and obsession of a perceived problem can cause actual problems in a relationship.

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  • DCJackDCJack Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Infidel, I have to disagree. Turnip said he was aware of doing it, it was not reflexive or accidental, it was intentional.

    After my experience, I found out that there is a code among many women that "A man never hits a woman." No exceptions. Any man who does is guilty of a serious offense against all women, not just the one he hit. To these woman there is no justification whatsoever. The men that are around these women are forced to agree with this perspective. Strict conformity is enforced not just by the women, but by the men as well. All transgressors become pariahs.

    Turnip should not take solace from those who exonerate him. They are not the ones who were hit.

  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    In this case his wife is exonerating him, so I think he can safely let this one go as long as he keeps an eye out for the behavior and doesn't let it happen again.

    I want your respect, and I wanna be here
    But I don't want to rule the Nightosphere
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited January 2011

    As long as you realize this was not okay, it will never be okay, and take steps to make sure it never happens again, I don't think you need to worry too much about turning into a monster anytime in the future.

    That said, if it does happen again, I suggest you seek professional help. The right professional can help you to redirect any anger you experience from physically lashing out to something more constructive.

    This.

    I'm not going to lie, it is concerning that you would hit someone because you don't like the feeling of lotion. This, to me, is much different than a reaction of "I think I am alone in the house--OH GOD A HAND ON MY SHOULDER, MUST PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE SCARY STRANGER!!" type of gut reaction which some people mentioned.

    Basically, someone annoyed you and you reacted in the way that you were conditioned to react from all those playful spats with your brother. Well, living with someone else is going to lead to some annoyances at times, that's just inevitable. If I were you, I'd stop rough-housing with your brother while you mentally sort this out.

    The good news is that the fact that you're taking this seriously and taking a hard, introspective look at yourself rather than just saying, "It's your fault for touchin' me with lotion, wimmin!" That shows maturity and the ability to take responsibility for your actions, which is the key to change. You don't need to worry about the incident every minute of the day, just make a conscious effort to think before you react in the future.

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    DCJack wrote: »
    Infidel, I have to disagree. Turnip said he was aware of doing it, it was not reflexive or accidental, it was intentional.

    After my experience, I found out that there is a code among many women that "A man never hits a woman." No exceptions. Any man who does is guilty of a serious offense against all women, not just the one he hit. To these woman there is no justification whatsoever. The men that are around these women are forced to agree with this perspective. Strict conformity is enforced not just by the women, but by the men as well. All transgressors become pariahs.

    Turnip should not take solace from those who exonerate him. They are not the ones who were hit.

    I'm not sure, but it almost sounds like you agree with them that you committed a serious and grievous offense against her and all other women instead of her being crazy, spiteful, belligerent, and stubborn and goading you intentionally. It sounds like you actually believe the nonsense her and her incredibly biased friends were spewing.

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • NylonathetepNylonathetep Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    It's more of a reactionary action and it's accidental (more of a kneel-Jerk reaction). As long as you explain what and why it happened to your wife i think it's fine. It's not like you had an argument with her and struck her in anger or anything.

    Explain your situation, apologize and try to control your reaction next time.

    714353-1.png
  • DCJackDCJack Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Druhim wrote: »
    I'm not sure, but it almost sounds like you agree with them that you committed a serious and grievous offense against her and all other women instead of her being crazy, spiteful, belligerent, and stubborn and goading you intentionally. It sounds like you actually believe the nonsense her and her incredibly biased friends were spewing.
    No, I am not saying I agree with them. I am describing what happened. I do not agree with it. But also, if ever in that situation again, I would find another response. My mistake was thinking that a little gentle nudging out the door would get her to go. I would not try that again. I would leave myself instead. I would do this because I would not want to relive the unfair response that I encountered. Before I would have said that force in self defense is acceptable. Now I would avoid any physical force (even nudging) unless my life was threatened.

    Also, her circle of friends got their information about what happened only from her. It was undoubtedly distorted.

    Back to Turnnip's situation, his wife may have "exonerated him", but I am willing to bet that it comes up again and that she will use it against him in the future. Exoneration can be rescinded at any time.

  • CliffCliff Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I'd be more worried about future kids than your wife. Honestly, there are conequences when you ignore people's wishes (you've told her explicitly that you don't like lotion) and sneak up on them. When your a grown adult, kneejerk fight or flight reactions* are a risk you take when engaging in this kind of immature and frankly disrespectful behavior. However, kids don't know any better, and a strike could seriously hurt them. I don't really know the answer for curbing a natural response like this, but maybe there are some exercises you could do? Since you know lotion is a trigger, maybe you can try restraining your response by applying it in a controlled environment.

    *Even though you say it wasn't this, I have a feeling your guilt is retroactively adjusting the scenario in your head.

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  • RasputinAXPRasputinAXP Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Hey Ashy Larry, don't hit your wife. "She put lotion on me" isn't an excuse.

    ETA: Also, you got married before you really knew her? That's a nice big warning sign right there. Getting to know her better...2 months in, "So...what do you like to do for fun? You into handjobs?" "naw, just lotion." *SLAP*

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • WildEEPWildEEP Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I always love it when its "I "hit" my wife". Its good and non-descript, and it can range from slapping hands, to slapping face, to closed fist punches, to 15 minute cardio beat downs.

    We rushed right past what you did and instead went on to WHY. Not...so...fast

    I learned this trick when my wife wanted to look less abusive to our friends and family when she had to explain why we seperated.

    Look at your text - there is 10 good paragraphs there, 9 of which is talking about WHY, and 1 of which is talking about WHAT, and its a lame 1 paragraph that isnt very descriptive. The whole thing screams rampant self-justification.

    You say you hit your wife - I need more details. You were faced away from her, she came up behind you and rubbed lotion on your knees. What happened next?

    Did you body check her with your side?
    Did you kick backwards?
    Did you punch her in the head?

    For all we know, you either shoved her with your body..... or roundhouse kicked her into the tub. The two extremes require some analysis.

    So....What did you do?

  • Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA
    edited January 2011
    I can't help but wonder, why does it matter? He knows what he did wasn't okay. He seems to be genuinely upset by his reaction.

    Why do you need to know if it was an open-palm slap or a closed-fist punch to tell him it's not okay, and he needs to adjust those social mores really damn quickly?

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  • RasputinAXPRasputinAXP Registered User
    edited January 2011
    What if he Falcon Punched her in the uterus?

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • WildEEPWildEEP Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I can't help but wonder, why does it matter? He knows what he did wasn't okay. He seems to be genuinely upset by his reaction.

    Why do you need to know if it was an open-palm slap or a closed-fist punch to tell him it's not okay, and he needs to adjust those social mores really damn quickly?


    Part of it is admitting it to himself.

    The other part of it is in understanding the whole situation. If he was surprised by her and overracted out of that surprise, then a single hip check away from something that frightened you is perfectly understandable. He can feel bad about his overreaction, maybe find ways to better control himself, maybe get counseling, or maybe just call it a fluke and move on.

    But what if....
    He threw a couple of punches?
    He blackened one of her eyes?
    He Sprained something?

    Its about the measure of responce. If evertime I poke you and you jump - its a sort of conditioned response. Do you need counseling for it? Probably not, because its not a huge impact on your life or anyone elses.
    But if I poked you and you turned around and jumped on my skull and began to beat on it with both hands like a crazed monkey from 28 days later . . . . . yeah that might need some looking into.

  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Yeah, we really don't have any facts to be charging OP with spousal abuse, or suggesting he get counseling. He got his personal space invaded, and it can be just as weird if it's your spouse or a complete stranger. I think saying something like "never hit a woman" is one of the most sexist comments in our modern society. We shouldn't be hitting anyone, men, women, children. But, depending on your familiarity with them, it might not be a big deal. We don't know what kind of "hit" it was, and it wouldn't be the first time someone on H/A fretted and worried over something no one else would think twice about.

  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Yeah, please stop sidetracking, there is no abuse here.

    What the OP needs is to realize the reaction is inappropriate and needs to recondition himself, that's all.

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  • Bionic MonkeyBionic Monkey Registered User, ClubPA
    edited January 2011
    He's already stated a couple times that it wasn't a visceral reaction from surprise. She didn't startle him, causing him to involuntarily lash out. He knew what he was doing, it's just a behavior that's been conditioned into him.

    sig_megas_armed.jpg
  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    WildEEP, I understand your situation, but this is not appropriate under the circumstances.

    I want your respect, and I wanna be here
    But I don't want to rule the Nightosphere
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