Some of you may remember me, most will not. I had a thread on here ages ago (that I now cannot find, as I am unable to use the search function) so I'm forced to create a new one. This one, however, rather than being a straight up art dump for my (admittedly sparse) various projects and doodles, will be dedicated to a single project. The untitled project. The one that I'm doing right now.
So, let's begin. I've already "finished" three pages. I want to have a bit of a buffer before I actually begin posting these online, so there's no site to speak of yet (there's a link in my signature, but that's to another one of my comics -- a journal one), meaning you guys are actually among the first to see any of this.
Be flattered.
Or don't, that's cool too. ANYWAY, ART TIME.
PAGE 1:
PAGE 2:
PAGE 3:
PAGE 4 (work in progress):
So. You know. Do your thing, PA:AC.
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I would suggest keeping the toning consistent, though. I think the moiré going on in the first two pages fits nicely with the semi-refined rough lines, and then when it suddenly gets slicker in page 3, it's a bit awkward. The texture coupled with the fewer grey tones was complementing your linework more.
And the head in the last panel just doesn't work, perspective-wise. It would have to be more of a bird's eye view for the head to be that far down in relation to the door. It looks like you wanted to get a sort of reaction shot in, but didn't work it into the composition before drawing the cool machinery and rubble. I'd say ditch the head for more rubble and make the panel/page completely first person, or add an inset reaction panel showing us his face as he sees his building being destroyed.
Hm. I was planning on adding a reaction shot, but for some reason this made me think to do something differently. Sort of capitalize on the potential character defining moment. We'll see how that works out -- look for an update to it later tonight (at work -- can't work on it till i get home, you know the deal). As for the perspective point, I totally see that now. My bad, I'll definitely try to fix that (or just make the reaction shot ACCOUNT FOR THE HEAD BEING SO LOW OH MAN DOING THAT INSTEAD).
Thanks for the crit! I'll look into getting that 'moire' tone back. I had a catastrophic hard drive crash between comics 2 and 3 and lost all my textures (and original .psd's of 1 and 2) and stuff, so I had to make do with what I could find. I'll look again if you think it looks better!
squidbunny: But... but tones! I've already done a B/W comic, I want to try one with tones now! (But i'll fuck around with it, see if I can't make everyone happy with an appropriate look)
I really like the panel where he's paying with pennies, and the one where he's inspecting the kumquats. Overall I like the feel, pacing, and look overall, put me in the want to see more group.
I agree with Toj that the last panel isn't working as intended. I actually didn't even notice that was supposed to be his head, until you guys were talking about it. You may want to play with some other ideas to get the point across more effectively.
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and yeah I'm with EWA on the odd variations in the halftone stuff detracting from the image a little bit
even in panels where it is covering a wall, there are clear lines running though the grayscale which look like mistakes/oversights rather than design choices (i.e. in the wall in page 3 panel 5, there is a rectangular section that is darker than the surrounding wall for some reason).
If i'm reading it correctly, it looks like you may be copying the pattern in as rectangular blocks, which creates weird lines and differences in pattern where they match up/overlap.
none of that really applies though if it is a conscious choice. if it IS, then what is the deal with it?
(also sweet octopus pie cameo)
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Also, yes, thank you for noticing the cameo!
Thanks for responding, fellow humans!
Thoughts?
Have you put any further thought into a name for the comic? Whats it going to be about? Would you like halp with the name?
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As for the future ideas for the comic -- the closest thing I think would be Octopus Pie (but less brilliantly written) in a smaller city setting. Also probably not as well drawn.
I like to look at the subject material when I think of names, but with only a few pages to go by it's hard.
Organix is simple and kinda cool though. Its also the name of the brilliant first album by the Roots.
Baguette is kinda cool too because it makes it sound like a snooty french cuisine comic, which it totally isn't. I think.
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Anyway, Organix can be considered out of the running to avoid any accusatory comments about how I'm ripping off Octopus Pie wholesale. Also, not a french cuisine comic. But that's a good idea.
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I can't begin to fathom what kind of plot you want to draw out from this, if any, but the first thing I think of is him obviously appartment hunting. My brief train of thought linked him to finding some wierd rundown, cheap, complex with odd inhabitants. This is because your first post you called it "the untitled project", and I for some reason thought up "The Untitled Projects" as a name for the comic, as in public housing and all that.
I dunno. All I can say is that it has a nice feeling to it, and your character feels familiar yet unique in design, and the backgrounds are still, vibrant I guess, on their own.
I did hourly comics day, and these are the ones that made the cut. I don't often draw on real paper with an actual pen, so this was an exercise outside of my comfort zone. Thoughts?
And here's an 'Id' strip. A rare introspective one.
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Also, that Id strip made me go "awwwwww" out loud.
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This is me playing. I liked the way the jaggies looked. I've thumbnailed out the next page of the 'untitled' project, but don't have access to it here at work. I'll post it up once I get home -- maybe sketch it out before I do, who knows?
Anyway, in the meantime, I've finished an Id. I'm looking for honest feedback, folks. Timing, framing, anything.
as i was having a hard time reading it from far away
When you are outlining every detail with a heavy mark like that, which makes so much noise it causes your picture to be difficult to look at.
Choose your moments more carefully with the drawings.
like in the second panel... the important stuff is going on with him in the bed, but youve drawn all this shit out on his night table with heavy lines and its calling so much attention to it I barely notice him. That night table could be suggested with about 5 well placed lines and then let your color work do the rest.
Ken: Yeah, the jaggies are intentional. I got bored with it being so damn smooth all the time. It looks loads better when it's not scaled down to fit the site. when I get home in a few hours, I'll show you what I mean.
And thank you for the advice on the secondary elements! That's the sort of thing I need to hear. I'm never sure if I'm putting enough or too much detail in a scene.
Also, what do you mean by 'choose your moments more carefully?' Could you provide some clarification or example of improvement?
Try to lose some edges, you dont need an outline around every shape, maybe just suggested the shadowed side and let the shapes of your colors define the other border. At least for things in the background. It will add some sophistication to the art. Even if you are going for a more naive style, you don't have to have naieve solutions.
Anyone got thoughts for improvement? Still too much attention to detail?
This is the first page with words. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint.
I think the lines look great but would benefit from some lines between the super thick ones you used, and those really thin ones you used for the tree bark. Theres really only two kinds of lines here and they're pretty thick and super skinny.
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Latest page (5) sketch:
You know the text, so here's just the basic layout I used.
Page 6: I sort of want this page to indicate that this is Chucks absolute last resort, and he'd as gladly sleep on a park bench if this guy isn't home.
Panel 1: Chuck hesitates on stoop. Shot of his fist.
Panel 2: Zoom out to see him hesitating with the sound effect: Nnnhhh (more hesitation)
Panel 3: View from within the apartment. We see a dude (greg) playing a videogame of some sort. (Should I zoom in on an eye or something? Leave the full body reveal for the last panel?) Sound effect from off panel: *knock*
Panel 4: Shot back out at stoop, Chuck wheels around and starts marching down the stairs: "Welp! Guess he's not not home!" Out of bubble text: Now should I sleep in the park or under a bridge?
Sound effect from within the apartment: "stomp STOMP STOMP*
Panel 5: We see closeup of Chuck's reaction to the door opening. Sound effect:*click* "CHUUUUCK!"
Page 7: I want this page to indicate that, while Chuck is grateful to have a place to live, he's extremely easily irritated by Greg, because Greg is clingy I guess? He's like that friend you have who is actually a pretty nice guy, but he's just so focused on you that you can't breathe. Any tips on how to get that across would be very very helpful!
Panel 1: Chuck is lounging on couch. Clearly exhausted. Greg is off-panel.
Chuck: "Thanks for letting me stay here man. I appreciate it."
Greg: "No Problem, bro. Stay as long as you need. Or forever!"
Panel 2: Shot of Greg in kitchen, digging through fridge.
Greg: "Do you need anything? A beer? Two beers? A hug?"
Chuck: "Nah. I think I'm just gonna hit the hay soon. Gotta do some apartment searching tomorrow." out of bubble: "But yes. I will totally take a beer."
Panel 3: Greg brings Chuck a beer. Clearly 'dejected' at the news Chuck has already made plans to do stuff tomorrow. Looking away. "Oh..."
Panel 4: Wide shot of Chuck and Greg sitting across from each other. Chuck takes a swig of beer. Looks off panel. Greg sits in his strange chair and stares at Chuck, taking a sip of his drink. A pregnant silence, I guess?
Panel 5: Chuck can't take it anymore, I guess? All it took was one word to set him off. "WHAT."
Page 8: Just a continuation of the last scene
Panel 1: Shot of Greg swallowing. Greg is "startled" by Chucks outburst. Beat panel, I suppose.
Panel 2: Greg explains: "Well, I thought we could hang out a bit or something. Go to the movies? It's been a while." "No big" GUILT TRIIIP
Panel 3: Chuck feels bad. Shot of his face feeling bad. Look at that feelin' bad face.
Panel 4: Somewhat POV shot of Greg, looking off to the side, taking another drink. Really drillin that guilt home.
Panel 5: Back to Chuck on couch: "Well I gu--" he's cut off by Greg immediately: "GREAT. Here's our itinerary for tomorrow." Literally hands Chuck an itinerary.
Page 9: Conversation over. Sleepy time. It's been a long day.
Panel 1: Chuck curled up on couch. A couple of bottles and a glass of scotch are on the living room table, as well as his wallet and phone. Chuck sighs.
Panel 2: His phone motherfucking vibrates, sound effect: *BZZZZzzZZZzz* Chuck frantically tries to grab it before it makes too much of a ruckus.
Panel 3: Zoom a little on Chucks sleepy irritated face. "WHAT."
Panel 4: Drama flaashbaack. Chuck is shown in silhouette, separated from his 'Past' by speech bubbles. Depict a slightly younger Chuck looking like he's got his shit together. Arm around a pretty girl. They look happy, BUT CLEARLY THERE'S SOME PAIN HERE OH MAN.
Voice on Phone: "Hey, um. So I heard you need a place to stay... You can crash at my place if you need to."
Suggestions? Halp.
And, when writing a script for a comic with the thoughts of blocking it out, at least for me, I write everything that happens in between the panels and about two scenes after the final one. Then, I go through it to find the beats that would work best and flow the nicest and have a good idea of how the panels after each other work together as a whole. It's a lot of extra work, but it'll help you in the long run, and also give you multiple choices for scenes like the Greg page.
It'll also help because the timing doesn't quite match up with Greg being in one panel digging through a fridge, then in another panel reacting to Greg's statement with a simple "oh..."
As for that page, if you are trying to get across that Greg is clingy, having just a single panel of him staring at Chuck creep him out isn't gonna cut it.
I'd add the following little bits:
- Greg totally brewed the beer himself for special guests/visitors/occasions/something of the sort. It's a small touch but it proves he goes out of his way for comfort, and it can add to the guilt trip later. Plus, the idea of a special beer is fun.
- Keep Greg dejected, but have him say something other than "oh..." maybe "busy day, tomorrow, huh?" or "plans, huh?" something that gets it across a little better that Greg doesn't want Chuck to have plans
- Instead of sitting in a chair across from Chuck, have them sit on opposite sides of the couch. This way, having Greg looking at Chuck all creepy-like adds an extra air of tension. Maybe have two panels of the same shot, only with Chuck changing facial expressions.
- Swap the swallowing and Chuck freaking out panels. A sad sip will do wonders in timing that freak out, and also add a little merit to Greg's side as all he was doing was takin' a sip.
other than that, the rest of Page 8 works fine as is, and the rest of the pages are good
World Cup:
New place:
Tell me what I've done wrong! I don't like the hands I've drawn. Chico-blue's thread with all the hand studies oughta help me there! I usually stop drawing once I've hit a point that's acceptable for public consumption, but I feel like I don't ever finish you know? Like I've never taken a drawing to the absolute edge of my skill. Is it fear that holds me back? IS IT VANITY?
Tune in next time for maybe a more completed drawing or something.
K, mission statement over. Here's some of the art I've done recently.
My reference for this one was watching a video of Steve giving a talk, so it doesn't look as much like him as I'd like, but it was still fun to do. (25ish mins?)
It took for-goddamn-ever to get the likeness for this one, to the point that I finally allowed myself to overlay the reference photo to figure out which features were off and by how much. The answer was 'all of them' and 'by a little bit.' I have since discovered that some guide-lines showing where certain edges should line up would have been helpful. Learning! (2 fucking infuriating nitpicky hours for the dude; like, 10 minutes for the bird.)
This is what I look like! Painting is fun! (Couple o' hours)
Now I'm starting to do some master studies -- I'm starting with these landscape value studies, but I'm open to suggestions for anything else I should focus on, if I'm jumping the gun a little with these. I don't really have much direction, despite the wealth of information available online. There's just so much to learn, and I don't really know where to start and end up getting discouraged. It's kind of like trying to take a drink from a firehose.
(maybe an hour or so? I didn't time myself, but I got through half of Beverly Hills Cop while doing this one.)
(Definitely an hour and a half. Most of Beverly Hills Cop II)
I ALSO did hourly comic day this year, but I don't have a scanner, so these look kind of shitty. But here anyway!
Good to see you are still kicking. I'm working on likeness myself, its frustrating stuff but that longer observed study really shows improvement for the dedication. Stick with it.
I would say with the master studies that they seem a little too soft and mushy, make sure you are making specific shapes, you may need to tighten up your brushwork to do so. You also may want to study some masters who worked more with the figure/portrait, unless landscapes are of particular interest to you. I mean, its good to do both, for sure, but its good to study masters that have some application to the work you plan to do.