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EVE Online: A study in internet spaceships and bad posts

PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats.Registered User regular
edited June 2011 in Social Entropy++
I'm gay

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Suffice to say shit is getting real and we need more [strike]cannon fodder[/strike] elite space warriors to save our [strike]bots[/strike] territory from the filthy Russians. We have finally defeated BoB/IT Alliance, but the remnants have entered into an unholy alliance with these Drone Russians and we are planning a massive counter-attack soon to turn the tide and put them back on the defensive.

Past and Future Trailers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ0k0ioROUo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsgNbhm1yVk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rQ9_3DckAQ


Joining Merch Industrial
a. If you know someone who plays already, ask them to refer you using their EvE account and you get an extended trial, and that person gets 30 days free if you subscribe. (seriously, just ask in the thread, 30 day gametime items are trading in EVE at around 360 million ISK each. You'll get hooked up for it.)
- OR –
b. Post in this thread/find a friend with Steam/Access Steam for a free 21 day trial.
- OR -
c. Create a trial account by going to http://www.eve-online.com and registering a new account
- OR -
d. Reactivate your old account

1. Create your character. Race/Background really doesn't matter much anymore. All of the stats have been balanced to be equal at creation and you get to remap twice during your trial period (which you'll do, I'll tell you about it later.)

2. Check out the How Skills Work page on the goonfleet wiki: https://wiki.goonfleet.com/index.php..._in_EVE%3F This is the 'level up' mechanic in EVE. Understanding this, even a little will help make your trial loads more fun. Believe me, the first time I played I trained bullshit for like 10 days and then realized I couldn't actually 'do' anything, meanwhile my friends were making (what I thought was) all kinds of cash and flying cruisers while I was still in newbie frigates.

3. DO THE TUTORIAL. I repeat. DO THE TUTORIAL. The basic tutorial is about 1-2 hours or so long and it covers the most basic of functionality in the game. If you’re the type with adolescent or adult ADHD that never reads the manuals and always skips cutscenes in favor of the ‘I’ll figure it out’ mentality, take a Xanax then, DO THE FUCKING TUTORIAL, it was revamped in Apocrypha and again in Dominion and it's really awesome now, it also provides you with skillbooks that you'll use towards your career path and several million isk worth of loot and rewards. It's totally worth it. I did it again, recently, for an alt account I set up. Trust me on this one. There are sections for people who want to do combat (pvp/missions), industry, exploration and mercantilism. Do one, or all of them. They really are helpful.

*Important Step*

4. When you’ve completed the tutorial and are docked up at a station, go to the People & Places button (second one down on your bar) and select 'Corporation' from the pull down menu. Put 'Merch Industrial' in the box. When you hit search and see our corp come up, right-click on the corp logo and select Show Info. From there you should see an Apply to Corp button. Be sure to include your PA forums handle in your application. (You can apply to the corp from any station in the game now, but you must be docked up.) Also include your EVE handle in this thread so we have it in both places.

If you have not received a reply or been accepted into the corporation after 48 hours, send a brief in-game EVEMail to Random Gen, Merch Industrial’s HR Director. Rejections are 95% of the time due to not putting your PA forums handle in your application. If you have no such message and really *are* a special snowflake who was rejected against the will of the creator of life, the universe and everything, you can appeal to Random Gen via EVEMail.

5. Once accepted you should click on the Corporation button and check under Bulletins for useful information. DO NOT REPLY TO ANY CORP OR ALLIANCE MAIL. A reply to any corp-wide or alliance-wide mail is sent to every person in the respective organization. In fact, don’t send any mail for the first couple weeks; just ask for help in corp chat.

6. Go to http://forums.merchindustrial.org and register for an account there under your EVE pilot’s name. Don’t use your PA forums name (if different from your EVE pilot). Post to introduce yourself, remark on how awesome the forums are now, visit off-topic for some truly horrible posting. We've revamped a couple sections and it should be much easier for newbies to find the sections for skills, ships and fittings and our mentor program.

7. Spy clause: You will be called a spy. You are a spy. We know you’re a spy and it’s only a matter of time until we catch you in your spying ways. Thick skins are expected, see part 10.

8. Use corp chat. Use it often. Seriously. We love newbies. We'll give you money if you ask for it. We'll help you get to wherever we're at or show you the ropes. You just have to ask. Whenever you log in, chat it up with us. EVE is a miserable game to play by yourself. It can be the most amazing experience you've had behind a keyboard with some friends though.

9. Don't call it a guild, Don't call your character a toon, and no it's not like WoW at all, don't even try to make an analogy along those lines. Most of the players in EvE are either WoW refugees/post-addicts or never played it and never want to hear about it. Any or all of the above will get you shot by someone in corp.

10. Finally, a warning (This coincides with the spy clause): If you don't have a thick skin, don't apply. You will be mocked, you will be called a spy, you will read words you never thought you'd see in chat windows, you will see every racial and ethnic slur used hourly and it will offend all of your pseudo-PC space bushido e-honor sensibilities. Four letter word: cope. When you die and lose all your stuff you will be laughed at. Life is hard, and so is EVE.

Ask me questions about this (bad) game and also get a 21 day trial from one of my accounts

PiptheFair on
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Posts

  • CorporateLogoCorporateLogo The toilet knows how I feelRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    7 and 10 contradict 8

    CorporateLogo on
    Do not have a cow, mortal.

    c9PXgFo.jpg
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    it's a fun game but don't expect anyone in merch to have anything to do with these forums

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    it's a fun game but don't expect anyone in merch to have anything to do with these forums

    that's kinda changing actually


    also, that's why I'm posting this here

    PiptheFair on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    This game has tempted me so many times.

    Still does.

    Most of it stems from reading one of the greatest gaming heists/cons I've ever seen.

    DrZiplock on
  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    sometimes I want to play this

    and then I stop

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Is there space sexing? Can I get my zero g bone on? Are the space boobs rude?

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I play this game.

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    This game has tempted me so many times.

    Still does.

    Most of it stems from reading one of the greatest gaming heists/cons I've ever seen.

    hahaha, when he has to run to the library to use the public phone?

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • cadmunkycadmunky One hand on the bottle, The other a shaking fist.Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    goddamnit, i've been wanting to play this forever. now my rig is updated, i just need to quit my job or get laid off.

    maybe this will hold me over until TOR? i hate the thought of going back to WoW for such a brief time.

    cadmunky on
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    "Think of it as Evolution in Action"
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    This game has tempted me so many times.

    Still does.

    Most of it stems from reading one of the greatest gaming heists/cons I've ever seen.

    scamming is actually encouraged by goonwaffe

    a newbie in theta made something to the effect of 5 bil his first month

    a PLEX(one month time card) costs about 360 mil

    PiptheFair on
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Zoel wrote: »
    it's a fun game but don't expect anyone in merch to have anything to do with these forums

    that's kinda changing actually


    also, that's why I'm posting this here

    dang i would totally be down for that if I wasn't an actual spy

    i can't believe i kept encyclopedic entries on people like beardsley

    what a ridiculous and un-fun waste of time spying was

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • Sara LynnSara Lynn I can handle myself. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I've tried this game 3 separate times. I REALLY wanted to like it, but.. :(

    Sara Lynn on
  • NikolaiNikolai SSSSSSSSSSS Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Man I tried eve a while back but it was just too boring

    Nikolai on
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  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Zoel wrote: »
    it's a fun game but don't expect anyone in merch to have anything to do with these forums

    that's kinda changing actually


    also, that's why I'm posting this here

    dang i would totally be down for that if I wasn't an actual spy

    i can't believe i kept encyclopedic entries on people like beardsley

    what a ridiculous and un-fun waste of time spying was

    So what was the whole story with you? Last EvE thread you had you outed yourself as an Atlas(?) spy, but apparently you were some sort of double agent for GIA and I don't know what the fuck.

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    here is my entry for pipthefair:

    * Uses the word fert a lot
    * Bad at video games
    * Likes cooking
    * would probably be more annoying than dbrb

    why did every entry have to have a reference to dbrb anyway

    he wasn't that funny

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    also, the myth of having to spreadsheet or play this for days at a time is a fucking fallacy

    as soon as you're in a drake(1 1/2 months) you can rat for an hour or so a day and doe PI for 5ish days a week and pay for your account

    PiptheFair on
  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    what

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    here is my entry for pipthefair:

    * Uses the word fert a lot
    * Bad at video games
    * Likes cooking
    * would probably be more annoying than dbrb

    why did every entry have to have a reference to dbrb anyway

    he wasn't that funny

    barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark

    PiptheFair on
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Baidol wrote: »
    Zoel wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Zoel wrote: »
    it's a fun game but don't expect anyone in merch to have anything to do with these forums

    that's kinda changing actually


    also, that's why I'm posting this here

    dang i would totally be down for that if I wasn't an actual spy

    i can't believe i kept encyclopedic entries on people like beardsley

    what a ridiculous and un-fun waste of time spying was

    So what was the whole story with you? Last EvE thread you had you outed yourself as an Atlas(?) spy, but apparently you were some sort of double agent for GIA and I don't know what the fuck.

    nah I was never in GIA and never really had any interest with gf proper

    ok it was kind of like this

    atlas wanted to spy on bob, but they wanted me to spy on a spy in merch, then that guy tried to turn me and at that point i was like

    no. i'm not spying on myself. i am not doing this. this is stupid. this game sucks.

    yeah.

    yeah. I know.

    i'm not doing your detective work for you but just look at people whose posting history is only in eve threads and you should probably purge them :V

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    also, the myth of having to spreadsheet or play this for days at a time is a fucking fallacy

    as soon as you're in a drake(1 1/2 months) you can rat for an hour or so a day and doe PI for 5ish days a week and pay for your account

    pip what the hell does that second sentence even mean

    Brolo on
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    also i had to quit to pursue a posting career

    i don't understand this whole wanting to play the game thing i mean posting is a lot more fun

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    This game has tempted me so many times.

    Still does.

    Most of it stems from reading one of the greatest gaming heists/cons I've ever seen.

    scamming is actually encouraged by goonwaffe

    a newbie in theta made something to the effect of 5 bil his first month

    a PLEX(one month time card) costs about 360 mil


    PiptheFair wrote: »
    also, the myth of having to spreadsheet or play this for days at a time is a fucking fallacy

    as soon as you're in a drake(1 1/2 months) you can rat for an hour or so a day and doe PI for 5ish days a week and pay for your account

    Is this some kind of digital space English?

    Macro9 on
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  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rolo wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    also, the myth of having to spreadsheet or play this for days at a time is a fucking fallacy

    as soon as you're in a drake(1 1/2 months) you can rat for an hour or so a day and doe PI for 5ish days a week and pay for your account

    pip what the hell does that second sentence even mean

    it means if you stare at the screen and click a lot of buttons once you have a ship called a drake you can pay for your subscription by paying in game cash to people who don't want to stare at the screen and click buttons for as long.

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rolo wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    also, the myth of having to spreadsheet or play this for days at a time is a fucking fallacy

    as soon as you're in a drake(1 1/2 months) you can rat for an hour or so a day and doe PI for 5ish days a week and pay for your account

    pip what the hell does that second sentence even mean

    a drake is a caldari battlecruiser, they are really good at killing the pirates in the space we own

    PI is planetary interaction, essentially farmville in space, only you make ISK(space money) doing it

    PiptheFair on
  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    also i had to quit to pursue a posting career

    i don't understand this whole wanting to play the game thing i mean posting is a lot more fun

    This is basically the motto of goonfleet.

    Also, if we purged all the spies in our corp we'd probably have about 3 active players.

    One of whom would still be a spy.

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    i should learn russian so i can play this game again

    actually wait that is a terrible idea

    i'd probably play again if spying stops being supported

    until then it's not like i can join anyone who does anything at this point

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Mysst wrote: »
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    This game has tempted me so many times.

    Still does.

    Most of it stems from reading one of the greatest gaming heists/cons I've ever seen.

    hahaha, when he has to run to the library to use the public phone?

    Huh? No.

    This:
    http://eve.klaki.net/heist/

    Granted, there have been bigger since, but the style of this one makes me all kinds of giddy.

    DrZiplock on
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah, I always wanted to play this and set a multi-year plan in action to rob a giant guild. I figured I would either own the entire galaxy in game or go insane trying, so I never picked it up.

    Hunter on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Hunter wrote: »
    Yeah, I always wanted to play this and set a multi-year plan in action to rob a giant guild. I figured I would either own the entire galaxy in game or go insane trying, so I never picked it up.

    just rob pubbies blind

    PiptheFair on
  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    oh man, the one i read had a dude scam a bunch of people but one big investor that wanted to call him up to make sure it was all legit, so he used the public phone at the library close to his house, which he had to run to. then he quit after he did the scam cause what was the point, I guess?

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    There is an elegance about the one that I posted that I really do appreciate.

    DrZiplock on
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    it's not hard

    all you have to do is just get whatever then betray everyone

    of course that requires you have the inclination to make friends and spend ridiculous amounts of time with people you will ultimately betray

    i guess it wasn't really for me

    when royofca killed himself (entirely unrelated to eve) i decided that there was something wrong with pursuing false friendships with people who have actual feelings since those friendships exist outside of the game space

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • hoodie13hoodie13 punch bro Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    The "I should resub" itch gets worse and worse every day.

    hoodie13 on
    PSN: HoodieThirteen
    XBL: Torn Hoodie
    @hoodiethirteen
  • ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    who wants to watch the full run of cheers on netflix

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • IsoldaeIsoldae Hats Off To JigglypuffRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I played this game for that free week or whatever and felt no desire to play it again.

    It was fun enough when I played it though.

    Isoldae on
    xet8c.gif
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    really good textures!!

    Snowbeat on
    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    really good textures!!

    really bad posting!!!

    PiptheFair on
  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Also Pip that OP is one the laziest things I have ever seen and in no way would have convinced me to play this game were I not playing it.

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Baidol wrote: »
    Also Pip that OP is one the laziest things I have ever seen and in no way would have convinced me to play this game were I not playing it.

    blame anschau

    PiptheFair on
  • BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Except that post was not an official recruitment thread GOD DAMN IT PIP

    Baidol on
    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
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