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To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Conan the Barbarian is a character created by pulp author Robert E. Howard and featured in a series of short stories of the sword and sorcery subgenre, as well as some pretty ballin' comics and a couple of films, the first of which is one of the greatest cinematic works in history.
Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content."
Conan is a Cimmerian, a member of a far northern barbarian tribe. After getting tired of wrecking faces in his homeland, he decides to set out across the world and see what adventure he can find. Evil wizards, giant snakes, eldritch gods, other barbarians - you name it, he's fucking killed it. Maybe he'll do something heroic for you, if there's something in it for him, but don't complain if he also bangs your woman in the process.
Due to some wonky copyright shit, a lot of the original Howard stories are now public domain! You can find them on Wikisource and Project Gutenberg and such.
Coming soon to a theater near you is a new Conan movie! Starring Khal Drogo and Colonel Quaritch.
There's a red band trailer under here that has a really brief glimpse of some tits, so you know, NSFW
It's better than the theatrical trailer though
There's no way it'll match the first one but hopefully it'll be fun. I guess we can talk about other Howard stories in here too, and pulp in general if you're diggin' it.
I'm liking the casting decision, Arnold was too slow to feel like the dynamic, catlike Conan the books tell us of, this new chap seems like he might be closer to the mark.
Whether the movie will be good is another matter entirely.
One time, I had a friend over to play a bit of Red Alert on my LAN. During the game he said he needed to go to the bathroom, so we paused it. After about 10 minutes of wondering where the hell he went, I get up and go to check on him.
Once I was taking a poop at a restaurant and a kid crept underneath the door into my stall. I let out a big fart and then he threw up all over the floor in front of me and I just stared at him.
Pretty stoked about the casting decision. That guy's awesome. He was one of the few things I actually liked about SG: Atlantis.
However, from watching the trailers, it doesn't feel like the original Conan. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it, but I hope that all the dialogue I've heard from him is no less than 2/3 the character's dialogue in the whole film. One of the things I really liked about the original was how literally it seemed to take the whole "show, don't tell" rule.
Actually he was one of the characters I found most annoying on SG: Atlantis, but that show was pretty bad overall and I won't hold it against him. I also think he's a better choice than the hammy, musclebound Arnold even if he's the classic Conan of my youth.
One time, I had a friend over to play a bit of Red Alert on my LAN. During the game he said he needed to go to the bathroom, so we paused it. After about 10 minutes of wondering where the hell he went, I get up and go to check on him.
Once I was taking a poop at a restaurant and a kid crept underneath the door into my stall. I let out a big fart and then he threw up all over the floor in front of me and I just stared at him.
So one of my old buddies, when he went to college, he ended up rooming with this dude who was an ABSURD fan of Arnold. He was totally into bodybuilding, he owned every Arnold movie and had a poster for most of them, he went to a bodybuilding convention and paid $250 to get an autographed Arnold picture, the works.
So at one point during college my buddy and his roommate were at this get-together, hosted and mainly attended by women. Somebody suggests they play a game where they all write a question on a piece of paper, put the questions into a hat, and then take turns answering random questions.
Knowing his roommate will get a kick out of it, my buddy puts "What is best in life?" on his paper. The girls all take turns pulling out random questions and giving these really heartfelt and emotional answers. Somebody draws "What is best in life?" and gives an answer about nature and spiritual fulfillment that draws tears from the eyes of the rest of the girls in the group.
Not two seconds after she finishes answering, my buddy's roommate yells out "WRONG!!!!!" and he and my buddy just die laughing. All the girls get super pissed and kick them out of the house, and they're just laughing too hard to even be able to explain anything.
Actually he was one of the characters I found most annoying on SG: Atlantis, but that show was pretty bad overall and I won't hold it against him. I also think he's a better choice than the hammy, musclebound Arnold even if he's the classic Conan of my youth.
Wait I thought you were one of the few people old enough to remember the hyborian age.
So one of my old buddies, when he went to college, he ended up rooming with this dude who was an ABSURD fan of Arnold. He was totally into bodybuilding, he owned every Arnold movie and had a poster for most of them, he went to a bodybuilding convention and paid $250 to get an autographed Arnold picture, the works.
So at one point during college my buddy and his roommate were at this get-together, hosted and mainly attended by women. Somebody suggests they play a game where they all write a question on a piece of paper, put the questions into a hat, and then take turns answering random questions.
Knowing his roommate will get a kick out of it, my buddy puts "What is best in life?" on his paper. The girls all take turns pulling out random questions and giving these really heartfelt and emotional answers. Somebody draws "What is best in life?" and gives an answer about nature and spiritual fulfillment that draws tears from the eyes of the rest of the girls in the group.
Not two seconds after she finishes answering, my buddy's roommate yells out "WRONG!!!!!" and he and my buddy just die laughing. All the girls get super pissed and kick them out of the house, and they're just laughing too hard to even be able to explain anything.
Has everyone read the first 4 volumes or so of Conan from Dark Horse Comics? I kind of lost interest after Kurt Busiek left but his run on the book was great.
One time, I had a friend over to play a bit of Red Alert on my LAN. During the game he said he needed to go to the bathroom, so we paused it. After about 10 minutes of wondering where the hell he went, I get up and go to check on him.
Once I was taking a poop at a restaurant and a kid crept underneath the door into my stall. I let out a big fart and then he threw up all over the floor in front of me and I just stared at him.
One time, I had a friend over to play a bit of Red Alert on my LAN. During the game he said he needed to go to the bathroom, so we paused it. After about 10 minutes of wondering where the hell he went, I get up and go to check on him.
Once I was taking a poop at a restaurant and a kid crept underneath the door into my stall. I let out a big fart and then he threw up all over the floor in front of me and I just stared at him.
Conan comics were the fucking BEST. The magazine-sized, black and white Savage Sword books in particular. They are in the process of collecting the whole run in large paperbacks.
I have up to book six, my book one disappeared on me, and I have a fund going in a Thor slurpee cup for the remaining books and to replace the one that was lost.
My childhood is printed in those books. I goddamn love Conan, and I will see this movie twice even if it sucks. Just in case.
I own a lot of Conan related shit. Love all of Howard's stuff, loved the old comics, and loved the Dark Horse comics by Busiek.
Conan The Barbarian is pretty great. The Destroyer is a pile of shit. Seeing Drogo in Game of Thrones has convinced that I may actually like the new Conan joint.
I've mentioned several times on here that I haven't read Jordan's books even though I have them laying around. I don't think I will ever read them.
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I got a collection of conan stories recently, haven't read it yet.
Whether the movie will be good is another matter entirely.
AND RON PERLMAN IS IN IT YES YES YES YES YES YES
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post | my website
it's fucking conan
I'm gonna see it anyway
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydnOuRMIBPc&feature=related
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did you know that robert jordan got his start writing conan books
the wheel of time guy wrote conan the destroyer
However, from watching the trailers, it doesn't feel like the original Conan. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it, but I hope that all the dialogue I've heard from him is no less than 2/3 the character's dialogue in the whole film. One of the things I really liked about the original was how literally it seemed to take the whole "show, don't tell" rule.
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holy shit
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post | my website
Also, this looks like it could be pretty good
And then suddenly cuts to different music for no discernible reason?
I thought the same thing.
so
you may wanna mark it nsfw
So at one point during college my buddy and his roommate were at this get-together, hosted and mainly attended by women. Somebody suggests they play a game where they all write a question on a piece of paper, put the questions into a hat, and then take turns answering random questions.
Knowing his roommate will get a kick out of it, my buddy puts "What is best in life?" on his paper. The girls all take turns pulling out random questions and giving these really heartfelt and emotional answers. Somebody draws "What is best in life?" and gives an answer about nature and spiritual fulfillment that draws tears from the eyes of the rest of the girls in the group.
Not two seconds after she finishes answering, my buddy's roommate yells out "WRONG!!!!!" and he and my buddy just die laughing. All the girls get super pissed and kick them out of the house, and they're just laughing too hard to even be able to explain anything.
Wait I thought you were one of the few people old enough to remember the hyborian age.
he already did
I enjoyed this story :^:
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post | my website
I am glad he shaved his beard.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
I double marked it now!
Can't be too careful
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pip are you opposed to titties in the work place?
Why you gotta be so sexist, pip?
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And I'm always like, man, what kind of barbarian are you?
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he isn't
he's learning from steppe nomads
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his kids don't get that he loves killing so much
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I have up to book six, my book one disappeared on me, and I have a fund going in a Thor slurpee cup for the remaining books and to replace the one that was lost.
My childhood is printed in those books. I goddamn love Conan, and I will see this movie twice even if it sucks. Just in case.
Conan The Barbarian is pretty great. The Destroyer is a pile of shit. Seeing Drogo in Game of Thrones has convinced that I may actually like the new Conan joint.
I've mentioned several times on here that I haven't read Jordan's books even though I have them laying around. I don't think I will ever read them.
Did I mention that I am a Conan fan?
They're basically the same guy, anyway.
Fun fact: Every episode of the Tonight Show when O'Brien hosted?
Triple digit bodycount. Mostly during the commercial breaks, sadly.