As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options
You are all the dumb ones for drinking regular water
joshofalltrades
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
Let's just talk about what happens when you turn on the tap and drink some water. Taste good to you? Well I hope you like that taste, because it's the taste of Satan's tonsils, which you've all been playing hockey with since you were born. Satan, the government (all of them), The Illuminati, and Y2K all want you to keep drinking tap water so that you will die from oxidants.
But surely there is one among your number who has the intelligence to see past this grand conspiracy. I won't bore you with the details (yes I will) but here are some of the details!
Kangen is a Japanese word, which means that whatever it is, it is good for you. In this case, Kangen means "Return to Origin". We've all forgotten that back in the good old days when we used to get our wives by clubbing them over the head and dragging them back to our caves for a tender romance, we still couldn't even get to second base without highly alkaline water to purify and cleanse our man-parts. So every self-respecting caveman had a water ionizer ready to go. We need to get back to our roots here, people. This is how everything began.
ACID BAD! ALKALINE GOOOOD!
Here's some other factual information that should make you pay for Kangen Water (R) all from the pamphlet I have here in my hand:
Clean, Refreshing & Tastes Great
Kangen water is the best tasting water you can drink. It is smooth and refreshing. It will also enhance the taste of foods and beverages.
Detoxifying and Cleansing
When you have a buildup of acidic waste in the body, eventually you will need to have some sort of detox to cleanse yourself. Drinking Kangen Water (R) is a siimple and natural way to detoxify your body of impurities.
MicroClustered to Increase Hydration
Kangen Water (R) is microclustered which means the actual water moldecules are reduced in size allowing them to be easily absorbed by your body and deeply hydrate your cells.
Neutralize Free Radicals
Kangen Water (R) has a very high negative ORP (Oxidation Reduction Potential) which makes it a powerful anti-oxidant. When consumed on a regular basis, the extra electrons in Kangen Water (R) neutralize free radicals in the body.
Balance Body pH Over Time
Kangen Water (R) helps raise the body's alkalinity and fights against free-radicals that damage healthy cells. An Alkaline body is a healthy body.
Reduce Pain
Pain is something that many people deal with on a daily basis. Muscle soreness, joint pain and stiffness are the most common. Kangen Water (R) can reduce pain by helping the body become properly hydrated and allowing the acidic waste to be removed.
Improve Energy & Reduce Fatigue
Fatigue is a sign of your body being overly acidic. When your body dumps acidic and metabolic waste into your interstitial fluids, you have to be able to eliminate the buildup. If consumed on a regular basis, Kangen Water (R) will help clean up the waste and improve your energy levels.
Improve Overall Health
Kangen Water (R) is produced by Enagic Ionizers. They are approved as medical devices in Japan (!!!) and are used in numerous hospitals and clinics because of the health benefits.
I don't know guys! This seems pretty legit. My water can take your water.
What are some non-scams that you guys want to share with me so I can be sure and keep those goddamn free radicals away from me. Always trying to infiltrate my body and poison my precious bodily fluids.
joshofalltrades on
0
Posts
fun infographic that has probably been posted around here before
makes me love the world a little bit more every day
It has probably been intercepted by the Stassi or KGB by now
Rats! Foiled again!
the wettest water you ever tasted
Purple drank
though people who've toured the municipal water facility for this town talk about how gross it is
Right out of the back of the toilet, am I right?
Don't be gross; there's probably mold back there
Gotta go from the front where I know my urine sterilizes it
Are you getting you recommended daily allowance of fecal matter?
I've always seen bottled water as a extravagance. Tap water is fine you pampered dandies.
Except you Henroid, your tap water sounds nasty.
I get that from when the dogs lick me
I've been using the same filter now for like a year. I don't know if it's still actually filtering water for me but, if it isn't, I'm here to report that the placebo effect also makes water taste quite good.
tap water is supposed to be regulated. That doesn't mean it always is.
I believe I've read somewhere that those filters can become a breeding ground for bacteria if not changed often.
mmmm, well water.... have you tried lighting it on fire yet? (if it doesn't explode, running it through a brita should make it a hell of a lot better)
I don't know if that's true, though.
What they don't tell you is that the bacteria filters water even better than the filter.
Until the bacteria becomes super powered and starts planting millions of spores into your water turning you into a walking amniotic sac for a monstrous abomination that is more bacteria then man.
But then I won't need to sanitize my water any more, saving me the cost of 3-6 Brita filters per year.
A small price to pay to avoid the destruction of all mankind at the hands of bacteria men...and ladies :winky:
Doc Hammer agrees with me on this by the way. That the water in Texas is bad. Only he's been around the whole country and specifically said it's the worst out of every state.
because maybe there aren't a significant amount of those areas in the U.S.?
I mean, I don't know for sure. I know the municipal water in my home town often comes out of the faucet brown, and I'd never blame someone for not drinking that, carcinogens or no
the point is that overall bottled water is immensely wasteful and fuck whoever supports that industry when they don't have to. even if someone's tap water is shit, just buying the water in larger quantities, like gallon jugs or something, is way better than buying individual bottles or packs of individual bottles
which I used to do when I lived in the dorms, before I realized how incredibly fucking stupid that is
Bacteria ladies are nothing new. Vaginas have always been breeding grounds.
Now imagine that vagina smell and texture...but all over the place. That's a bacteria lady. :winky: