TychoCelchuuu has been kind enough to provide peeks at Commander Shepard's facebook page:
curly haired boy has been kind enough to provide us a brief history of Mass Effect:
Spoiler:
The Batarian Who Stole Christmas
Every Human Down in the Milky Way Liked Christmas a lot…
But the Batarian, Who lived just north of The Terminus Systems, Did NOT!
The Batarian hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be their slaving isn't right.
It could be, perhaps, that his jump suits too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that he has eyes, two more then normal!
Whatever the reason, his suits or eyes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Humans,
Staring down from his ship with a sadistic, Batarian frown,
At the warm lighted windows below on the planet.
For he knew every human down on Earth bellow,
Was busy now, hanging biotic mistletoes.
“And they’re hanging their ez-zo!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his brown Batarian fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Earth girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their consoles!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Humans, young and old, would sit down to a play.
And they’d play! And they’d play! And they’d play!
play! play! play!
They would play M-E-1 and play M-E-2.
Which was something the Batarian couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all!
Every Human down on Earth, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Humans would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Batarian thought of this Human Christmas Sing,
The more the Batarian thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for Twenty-Three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE BATARIAN GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Batarian laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Space Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Batarian trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” The Batarian looked around.
But, since reindeer are extinct, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Batarian? No! The Batarian simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his Varren, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Batarian said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Humans Lay asnooze in their homes.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Humans were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Batarian Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Batarian.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Human stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
shotguns! And spaceships! hammerheads! guns!
Mattocks! Locusts! Omni-Gel! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Batarian, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Humans’ feast!
He took the Human-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of human-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Batarian, “I will stuff up the tree!”
And the Batarian grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a Human!
Little Commander Shepard, who was not more than two.
The Batarian had been caught by this tiny Human,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
He stared at the Batarian and said, “Santy Claus, why,”
“Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Batarian was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my ship, my friend.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head,
And he got him a drink and he sent him to bed.
And when Commander Shepard went to bed with his cup,
The Batarian went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Humans’ houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Humans’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Humans, still a-bed,
All the Humans, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their Cains! The Helmets! The Trophy Bots!
The DLC! And the Amps! The Launchers! The Heat Sinks!
30 million feet up! Up earth atmosphere,
He rode with his load to the ship to dump it!
“PoohPooh to the Humans!” he was humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Humans down on Earth will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Batarian, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Batarian put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the lands.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Earth! The Batarian popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Human down on Earth, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Batarian, with his feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out guns! It came without flames!”
“It came without mattocks, locusts or cains!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Batarian thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well... on Earth they say,
That the Batarians top eyes fell out that day!
And the minute his eyes didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the guns! And the amps for the fights!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Batarian was carved up and burned with roast beast!
By little Commander Shepard who sold his testes
Bobble Mad wrote an ode to the death of Batarians to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan
Massive. End. Spoilers. DO NOT CLICK.
Registered User regular
Posts
heard the endings are great, approved by the deception guy.
ending sucks
quints
tali is my waifu
ending sucks
kai leng is stupid
Did I leave anything out?
oh yeah
this game is awesome
Good to see those Doom/Quake skills haven't lost their utility over the decades.
Also, waiting until you see the whites of their horrifying eyes/they stop blinking in and out of existence trying to rocket a banshee is not for the faint of heart.
there can be only one and he is it
STORY TIME
once I was happily hacking an objective with @Dox the Pi who was defending me while I did it
when I was almost done he said that he couldn't hold them back anymore so he ran off, didn't see any enemies so I happily finished the hack
so I turned around AND OH GOD A BANSHEE WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THIS WAS COMING
it gave me quite a fright as well as sticking its arm through my chest
I tried that for the first time today.
So does reave make that annoying sound all the time, or what?
Yeah
Everyone who isn't hosting in the game gets to hear my lovely bbzzzzz sound 24/7
Drell Adept: "Oh man, I'm so awesome with my flips and kicks. Oh no, I'm dead because I have no barriers."
I die more on my Vanguards then my God of Biotics Drell so idk 8-)
Interesting read, PR expert's take on how the ME3 endings rage is being handled by Bioware and EA.
I AM BULKY BULKOLISIS.
-Pedro Sauer BJJ scientist-
got the Phaeston and extended mags for it and it just never stops killing
Turian sentinel is pretty great too
Vanguards don't die.
They are in a constant quantum state of dead idiot and not-dead idiot. Only exposure to Banshees collapses the waveform.
Not the vanguards I roll with, the maps are littered in the bones of many a foolish charger.
You observed them, didn't you?
Well, these things happen.
Can you copy/paste? I can't read it since I'm at work.
I almost always get away with charging banshees then rolling away from them
my main cause of death is the cunning turrets who have a lone Cerberus trooper as bait while they lurk around the corner waiting for me to charge
this would never happen in a Bethesda thread
I used to believe that...then I took an arrow to the knee.
I can't easily CP on my iPad, but basically the gist is "Bioware and EA will just try to deflect criticism, hoping it will go away to "I believe that it's not going away due to the unprecedented social media gathering of opposition to it" to an analysis of Casey Hudsons statement as being "Basically vapid".
Pretty much what anyone else would come to the same conclusion of really. There isn't any actual citation of the guy as an authority or cited qualifications, his opinions come off as intelligent and well reasoned - but not as a particularly reliable authority.
but but fallout 3.... rpg.... internet rage.... gaming entitlement.... $60....
System overload
can not compute
Sure thing, here you go. In spoilers because it's very long.
Posted this yesterday, I'll repost here. Hope it helps to see what's on the other side of the mirror atm.
I don't think Bioware is out of touch with their customers though I agree with an earlier poster that right now they are assessing their options. Nor do I think that everyone speaking up for them at the moment is a "yes man" or shill. That said:
I don't for a moment think there are any other endings, this was a hallucination, etc. Bioware/EA is letting these speculations go on for two reasons. First, they are letting people vent. Secondly, they are weighing options.
Years ago, I worked for a PR damage control team and everything right now is going by the book. First, re-affirm and ignore (also known as doubling down), then try and define the detractors in the mainstream with things like "this is all a big mistunderstand", etc. while remaining civil in the hopes the detractors go rabid. Meanwhile go dark and use countermeasures through third part sources to prop up your position and brand the outcry as driven by hacks, haters or a minority trying to wear out the detractors on these outlets or "shock troops" while protecting the corporate core. Next, offer something distracting (notice SWTOR is free this upcoming weekend) known as the "faux olive branch"/ask the angry people to explain their concerns (without agreeing to commit to a compromise), buy more add time (definitely going on right now), and hope it dies down. If the pressure is still on, determine the economic viability of 1) ignoring the outcry and banking on the fickle nature of consumers to get over it or 2) determining if we can make money off of fixing it.
If it is any consolation, the decision whether or not there is a fix DLC, etc, won't be made by the writers so illusions to things they wanted to convey don't matter much atm (to wit: the leads comments yesterday). I suspect he's been called in and politely told by the PR guys to not do that again. This is now a corporate problem, not an artistic struggle with fans. Somewhere in the EA bunker, attorneys, PR guys, writers and brass are sharing numbers b/c in the end this will come down to hard currency.
As one who despises the endings, I'm hoping the suits tell the visionaries that the customers are loud enough and numerous enough to swollow their pride and get them out of this storm. For those that love them, I readily accept your position and respectfully disagree.
Part 2
Greetings All,
First, I’m flattered someone would repost this. Many thanks.
A couple follow-up thoughts for those wondering what is likely going on with the other side of the mirror in the last couple days:
First, Operation Goliath, the free Star Wars online weekend, and the recent noncommittal overtures to listen arefaux olive branches. Sorry. Customers intrinsically want to believe companies they patronize listen and when they stop believing that, the company has to say they are listening and do anything to get the detractors off-message. There are a dozen names for this, but the most memorable was "The Shell Game."
You will know that there’s a genuine need for dialogue in the corporate bunker when the message turns from “we’re listening” to “we acknowledge we may have a disconnect with our consumers and are willing to discuss a meaningful solution to the problem.” It signals an end to non-committed deflection and opening genuine talks to solve the problem (it’s knows as “Exposing Your Throat” btw). At present, you’ll notice Bioware/EA has only said they will “explain” the endings. That’s not a give, that’s a delay tactic.
But here’s the part that amazes me as an old PR guy and is totally new. The disenfranchised base here is changing the old methodology. It’s akin to comparing old-style bunker PR defenses to new blitzkrieg-style consumers. To date, the “bunker strategy” was always used because it was virtually foolproof. However, social media and the 24 hour news cycle have simply changed everything. Twenty years ago, you could not mass 30,000 protesters into a networked base without some luck, money, a GREAT cause and (most importantly) time. By the time you did get organized, folks were either burned out or lost interest. Groups like Take Back have altered the landscape and suddenly the contest is taken from the old paradigm to a crazy new (and wonderful IMO) place. Preorder sales took away customers biggest weapon in the past (i.e. don’t buy the product). Now customers who feel they have received poor value have been potentially re-empowered by the internet. Bioware/EA is feeling the full brunt of this thing while passion is hottest. They are deploying countermeasures faster than the old strategies ever would have ever suggested. To some degree, they are being outmaneuvered atm. But now it depends on how long the protest/outcry holds up.
Two more quick points and I’ll close. First, the Child’s Play movement was brilliant. Notice over the past few days how some of the most visceral detractors to the outcry have had to shift their vitriol from “you’re spoiled selfish haters” to “sure you gave to charity, but you are spoiled selfish haters.” Nobody is drinking that Kool-Aid. Better yet, some outlets are now saying “maybe the game has problem but its still art” from the precedent message “best game ever.” That won’t fly with the mainstream. If its one thing they know is that when “art” hits the marketplace, it is a commodity, nothing more. You’ve changed the countermeasures from "unbiased" critics of the movement into drum beaters simply trying to get you angry. EA’s PR guys probably envy you (grudgingly) atm.
Second, don’t buy the only X people voted in the poll out of 1 billion customers, so they don’t care. That’s bunk. Are there "drum beaters" on both sides of this issue that just want to see controversy, sure. But if I was sitting in an office looking at that Bioware poll, I’d be reaching for a cigarette.
Finally remember, they have much more data at their disposal. They know how sales are going, how much time people are playing that are synced into Origin, etc. They will watch those numbers this weekend. If sales slow, watch for price cutting within 10 days (just over the two week US release date). It will mean that retailers are getting nervous and will slow new unit orders. As I’ve said before, this will come down to hard currency. If the protests start having an effect on that front, the response will come.
I’m an older gamer and again appreciate the repost. To everyone (on both sides) continue to let your voices be heard. You are consumers and have every right to engage in this discourse. The boards being locked yesterday proves someone is watching and knows this is an issue. I'm in the hated-ending camp to be sure, but I admire everyone one of you who is arguing for what believe on both sides!
Cheers.
Many men may be willing to die heroically for a noble cause, but few men will live humbly for one. Wilhelm Stekel
Part 3
Greetings All,
Really flattered with the responses. Respectful regards and thanks to all. Been spending a few minutes reading over Mr. Hudson’s response. Here's my PR insider perspective. Hope it helps a bit.
First, let’s simply look at strategy over content. 1) They definitely released this on a Friday evening to bury it in the news cycle (because it does acknowledge in passing there are unhappy customers, but more next paragraph). Btw, kudos to those who pointed that out earlier in the thread-Solid catch. 2) Several of the “anti-ending” articles (most notably Forbes) are now creeping into front page searches for “Mass Effect 3” instead of “Mass Effect 3 endings” and they are hoping this release will knock those stories to page 2. 3) They are hoping to deflect some of the current silence anger by combining this message with this weekend’s faux olive branches (discussed earlier).
All in all, the message release strategy is nothing too interesting at this point.
The content, however, is interesting. Most of the statement is doublespeak meant to let you see whatever you want as to as to the direction this thing is heading. Mr. Hudson then clearly tries to give validity to the greatness of the game by citing a couple news sources in the hopes of getting those stories more hits and onto search page one (nicely played EA PR), but the main thing is a clear acknowledgement that Houston has a problem with “some” fans. Mind you, he uses the term “some” and “most passionate fans” to try and minimalize the level of the outcry, but the disenfranchised fan base has reached the level of acknowledgement. That is important. Does it mean those disenfranchised fans have won? Not by a long shot. But Mr. Hudson’s statement was written (or at least approved by someone running damage control). And ultimately any time you have to acknowledge a problem with your product or customers, you have issues.
Does he continue on holding his own line that they intended “bittersweet” endings? Yes. Is the comment that you’ll see more of Commander Shepard an illusion to an “ending” DLC? Not certain but probably not at the moment. Does he utilize the “we’re listening to feedback but not promising we’ll do anything” line used on the boards yesterday? Sure.
It is clear most of his statement is insubstantial and leaves tons of room for spin either way down the road. Whether it gets used or not, management is trying to find some wiggle room in case they have to change course.
Last bit. A warning. PR guys know that right now many people’s emotions are on edge and often use a tactic called “Sound and Fury” (Shakespearean reference see Macbeth) to see if it gets people raging. It helps that strategy that people are looking at anything coming out of Bioware to detect wind changes. That said, I was reading through the thread burning with Mr. Hudson’s statement (though to be fair it is a Bioware/EA statement) and it seems for the most part folks are being passionate, but civil. EA PR will probably chalk up that aspect of this release as a failedruse de guerre (trick of war).
Stay civil, stay passionate, and stay vocal no matter which side you take. For myself, I’ll shamelessly
Hold the Line
It's interesting, kinda a peek behind the PR curtain. And kinda sad because a lot of the total cynics are dead on if this is how companies handle such problems.
I AM BULKY BULKOLISIS.
-Pedro Sauer BJJ scientist-
1st game I was lvl 1, but team was lvl 9, 15, and 20 (vanguard, sentinel, and adept, not sure which was which). We owned. I only died in last two waves too. Leveled to 5.
2nd game on 2nd or 3rd wave I started getting some wierd bug where I kept getting on top of the cover instead of behind it. Eventually my character started floating and I was high up in the air over the map not able to do anything. So I quit the game.
3rd game there was a lvl 20 and couple of 10s. We got wiped out on wave... I want to say 6?
I have been using a pistol instead of shotgun, because they gave me the Katana and it's too heavy for my taste.
That's actually a very severe bug that affects Vanguard.
If you die mid-charge, when you revive you'll starting glitching off-stage.
It has pretty much made Vanguard unplayable for me until they fix it.
Really, so you think basically the whole thing is based on an incredibly ridiculous strawman argument, which actually has very little do with what people actually dislike? Also, you might want to read the newspost because Tycho actually does a very well thought through takedown of that ridiculous argument you're making.
It's a shit ending and nobody feels they are "entitled" to change someone elses work - but we are perfectly entitled to ask if Bioware would consider changing it. Just like Bioware are not "entitled" to my credit card account to get me to pay more money for their DLC when they fail to listen to their customer base if they don't do anything. I'm more than happy to let my last memories of a great game be entirely sour and bad if that's Biowares intent. I don't have to agree with it and they are not obliged to change it - but I sure will ask if they would (as a lot of other people have).
Human Engineer with a Falcon, Fully upgraded chain lightning overload and Drone specc'd for AOE Chain Lightning.
Most matches go like this:
*BLAM* *BLAM* *FZORP* *FZORP* *ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP* *BZZAP* *BZZAP* *BLAM* *BLAM*
....FROM AMERICA!
Wud yoo laek to lern aboot meatz? Look here!
http://masseffect.livejournal.com/1365476.html
Emphasis mine.
See the bolded? It appears that the very creators agree that the fanbase has a vested interest in how the story was shaped, and they are acknowledging the displeasure presented by those same fans.
So... match point.
You'll get the thing Tuesday.
In fairness, his post is just PR speak to try and say "Oh man we did so well, totally go buy our DLC* and um we totally understand you are a part of this story as well. I don't know why we didn't think of that as we shit all over your character in the ending, but you know, BUY OUR DLC PLEASE."
*That isn't relating to the ending IMO - I think that might be well off and they had planned non-ending related DLC first - which might end up hilariously backfiring on them. Which is why I think he's trying to sell the DLC so hard.
I'm digging the human engineer, but with a Avenger X (200% recharge!), maxed drone, maxed incinerate instead of the 3rd overload zap, and maxed uh... Operative? Your class skill. The extra damage to armored on the incinerate really helps on things like... Everything.
Watching my drone just destroy all the swarmers it can find like popcorn is ever so gratifying, too. It HATES those things...
We're not asking them to change the content or story, we're asking them to make it make sense. Or at least that's what I want. You orally tell a person a story and give them a nonsensical ending, they're going to ask a lot of why.
As for Vega. I was using Ashley 'cause she's hot, but she has pretty boring banter and Vega's banter with Garrus is pretty fun to listen to. Vega +1.
LoL: 2SANG, GW2: eesang.4316
Origin ID: jazzmess
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*Without a fan theory anyway, which may or may not be entirely full of it.