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[TRENCHES] Tuesday, April 3, 2012 - Vulgarity
It’s a feature! A sexy, sexy feature.
Gauntlets can be thrown in lots of ways, but the intent of insult is always there. I was testing a part of a game where the user had to interact with a computer terminal to type in various commands. I was told to try variations on known phrases, but alter it slightly for each iteration (capital letters, spaces, etc). “Try everything you can think of.” After several hours of this and nearing total mental collapse, I started putting in various nonsense phrases for fun (similar to you’d do with old text parser games), just to see if the programmers had planned for that sort of juvenile behavior. Besides, I thought I could always argue that this should have been thought and tested. I typed in “slut” and suddenly a slideshow appeared with naked women. After the shock, I noticed it was actually all the same woman, but in the requisite fantasy poses this sort of thing affords. A few seconds into this revelry, my supervisor walked by and asked me just what the world I thought I was doing, son. I explained what happened. He stares for a few seconds and then walks off, telling me to stay there until he returned and Don’t. Touch. Anything. 20 minutes pass, during which I’m equally terrified and embarrassed, as people were walking by my desk and giggling uncontrollably. One guy did offer me a high five. Also the pictures looped, and I lost interest after the first eighteen cycles. Sort of. Supervisor returns with another guy I’ve never seen before, and tells him to look at my screen. This second guy runs through the full spectrum of emotions - giddy surprise which begets alarmed realization - before his eyes redden in fury and he runs down the hall. Seconds later, he emerges in a fist fight with another man. Turns out a programmer had been having an affair with an artist’s wife, and I’d brought it to the climactic breaking point upon stumbling across this “feature.” Their struggle ended quickly once security was called in. Both were fired immediately. I was terminated the next day for vague reasons at best. I did try it once the game released, and (of course) was disappointed.