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[Chat], and the world [chats] with you; [Brainstorm], and you [brainstorm] alone.
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Basically, we should all have Dave Barry write our bios.
Also, wooo, you go girl!
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
Forged by Fate, March 5, 2013! (And it's on Goodreads!)
Also, here is another flash if anyone would like to read 150 weird words.
They were out on the salt-slimed boardwalk when Jack showed her the tits, nestled obscenely in plastic. Kristine shoved them back into their bag.
“Is it really that bad?” she asked, looking out over nightskinned harbor.
Jack fixed her with his clear blue eyes. “It’s fucking disgusting.”
Kristine weighed the silicon reluctantly in her hands. Jack had brushed back her hair like a highschool sweetheart while she splashed rancid vomit into the toilet bowl. Jack had taken a pityfuck from one of their therapists on an afternoon when she was entombed in a leather chair with IV.
She drew her arm back easily, so easily. In the coming mornings she would inspect the puckered X-shaped scar in the mirror and leave her bra cup sagging empty. Her lipstick would go on more like warpaint, and Jack’s tits would choke fish at the bottom of the bay.
3DS 3652-1506-4398
B/W 3139-2627-3982
HG/SS 4342-0049-1485
B2/W2 1936-8473-5370
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
vis a tergo | Blog | Twitter | Blip.fm | Dropbox
Sometimes pausing a scene at a tense moment (like after a dun-dun-dunnn kind of line) can help increase the tension instead of ruining it. Makes the reader linger on that thought, and go "Oh snap, must read moar!" Depends on how it's done, ofc.
@oldmanhero tumblr
Congrats!
Sorry I haven't finished the book you sent me yet. School is finished forever as of tomorrow, so I'll get it done soon. Good so far!
Forged by Fate, March 5, 2013! (And it's on Goodreads!)
Congrats!
There's definitely conflict and things happening, and I'm trying to convey the sense of emotional exhaustion the main character has in managing all the things going on. The character doesn't get a chance to stop and catch her breath, and I don't want the reader to, either. At least, to the extent that it's a good kind of emotional exhaustion.
(And by "single scene" I mean a single block of prose with no scene breaks. So basically twenty pages or so with no clear stopping points. Not, like, a single paragraph or anything. I don't actively hate my readers.)
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
6000 words? What kind of scene is this? I'm thinking about the latter part of the Fifth Elephant and Night Watch where there is swaths of text dedicated to the werewolf hunt/the revolution, but even then I wouldn't call that one scene. This is a tenth of your book you're talking here.
I'll take a look at it if you want and tell you if I think the tension stacks up or if it's too drawn out if you want. But my gut is saying that that's fairly long.
"Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process."
Imagine all of my posts being spoken by Alec Baldwin
GamerTag: MunkusBeaver ||||| Steam: munkus
Does anyone feel like reading a fantasy novel for me? Hah.
As I said a little bit ago, I just finished the second draft of this book and I could really use some general opinions on plot, pacing, and all of that good stuff. It's a book based on a short story I wrote (Lorelei by the Sea, for those who have read it; it's also the story that comes before The Exiled God, for those here who read THAT.)
For those that haven't, it's a story about a girl who's the daughter of a goddess and a pirate king (of sorts) and her life starting the day she wakes up to her father killing her mother. There's war, fighting, a bit of love, and some Viking-esque influences. It's around 95,000 words.
{Twitter, Everybody's doing it. }{My Rambling Blog}
It's basically a heist, and it represents the culmination of a whole lot of build-up and preparation. It doesn't all take place in one area; it's moving around an office building doing stuff that results in lots of bodies as the main character is all, "Oh shit, that just happened. Oh shit, now that just happened."
For now I'm going to keep it in mind as potentially Holy Fuck Long, and when I do my second draft I'll re-examine. I actually figured it for about half this long when I was plotting it out, but it sort of metastasized.
edit: Okay, it finished up at just under 8000 words. I'll definitely be sticking a break in there somewhere.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
I can't see a sticky for it, and this frightens me.
GET HIM.
... It's generally fairly straightforward! Don't make a thread simply to advertise your work. If you want a piece of writing critiqued, actually try to include it in the body of the thread. There's... not really that much more to it, actually.
Also in unrelated news, we need a new rules sticky.
It must be a trap.
vis a tergo | Blog | Twitter | Blip.fm | Dropbox
The whole thing started as the backstory of a DnD character I've been playing, and just keeps growing that little bit bigger in my mind.
If that sounds like something that would be reasonable to post and be critiqued then I'll go ahead and make a topic to slap it in.
vis a tergo | Blog | Twitter | Blip.fm | Dropbox
If not, you're in the clear.
Gently informing new people of their errors is the only time TWB's mods get to do anything.
http://i.imgur.com/j7U7W.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/ZNW83.jpg
Of the first two, I prefer the one with the smaller font for the three titles. I assume that "Agent 806" is the name of the collection? If the three titles have previously been published, maybe keep the larger font, though, just to prevent confusion and make sure people know what they're getting.
Also, on the first cover, there's something weird going on with the woman's mouth. The way her lips sort of disappear on the right side is messing with me, and the dot representing the little cleft beneath her nose (which probably has a name but I'm blanking) looks to me almost like some sort of mole or blemish.
Like I said, though, I really dig the general design of each one, the colors used, all that. Just a few nits to pick.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
I hadn't noticed the lips, but now that Jeffe mentioned them I can't stop staring and noticing how strange they look, hah.
I think the graphic parts are fine, even the lips.
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
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