Since then he has moved out of state and is living with a lesbian who adopted a child from russia. He comes around about once a month, primarily to see my kids. We talk of meaningless things, and he leaves. He also has taken to making fun of me for having wire hangers and going to ballroom dancing competitions. So he is not really getting wiser as I get older, but he is definately getting gayer.
And I mean that in all seriousness.
Wait, are you suggesting that homosexuality is somehow contagious?
Like... if I hadn't moved out of my old place I coulda caught the gay from my room mate, Big Gay Jay?
Werrick on
"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be rude without having their skulls split, as a general thing."
I feel like I definitely appreciate my father a lot more now that I'm entering my third year of college. We're now at the point where our intellectual interests are beginning to divulge, so I can't rely on him as much as I used to as far as figuring out what direction I wanted to take a paper, for example. I used to call him my freshman year all the time for help brainstorming (He's a scientist, I'm in the social sciences). When I think about it, his dedication to his own education and career is really amazing. He put himself through college, his master's, and his PhD, and worked for many years in the private sector for NGOs trying to improve other peoples' lives. I listen to his advice a lot more than I used to (it was always in one ear, out the other when I was in high school) and I am very grateful for the opportunities he and my mother have extended me. They're paying for my bachelor's and have offered to help me (a lot) with my master's when I pursue it. I can only hope I have the same drive and passion he does for his work and family.
My perception of my mom's intelligence peaked when I was about 25. Since then, I've become aware of how stupid a lot of the shit she does really is.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
I think the insight is that our thinking is highly affected by our circumstances. Anyone who has read PA from the early years will remember how Gabe and Tycho's initial views about the commerical aspects of their creation changed. It's like the Jack in the Box Ad with the "fuck the man" "you are the man" condundrum.
themightypuck on
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.”
― Marcus Aurelius
Since then he has moved out of state and is living with a lesbian who adopted a child from russia. He comes around about once a month, primarily to see my kids. We talk of meaningless things, and he leaves. He also has taken to making fun of me for having wire hangers and going to ballroom dancing competitions. So he is not really getting wiser as I get older, but he is definately getting gayer.
And I mean that in all seriousness.
Wait, are you suggesting that homosexuality is somehow contagious?
Like... if I hadn't moved out of my old place I coulda caught the gay from my room mate, Big Gay Jay?
You had a room mate named Big Gay Jay?
What I am really wondering is perhaps he always was gay, or deicided he was somewhere after my borther and I were born. Then again it may because I only see snapshots of his life every 3 months and have no idea who he is in between.
chamberlain on
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RaakamToo many years...CanadalandRegistered Userregular
edited August 2007
Along the same line of thought, as I grew older, there were things about my personality and my behavior I just didn't care for. I found I disliked who I was becoming and who I was. It's really hard to be objective about yourself, and it can be painful at times to realize that you're really not a good person. You grow up, and maturing is a painful process of introspection and noticing things that maybe escaped your attention before.
Anyhow, back on topic - I think your relationship with your parents also depends greatly on whether you have siblings or not. I was too busy being angry at my brothers to really have time to be angry with my parents. I'd imagine being a single child probably makes for a different dynamic.
Raakam on
My padherder they don't it be like it is but it do
Neither of my parents have ever impressed me in the mental department. Though they're 31 years older than me, and both of them are of above-average intelligence, they've made so many STUPID decisions in their lives, over and over, half of which I've warned them about.
Beyond that, most of the parenting they've done towards me and my sister, what little there was, has been fairly shitty. The overall moral sense and work ethic values have been fine, as they're not -bad- people, but they've both wasted so many opportunities to improve their lives (a family trait, alas, which I've struggled against myself).
I just do what I can to distance myself from their failure, because that shit is remarkably infectious when it comes from the only people you can go to for advice -- the same thing is all over my family line. My family is actually one of the greatest success stories.
I felt this effect. My father was a moron when I was a teenager, then he got really smart when I was around twenty-two. Unfortunately, now that I've matured somewhat, his stock has sunk again.
I'm waiting to see if it rises a second time when I have children.
It depends on your parents, I think, and your relationship/personality as a kid.
Some kids just don't see the wisdom of their parents until later in life, despite how wise the parents were.
And some parents just aren't wise at all so the childhood analysis was spot on, or the child was devoted to the parent despite the lack of wisdom and their late-life reconciliation went in the opposite direction than what's presented in the OP.
Wait, I'm confused after reading various responses.
The way I read this was that:
Parent offers advice when you're 14. You reject advice thinking it stupid.
You grow to be 21 and you realize that they advice they gave you 7 years ago was actually very wise.
Both my parents came from humble beginnings and got Ph.D's in the humanities (history/english). God love a country where the first generation to get a college degree gets a pointless one (although my dad did get a job as a tenured college professor which is the best job in the world if you aren't particularly materialistic). My parents are both smart and stupid at the same time. Neither knows/knew crap about money and I was ill prepared for the harsh realities of the world when I left the nest.
themightypuck on
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.”
― Marcus Aurelius
I have never been a rebel against my parents, but they seem convinced that I am, which is frustrating. I doubt I'll ever like how they assumed I'd be just like any other typical angsty, idiotic, rebellious teen and parented me around that dreaded vision.
I like them, and I empathize with their wishes, but I simply cannot agree with them or look up to them. I suspect that as I age they'll never seem much "smarter," but I'll always sort of pity and respect their attempts to find harmony between my personality and whatever they hoped I would be.
I'm here to tell you that my dad is better than all your dads, and could beat them all up. And your moms? Don't even get me started on your moms.
I just went from "dad is my hero!" to "dad is my hero! And I'm kinda OK with his leftist economics" as I grew older. I am, basically, a less politically involved copy of him.
I'm here to tell you that my dad is better than all your dads, and could beat them all up. And your moms? Don't even get me started on your moms.
I just went from "dad is my hero!" to "dad is my hero! And I'm kinda OK with his leftist economics" as I grew older. I am, basically, a less politically involved copy of him.
I'm moving left but my Dad's left I don't even have a clue about. He gives his money to the NDP but he votes Liberal.
themightypuck on
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.”
― Marcus Aurelius
Along the same line of thought, as I grew older, there were things about my personality and my behavior I just didn't care for. I found I disliked who I was becoming and who I was. It's really hard to be objective about yourself, and it can be painful at times to realize that you're really not a good person. You grow up, and maturing is a painful process of introspection and noticing things that maybe escaped your attention before.
I see what you mean here, but for me it's a bit different. I've always pretty much liked myself for who I am, but I always end up looking back and realizing I hate the way I used to be.
I always idolized my dad when I was a kid, he was superman. My respect for my dad has definitely grown as I've aged, it has matured as I did, as I started to understand him. By anyone's standards he's lived an impressive life, world renown on his field, accomplishments and whatnot, and he has only come to look more like Sean Connery.
At some point though, I stopped wanting to be him, and decided I didn't have to live up to anything, and that's all that has really changed. I guess he became a peer.
I would place myself in the camp of the reverse. I'm only 18, so take this with a grain of salt, but when I was real young I loved my dad. I respected my dad and tried very hard to empathize with his advice well into my late teens. We certainly had our own private war over my video game playing, but beyond that, we didn't really get along too badly. He knew lots of things and wanted to teach me, and I wanted to learn some of it, and just bore through what I didn't.
As I grew older however, it changed. For instance, I hated the idea of simple right and wrong, to me there were so many more shades and the more complex ones fascinated me. I wanted to be an artist, and he didn't really approve of it because you couldn't support a family on it, and I never felt myself to be male and hated every time he acted so proud I was being manly, especially because it didn't make me feel manly. I grinned and bore, took his advice and ran with it.
I spent a year not working on my art because he said I'd never be good enough. For four years I was near suicidal because he was constantly angry with me for not being manly enough. I had never wanted to demonize my father, to believe him stupid or to think him flawed, he was in fact my super-hero for all his flaws. But the day he called me a pervert, believing ill of him became self preservation.
Believe me, I know my father loves me, and I know why he does what he does. I cannot though stand by him and give him respect which he uses to destroy the core of who I am. I made a choice not to be a soulless shell and will probably pay a great price for many years, but my dad will hold a certain black mark in my heart for a very long time for making me face that choice without my parent's blessing.
He and I share one trait for certain, we never forget.
I'm 17 and think I'm smarter than my dad. He made some pretty lousy choices in his life and then my older brother made the exact same lousy choices. This has caused me to trust his advice less and less over the past few years. I ignore him when he tries to help me because I fear I'll end up like him and my brother if I listen. It's difficult for me to tell if this is a genuine fear, or just my teenage-ness, but I generally just avoid him the best I can now.
I'm a teenager, and I generally get on really well with my father, except when he's telling me to do something. I think it's a lot harder to have a friendly relationship with someone who has authority over you. Perhaps the reason why you see your parents as more human when you get older is because they stop telling you to do shit.
Yah, that's how I feel as well. I'm honestly shocked at how many people have a different view of what I considered to be an almost universal rule.
Not everyone has good parents. Furthermore, I consider my parents quite good (despite my awareness of their faults)--but I'm still not best friends with my dad. I like him, I respect him, but he's my dad, not my friend.
I don't think my view of my parents has gotten much more positive or negative over time--it's just gotten more mature. Which pretty much makes sense, as most of my views have matured along with me.
I'm a teenager, and I generally get on really well with my father, except when he's telling me to do something. I think it's a lot harder to have a friendly relationship with someone who has authority over you. Perhaps the reason why you see your parents as more human when you get older is because they stop telling you to do shit.
My relationship with my folks improved by leaps and bounds once I moved out. They couldn't threaten to chuck me out anymore. That was incredibly frustrating, because they'd do it at the drop of a hat but I knew they never would, and there was a fight every time I called their bluff. And its not like I wanted to be at home for the last two years or so prior to leaving, but I flat out couldn't afford to leave, so that behaviour was doubly infuriating.
All growing up lent me was the ability to spot the sheer number of bullying tactics my parents employed as a matter of course (they were lovely when they were getting their own way, but once you crossed them... control freaks, what do you do). I live in fear of ever fucking up and repeating that pattern :?
Yah, that's how I feel as well. I'm honestly shocked at how many people have a different view of what I considered to be an almost universal rule.
If you get to the age of 25 without stabbing your parents or them stabbing you, you've probably done pretty well.
You know, I actually expected that some of their choices about me would make more sense when I was older. I mean, in middle and high school they were constantly pushing me to join the band and other after school clubs, which I hated...I figured, maybe when I'm older I'll see the point in all these. But nope, 24 and they still seem like a waste of time.
I get along with my parents ok, but we have some different logic systems for doing stuff. If there's something that needs to be done but not for a long time, I perfer to wait to see if the circumstances change, maybe it'll need to be done differently or not need to be done at all. They like to do things immediatly. I'm patient and assume that when someone does something wrong or bad, it's usually a simple mistake, my mother especially tends to assume malice, or at least aggressive incompetance, and actually gets annoyed that I don't get as angry as she does. Also, I'm a liberal, my dad's a conservative, so we pretty much avoid any political discussion entirely.
I'm a teenager, and I generally get on really well with my father, except when he's telling me to do something. I think it's a lot harder to have a friendly relationship with someone who has authority over you. Perhaps the reason why you see your parents as more human when you get older is because they stop telling you to do shit.
My relationship with my folks improved by leaps and bounds once I moved out. They couldn't threaten to chuck me out anymore. That was incredibly frustrating, because they'd do it at the drop of a hat but I knew they never would, and there was a fight every time I called their bluff. And its not like I wanted to be at home for the last two years or so prior to leaving, but I flat out couldn't afford to leave, so that behaviour was doubly infuriating.
All growing up lent me was the ability to spot the sheer number of bullying tactics my parents employed as a matter of course (they were lovely when they were getting their own way, but once you crossed them... control freaks, what do you do). I live in fear of ever fucking up and repeating that pattern :?
Take little comfort in the idea that you either will do that or swing completely the other way. No matter how you were raised, it's inevitable that in the future your kids will be on the intertrons talking about how weird/fucked up your parenting habits were.
Maybe I'm wrong (as I dont have kids yet), but I dont think I probably understand the sheer power of the protective instict which makes parents come down hard on their kids. I can completely understand not wanting to let my daughter go out with boys until she's 21, because I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LIKE - and nobody's diong that to my baby!
I can only hope that reason will overcome at least enough for me to find a rational middle-ground.
They are like any other person I work with...they have strengths and weaknesses.
But they are family...which means I would go above and beyond for them, which is very different for most people I interact with, save for two very very close friends who might as well be family.
It's my siblings that I tend to never talk to or interact with (mostly my brother, my sister I do stuff with, but she's 1200 miles from me at the moment). We're just so different...must be the five year age difference.
My father is a complete and utter asshole. He always tried to frame his actions as 'tough love,' but he was a cruel man. He physically abused my oldest brother before I was born, and verbally abused myself and my other older brother. There's nothing quite like being told how worthless and selfish you are every time you make a mistake. Every 'punishment' meant standing in the livingroom, side-by-side, straight and tall while he berated us for over an hour. No doubt, this stemmed from his Air National Guard background.
He's now rotting in prison for sexual assault. It turns out he molested my cousin (who's also my god mother) for years. My brothers knew this before I did -- I found out during a family vacation in 1999. She kept it quiet because she knew my family needed his income, in part because of my medical bills (40+ surgeries and all of the medical equipment and visting nurses/aides a physically disabled guy needs to live). Try not feeling a wee bit guilty after that revelation.
No, there was no wisdom in that asshole. No insight into life to be found. Rationally, I know he's most likely suffering from mental illness, but since he never accepted our help in trying to get him treatment, fuck him. I hope he dies in horrible pain.
My mother is, naturally, a bit fucked up herself for all of this. She was also among the last to learn that asshole molested my cousin. I can't imagine what it was like to realize that she was sharing a bed with a rapist. We couldn't press charges immediately after learning of his crimes. In part, this was due to the State requiring (obviously) an investigation into my cousin's claims. We also wouldn't survive if his income was removed then and there. We had to save for over a year. We had to act like nothing was wrong, that everything was status quo. But when we did move against him, the fucker never knew what hit him.
I have the greatest respect for both my parents. My father is the hardest working man I know, and he works so hard not because he has to (Money isn't really a huge issue anymore) but because he believes it's the right thing to do, and it makes him happy. My mother is one of the kindest human beings in the world (sharing that title, from my view, with her mother, who at 82 is still the glue that holds a family of extremely different people together), and the way she deals with her disabilities is impressive.
That said, there have been problems. One is that i'm a lot intelligent then either of them, and once I realized this, authority became an issue. I have had the classic troubled wonderchild youth, where boredom caused lack of interest in just about anything, and not having to work for anything left me with no selfdiscipline. They didn't really seem to have done much to augment this, probably because they were more focused on my little brother, who had trouble with grades, bad friends all through highschool. My parents divorced when I was 11, and I could not connect with the new husband of my mother, a good but silent and somewhat hard man.
I've also seen my fathers flaws, which include bursts of enormous anger and a tendency for alcoholism (nothing really bad ever happened, but the first 5 years after the divorce he drank a lot), and I have both those traits too, though in lesser form, and sometimes it scares me.
Overall, they are good people who truely do their best, and I wish I had more of their good traits.
My father is a complete and utter asshole. He always tried to frame his actions as 'tough love,' but he was a cruel man. He physically abused my oldest brother before I was born, and verbally abused myself and my other older brother. There's nothing quite like being told how worthless and selfish you are every time you make a mistake. Every 'punishment' meant standing in the livingroom, side-by-side, straight and tall while he berated us for over an hour. No doubt, this stemmed from his Air National Guard background.
He's now rotting in prison for sexual assault. It turns out he molested my cousin (who's also my god mother) for years. My brothers knew this before I did -- I found out during a family vacation in 1999. She kept it quiet because she knew my family needed his income, in part because of my medical bills (40+ surgeries and all of the medical equipment and visting nurses/aides a physically disabled guy needs to live). Try not feeling a wee bit guilty after that revelation.
No, there was no wisdom in that asshole. No insight into life to be found. Rationally, I know he's most likely suffering from mental illness, but since he never accepted our help in trying to get him treatment, fuck him. I hope he dies in horrible pain.
My mother is, naturally, a bit fucked up herself for all of this. She was also among the last to learn that asshole molested my cousin. I can't imagine what it was like to realize that she was sharing a bed with a rapist. We couldn't press charges immediately after learning of his crimes. In part, this was due to the State requiring (obviously) an investigation into my cousin's claims. We also wouldn't survive if his income was removed then and there. We had to save for over a year. We had to act like nothing was wrong, that everything was status quo. But when we did move against him, the fucker never knew what hit him.
Wow...I'm truly sorry to hear that. That had to of really sucked...
I find it amusing how many people say they are smarter than their parents.
I said more intelligent, and I said it because it is a huge factor in my youth and my relationship with them. I don't want to boast, since it's just something i was born with, not an accomplishment, and I don't use it to the fullest extent, to the point of feeling guilty about wasting my only real talent.
My parents have sometimes focused on bugging me about things I think are less important, but I've never thought they were totally off base.
My sister and I pretty much have enjoyed our parent's company since we were kids. We all have a good sense of humor, and they introduced us to MST3K, Monty Python, and Douglas Adams. They tended to not be crazy when it came to parenting choice, mostly just expecting us to be responsible people at any age. Actually, if anything they've become more annoying now, as I keep being reminded that this isn't my house so yes I need to clean up the damn pizza boxes whenever I come back for the summer.
Also, my dad has never been the Font of All Knowledge, but he does have a steel trap for trivia and pretty broad interests, so I've always liked conversing with him.
I do have a more mature sense of humor, though. I swear he got into medicine just so he could describe more disturbing gastrointestinal functions.
So, a year or two ago I remember reading an article about the "executive decision center" of the brain or some such thing. Basically, it's a part of our frontal lobe that isn't fully developed until we are we are in our early twenties. Said part of the brain was claimed to be responsible for long-term planning and the evaluation of risk.
Now, I can't find a reference to it for the life of me. Maybe you can help.
a) Does this "executive decision center" exist? (Reference?)
b) Could its lack of development be the reason why we were stupid as young'uns?
Neither of my parents have ever impressed me in the mental department. Though they're 31 years older than me, and both of them are of above-average intelligence, they've made so many STUPID decisions in their lives, over and over, half of which I've warned them about.
Beyond that, most of the parenting they've done towards me and my sister, what little there was, has been fairly shitty. The overall moral sense and work ethic values have been fine, as they're not -bad- people, but they've both wasted so many opportunities to improve their lives (a family trait, alas, which I've struggled against myself).
I just do what I can to distance myself from their failure, because that shit is remarkably infectious when it comes from the only people you can go to for advice -- the same thing is all over my family line. My family is actually one of the greatest success stories.
I'm pretty much in the same situation. My dad is extremely intelligent, but he makes stupid choices all the time that I could have told him were dumb when I was 12. He doesn't think before he speaks, and he has a very difficult time taking an objective perspective on anything. The only reason I know he's smart is because we regularly have conversations about higher level math, theoretical physics, etc.
I feel kinda guilty typing the above post now because my parents actually raised me pretty well I think. I never got in any trouble anywhere (not even a detention), I've never had to argue with them about anything (since I was about 6 probably), I've never had them yell at me/yelled at them (also since I was about 6 probably), etc. I suspect that my very positive view of humanity in general is a result of the way they raised me as well. For example, the people in this thread saying how they think all teenagers are stupid, don't know anything etc., is unbelievably negative and not even remotely true in my book. But hey if they want to be up to their neck in negativity and the negative emotions produced by it, then that's their problem. I think that most people are rational thinkers and good people. If somebody has a friend, well then somebody must be able to like them so I can like them too. I honestly can't say that I hate anybody I've ever met. It helps that hardly anyone has ever been mean to me.
Posts
Wait, are you suggesting that homosexuality is somehow contagious?
Like... if I hadn't moved out of my old place I coulda caught the gay from my room mate, Big Gay Jay?
-Robert E. Howard
Tower of the Elephant
As an addition, I sort of realize the intelligence of my parents decisions right now.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
― Marcus Aurelius
Path of Exile: themightypuck
You had a room mate named Big Gay Jay?
What I am really wondering is perhaps he always was gay, or deicided he was somewhere after my borther and I were born. Then again it may because I only see snapshots of his life every 3 months and have no idea who he is in between.
Anyhow, back on topic - I think your relationship with your parents also depends greatly on whether you have siblings or not. I was too busy being angry at my brothers to really have time to be angry with my parents. I'd imagine being a single child probably makes for a different dynamic.
they don't it be like it is but it do
Neither of my parents have ever impressed me in the mental department. Though they're 31 years older than me, and both of them are of above-average intelligence, they've made so many STUPID decisions in their lives, over and over, half of which I've warned them about.
Beyond that, most of the parenting they've done towards me and my sister, what little there was, has been fairly shitty. The overall moral sense and work ethic values have been fine, as they're not -bad- people, but they've both wasted so many opportunities to improve their lives (a family trait, alas, which I've struggled against myself).
I just do what I can to distance myself from their failure, because that shit is remarkably infectious when it comes from the only people you can go to for advice -- the same thing is all over my family line. My family is actually one of the greatest success stories.
I'm waiting to see if it rises a second time when I have children.
Some kids just don't see the wisdom of their parents until later in life, despite how wise the parents were.
And some parents just aren't wise at all so the childhood analysis was spot on, or the child was devoted to the parent despite the lack of wisdom and their late-life reconciliation went in the opposite direction than what's presented in the OP.
The way I read this was that:
Parent offers advice when you're 14. You reject advice thinking it stupid.
You grow to be 21 and you realize that they advice they gave you 7 years ago was actually very wise.
Isn't that what the OP is talking about?
― Marcus Aurelius
Path of Exile: themightypuck
I like them, and I empathize with their wishes, but I simply cannot agree with them or look up to them. I suspect that as I age they'll never seem much "smarter," but I'll always sort of pity and respect their attempts to find harmony between my personality and whatever they hoped I would be.
I just went from "dad is my hero!" to "dad is my hero! And I'm kinda OK with his leftist economics" as I grew older. I am, basically, a less politically involved copy of him.
I'm moving left but my Dad's left I don't even have a clue about. He gives his money to the NDP but he votes Liberal.
― Marcus Aurelius
Path of Exile: themightypuck
I see what you mean here, but for me it's a bit different. I've always pretty much liked myself for who I am, but I always end up looking back and realizing I hate the way I used to be.
At some point though, I stopped wanting to be him, and decided I didn't have to live up to anything, and that's all that has really changed. I guess he became a peer.
As I grew older however, it changed. For instance, I hated the idea of simple right and wrong, to me there were so many more shades and the more complex ones fascinated me. I wanted to be an artist, and he didn't really approve of it because you couldn't support a family on it, and I never felt myself to be male and hated every time he acted so proud I was being manly, especially because it didn't make me feel manly. I grinned and bore, took his advice and ran with it.
I spent a year not working on my art because he said I'd never be good enough. For four years I was near suicidal because he was constantly angry with me for not being manly enough. I had never wanted to demonize my father, to believe him stupid or to think him flawed, he was in fact my super-hero for all his flaws. But the day he called me a pervert, believing ill of him became self preservation.
Believe me, I know my father loves me, and I know why he does what he does. I cannot though stand by him and give him respect which he uses to destroy the core of who I am. I made a choice not to be a soulless shell and will probably pay a great price for many years, but my dad will hold a certain black mark in my heart for a very long time for making me face that choice without my parent's blessing.
He and I share one trait for certain, we never forget.
My Dad is pretty much my best friend.
Yah, that's how I feel as well. I'm honestly shocked at how many people have a different view of what I considered to be an almost universal rule.
-Robert E. Howard
Tower of the Elephant
Not everyone has good parents. Furthermore, I consider my parents quite good (despite my awareness of their faults)--but I'm still not best friends with my dad. I like him, I respect him, but he's my dad, not my friend.
I don't think my view of my parents has gotten much more positive or negative over time--it's just gotten more mature. Which pretty much makes sense, as most of my views have matured along with me.
All growing up lent me was the ability to spot the sheer number of bullying tactics my parents employed as a matter of course (they were lovely when they were getting their own way, but once you crossed them... control freaks, what do you do). I live in fear of ever fucking up and repeating that pattern :?
If you get to the age of 25 without stabbing your parents or them stabbing you, you've probably done pretty well.
You know, I actually expected that some of their choices about me would make more sense when I was older. I mean, in middle and high school they were constantly pushing me to join the band and other after school clubs, which I hated...I figured, maybe when I'm older I'll see the point in all these. But nope, 24 and they still seem like a waste of time.
I get along with my parents ok, but we have some different logic systems for doing stuff. If there's something that needs to be done but not for a long time, I perfer to wait to see if the circumstances change, maybe it'll need to be done differently or not need to be done at all. They like to do things immediatly. I'm patient and assume that when someone does something wrong or bad, it's usually a simple mistake, my mother especially tends to assume malice, or at least aggressive incompetance, and actually gets annoyed that I don't get as angry as she does. Also, I'm a liberal, my dad's a conservative, so we pretty much avoid any political discussion entirely.
I can only hope that reason will overcome at least enough for me to find a rational middle-ground.
Humans make mistakes.
They are like any other person I work with...they have strengths and weaknesses.
But they are family...which means I would go above and beyond for them, which is very different for most people I interact with, save for two very very close friends who might as well be family.
It's my siblings that I tend to never talk to or interact with (mostly my brother, my sister I do stuff with, but she's 1200 miles from me at the moment). We're just so different...must be the five year age difference.
My father is a complete and utter asshole. He always tried to frame his actions as 'tough love,' but he was a cruel man. He physically abused my oldest brother before I was born, and verbally abused myself and my other older brother. There's nothing quite like being told how worthless and selfish you are every time you make a mistake. Every 'punishment' meant standing in the livingroom, side-by-side, straight and tall while he berated us for over an hour. No doubt, this stemmed from his Air National Guard background.
He's now rotting in prison for sexual assault. It turns out he molested my cousin (who's also my god mother) for years. My brothers knew this before I did -- I found out during a family vacation in 1999. She kept it quiet because she knew my family needed his income, in part because of my medical bills (40+ surgeries and all of the medical equipment and visting nurses/aides a physically disabled guy needs to live). Try not feeling a wee bit guilty after that revelation.
No, there was no wisdom in that asshole. No insight into life to be found. Rationally, I know he's most likely suffering from mental illness, but since he never accepted our help in trying to get him treatment, fuck him. I hope he dies in horrible pain.
My mother is, naturally, a bit fucked up herself for all of this. She was also among the last to learn that asshole molested my cousin. I can't imagine what it was like to realize that she was sharing a bed with a rapist. We couldn't press charges immediately after learning of his crimes. In part, this was due to the State requiring (obviously) an investigation into my cousin's claims. We also wouldn't survive if his income was removed then and there. We had to save for over a year. We had to act like nothing was wrong, that everything was status quo. But when we did move against him, the fucker never knew what hit him.
That said, there have been problems. One is that i'm a lot intelligent then either of them, and once I realized this, authority became an issue. I have had the classic troubled wonderchild youth, where boredom caused lack of interest in just about anything, and not having to work for anything left me with no selfdiscipline. They didn't really seem to have done much to augment this, probably because they were more focused on my little brother, who had trouble with grades, bad friends all through highschool. My parents divorced when I was 11, and I could not connect with the new husband of my mother, a good but silent and somewhat hard man.
I've also seen my fathers flaws, which include bursts of enormous anger and a tendency for alcoholism (nothing really bad ever happened, but the first 5 years after the divorce he drank a lot), and I have both those traits too, though in lesser form, and sometimes it scares me.
Overall, they are good people who truely do their best, and I wish I had more of their good traits.
Wow...I'm truly sorry to hear that. That had to of really sucked...
I think I'm much smarter than he is, though. And I have a much broader range of interests, unless he's been hiding something from me.
But he is the nicest guy I've ever met, and I respect the absolute hell out of him.
Also, he looks like Harrison Ford.
I said more intelligent, and I said it because it is a huge factor in my youth and my relationship with them. I don't want to boast, since it's just something i was born with, not an accomplishment, and I don't use it to the fullest extent, to the point of feeling guilty about wasting my only real talent.
My sister and I pretty much have enjoyed our parent's company since we were kids. We all have a good sense of humor, and they introduced us to MST3K, Monty Python, and Douglas Adams. They tended to not be crazy when it came to parenting choice, mostly just expecting us to be responsible people at any age. Actually, if anything they've become more annoying now, as I keep being reminded that this isn't my house so yes I need to clean up the damn pizza boxes whenever I come back for the summer.
Also, my dad has never been the Font of All Knowledge, but he does have a steel trap for trivia and pretty broad interests, so I've always liked conversing with him.
I do have a more mature sense of humor, though. I swear he got into medicine just so he could describe more disturbing gastrointestinal functions.
Now, I can't find a reference to it for the life of me. Maybe you can help.
a) Does this "executive decision center" exist? (Reference?)
b) Could its lack of development be the reason why we were stupid as young'uns?
I'm pretty much in the same situation. My dad is extremely intelligent, but he makes stupid choices all the time that I could have told him were dumb when I was 12. He doesn't think before he speaks, and he has a very difficult time taking an objective perspective on anything. The only reason I know he's smart is because we regularly have conversations about higher level math, theoretical physics, etc.