So, we're 3 days past due date and waiting. I feel so bad for my wife, as she is so damn uncomfortable all the time.
@mare_imbrium - This actually sounds a little like me as a kid. I was a spoiled little shit. You may try challenging him to do the things he says he can do, as you need to shatter his "everything is easy, I just can't be bothered" layer sooner rather than later. I thought I knew everything and could do everything, because it LOOKED easy. It was not, and I often stopped doing things when I learned the truth instead of admitting I was wrong. Challenging him to complete something that he starts and talk about what he's learned vs. his expectations before going into it may help, as sometimes the reflection is the most valuable part. That said, part of it is middle-schooler ego, which gets a reality check when they enter high school anyhow.
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FortyTwostrongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered Userregular
I realize this problem is not as difficult as some of the other problems being discussed, but I would really like to know what others here think about this because I feel like every other parent I know in every other venue would tell me it was the gaming that was a problem and I should cut him off from pc and xbox games. Spoilered for being stupid long. Sorry.
My oldest (11) can be absolutely infuriating because he has to do EVERYTHING "his" way and do his own thing and be "creative." I am torn between trying to teach him that, yes, other people who have spent their lives studying a subject do know things worth knowing, and accidentally squashing his creativity when maybe one day he'll invent something incredible.
I think a lot about the story of the grad student who solved unsolvable math problems because he thought they were homework and nobody told him they were unsolvable (http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/unsolvable.asp). But on the other hand every time I talk to him I feel like my head is going to explode. He thinks he knows everything and that he has an answer for everything, and even though he denies it (because OF COURSE he does), his attitude is essentially communicating that if it doesn't interest him, it isn't something that is worth knowing.
I know, tween attitude, right, but this is not a phase. This is just an intensification of something he has been doing his whole life. For example he has not ever liked coloring books. He loved drawing, but it always had to be on a blank piece of paper so he could do whatever he wanted. I always used to joke that he and his brother felt that Lego instructions were a tool of the man trying to push them down. They bought sets based on if they had interesting looking pieces, chucked the instructions, and built what they want. I would sometimes suggest they build it via the instructions first and then take it apart and build something else (thinking that perhaps learning how to read and follow instructions might be a useful skill). Nope! They rarely ever did this. Almost every time I try to teach him something he argues about why does he have to learn how other people do things why can't he just do it his own way. Sometimes I have good reasons for him (for snap circuits - a circuit building toy - I explained to him that he had to at least learn some of the rules because if he just places them any which way he could damage the pieces or shock himself) but it's still just arguing, arguing, arguing.
I suggest that maybe he should learn what other people have to teach as a foundation, and then he can use that as tools for his own creativity, but he isn't interested. Today we just had an argument about all the different sports he doesn't want to try because drills of repetitive motion (like practicing kicks in martial arts or lunges in fencing) are boring, and he just wants to be creative and why does he have to learn all these moves and practice them. Dismissing things that other people work hard to learn and master annoys the snot out of me, but on the other hand, maybe learning the foundational knowledge for something will frame his thinking in a certain way and maybe keep him from one day doing something nobody thought was possible because nobody told him it was impossible. You know?
The part where I think people will say, well, cut out all TV and gaming, is that MAYBE I would feel better about Mr. My Way is if he was showing me that he had the motivation to do it. He seems like he's all talk. He says he wants to build robots or do chemistry or learn about...whatever, but then he never does. He seems to lack focus and motivation. Actually this summer I feel like other than planned activities all he wants to do is sit on his ass and play video games and even as a gamer it's starting to really piss me off. But other summers, other times, I have tried to provide him things to help him do things independently and he never seems to actually do anything about it. His dream of building a robot? A box of computer parts and other electronic bits that he never did anything with, a refusal to allow me to buy him a small robot kit so he could start with something simple, and $100 worth of snap circuits he only used a few times. Last summer he and his friend played halo while *I* did a chemistry experiment NEAR them and then they spent about twenty seconds admiring the results. He never did anything with any of the other supplies or suggested experiments in several different books. A few years back he asked me for some chemical that seemed hard to come by (I actually came across the chemical a year or so later at a kids' science night put on by a local college and the chem majors there told me they made their own) and would not just be satisfied with what I COULD do for him.
I feel like he has in his head a preconceived notion about how something is going to be, whether it is chemistry or robotics or electronics or fencing or martial arts or whatever. A notion based on basically no knowledge. Sometimes the ways he thinks things will be or can be IS possible, but it is an advanced thing requiring practice or knowledge or doing foundational level learning. So when what it is he's trying to do either doesn't fit his preconceived notion OR he finds out that he can't skip ahead to do whatever he wanted to do right NOW, he gives up, decides it's boring, decides it is stupid and isn't worth doing. I could force him to follow through, but not only does it seem stupid to force someone to continue what is essentially a hobby, I don't think it would teach him the lesson that is important for him to learn anyway.
@mare_imbrium I agree with the others that have said he is using his creativity as a crutch and as a way to get out of following through on things. Part of me says let him get a minor shock from messing with the circuit building set - or organize a match against a trained fencer and let him get beaten.
How does he react when he loses at something? Has there ever been a time when he loses because it is clear that he has no idea what he is doing, yet the person that won did - and the loss was BAD?
The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
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FortyTwostrongest man in the world The Land of Pleasant Living Registered Userregular
My wife begins her third trimester this week. So close. Little Dude is kicking up a storm. On tip of that my wife starts her penultimate semester of school, and I continue my grad degree.
SHe's making lots of sounds and it's hilarious when she gets going. It sounds like she's having a whole conversation with you "ahahha bluurghh bbuuurrrh eee i ggrrr?" and then she looks at you as if to say "so what do you think?"
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FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
hi, everyone,
if this isn't the right place to post this, let me know and i'll edit it, and repost somewhere else (h&a perhaps?)
anyways, i found out today that one of my son's soccer teammates (they are both 7) just had surgery for a malignant brain tumor. They have been playing on the same team for over a year, so its a kid he is close with, and my son is well aware of what cancer is, but how to i go explain to him that one of his good buddies has it? We have our first team practice of the season tomorrow, and the coach is going to let all of the other parents know, so obviously all the kids will find our soon.
hi, everyone,
if this isn't the right place to post this, let me know and i'll edit it, and repost somewhere else (h&a perhaps?)
anyways, i found out today that one of my son's soccer teammates (they are both 7) just had surgery for a malignant brain tumor. They have been playing on the same team for over a year, so its a kid he is close with, and my son is well aware of what cancer is, but how to i go explain to him that one of his good buddies has it? We have our first team practice of the season tomorrow, and the coach is going to let all of the other parents know, so obviously all the kids will find our soon.
thanks.
I work in radiotherapy and experience this quite a bit (if usually from a parent telling their child about their diagnosis perspective) and generally honesty is the best policy. You would be really surprised at what kids can handle. It wil depend on his perception of cancer, though. If he sees it as a disease or a death sentence will really colour how he takes the news. Take some time for both of you to sit down together and have a chat about things. Explain a little of what chemo, surgery and radiotherapy are and that his friend might not be able to play as much as he used to. I don't know his histology so I can't say if he'll have chemo but if he does, but maybe you and your son could put together a little care package for his friend? Things like books, games, comfortable clothes etc are always appreciated and let people know you're thinking of them even if you can't be there due to infection risk or anything along those lines. If he's having radiotherapy there's a great video on YouTube by a British department explaining to children what the treatment is and how it works. Its called One of a Kind: A Guide to Radiotherapy.
But I'll say it again, honesty is the best policy, children usually know somethings up, and avoiding difficult questions could make him more anxious. Good luck!
Selfish whining in the spoiler because I feel bad but need to put it down somewhere:
I wish Mrs. Elbasunu would start to feel like enjoying the bedroom company of Mr. Elbasunu again soon I've done my research and I know this kind of thing can take a long time, not just to physically recover (obviously) but to emotionally return to the equation. Lord knows I'm not going to force any issues, but I was starting to worry maybe she'd lost interest in me because I gained some weight, or something else I was doing, but she said that wasn't the case.
Our son is so great, and she's such a great mom. He's 7 months old next week. I just wish seeing her be an amazing mom didn't also make me super extra attracted to her, because she's not just not in the mood for any of it.
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I didn't want to think about any of that until our son was about a year old.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
That's what I've heard, yeah. And I get it, I'm just surprised at how much it's depressed me to not feel "wanted". So dumb.
We had a great weekend at an outdoor sculpture park. He was looking at all the huge metal and stone and wood sculptures, as well as the local wildlife( ducks, peacocks), and just being generally happy. I'm so glad he's good on outings.
The whole park is covered in Seward Johnson statues:
Selfish whining in the spoiler because I feel bad but need to put it down somewhere:
I wish Mrs. Elbasunu would start to feel like enjoying the bedroom company of Mr. Elbasunu again soon I've done my research and I know this kind of thing can take a long time, not just to physically recover (obviously) but to emotionally return to the equation. Lord knows I'm not going to force any issues, but I was starting to worry maybe she'd lost interest in me because I gained some weight, or something else I was doing, but she said that wasn't the case.
Our son is so great, and she's such a great mom. He's 7 months old next week. I just wish seeing her be an amazing mom didn't also make me super extra attracted to her, because she's not just not in the mood for any of it.
I want to say we could start a club but I'm not fully convinced this particular club would satisfy anything.
Just know there are plenty of us in the same boat. Leah is 7.5 months old, wife is super attractive, just not having that mood but once a couple months back.
So lately Lily has taken to waking up at 5:30 am every day. This has been going on since the end of July. At first I thought it was because she was going to bed too early, but even more recently she's been fussing and complaining about bedtime up until 9:00 and still wakes up at 5:30 in the morning. Of course the issue might be the naps she gets at her daycare, but regulations in Massachusetts require that all daycares must offer naps to children 5 and under.
Of course, she gives me the best hugs at 5:30 in the morning, so I guess I can't be too mad at her, but I'm really getting exhausted and I feel like Parent-time has been getting infringed a little to often lately.
"Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
So lately Lily has taken to waking up at 5:30 am every day. This has been going on since the end of July. At first I thought it was because she was going to bed too early, but even more recently she's been fussing and complaining about bedtime up until 9:00 and still wakes up at 5:30 in the morning. Of course the issue might be the naps she gets at her daycare, but regulations in Massachusetts require that all daycares must offer naps to children 5 and under.
Of course, she gives me the best hugs at 5:30 in the morning, so I guess I can't be too mad at her, but I'm really getting exhausted and I feel like Parent-time has been getting infringed a little to often lately.
My four year old wakes me up every morning around 6:00 by standing about a half inch from my face and whispering "Daddy .... I want apple juice"
and I reply every morning the same way ".... now?"
This morning my 14 month old daughter woke up about 5 AM(she'd been a bit restless all night). She sat up in bed, then climbed over toward me which is common. She often likes to cuddle with me when she wakes up in the middle of the night. This time though, she climbed up on me in a bizarro position, collapsed with her chest right on my ear and her head on my pillow above me, basically just on top of my head and just went right back to sleep. I thought well this is weird but also hilarious and cute.
Then she did a huge pee that for some reason came right out the side of her diaper and just covered my chest and then the sheet. I was so tired that when I first felt the wetness I was like damn my underarm is sweating something fierce I guess. OH WAIT....
We've been fairly lucky on the puke front. Beyond infant spit up, she's only thrown up twice and both times were because she tried to eat too much food and I gagged her sweeping the food out of her mouth. I don't look forward to the guaranteed impending monster pukes we're going to have.
I've been getting up every single day between half 5 and 6 for longer than I can remember now. Lie-ins on the weekend have turned into napping at the same time as him after a morning bottle, play and then a proper breakfast.
I used to have to set alarms for weekends to make sure I was up before midday.
Sigh.
The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
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Quoththe RavenMiami, FL FOR REALRegistered Userregular
My kid has gotten to be a decent sleeper after three years. Possibly to make up for the absolutely terrible sleeper he was in his first 18 months. Except that he never wants to go to bed and then usually doesn't want to wake up for school, either.
Our two daughter are polar opposites that way. Our oldest would happily sleep until 9:00 and wakes up pissed off at the world for having to get up every day which she totally did not get from me, don't listen to my wife.
My younger daughter hasn't slept past 6:30 like ever, and wakes up cheerful and cuddly.
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MichaelLCIn what furnace was thy brain?ChicagoRegistered Userregular
edited August 2014
We're having sleep issues too. They must all have got a bad OTA firmware update.
CC is walking up at shit o'clock and wanting to sleep in our bed. Had a good streak of making it to 6am or so.
Hour 36 in the hospital since the wife's water broke. There is no feeling worse than watching them have nasty contractions and being unable to help (she hates anything touching her during the contraction). We wanted to go drug-free, but the epidural has been a godsend. Hopefully we'll be able to welcome in our son tonight, but who knows.
We just got our baby to sleep in her crib. We put her in at 830-9. She cries for 5-10 minutes, then sheriff's until 5-6. We are so happy she sleeps in that late.
Now to get her to go to sleep without the crying.
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Hour 36 in the hospital since the wife's water broke. There is no feeling worse than watching them have nasty contractions and being unable to help (she hates anything touching her during the contraction). We wanted to go drug-free, but the epidural has been a godsend. Hopefully we'll be able to welcome in our son tonight, but who knows.
Re: mornings; during the week, I get up at 5:30 in the mornings (semi-voluntarily, to make daycare dropoff/pickup scheduling work out), so our 4-year-old also gets up at the same time and comes downstairs to hang out with me while I make coffee/breakfast/head off to work. This is fine, but he also wakes up at that time on the weekends -- so we got a Gro Clock which is set for 6:30, so my wife and I have a chance to sleep a bit longer on weekends before the kids come in to get cuddles. (not sure if Gro Clocks exist in the US, but the "Teach Me Time" clock is equivalent).
Also, while it takes a few years, eventually kids get old enough to not just sleep through the night, but also to go and forage for breakfast themselves -- so once the kids get to the point where they're not having cuddle time but are instead having wrestle-on-top-of-parents-time, we can send them off to get crackers / yogurt / fruit / etc and get some time to ourselves.
Well, some good turns (sort of) for me. A few weeks ago, my niece let her grandmother (her father's mother) know she was considering moving in with us. We were upset she took that step frankly, as we had already told her she was with her dad for the start of the school year and knew it would complicate things. It was met with anger and some nastygrams to my wife about stealing her, but my wife answered super nicely and let her know all the times we'd made sure the niece visited and saw her dad's family over the summer. We never heard back.
Yesterday, my niece got a message that her grandmother had a few weeks to think and she thinks her best living situation would be with us and wants to know how she could help. It means a lot that she said that, and I'm hoping if DHS steps in, it will make a slide over to us much easier. Life would be so much easier if her dad could either find a girlfriend with a few less issues (or heaven forbid, go without one for a day) and live in one apartment more than 3 months at a time preferably not in the bad areas of town. They have a good relationship, it's just the living situations that suck.
Selfish whining in the spoiler because I feel bad but need to put it down somewhere:
I wish Mrs. Elbasunu would start to feel like enjoying the bedroom company of Mr. Elbasunu again soon I've done my research and I know this kind of thing can take a long time, not just to physically recover (obviously) but to emotionally return to the equation. Lord knows I'm not going to force any issues, but I was starting to worry maybe she'd lost interest in me because I gained some weight, or something else I was doing, but she said that wasn't the case.
Our son is so great, and she's such a great mom. He's 7 months old next week. I just wish seeing her be an amazing mom didn't also make me super extra attracted to her, because she's not just not in the mood for any of it.
I want to say we could start a club but I'm not fully convinced this particular club would satisfy anything.
Just know there are plenty of us in the same boat. Leah is 7.5 months old, wife is super attractive, just not having that mood but once a couple months back.
I am (and was last time) in the opposite boat. From the day Kim finds out she is pregnant, she basically wants no physical contact outside of pecks on the cheek and occasional hand-holding for the entire stretch. She says she just feels "off" and wants to wait out the clock on her own in as many ways as possible.
And you just gotta respect that and give them their space and ride it out by yourself for a stretch. Now, this time next year and still nothing, or if you start getting other negative signs, you might have a therapy-sized problem on your hands. But lots of people will tell you that first year is a very different place to be for moms and they all react very differently to the whole process.
And I guarantee she's being truthful about your weight not being the issue. BUT (and I can tell you this from experience) vigorous exercise and putting effort into your health really does help release pent-up energy, especially sexual energy. If all you're doing is sitting around the house watching TV and handling your own business (and believe me I've been there) you're just going to feel worse about all of it. Put yourself together a simple daily routine (pushups, situps, and squats will take you a long way) and just work through it.
It won't take the place of what you're missing, but you'll feel a LOT less like a coiled snake in your own house all the damn time. Just don't be an idiot in how you present it to her, or you'll fuck stuff up. "I'm doing pushups because all this energy has to go SOMEWHERE," is a really dumb thing to say. "This doesn't have anything to do with you, us, or our bedroom, I just feel like I could tighten up a little and take better care of myself," is a smart thing to say.
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@mare_imbrium - This actually sounds a little like me as a kid. I was a spoiled little shit. You may try challenging him to do the things he says he can do, as you need to shatter his "everything is easy, I just can't be bothered" layer sooner rather than later. I thought I knew everything and could do everything, because it LOOKED easy. It was not, and I often stopped doing things when I learned the truth instead of admitting I was wrong. Challenging him to complete something that he starts and talk about what he's learned vs. his expectations before going into it may help, as sometimes the reflection is the most valuable part. That said, part of it is middle-schooler ego, which gets a reality check when they enter high school anyhow.
@mare_imbrium I agree with the others that have said he is using his creativity as a crutch and as a way to get out of following through on things. Part of me says let him get a minor shock from messing with the circuit building set - or organize a match against a trained fencer and let him get beaten.
How does he react when he loses at something? Has there ever been a time when he loses because it is clear that he has no idea what he is doing, yet the person that won did - and the loss was BAD?
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
The turtle is concerned about the surveillance state this child is growing up in.
Your nephew is a lucky guy
Busy with times. My wife is a rock star.
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
SHe's making lots of sounds and it's hilarious when she gets going. It sounds like she's having a whole conversation with you "ahahha bluurghh bbuuurrrh eee i ggrrr?" and then she looks at you as if to say "so what do you think?"
if this isn't the right place to post this, let me know and i'll edit it, and repost somewhere else (h&a perhaps?)
anyways, i found out today that one of my son's soccer teammates (they are both 7) just had surgery for a malignant brain tumor. They have been playing on the same team for over a year, so its a kid he is close with, and my son is well aware of what cancer is, but how to i go explain to him that one of his good buddies has it? We have our first team practice of the season tomorrow, and the coach is going to let all of the other parents know, so obviously all the kids will find our soon.
thanks.
gamertag:Maguano71
Switch:SW-8428-8279-1687
Your kids are gonna love it.
I work in radiotherapy and experience this quite a bit (if usually from a parent telling their child about their diagnosis perspective) and generally honesty is the best policy. You would be really surprised at what kids can handle. It wil depend on his perception of cancer, though. If he sees it as a disease or a death sentence will really colour how he takes the news. Take some time for both of you to sit down together and have a chat about things. Explain a little of what chemo, surgery and radiotherapy are and that his friend might not be able to play as much as he used to. I don't know his histology so I can't say if he'll have chemo but if he does, but maybe you and your son could put together a little care package for his friend? Things like books, games, comfortable clothes etc are always appreciated and let people know you're thinking of them even if you can't be there due to infection risk or anything along those lines. If he's having radiotherapy there's a great video on YouTube by a British department explaining to children what the treatment is and how it works. Its called One of a Kind: A Guide to Radiotherapy.
But I'll say it again, honesty is the best policy, children usually know somethings up, and avoiding difficult questions could make him more anxious. Good luck!
So glad I introduced him to the GotG soundtrack
Our son is so great, and she's such a great mom. He's 7 months old next week. I just wish seeing her be an amazing mom didn't also make me super extra attracted to her, because she's not just not in the mood for any of it.
Steam ID: Obos Vent: Obos
We had a great weekend at an outdoor sculpture park. He was looking at all the huge metal and stone and wood sculptures, as well as the local wildlife( ducks, peacocks), and just being generally happy. I'm so glad he's good on outings.
The whole park is covered in Seward Johnson statues:
Steam ID: Obos Vent: Obos
I want to say we could start a club but I'm not fully convinced this particular club would satisfy anything.
We have good teethers for him, but he was too tired and cranky to hold them in his mouth right
Steam ID: Obos Vent: Obos
So lately Lily has taken to waking up at 5:30 am every day. This has been going on since the end of July. At first I thought it was because she was going to bed too early, but even more recently she's been fussing and complaining about bedtime up until 9:00 and still wakes up at 5:30 in the morning. Of course the issue might be the naps she gets at her daycare, but regulations in Massachusetts require that all daycares must offer naps to children 5 and under.
Of course, she gives me the best hugs at 5:30 in the morning, so I guess I can't be too mad at her, but I'm really getting exhausted and I feel like Parent-time has been getting infringed a little to often lately.
My four year old wakes me up every morning around 6:00 by standing about a half inch from my face and whispering "Daddy .... I want apple juice"
and I reply every morning the same way ".... now?"
Then she did a huge pee that for some reason came right out the side of her diaper and just covered my chest and then the sheet. I was so tired that when I first felt the wetness I was like damn my underarm is sweating something fierce I guess. OH WAIT....
Steam ID: Obos Vent: Obos
I used to have to set alarms for weekends to make sure I was up before midday.
Sigh.
My younger daughter hasn't slept past 6:30 like ever, and wakes up cheerful and cuddly.
CC is walking up at shit o'clock and wanting to sleep in our bed. Had a good streak of making it to 6am or so.
Now to get her to go to sleep without the crying.
Best of luck!
Also, while it takes a few years, eventually kids get old enough to not just sleep through the night, but also to go and forage for breakfast themselves -- so once the kids get to the point where they're not having cuddle time but are instead having wrestle-on-top-of-parents-time, we can send them off to get crackers / yogurt / fruit / etc and get some time to ourselves.
Yesterday, my niece got a message that her grandmother had a few weeks to think and she thinks her best living situation would be with us and wants to know how she could help. It means a lot that she said that, and I'm hoping if DHS steps in, it will make a slide over to us much easier. Life would be so much easier if her dad could either find a girlfriend with a few less issues (or heaven forbid, go without one for a day) and live in one apartment more than 3 months at a time preferably not in the bad areas of town. They have a good relationship, it's just the living situations that suck.
At 1:28 AM, Maximilian Hazard Jordan entered this world with a barbaric yawp.
Congrats!
Congratulations!
I am (and was last time) in the opposite boat. From the day Kim finds out she is pregnant, she basically wants no physical contact outside of pecks on the cheek and occasional hand-holding for the entire stretch. She says she just feels "off" and wants to wait out the clock on her own in as many ways as possible.
And you just gotta respect that and give them their space and ride it out by yourself for a stretch. Now, this time next year and still nothing, or if you start getting other negative signs, you might have a therapy-sized problem on your hands. But lots of people will tell you that first year is a very different place to be for moms and they all react very differently to the whole process.
And I guarantee she's being truthful about your weight not being the issue. BUT (and I can tell you this from experience) vigorous exercise and putting effort into your health really does help release pent-up energy, especially sexual energy. If all you're doing is sitting around the house watching TV and handling your own business (and believe me I've been there) you're just going to feel worse about all of it. Put yourself together a simple daily routine (pushups, situps, and squats will take you a long way) and just work through it.
It won't take the place of what you're missing, but you'll feel a LOT less like a coiled snake in your own house all the damn time. Just don't be an idiot in how you present it to her, or you'll fuck stuff up. "I'm doing pushups because all this energy has to go SOMEWHERE," is a really dumb thing to say. "This doesn't have anything to do with you, us, or our bedroom, I just feel like I could tighten up a little and take better care of myself," is a smart thing to say.
Did he arrive in Stable 1 or Stable 2?