Just call, ask if she's there, and say "Hey, it's _J_, we talked the other day in the store. Do you wanna hang out sometime?"
If she's interested, she'll say yes. If she's not, she'll say no. Either way, you didn't have to drive 45 minutes and hope she was working at that particular moment.
I would call the store and tell whomever's there to give her your phone number.
Don't do this. And I certainly hope they wouldn't give that information. Seriously, pretend you're working at a store and some random dude calls asking for the phone-number of a female co-worker you don't hate. You're not actually going to give up that information are you?
I wouldn't do that. And if some random male called and said to give his phone number to a girl who worked there? Wouldn't do that either.
I would, however, prank them.
My reasoning is that a call with the offer of your phone number would be less creepy than showing up at the store randomly on the chance that she's there. You've already spent a decent amount of time talking to her face to face, and a phone call is a little more personal and gives you a chance to get to know her more.
Oh goddamnit, just ask her out for a coffee after she finishes work or something, maybe on her lunchbreak. If all you genuinely want to do is talk to her, then this shouldn't be a problem.
Don't dance around it. Just be confident, casual, and straightforward. Ask her out. You're already primed by having broken the ice, so just see what happens. If she says yes, that's great! If she says no, then just smile, shrug, and say, "Heh, can't blame a guy for trying!" and that's the worst-case scenario right there.
Being obtuse is the worst thing because it's transparent(seriously, girls know "what guys want") and paints you as either being too weak to just ask, or creepy/"has issues" for stalking.
Don't care about what her response will be either, and if you can't, try to give that impression at least. If you make it feel casual, she'll feel more open and less threatened.
Sooner the better too. Psychological tests show that good impressions are most effective the sooner the follow-up comes.
Yumcake on
Cake is yum, is yum cake? I think, therefore I am. I am... Yumcake.
She was not there but the guy who worked last weekend was there. He asked if I liked the comic leia recommended and said that he would tell her that I liked it. While I was checking out I asked when she would be in next and he said next Sunday.
So I obtained both a name and the next date on which she'll be in the shop.
I know he did. I'm just telling you how it can potentially appear. It doesn't have to appear that way, but I'd have to have watched the initial interaction to say anything about which.
I know he did. I'm just telling you how it can potentially appear. It doesn't have to appear that way, but I'd have to have watched the initial interaction to say anything about which.
I won't use her name until she says it. Then everyone wins.
When I was talking to the guy he didn't seem put off by my asking when she works again. I thought that was a good sign. Basically because I just want to talk to her because she's awesome.
I know he did. I'm just telling you how it can potentially appear. It doesn't have to appear that way, but I'd have to have watched the initial interaction to say anything about which.
I won't use her name until she says it. Then everyone wins.
When I was talking to the guy he didn't seem put off by my asking when she works again. I thought that was a good sign. Basically because I just want to talk to her because she's awesome.
That makes no sense to me. I have never met a guy I would drive 45 minutes to see again to ask him if he wants to go somewhere with me to spend time talking with me. Haven't heard of any of my friends do this for someone of the same sex(or incorrect sexual orientation). I've met girls I've wanted to do this with, and I was also interested in talking with them, but talking alone sure wasn't why I was there.
You don't want to tell a girl straight up that sex is in the air, she already knows it is. It's just the social norm to dance around it for awhile since those who go straight to that topic are considered perverts. But you don't need to play that game with us man. There's nothing embarrassing about it, a girl who likes guy stuff gets a big fat +5 bonus to CHA rolls on guys.
Yumcake on
Cake is yum, is yum cake? I think, therefore I am. I am... Yumcake.
I know he did. I'm just telling you how it can potentially appear. It doesn't have to appear that way, but I'd have to have watched the initial interaction to say anything about which.
I won't use her name until she says it. Then everyone wins.
When I was talking to the guy he didn't seem put off by my asking when she works again. I thought that was a good sign. Basically because I just want to talk to her because she's awesome.
Yeah, but don't carry this to a ridiculous degree. It's not going to be a big deal if you use her name; if she asks, just say her coworker told you when he was asking about the comic she recommended. It only gets creepy if you make it sound like you were stalking her.
(She probably told the coworker about the comic 'cause she likes you. Ask her to do something outside of work pronto!)
That makes no sense to me. I have never met a guy I would drive 45 minutes to see again to ask him if he wants to go somewhere with me to spend time talking with me. Haven't heard of any of my friends do this for someone of the same sex(or incorrect sexual orientation). I've met girls I've wanted to do this with, and I was also interested in talking with them, but talking alone sure wasn't why I was there.
You don't want to tell a girl straight up that sex is in the air, she already knows it is. It's just the social norm to dance around it for awhile since those who go straight to that topic are considered perverts. But you don't need to play that game with us man. There's nothing embarrassing about it, a girl who likes guy stuff gets a big fat +5 bonus to CHA rolls on guys.
Yes, but she had her fiance call off their wedding so now she is single and bitter. And, yes, dating her would be awesome, but moreso than that I want to hang out with her and talk because she's a delightful person to talk to.
Since she's still bitter about the breakup I don't want to say "Hey, want to go on a date?" because she doesn't want to get into another relationship. But she might want to hang out as friends, or go get dinner as friends. And that would be awesome.
Wait, so you talked to a girl for 47 minutes and never got her name? How does that work?
I have an aquantance that works at a chinese restaurant that I have gone to for years (and then known her for as long as that) and she goes to the same college as me. I briefly speak with her every now and then and probably see her every other week.
We have never actually said our names to each other. I only recently got her name because I checked out her books from the library (where I work).
It isn't so strange to have a conversation with a person you meet and not formally introduce yourselves.
So she's supposedly working tomorrow. The shop is open till 6 so I figure if I get there at 4 I can talk to her and maybe if things go well I can ask if she wants to get something to eat after her shift.
Thoughts?
_J_ on
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ShogunHair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get alongRegistered Userregular
So she's supposedly working tomorrow. The shop is open till 6 so I figure if I get there at 4 I can talk to her and maybe if things go well I can ask if she wants to get something to eat after her shift.
Thoughts?
Bring your cards, play some games, and let her win. As it nears closing time then you ask.
Wait, so you talked to a girl for 47 minutes and never got her name? How does that work?
A surprising amount of time actually, I've talked to customers for a LONG time before the convo winds down and we exchange business cards/names. It's not like I wear a name tag and they come up to me with a question or comment, not with a "hay! I'm _____". also, on IM I've talked to people for days w/o knowing their real name.
warning: completely my own opinions and experiences!
3rd'ing the give-your-information-to-her. Either in person or call. Ex: Hay, I'm _J_ and this is my number if you ever wanna chat again! or give her your screen names for IMing. I think anything else is too much.
I wouldn't get your hopes up too much. I'm a woman and I would never take a 'date' from some random customer whose name I don't know and only talked to for 47 minutes [what's with the exact number, btw?] especially one of the opposite sex. That just screams 'i want to date you'. if you are serious about just being friends, she might be interested, but let her initiate out-of-work contact.
fake edit: unless she is really hungry on her lunch break and it's a busy, public area only a walking distance from her work, you might be able to buy her food. we like food..... :P
you can win, as long as you don't get super serious about it
if you get your ass kicked don't get angry.
Well yeah don't be an asshole no matter what. But that's kind of a given regardless of who you are playing. But letting someone win is stupid and ridiculous. Just play for real and if you kill them, talk to them about it and tell them you'll handicap yourself in the future.
3rd'ing the give-your-information-to-her. Either in person or call. Ex: Hay, I'm _J_ and this is my number if you ever wanna chat again! or give her your screen names for IMing. I think anything else is too much.
I wouldn't get your hopes up too much. I'm a woman and I would never take a 'date' from some random customer whose name I don't know and only talked to for 47 minutes [what's with the exact number, btw?] especially one of the opposite sex. That just screams 'i want to date you'. if you are serious about just being friends, she might be interested, but let her initiate out-of-work contact.
That makes sense. I don't want to be creepy weird guy and show up and give her my phone number and ask her to call me, because, that's creepy and weird. But if we can stand there and talk about things for extended periods of time that seems to indicate, to me at least, that we would be able to stand, or sit, and talk about things in places other than the location in which she works. And I would enjoy that. So I'd like to bring about a situation in which we can go out for coffee and talk about philosophy. The question is how to do that.
I checked my phone to see what time it was before I entered the store, then checked it when I left the store. That's how I know how long it was.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
The first thing that came to mind was that you should have continued talking to her...that she was waiting for you to continue the conversation. Thus her inquiring about you leaving.
Or she could just see you as someone to have small talk here and there, if and when you are around, and not much more.
Or I could be wrong. Either way, don't give up, and listen to Snake Charmer's advice.
Here is how you do it: Forget about the stalking bits, calling up, subterfuge... whatever.
Find her again. Just be calm and relaxed. Talk to her. Don't ask her on a date. Don't ask for her number. When the conversation is winding down, end it. Say "Hey, I've gotta run. What steps can we take to continue this conversation?" She will give you her number, or facebook, email, whatever. It's low pressure- She can give you whatever she's comfortable giving you.
And don't take her out to dinner. I'm not gonna tell you that those dates ALWAYS go south. I've been on some awesome dinner dates. But go for something more creative, that's lower pressure. Take her out for a cup of coffee. If that goes well, have something else in mind to do afterwards. Just finish your coffee and say "Hey, this was fun. I was gonna go check out (whatever) later on, you oughta tag along." Easy, done. And the great thing is, unlike a dinner date, if the coffee thing sucks, and is awkward? You finish your coffee, and say "Well, I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger." Bam, nobody is feeling alienated or awkward, you're not chewing in uncomfortable silence, and since it's lower pressure you both can unwind more and really get to know eachother in comfort, rather than in tension.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
Okay, I have a crippling shyness with girls due to low self steem, and I'm just now working to get over that.
With that said, I think you have to forget about going back in a couple of weeks, and just go back there as soon as you can and say something along the lines of "Hey, you're cool. Let's hang out outside the store, like for coffee or something."
I been told that if you're interested in a girl, chances are other guys are interested too. While you're bidding your time, someone else may already be asking her out. So Seize the day and all hat good stuff!
Here is how you do it: Forget about the stalking bits, calling up, subterfuge... whatever.
Find her again. Just be calm and relaxed. Talk to her. Don't ask her on a date. Don't ask for her number. When the conversation is winding down, end it. Say "Hey, I've gotta run. What steps can we take to continue this conversation?" She will give you her number, or facebook, email, whatever. It's low pressure- She can give you whatever she's comfortable giving you.
And don't take her out to dinner. I'm not gonna tell you that those dates ALWAYS go south. I've been on some awesome dinner dates. But go for something more creative, that's lower pressure. Take her out for a cup of coffee. If that goes well, have something else in mind to do afterwards. Just finish your coffee and say "Hey, this was fun. I was gonna go check out (whatever) later on, you oughta tag along." Easy, done. And the great thing is, unlike a dinner date, if the coffee thing sucks, and is awkward? You finish your coffee, and say "Well, I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger." Bam, nobody is feeling alienated or awkward, you're not chewing in uncomfortable silence, and since it's lower pressure you both can unwind more and really get to know eachother in comfort, rather than in tension.
I like the "what steps can be taken to continue this conversation" line. I shall use that.
Here is how you do it: Forget about the stalking bits, calling up, subterfuge... whatever.
Find her again. Just be calm and relaxed. Talk to her. Don't ask her on a date. Don't ask for her number. When the conversation is winding down, end it. Say "Hey, I've gotta run. What steps can we take to continue this conversation?" She will give you her number, or facebook, email, whatever. It's low pressure- She can give you whatever she's comfortable giving you.
And don't take her out to dinner. I'm not gonna tell you that those dates ALWAYS go south. I've been on some awesome dinner dates. But go for something more creative, that's lower pressure. Take her out for a cup of coffee. If that goes well, have something else in mind to do afterwards. Just finish your coffee and say "Hey, this was fun. I was gonna go check out (whatever) later on, you oughta tag along." Easy, done. And the great thing is, unlike a dinner date, if the coffee thing sucks, and is awkward? You finish your coffee, and say "Well, I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger." Bam, nobody is feeling alienated or awkward, you're not chewing in uncomfortable silence, and since it's lower pressure you both can unwind more and really get to know eachother in comfort, rather than in tension.
I like the "what steps can be taken to continue this conversation" line. I shall use that.
Haha, i love it Captain Awesome. definitely a cheesy, but good line. If she hesitates, or doesn't laugh at that line, just give her your info.
OT
and yes, I am a woman. I choose snake charmer because I breed reptiles for a living. my usual forum name is my business name, but I didn't want to seem like I was advertising here since this is just a fun forum.
/OT
Good luck _J_! if she does ever go anywhere with you, offer to bring some of your friends and have her do the same and just make it an 'outing' more than a date.
Here is how you do it: Forget about the stalking bits, calling up, subterfuge... whatever.
Find her again. Just be calm and relaxed. Talk to her. Don't ask her on a date. Don't ask for her number. When the conversation is winding down, end it. Say "Hey, I've gotta run. What steps can we take to continue this conversation?" She will give you her number, or facebook, email, whatever. It's low pressure- She can give you whatever she's comfortable giving you.
And don't take her out to dinner. I'm not gonna tell you that those dates ALWAYS go south. I've been on some awesome dinner dates. But go for something more creative, that's lower pressure. Take her out for a cup of coffee. If that goes well, have something else in mind to do afterwards. Just finish your coffee and say "Hey, this was fun. I was gonna go check out (whatever) later on, you oughta tag along." Easy, done. And the great thing is, unlike a dinner date, if the coffee thing sucks, and is awkward? You finish your coffee, and say "Well, I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger." Bam, nobody is feeling alienated or awkward, you're not chewing in uncomfortable silence, and since it's lower pressure you both can unwind more and really get to know eachother in comfort, rather than in tension.
I like the "what steps can be taken to continue this conversation" line. I shall use that.
Haha, i love it Captain Awesome. definitely a cheesy, but good line. If she hesitates, or doesn't laugh at that line, just give her your info.
OT
and yes, I am a woman. I choose snake charmer because I breed reptiles for a living. my usual forum name is my business name, but I didn't want to seem like I was advertising here since this is just a fun forum.
/OT
Good luck _J_! if she does ever go anywhere with you, offer to bring some of your friends and have her do the same and just make it an 'outing' more than a date.
You breed reptiles for a living?
That's so awesome.
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ShogunHair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get alongRegistered Userregular
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
She wanted you to stay and chat with her a bit more mate. Don't wait a few weeks.
Thanks ^_^ It's quite possibly the best reason for dropping out of game design [college] ever and I'll never regret it. I don't want to thread steal, so if anyone wants to PM me, feel free.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
She wanted you to stay and chat with her a bit more mate. Don't wait a few weeks.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
Dont forget that ultimately, she is at work. She is there to do a job. She might well really want to come over and chat more with you, but she's being paid to do various tasks and they need to take priority. So dont let her not being the one to approach you cloud your vision here.
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ShogunHair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get alongRegistered Userregular
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
Dont forget that ultimately, she is at work. She is there to do a job. She might well really want to come over and chat more with you, but she's being paid to do various tasks and they need to take priority. So dont let her not being the one to approach you cloud your vision here.
I think he handled himself well in his description of the situation. He waited until it was comfortable clear for conversation, had a good conversation with her, and got out of her way when it was time for her to do some work. She took an interest when he was leaving, and the fact that he left shows he isn't overly interested. But this is where it can get hectic if you start to over-analyze. For the moment J stay the course.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
Dont forget that ultimately, she is at work. She is there to do a job. She might well really want to come over and chat more with you, but she's being paid to do various tasks and they need to take priority. So dont let her not being the one to approach you cloud your vision here.
I think he handled himself well in his description of the situation. He waited until it was comfortable clear for conversation, had a good conversation with her, and got out of her way when it was time for her to do some work. She took an interest when he was leaving, and the fact that he left shows he isn't overly interested. But this is where it can get hectic if you start to over-analyze. For the moment J stay the course.
Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out how to have a conversation and iniate some "out of work" experience without having the initial question be awkward.
Posts
If she's interested, she'll say yes. If she's not, she'll say no. Either way, you didn't have to drive 45 minutes and hope she was working at that particular moment.
And stare at her until she fills it out and hands it back over to you.
I'm sure that would go over well.
My reasoning is that a call with the offer of your phone number would be less creepy than showing up at the store randomly on the chance that she's there. You've already spent a decent amount of time talking to her face to face, and a phone call is a little more personal and gives you a chance to get to know her more.
Being obtuse is the worst thing because it's transparent(seriously, girls know "what guys want") and paints you as either being too weak to just ask, or creepy/"has issues" for stalking.
Don't care about what her response will be either, and if you can't, try to give that impression at least. If you make it feel casual, she'll feel more open and less threatened.
Sooner the better too. Psychological tests show that good impressions are most effective the sooner the follow-up comes.
She was not there but the guy who worked last weekend was there. He asked if I liked the comic leia recommended and said that he would tell her that I liked it. While I was checking out I asked when she would be in next and he said next Sunday.
So I obtained both a name and the next date on which she'll be in the shop.
Not back.
I won't use her name until she says it. Then everyone wins.
When I was talking to the guy he didn't seem put off by my asking when she works again. I thought that was a good sign. Basically because I just want to talk to her because she's awesome.
That makes no sense to me. I have never met a guy I would drive 45 minutes to see again to ask him if he wants to go somewhere with me to spend time talking with me. Haven't heard of any of my friends do this for someone of the same sex(or incorrect sexual orientation). I've met girls I've wanted to do this with, and I was also interested in talking with them, but talking alone sure wasn't why I was there.
You don't want to tell a girl straight up that sex is in the air, she already knows it is. It's just the social norm to dance around it for awhile since those who go straight to that topic are considered perverts. But you don't need to play that game with us man. There's nothing embarrassing about it, a girl who likes guy stuff gets a big fat +5 bonus to CHA rolls on guys.
Yeah, but don't carry this to a ridiculous degree. It's not going to be a big deal if you use her name; if she asks, just say her coworker told you when he was asking about the comic she recommended. It only gets creepy if you make it sound like you were stalking her.
(She probably told the coworker about the comic 'cause she likes you. Ask her to do something outside of work pronto!)
Yes, but she had her fiance call off their wedding so now she is single and bitter. And, yes, dating her would be awesome, but moreso than that I want to hang out with her and talk because she's a delightful person to talk to.
Since she's still bitter about the breakup I don't want to say "Hey, want to go on a date?" because she doesn't want to get into another relationship. But she might want to hang out as friends, or go get dinner as friends. And that would be awesome.
It never came up.
I have an aquantance that works at a chinese restaurant that I have gone to for years (and then known her for as long as that) and she goes to the same college as me. I briefly speak with her every now and then and probably see her every other week.
We have never actually said our names to each other. I only recently got her name because I checked out her books from the library (where I work).
It isn't so strange to have a conversation with a person you meet and not formally introduce yourselves.
Thoughts?
Bring your cards, play some games, and let her win. As it nears closing time then you ask.
Shogun Streams Vidya
if you get your ass kicked don't get angry.
A surprising amount of time actually, I've talked to customers for a LONG time before the convo winds down and we exchange business cards/names. It's not like I wear a name tag and they come up to me with a question or comment, not with a "hay! I'm _____". also, on IM I've talked to people for days w/o knowing their real name.
warning: completely my own opinions and experiences!
3rd'ing the give-your-information-to-her. Either in person or call. Ex: Hay, I'm _J_ and this is my number if you ever wanna chat again! or give her your screen names for IMing. I think anything else is too much.
I wouldn't get your hopes up too much. I'm a woman and I would never take a 'date' from some random customer whose name I don't know and only talked to for 47 minutes [what's with the exact number, btw?] especially one of the opposite sex. That just screams 'i want to date you'. if you are serious about just being friends, she might be interested, but let her initiate out-of-work contact.
fake edit: unless she is really hungry on her lunch break and it's a busy, public area only a walking distance from her work, you might be able to buy her food. we like food..... :P
That makes sense. I don't want to be creepy weird guy and show up and give her my phone number and ask her to call me, because, that's creepy and weird. But if we can stand there and talk about things for extended periods of time that seems to indicate, to me at least, that we would be able to stand, or sit, and talk about things in places other than the location in which she works. And I would enjoy that. So I'd like to bring about a situation in which we can go out for coffee and talk about philosophy. The question is how to do that.
I checked my phone to see what time it was before I entered the store, then checked it when I left the store. That's how I know how long it was.
Went to the store. She was in the back of the centeral island area sorting comics. So I looked around, went back there and talked to her. We talked for a little bit about the comic I purchased before and Sandman, which is apparently delightful and not for usual comic fans. She thinks I would enjoy it. So, I'm apparently not a usual comic fan in her mind. Presumably this is good.
Then she has to check someone out. So she goes to do that and I wander around so as not to cramp her. After she rings the person up she goes back to sorting.
It's a fairly small store, so if she wanted to continue the discussion she could start talking again and I would hear her. But she doesn't so I just peruse the selections for a while. Then I say "See you later." to her and she looks up and says "You're leaving?" To which I say "Yeah, I think so." And she says, "See you later, then. Tallyforth."
So it's not the case that when I'm in the store she feels compelled to talk to me and seek me out, as it were, but it is also not the case that when I leave she's indifferent.
I think I would be in a good position to befriend her were we capable of talking sometime outside of the store. I'll probably go back in a few weeks and see what happens then.
Or she could just see you as someone to have small talk here and there, if and when you are around, and not much more.
Or I could be wrong. Either way, don't give up, and listen to Snake Charmer's advice.
I don't know if I'd trust relationship advice from a guy named "Snake" Charmer.
I thought Snake Charmer was a female.
Find her again. Just be calm and relaxed. Talk to her. Don't ask her on a date. Don't ask for her number. When the conversation is winding down, end it. Say "Hey, I've gotta run. What steps can we take to continue this conversation?" She will give you her number, or facebook, email, whatever. It's low pressure- She can give you whatever she's comfortable giving you.
And don't take her out to dinner. I'm not gonna tell you that those dates ALWAYS go south. I've been on some awesome dinner dates. But go for something more creative, that's lower pressure. Take her out for a cup of coffee. If that goes well, have something else in mind to do afterwards. Just finish your coffee and say "Hey, this was fun. I was gonna go check out (whatever) later on, you oughta tag along." Easy, done. And the great thing is, unlike a dinner date, if the coffee thing sucks, and is awkward? You finish your coffee, and say "Well, I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger." Bam, nobody is feeling alienated or awkward, you're not chewing in uncomfortable silence, and since it's lower pressure you both can unwind more and really get to know eachother in comfort, rather than in tension.
Okay, I have a crippling shyness with girls due to low self steem, and I'm just now working to get over that.
With that said, I think you have to forget about going back in a couple of weeks, and just go back there as soon as you can and say something along the lines of "Hey, you're cool. Let's hang out outside the store, like for coffee or something."
I been told that if you're interested in a girl, chances are other guys are interested too. While you're bidding your time, someone else may already be asking her out. So Seize the day and all hat good stuff!
I like the "what steps can be taken to continue this conversation" line. I shall use that.
Haha, i love it Captain Awesome. definitely a cheesy, but good line. If she hesitates, or doesn't laugh at that line, just give her your info.
OT
and yes, I am a woman. I choose snake charmer because I breed reptiles for a living. my usual forum name is my business name, but I didn't want to seem like I was advertising here since this is just a fun forum.
/OT
Good luck _J_! if she does ever go anywhere with you, offer to bring some of your friends and have her do the same and just make it an 'outing' more than a date.
You breed reptiles for a living?
That's so awesome.
She wanted you to stay and chat with her a bit more mate. Don't wait a few weeks.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Thanks ^_^ It's quite possibly the best reason for dropping out of game design [college] ever and I'll never regret it. I don't want to thread steal, so if anyone wants to PM me, feel free.
I'm getting my tonsils out on Thursday.
Perhaps I can go back before then. Maybe Tuesday.
Dont forget that ultimately, she is at work. She is there to do a job. She might well really want to come over and chat more with you, but she's being paid to do various tasks and they need to take priority. So dont let her not being the one to approach you cloud your vision here.
I think he handled himself well in his description of the situation. He waited until it was comfortable clear for conversation, had a good conversation with her, and got out of her way when it was time for her to do some work. She took an interest when he was leaving, and the fact that he left shows he isn't overly interested. But this is where it can get hectic if you start to over-analyze. For the moment J stay the course.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out how to have a conversation and iniate some "out of work" experience without having the initial question be awkward.
Must go back again, talk again, see what happens.