Excuse me, sir. I believe I see both Ator and Beastmaster on that list, and the author described it as an attempt to be exhaustive (ie: include bad films in the ranking as well as good). The former is inarguably worse than Red Sonja by every conceivable metric and is merely rendered watchable, not good, not entertaining, just barely watchable by being viewed in the MST3K format. The latter is only better if you don't mind an adorable ferret dying at the end, I do (and as a child I really really minded) but not by much. If you are an animal lover you're better off with Red Sonja by miles.
Well I can understand the complaint that Red Sonja belongs on there if the list is to be comprehensive. But it must be rated as the very worst movie of all time. Ator is crap because it was crap from the beginning. No budget, no actors, no nothing. Beastmaster was a shitty premise with shitty actors (except for Rip Torn).
But Red Sonja took an interesting setting, semi-decent actors (Arnold, Bergman, Paul Smith) and a sword and sorcery movie with a budget and turned it into absolute fecal material. Also, protip, the protagonist must be able to act.
Sandahl Bergman can act though. She was great in Conan The Barbarian, and moderately entertaining in Sonja.
They should have had her play Sonja and had Nielsen play a lamppost or something.
And that to me is why the movie must be ranked last. Grievous misuse of cast and setting.
Against my better judgment I failed to resist the mind worm that that article placed in my head and visited the imdb page for Beastmaster.
Depressing stuff follows:
They couldn't get the eagle to fly on cue so they dumped it out of a trapdoor in a hot air balloon to force it to take flight so they could do shots.
The "panther" was actually a tiger, dyed black. It later died from some sort of an allergic reaction after suffering serious skin problems for a couple years following filming.
So, all things considered, Red Sonja > Beastmaster by about 10,000,000,000,000^infinity times.
They're both Henson films. Labyrinth had the girl, baby, Bowie, and a few other regular people and the rest were puppets. Dark Crystal was all puppets.
Just remember that half the people you meet are below average intelligence.
Miyazaki made four movies in the 80s (although I don't think they become well known in America until later on):
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Castle in the Sky
My Neighbor Totoro
Kiki's Delivery Service
I really like Nausicaa, I think it's superb. I understand the manga is superior, but I haven't read it so I can judge the film solely on its own merits, which are considerable. The American voice acting is quite good (as is typical for Miyazaki imports) the dialogue and characters are memorable and finely crafted, and the moral complexity of the characters and the story has far more depth than a typical animated film (well, typical for things by people who aren't Miyazaki anyway).
The real star of the film, of course, is the setting and world-building (which is the area that I believe the manga devoted considerably more attention to). The world Nausicaa inhabits is an incredible mixture of bleakness, hope, and faith. The nearest comparison that I can make is Princess Mononoke, but Nausicaa is a much more hopeful film than Mononoke. Which is strange because the world is much more of a crapsack, but I think it turns on the central character. Nausicaa is a much more peaceful, enlightened person than Ashitaka, and so Nausicaa feels lighter even though it's really not.
I've seen Castle in the Sky and enjoyed it for the memorable music and imagery, but the American voice acting was rather off. The characters are meant to be children, but the VA work made them seem more like young adults and added and unnecessary romantic tone to the film. The sky pirate characters were also underdeveloped and their heel-face turn comes basically out of nowhere.
-edit-
Oh and I watched Totoro but it nearly put me to sleep. I guess it was intended exclusively for children, as it seems to lack any adult appeal at all.
On the one hand, I've heard nothing but good things about Edge of Tomorrow. Lots of positive reviews, both online and in person, etc.
On the otherhand, fuck Tom Cruise. With a rusty spork. How he continues to get work after everything he's done truly baffles me, I cannot stand the guy.
On the one hand, I've heard nothing but good things about Edge of Tomorrow. Lots of positive reviews, both online and in person, etc.
On the otherhand, fuck Tom Cruise. With a rusty spork. How he continues to get work after everything he's done truly baffles me, I cannot stand the guy.
Conflicted.
I haven't watched one of his films in a long time. He is a good actor, and he stars in films that would generally be right up my alley, but I just can't stand him. I certainly won't support his films by actually seeing them in the theatre. Hopefully he will stop being the go-to guy for science fiction action films at some point and they will pick someone else (but not Matt Damon. Seriously, he is really not that good in action films).
Oh, speaking of Matt Damon. Caught the end of Bourne Ultimatum tonight. I noticed this time that in that last scene on the rooftop when he is cornered by one of the other mind-fucked super assassins the line he says to the guy is the exact line that spoken to him by Clive Owen back in the first film... except when Clive Owen said it, Bourne killed him, when Bourne says it to the guy in Ultimatum, that guy elects to not kill Bourne.
A richly subtextured callback that I didn't catch the first time I watched the film, I was pleased.
-edit-
I still don't know what the fuck happened in the middle film though. I feel like it was worse than being merely the least of the trilogy, it was actually superfluous. Just a mess.
Oh, speaking of Matt Damon. Caught the end of Bourne Ultimatum tonight. I noticed this time that in that last scene on the rooftop when he is cornered by one of the other mind-fucked super assassins the line he says to the guy is the exact line that spoken to him by Clive Owen back in the first film... except when Clive Owen said it, Bourne killed him, when Bourne says it to the guy in Ultimatum, that guy elects to not kill Bourne.
A richly subtextured callback that I didn't catch the first time I watched the film, I was pleased.
-edit-
I still don't know what the fuck happened in the middle film though. I feel like it was worse than being merely the least of the trilogy, it was actually superfluous. Just a mess.
Tim Curry in Legend is, in fact, the stuff of Legend. Get on watching that.
Also, yeah, The Last Unicorn isn't exactly a great movie, but I dig it all the same.
Nah, The Last Unicorn is straight up great. It's also tonally distinct from most other animated films of that era, super dark, and absolutely gorgeous.
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I liked some things about the middle one when I watched it (only watched it once) but it was confusing and jumbled. I did enjoy the pacing and it has a kinetic quality to everything that moves it along. But Ultimatum retreads enough of Supremacy to render the latter nearly unnecessary, and it's a better film, and it's the ending film of the trilogy. So yeah.
Tim Curry in Legend is, in fact, the stuff of Legend. Get on watching that.
Also, yeah, The Last Unicorn isn't exactly a great movie, but I dig it all the same.
Nah, The Last Unicorn is straight up great. It's also tonally distinct from most other animated films of that era, super dark, and absolutely gorgeous.
The pacing is odd and gets really slow for awhile, and Shmendrick is rarely as funny as the movie thinks he is. I completely agree with you, but I don't begrudge anyone that dislikes it for those reasons.
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
It also cratered Cera's career. He only appears in awful indie films now.
Tim Curry in Legend is, in fact, the stuff of Legend. Get on watching that.
Also, yeah, The Last Unicorn isn't exactly a great movie, but I dig it all the same.
Nah, The Last Unicorn is straight up great. It's also tonally distinct from most other animated films of that era, super dark, and absolutely gorgeous.
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
Eh. It's got some good ideas going on but the problem is less that it sucks and more that it's like half a movie. It literally just ends randomly at one point, as if they ran out of money.
I do like the way they make Renner's character very distinct from Bourne.
Would Final Destination apply to the "not idiots" requirement?
Part of why I hate them is that there's no villain, you're just waiting for these kids to die, but it's rarely because they do something specifically stupid.
There's a villain. It's fate/death.
That's not a villain. That's like having gravity stalk and murder a group of teenagers by crushing them under their own weight.
I mean if I had seen it in theatres I'd be like fuck that movie, but the old dudes manning the battleship was worth me watching it on the interbutts
It had touches that I subverted my expectations like the american stepping aside for the japanese navy captain when it was clear he had way more experience
like, its what transformers would have been if its humor wasnt all ball and ass jokes and every other scene wasn't racist or misogynistic. The movie's biggest sin of course was not letting Liam Neeson in to fight the aliens
They're both Henson films. Labyrinth had the girl, baby, Bowie, and a few other regular people and the rest were puppets. Dark Crystal was all puppets.
Outrageous! Jennifer Connelly isn't just "the girl."
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
That's depressing. Pilgrim is actually a decent movie. I don't understand why it didn't resonate more strongly with people. I dragged my mother out to see it and she actually enjoyed it (I was surprised). Although, now that I think about it she also enjoyed the second Fantastic Four film.
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
It also cratered Cera's career. He only appears in awful indie films now.
How disappointing. I'm glad Winstead wasn't hurt too bad by it. Or Alison Pill.
Would Final Destination apply to the "not idiots" requirement?
Part of why I hate them is that there's no villain, you're just waiting for these kids to die, but it's rarely because they do something specifically stupid.
There's a villain. It's fate/death.
That's not a villain. That's like having gravity stalk and murder a group of teenagers by crushing them under their own weight.
It's not a "villain" in the typical sense but it is the source of conflict/struggle. Because the films suggest that implacable universal forces are actively pursuing them it is more of a "villain" than the uncaring hostility presented in classic "man versus nature" stories. Nature doesn't care. It is impassively hostile. In the Final Destination films it does care, it cares very much and you are definitely going to die.
I would argue, in fact, that a villain doesn't necessarily need to be characterized. Jaws is an amazing villain who lacks characterization except that which the protagonists project onto it and the musical score of John Williams.
Would Final Destination apply to the "not idiots" requirement?
Part of why I hate them is that there's no villain, you're just waiting for these kids to die, but it's rarely because they do something specifically stupid.
There's a villain. It's fate/death.
That's not a villain. That's like having gravity stalk and murder a group of teenagers by crushing them under their own weight.
It's not a "villain" in the typical sense but it is the source of conflict/struggle. Because the films suggest that implacable universal forces are actively pursuing them it is more of a "villain" than the uncaring hostility presented in classic "man versus nature" stories. Nature doesn't care. It is impassively hostile. In the Final Destination films it does care, it cares very much and you are definitely going to die.
Against my better judgment I failed to resist the mind worm that that article placed in my head and visited the imdb page for Beastmaster.
Depressing stuff follows:
They couldn't get the eagle to fly on cue so they dumped it out of a trapdoor in a hot air balloon to force it to take flight so they could do shots.
The "panther" was actually a tiger, dyed black. It later died from some sort of an allergic reaction after suffering serious skin problems for a couple years following filming.
So, all things considered, Red Sonja > Beastmaster by about 10,000,000,000,000^infinity times.
The panther/tiger thing is fucked up (assuming they knew it would be a problem, but I kind of doubt it as they do that kind of thing to people even recently...), but the bird thing is like "They made the monkey walk by putting it on a treadmill".
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
That's depressing. Pilgrim is actually a decent movie. I don't understand why it didn't resonate more strongly with people. I dragged my mother out to see it and she actually enjoyed it (I was surprised). Although, now that I think about it she also enjoyed the second Fantastic Four film.
Perhaps it's Chris Evans that she truly enjoyed.
Scott Pilgrim is a great film, but it had poor marketing.
They should have given it a bit more budget so that Edgar Wright could have made faux commercials for the evil exes - like a pirate fashion advertisement for Patel, or a fake advertisement for the Twins' new album or something, and near the end of the commercial they break script and look at the camera and go "I'm going to kick your ass, Scott Pilgrim!"
Then have ads that basically say "come see this movie to see Michael Cera get beaten up"
Oh, speaking of Matt Damon. Caught the end of Bourne Ultimatum tonight. I noticed this time that in that last scene on the rooftop when he is cornered by one of the other mind-fucked super assassins the line he says to the guy is the exact line that spoken to him by Clive Owen back in the first film... except when Clive Owen said it, Bourne killed him, when Bourne says it to the guy in Ultimatum, that guy elects to not kill Bourne.
A richly subtextured callback that I didn't catch the first time I watched the film, I was pleased.
Owen's character said it after he had already been fatally wounded by Bourne, but yeah, I liked that the first time I saw it.
+2
FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
It also cratered Cera's career. He only appears in awful indie films now.
He did that himself. He went off to do Magic Magic and Crystal Fairy because he saw some of Sebastian Silva's work, called him up, and was like "I want to work with you."
G'damm, I love the Bourne movies. Except the Renner one. That one just sucked.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
That's depressing. Pilgrim is actually a decent movie. I don't understand why it didn't resonate more strongly with people. I dragged my mother out to see it and she actually enjoyed it (I was surprised). Although, now that I think about it she also enjoyed the second Fantastic Four film.
Perhaps it's Chris Evans that she truly enjoyed.
Scott Pilgrim is a great film, but it had poor marketing.
They should have given it a bit more budget so that Edgar Wright could have made faux commercials for the evil exes - like a pirate fashion advertisement for Patel, or a fake advertisement for the Twins' new album or something, and near the end of the commercial they break script and look at the camera and go "I'm going to kick your ass, Scott Pilgrim!"
Then have ads that basically say "come see this movie to see Michael Cera get beaten up"
What do you mean it had poor marketing?
It had a huge marketing campaign. Bigger than big. I'm pretty sure they tried everything outside of moving the heavens and earth to get that picture into public consensus.
It was just ahead of its time, plain and simple. Sometimes things won't click with the public.
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0
AstaerethIn the belly of the beastRegistered Userregular
Scott Pilgrim had a lot of marketing, but that doesn't mean it had good marketing.
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Glaciers are now moving too fast to adequately describe the pacing of TDC.
Thanks, global warming.
Thanks, Jim Henson.
Bowie was in Labyrinth.
And that to me is why the movie must be ranked last. Grievous misuse of cast and setting.
then I definitely don't remember that.
Depressing stuff follows:
The "panther" was actually a tiger, dyed black. It later died from some sort of an allergic reaction after suffering serious skin problems for a couple years following filming.
So, all things considered, Red Sonja > Beastmaster by about 10,000,000,000,000^infinity times.
They're both Henson films. Labyrinth had the girl, baby, Bowie, and a few other regular people and the rest were puppets. Dark Crystal was all puppets.
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Castle in the Sky
My Neighbor Totoro
Kiki's Delivery Service
I really like Nausicaa, I think it's superb. I understand the manga is superior, but I haven't read it so I can judge the film solely on its own merits, which are considerable. The American voice acting is quite good (as is typical for Miyazaki imports) the dialogue and characters are memorable and finely crafted, and the moral complexity of the characters and the story has far more depth than a typical animated film (well, typical for things by people who aren't Miyazaki anyway).
The real star of the film, of course, is the setting and world-building (which is the area that I believe the manga devoted considerably more attention to). The world Nausicaa inhabits is an incredible mixture of bleakness, hope, and faith. The nearest comparison that I can make is Princess Mononoke, but Nausicaa is a much more hopeful film than Mononoke. Which is strange because the world is much more of a crapsack, but I think it turns on the central character. Nausicaa is a much more peaceful, enlightened person than Ashitaka, and so Nausicaa feels lighter even though it's really not.
I've seen Castle in the Sky and enjoyed it for the memorable music and imagery, but the American voice acting was rather off. The characters are meant to be children, but the VA work made them seem more like young adults and added and unnecessary romantic tone to the film. The sky pirate characters were also underdeveloped and their heel-face turn comes basically out of nowhere.
-edit-
Oh and I watched Totoro but it nearly put me to sleep. I guess it was intended exclusively for children, as it seems to lack any adult appeal at all.
Miyazaki's stuff is wonderful--Princess Mononoke is probably my favourite of his--but Whisper of the Heart is my favourite Ghibli movie.
Anyone want to beta read a paranormal mystery novella? Here's your chance.
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It is the least whimsical of the Ghibli movies I've seen, but it's so great, it's got a lot of heart and humanity to it.
The Wind Rises was also amazing.
On the otherhand, fuck Tom Cruise. With a rusty spork. How he continues to get work after everything he's done truly baffles me, I cannot stand the guy.
Conflicted.
I haven't watched one of his films in a long time. He is a good actor, and he stars in films that would generally be right up my alley, but I just can't stand him. I certainly won't support his films by actually seeing them in the theatre. Hopefully he will stop being the go-to guy for science fiction action films at some point and they will pick someone else (but not Matt Damon. Seriously, he is really not that good in action films).
A richly subtextured callback that I didn't catch the first time I watched the film, I was pleased.
-edit-
I still don't know what the fuck happened in the middle film though. I feel like it was worse than being merely the least of the trilogy, it was actually superfluous. Just a mess.
I should give those a rewatch at some point.
Nah, The Last Unicorn is straight up great. It's also tonally distinct from most other animated films of that era, super dark, and absolutely gorgeous.
I liked some things about the middle one when I watched it (only watched it once) but it was confusing and jumbled. I did enjoy the pacing and it has a kinetic quality to everything that moves it along. But Ultimatum retreads enough of Supremacy to render the latter nearly unnecessary, and it's a better film, and it's the ending film of the trilogy. So yeah.
The pacing is odd and gets really slow for awhile, and Shmendrick is rarely as funny as the movie thinks he is. I completely agree with you, but I don't begrudge anyone that dislikes it for those reasons.
I remember the reason for the Renner one even getting made was because of the colossal financial fallout that was caused by the Scott Pilgrim bomb (a movie that still hasn't made its money back, DVD sales and all)
I liked Pilgrim but it sure did fuck over Universal royally. It's singlehandedly responsible for the Battleship movie, both Smurfs flicks, the unnecessary Bourne reboot, and a few other turds, all made just to bounce back.
It also cratered Cera's career. He only appears in awful indie films now.
one of the game grumps dudes did a cover of its song to promote its return to select theatres
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF1Q56YAo0Q
Eh. It's got some good ideas going on but the problem is less that it sucks and more that it's like half a movie. It literally just ends randomly at one point, as if they ran out of money.
I do like the way they make Renner's character very distinct from Bourne.
That's not a villain. That's like having gravity stalk and murder a group of teenagers by crushing them under their own weight.
twitch.tv/Taramoor
@TaramoorPlays
Taramoor on Youtube
I mean if I had seen it in theatres I'd be like fuck that movie, but the old dudes manning the battleship was worth me watching it on the interbutts
It had touches that I subverted my expectations like the american stepping aside for the japanese navy captain when it was clear he had way more experience
like, its what transformers would have been if its humor wasnt all ball and ass jokes and every other scene wasn't racist or misogynistic. The movie's biggest sin of course was not letting Liam Neeson in to fight the aliens
Outrageous! Jennifer Connelly isn't just "the girl."
That's depressing. Pilgrim is actually a decent movie. I don't understand why it didn't resonate more strongly with people. I dragged my mother out to see it and she actually enjoyed it (I was surprised). Although, now that I think about it she also enjoyed the second Fantastic Four film.
Perhaps it's Chris Evans that she truly enjoyed.
How disappointing. I'm glad Winstead wasn't hurt too bad by it. Or Alison Pill.
It's not a "villain" in the typical sense but it is the source of conflict/struggle. Because the films suggest that implacable universal forces are actively pursuing them it is more of a "villain" than the uncaring hostility presented in classic "man versus nature" stories. Nature doesn't care. It is impassively hostile. In the Final Destination films it does care, it cares very much and you are definitely going to die.
Sounds like a villain to me.
Good luck trying to kill that, victim #542.
The panther/tiger thing is fucked up (assuming they knew it would be a problem, but I kind of doubt it as they do that kind of thing to people even recently...), but the bird thing is like "They made the monkey walk by putting it on a treadmill".
Scott Pilgrim is a great film, but it had poor marketing.
They should have given it a bit more budget so that Edgar Wright could have made faux commercials for the evil exes - like a pirate fashion advertisement for Patel, or a fake advertisement for the Twins' new album or something, and near the end of the commercial they break script and look at the camera and go "I'm going to kick your ass, Scott Pilgrim!"
Then have ads that basically say "come see this movie to see Michael Cera get beaten up"
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Owen's character said it after he had already been fatally wounded by Bourne, but yeah, I liked that the first time I saw it.
But yeah, Cera was just not good as Pilgrim.
He did that himself. He went off to do Magic Magic and Crystal Fairy because he saw some of Sebastian Silva's work, called him up, and was like "I want to work with you."
What do you mean it had poor marketing?
It had a huge marketing campaign. Bigger than big. I'm pretty sure they tried everything outside of moving the heavens and earth to get that picture into public consensus.
It was just ahead of its time, plain and simple. Sometimes things won't click with the public.